The Gentleman Scamp Posted June 15, 2005 Share Posted June 15, 2005 Had this for ages but never thought to post about it without creating a new nick but it will be less embarrassing posting it here than it will be seeing a doctor and having my rectal inspection. More so in U.K. than in Thailand I often feel slightly sore/itchy/tender around the exit after evacuating my bowels, and I usually end up returning sometime later for a 're-wipe' followed by a dab of Thai cooling talc and in some cases, a shallow bath. Now is this just withdrawal from the uncomparable clenliness of a spray gun or could it be something I should get looked at? It's certainly not a return of a wart I once had and I don't indulge in any activity that involves inserting anything up myself. This could be perfectly normal, but I'm pretty sure that most people only experience this kind of discomfort the morning after a particularly strong vindaloo, though it's not quite that bad. I don't want to ignore it and it turn out to be bowel cancer or anything but it's a part of my body that feels a tiny bit exposed after passing waste more than it should. Like I said, ithe itchiness/discomfort doesnt last very long but maybe the appliance of cooling talc isn't doing me any good as it does sting a little sometimes, however, there's never any blood and what comes out of me these days is healthy and solid most of the time. Is this a condition familiar to anyone else or am I being a hyperchondriac? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pedro01 Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 Had this for ages but never thought to post about it without creating a new nick but it will be less embarrassing posting it here than it will be seeing a doctor and having my rectal inspection.More so in U.K. than in Thailand I often feel slightly sore/itchy/tender around the exit after evacuating my bowels, and I usually end up returning sometime later for a 're-wipe' followed by a dab of Thai cooling talc and in some cases, a shallow bath. Now is this just withdrawal from the uncomparable clenliness of a spray gun or could it be something I should get looked at? It's certainly not a return of a wart I once had and I don't indulge in any activity that involves inserting anything up myself. This could be perfectly normal, but I'm pretty sure that most people only experience this kind of discomfort the morning after a particularly strong vindaloo, though it's not quite that bad. I don't want to ignore it and it turn out to be bowel cancer or anything but it's a part of my body that feels a tiny bit exposed after passing waste more than it should. Like I said, ithe itchiness/discomfort doesnt last very long but maybe the appliance of cooling talc isn't doing me any good as it does sting a little sometimes, however, there's never any blood and what comes out of me these days is healthy and solid most of the time. Is this a condition familiar to anyone else or am I being a hyperchondriac? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Sorry Scamp - not much we can do without a picture I'm afraid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kringle Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 If the scamp would pull his head out of the mentioned area, I'm sure his discomfort would stop. I am very "optomistic" of this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jai Dee Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 More so in U.K. than in Thailand I often feel slightly sore/itchy/tender around the exit after evacuating my bowels... Treating this a as a serious subject (although I am trying hard not to smile )... one question... did you have the same symptoms in Thailand? If not, I would suggest that the application of the famous "bum gun" leaves your nether region quite clean and germ free... a "dry wipe" will never be as affective. ... and I usually end up returning sometime later for a 're-wipe' followed by a dab of Thai cooling talc and in some cases, a shallow bath. The shallow bath is probably the best solution, and one that I also practice outside Asia where "bum guns" are not available. Talcum powder is not going to get rid of any residual bacteria... only provide a dry medium. Phew... made it through that without bursting into raucous laughter once! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thetyim Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 It's not easy to reply to this, in fact quite difficult. I'm getting Dump Post discomfort Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sriracha john Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 Use that world-famous UK health-care system and get yourself checked for hemorrhoids, Scampy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meadish_sweetball Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 Definitely sounds like hemorrhoids. If you dont do anything about them, they grow. If you catch them reasonably early, you can get rid of them rather easily (apart from the 'palpation' - manual rectal examination by your physician), but if you linger, in the worst case scenario you'll end up with a little funky bag on your tummy... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chownah Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T GO SEE A DOCTOR. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnh101 Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 Talk to "Farmer Giles" I am sure he has "Piles" of information on "Dangle Berries". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waldwolf Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 Could also be worms. Baby wipes may prove kinder than the old dry roll. Suggest you ask your doctor. (Or a specialist, who is referred to in the trade as "A Rear Admiral".) cheers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greenfuji Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 What is a Bum Gun? I assume it has something to do with splashing water on your rear? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragonman Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 What is a Bum Gun? I assume it has something to do with splashing water on your rear? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Extra strong bathroom water pistol to be used on you by yourself, or a very close friend. Scamp. Definitely sounds like external piles. Have them myself from sitting by this computer too much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jrincon17 Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 What is a Bum Gun? I assume it has something to do with splashing water on your rear? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Extra strong bathroom water pistol to be used on you by yourself, or a very close friend. Scamp. Definitely sounds like external piles. Have them myself from sitting by this computer too much. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Still havent used that Bum Gun yet . Im scared of it . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nordlys Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 What is a Bum Gun? I assume it has something to do with splashing water on your rear? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Extra strong bathroom water pistol to be used on you by yourself, or a very close friend. Scamp. Definitely sounds like external piles. Have them myself from sitting by this computer too much. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Still havent used that Bum Gun yet . Im scared of it . <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Are those things really in bathrooms for that purpose? I thought they are for cleaning the toilet bowl. How can you use it without splashing your entire butt (and perhaps your trousers)? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chuchok Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 What is a Bum Gun? I assume it has something to do with splashing water on your rear? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Extra strong bathroom water pistol to be used on you by yourself, or a very close friend. Scamp. Definitely sounds like external piles. Have them myself from sitting by this computer too much. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Still havent used that Bum Gun yet . Im scared of it . <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Are those things really in bathrooms for that purpose? I thought they are for cleaning the toilet bowl. How can you use it without splashing your entire butt (and perhaps your trousers)? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Aim. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sriracha john Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 What is a Bum Gun? I assume it has something to do with splashing water on your rear? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Extra strong bathroom water pistol to be used on you by yourself, or a very close friend. Scamp. Definitely sounds like external piles. Have them myself from sitting by this computer too much. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Still havent used that Bum Gun yet . Im scared of it . <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Actually, it's quite safe to use, but as with any gun, just remember, don't aim it at your eye and pull the trigger. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Gentleman Scamp Posted June 16, 2005 Author Share Posted June 16, 2005 If the scamp would pull his head out of the mentioned area, I'm sure his discomfort would stop. I am very "optomistic" of this. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Speaking of pains in the arse... Anyway, so it's piles then by the sound of it, so now what do I do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chuchok Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 If the scamp would pull his head out of the mentioned area, I'm sure his discomfort would stop. I am very "optomistic" of this. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Speaking of pains in the arse... Anyway, so it's piles then by the sound of it, so now what do I do? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> most people have the old 'famers'. Go to a Chemist and ask for some cream called anusole or something like that. Or you could pop into your local GP who can have a look up your jacksie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Gentleman Scamp Posted June 16, 2005 Author Share Posted June 16, 2005 What if it isn't piles? There's no grapes around my nipsy, not even small ones. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chuchok Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 What if it isn't piles?There's no grapes around my nipsy, not even small ones. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Many people have internal piles. There are heaps of products for nipsy itching. If you are really worried see a quack. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Gentleman Scamp Posted June 16, 2005 Author Share Posted June 16, 2005 If you are really worried see a quack. Not worried mate, just a bit itchy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thomas_Merton Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 You could have a fungus. Which I would say is not surprising after some time in LOS. Both my wife and I had, after spending 6 months in the Jungle last year. Ours were concentrated on our feet, but the nature of these little buggers is they are easily transmitted to parts of the body that are warm and sweaty (I take it your bum does have its warm and sweaty moments). Treatment is easy. Wash the offending parts just before retiring to bed. Dab with cotton wool soaked in Natural Plain Yoghurt. Let the Yoghurt stay in place (on your bum hole) over night. In the morning wash and everything should be OK. An alternative (and also a recommended post-yoghurt treatment) is to apply to the clean area, the “magic ointment” SILAN. This ointment was recommended to me by a Danish midwife when my first born – over 24 years ago had a bum rash. Since, it has been used in our household to relieve and cure all sorts of skin complaints: from sweat rashes through minor eczema to nappy rash. A tube could last you a life time, as, in most cases all you need, is to apply is a finger nail portion of cream. SILAN is manufactured (in Scandinavia) by Smith & Nephew A/S, Nearum Hovedgade 2, 2850 Nearum, Denmark (S&N are experts in Orthopaedics, Endoscopy and Advanced Wound Management). I cannot find any English reference to the product, but the Danish website www.netdoktor.dk has the following information (this is my translation): How does it work? The ointment protects the skin against irritation caused by urine and sweat. It also protects the skin against fluids from eg. slight spillage from the lower intestine and from soars. What is it used against? It is use against various skin problems. How and how much? Apply to the skin once a day after washing Under pregnancy Can be used Breast feeding (there is no remark) Warning! Ointment must not be use if you are allergic to its contents. Possible side effects Very rarely can it cause skin irritation. There are no known conflicts with other medicines 1 gram of SILAN contains: Dimetican 20mg; zinc oxide 240mg; cetosteary alcohol; Dextran CB; water free lanoline; paraffin oil; white Vaseline; lanoline alcohol; metyparahydroxybenzoat; propylparahydroxybenzoat and clean water. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Gentleman Scamp Posted June 16, 2005 Author Share Posted June 16, 2005 Most helpful post so far - cheers Thomas. I'll pop along to the chemist now, don't really fancy the yoghurt treatment as it'll be messy and i'll have to keep it in the fridge and Val will probably eat it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OxfordWill Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 Must..resist..mocking.. How about it just being that your skin is now much less 'roughened' thanks to not using paper towels, and that starting to use them again has 'rubbed you up the wrong way', so to speak? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Gentleman Scamp Posted June 16, 2005 Author Share Posted June 16, 2005 (edited) Edited June 16, 2005 by The Gentleman Scamp Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sriracha john Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 (edited) Most helpful post so far - cheers Thomas.I'll pop along to the chemist now, don't really fancy the yoghurt treatment as it'll be messy and i'll have to keep it in the fridge and Val will probably eat it. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Actually the yoghurt is a good method to remedy your problem, but you need to insert a slice of warm toast on top of the yoghurt. The heat speeds up the anti-fungal properties of the yoghurt and by covering the yoghurt, the warm toast also prevents the yoghurt from drying out, again increasing it's effectiveness. It does require you to sleep on your stomach for the night, but it's worth it. Edited June 16, 2005 by sriracha john Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Totster Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 If the scamp would pull his head out of the mentioned area, I'm sure his discomfort would stop. I am very "optomistic" of this. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Speaking of pains in the arse... Anyway, so it's piles then by the sound of it, so now what do I do? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> 55555 .... you two crack me up... totster Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Gentleman Scamp Posted June 16, 2005 Author Share Posted June 16, 2005 Most helpful post so far - cheers Thomas.I'll pop along to the chemist now, don't really fancy the yoghurt treatment as it'll be messy and i'll have to keep it in the fridge and Val will probably eat it. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Actually the yoghurt is a good method to remedy your problem, but you need to insert a slice of warm toast on top of the yoghurt. The heat speeds up the anti-fungal properties of the yoghurt and by covering the yoghurt, the warm toast also prevents the yoghurt from drying out, again increasing it's effectiveness. It does require you to sleep on your stomach for the night, but it's worth it. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Are you taking the piss? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sriracha john Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 (edited) Most helpful post so far - cheers Thomas.I'll pop along to the chemist now, don't really fancy the yoghurt treatment as it'll be messy and i'll have to keep it in the fridge and Val will probably eat it. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Actually the yoghurt is a good method to remedy your problem, but you need to insert a slice of warm toast on top of the yoghurt. The heat speeds up the anti-fungal properties of the yoghurt and by covering the yoghurt, the warm toast also prevents the yoghurt from drying out, again increasing it's effectiveness. It does require you to sleep on your stomach for the night, but it's worth it. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Are you taking the piss? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> No, not at all, there's lots of home remedies using common everyday foods. For example, for jock itch or a fungal infection on the crotch, soaking your testicles in warm oatmeal works quite well. Another one is if you suffer from diarrhea, eat a bag of marshmallows and the sponge-effect will slow things up quite well. Yet another involves peanut butter, turpentine, wet gym socks, a pair of pliers, and a pile of dirt for treatment of premature ejaculation, but it's a rather involved and lengthy procedure. Edited June 16, 2005 by sriracha john Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thetyim Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 Have you tried rubbing a generous ammount of Counter Pain into your sphincter, that should stop it feeling itchy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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