Phone Harassment

[Wonderboy]

This is half a story, half a request for advice. A little long winded, but I want to give the complete story. Anyway, here goes:

About 8 months ago I spoke a little with a lady in a disco. On my way out I bumped into her again and she was carrying some bags. Turned out she had been kicked out by her boyfriend and had all her belongings in the bags and no money. I fell for the story and offered her to stay the night over at my place which she accepted. The day after I drove her to the bus station so she could go to Bangkok where her family stay. I gave her a little money to help her out. At no point did we ever get intimate. I know some of you will surely doubt it, but whatever, I swear it is the truth.

I thought nothing of it until some weeks later she turned up outside my place with a friend. She wanted to see me again and asked for my phone number which I gave her. For some time she would text me a little and call some times. So far, no problems. At no point did I ever have any interest in this girl, but it was clear she had a serious affection for me. Maybe I should have been clearer, but I still felt pity for her. Then one day she knocked on my door. The security had let her in for some reason. I felt uncomfortable about this and said I was on my way out so she could not come in that day. She went away. Then shortly after she started calling me a lot wanting to see me. Several times a day. I made up a story that I had met a new girl and asked her not to call me anymore. She seemed devastated, but stopped calling for some days. After then it broke loose. She would call non-stop for hours. In the beginning she would talk. Later just calling saying nothing. I tried everything to make her stop. Talking to her, ignoring her, always answering the phone to drain her credit and eventually not answering at all. Nothing worked. It was so bad nobody else could hardly get through. Bought a new phone with call barring feature (just hangs up immediately).

I would get hundreds of calls for days until she once more turned up at my door. I did not let her in. After that I never heard from her again. ...until some weeks ago. Only text in the beginning. Once more silly messages trickled in; she where fatally ill, going to America, getting married to another guy etc. I never responded. Then one day she called and I was on a motorbike so I did not see who called and answered. Big mistake. I was polite but said I did not want to talk to her. After that same story. Calls and calls and more calls. I can not block text messages though, and here is where it becomes more than just annoying. She has now become totally crazy sending me death threats all the time, often including my condo and room number. I don't know how seriously I should take this, but I think it would be unwise to totally ignore it. She is totally obsessed and spends hours with her harassment. Some of the messages are so far fetched that it is evident she has no grasp on reality and it worries me.

So question is, can I take this to police? I have asked several persons and nobody knows for sure. The general consensus is that the police will not or can not do anything. The last thing I want to do is wait hours in the line for nothing. I can change my number but I rather not, and I still worry she can turn up again. Any advice?

WB

[Damacles]

Unfortunate. Taking things at face value, I imagine most answers you'll get will boil down to 3 options:

1. Talk to the Police about options. Lack of general faith aside in their services, nobody can really say what they may be able to do for you until you actually try and maybe they can better inform you of your rights, which is the approach I'd take; no need to make a complaint unless that door is opened for you. You don't have anything to lose, though make sure your evidence is to hand. I imagine these things can get turned against you, so consider her potential responses to their enquiries should it come to that. At the very least, it's registered as an issue which may be wise if you're that concerned about her level of sanity. Not sure why you think you'd be waiting hours in line, pick a quiet time of day - if you have a decent and helpful Thai friend in the mix (ie speaking Thai), so much the better

2. Change your phone number, and ensure your condo security know not to allow her access and why. I realise you'd rather not but the limited hassle of informing contacts of the change surely outweighs the grief you outlined. She still knows where you live however but this certainly limits your hassle and may help kill it off

3. Move - which Im sure you don't want to do - and change your phone number

[onnut]

Sounds like a right bunny boiler!

I have been through something not unlike this and just ignored her every message and e mail. I did save them all just incase. In the end she found somebody else to freak out. I suggest that you ignore her. Do not ever answer the phone to her again, don't even answer numbers you do not recognize. Ignore ignore ignore, she will give up, it might take a month or so but she will give up.

The death threats are just that, threats! Ignore her.

[GuestHouse]

Girl gets kicked out of her home by her b/f - husband and heads straight for a nightclub carrying her belongings.

And you thought she needed help.

[sarahsbloke]

I'm with Onnut on this one.

Modern phones can block numbers, SIMs are cheap.

Loads of ladies like this around, I class 'phone flood' in the psychotic behaviour folder.

What's the problem, be a man.

[tom21]

this is one reason it pays to have 2 phones (sim card). 1 for normal use and 1 to use for girls and when you have to give the number out.

i would take the threats serious and change the sim card and report it to the police as she could go to the police and make all sorts of claims .

[flyingfox]

My Nokia phone (900 baht new) can block up to 10 phone numbers. It will not ring on your end so no disturbances. Funny how all 10 available blocked numbers are sometimes full. Amazing Thailand.

[Wonderboy]

Unfortunate. Taking things at face value, I imagine most answers you'll get will boil down to 3 options:

1. Talk to the Police about options. Lack of general faith aside in their services, nobody can really say what they may be able to do for you until you actually try and maybe they can better inform you of your rights, which is the approach I'd take; no need to make a complaint unless that door is opened for you. You don't have anything to lose, though make sure your evidence is to hand. I imagine these things can get turned against you, so consider her potential responses to their enquiries should it come to that. At the very least, it's registered as an issue which may be wise if you're that concerned about her level of sanity. Not sure why you think you'd be waiting hours in line, pick a quiet time of day - if you have a decent and helpful Thai friend in the mix (ie speaking Thai), so much the better

2. Change your phone number, and ensure your condo security know not to allow her access and why. I realise you'd rather not but the limited hassle of informing contacts of the change surely outweighs the grief you outlined. She still knows where you live however but this certainly limits your hassle and may help kill it off

3. Move - which Im sure you don't want to do - and change your phone number

Thanks for good advice. As you say, she can turn things against me. About 10 days ago my neighbours girlfriend got involved. She called up the harasser and told her in extremely clear terms to stay away. As expected the harasser started to call her too, but surprisingly she was friendly. Started to spin on a story that she did not know me, but I used to be with her girldfriend which I had abused until the girlfriend killed her self. So she harraseed me as revenge. A story like that would easily be plucked apart by police, but she might make up something more credible and less verifiable. Think this is typical psycopath behavior trying to build up alliances against their target.

Changing number I will do if it doesnt stop soon, but moving is out of the question for many reasons.

WB

[onnut]

Mate,

ignore her, I can't stress that enough!

The mad girl I had problems with even tried to get me fired by contacting my bosses. She even had girlfriends do the same. Lucky for me my bosses were supportive to me.

All I did through the whole three months was ignore the calls, texts, e-mails and hand written letters. She must of got bored because I have not heard anything for three months now.

Like is say her threats are just threats.

[Wonderboy]

Girl gets kicked out of her home by her b/f - husband and heads straight for a nightclub carrying her belongings.

And you thought she needed help.

Not sure if I get what you are hinting at. If I had no money and needed to spend the night somewhere safe, maybe I would head for a disco myself. This is one part I find credible. Nobody heads to a disco loaded with plastic bags without reason, so maybe you could enlighten me with the real reason?

WB

[robblok]

Most modern phones can block calls now. Just get yourself one of those phones and you will never know she is calling you.

[Wonderboy]

Mate,

ignore her, I can't stress that enough!

The mad girl I had problems with even tried to get me fired by contacting my bosses. She even had girlfriends do the same. Lucky for me my bosses were supportive to me.

All I did through the whole three months was ignore the calls, texts, e-mails and hand written letters. She must of got bored because I have not heard anything for three months now.

Like is say her threats are just threats.

Yep. That is what I am doing. Good to see you got it sorted out and hope she don't reappear like my lunatic. In the end I am not very worried even though it is uncomfortable with constant references to caliber .38 guns, my room number, dying etc. Still it would have been really nice to see her get a juicy fine by police. All I ever did was help her.

WB

[soundman]

If you are receiving threats by SMS, don't delete, go and show them to the police, and they may make a phone call on your behalf. Not much else they could do, if there is no physical sighting of the girl & the phone account is a prepaid.

You could change your number, and I would advise all security at your condo to not let anyone in without express permission, however, I am sure someone determined would work a way around the security. Buy a very good lock.

[Tonto21]

If you are receiving threats by SMS, don't delete, go and show them to the police, and they may make a phone call on your behalf. Not much else they could do, if there is no physical sighting of the girl & the phone account is a prepaid.

You could change your number, and I would advise all security at your condo to not let anyone in without express permission, however, I am sure someone determined would work a way around the security. Buy a very good lock.

Sound advice….. soundman

I would only add Stop talking to her!!!

It would be easy to say: “You shouldn’t have let her into your home in the first place” but I would probable done the same thing.

What’s life without compassion, it’s very easy to be cynical after an event and dissect the story from the comfort of bar stool or sitting in front of a computer screen, (not that I’ve ever seen that happen on TV)

A compassionate person will always have a degree of respect from me because he/she will generally do the “right thing” problem is spotting the danger signs early. Three examples of warning signs are: Sacrificing wildlife to honor you, carving your name into their arm with a blunt knife and that old favorite……. The silent phone call……Classic Hitchcock!

Good luck wonderbay. (You big softy)

[BigWheelMan]

.

[Will27]

Girl gets kicked out of her home by her b/f - husband and heads straight for a nightclub carrying her belongings.

And you thought she needed help.

Not sure if I get what you are hinting at. If I had no money and needed to spend the night somewhere safe, maybe I would head for a disco myself. This is one part I find credible. Nobody heads to a disco loaded with plastic bags without reason, so maybe you could enlighten me with the real reason?

WB

I have to say that I'm with GuestHoue on this one.

Nobody Sane heads to a disco with their belongings.

Even though your intentions were good, surely slipping

her 500 Baht or so would've been better than letting a

girl you don't know with obvious problems stay at your place.

Hope things work out.

Regards

Will

[GuestHouse]

Girl gets kicked out of her home by her b/f - husband and heads straight for a nightclub carrying her belongings.

And you thought she needed help.

Not sure if I get what you are hinting at. If I had no money and needed to spend the night somewhere safe, maybe I would head for a disco myself. This is one part I find credible. Nobody heads to a disco loaded with plastic bags without reason, so maybe you could enlighten me with the real reason?

WB

You picked up "Bag Woman" at a disco and it's turned into her harassing you, now you want me to explain her motives for going to a disco with her life in bags.

It's a bit late now, but it might have been an idea to find out why the last guy got rid of her before you decided to 'Come to the Rescue".

But quite honestly, this is perhaps one of the best examples of guys loosing their brains when they come to Thailand - or as they slip into a world where women carrying all their belongings in bags at a disco is somehow normal.

At the very least it indicates pretty poor judgement -confirmed by the end result.

[dave111223]

Girl gets kicked out of her home by her b/f - husband and heads straight for a nightclub carrying her belongings.

And you thought she needed help.

Not sure if I get what you are hinting at. If I had no money and needed to spend the night somewhere safe, maybe I would head for a disco myself. This is one part I find credible. Nobody heads to a disco loaded with plastic bags without reason, so maybe you could enlighten me with the real reason?

WB

If you think that heading for a disco when your skint and homeless is normal maybe you and her can patch things up and make a good couple?

[gotlost]

You may be a Brit and a gentleman (my thoughts) but above all your a mug. Change your number, give the guy on the door a bung. End of story, unless your a troll.

Totally agree.^. Wise up.

[Wonderboy]

I have to say that I'm with GuestHoue on this one.

Nobody Sane heads to a disco with their belongings.

Even though your intentions were good, surely slipping

her 500 Baht or so would've been better than letting a

girl you don't know with obvious problems stay at your place.

Hope things work out.

Regards

Will

It was two plastic bags, but anyway, where do sane ladies without money head when they have no place to stay? The streets, the parks, the forest? Yes, I admit I should not have gotten involved, but believe me folks, you don't know the complete story. She never asked for something or pushed her story on me, but lesson learned for next time. Regardless, I don't think I am neither the first or last person that have headed home from a disco with a recent acquaintance. It's a crazy world...

WB

[dave111223]

It was two plastic bags, but anyway, where do sane ladies without money head when they have no place to stay? The streets, the parks, the forest?

A friend or family member's home...

If a "sane lady" has zero family or friends you may want to think twice to begin with.

And i would think going to the temple for a place to stay would rank higher than a disco...

[keestha]

A friend of mine had a similar problem and went to the police, who told the lady in question she had to stop harassing him, or she would be in serious trouble. It did the trick.

Even if the police does nothing, it is good if they are at least aware of the situation.

Good luck.

[Wonderboy]

It was two plastic bags, but anyway, where do sane ladies without money head when they have no place to stay? The streets, the parks, the forest?

A friend or family member's home...

If a "sane lady" has zero family or friends you may want to think twice to begin with.

And i would think going to the temple for a place to stay would rank higher than a disco...

Godness. Hope you never end up penny less more than walking distance from your friends or family. You are by definition insane then. And I guess I am too as I would rather spend some hours in a disco, than spend those hours standing straight up in a temple. Anyway, I admit it. I was stupid. Happy now?

WB

[shadiadi]

My advice move house remove your SIM card from your phone and break it in half no more problems, maybe you lose 10-30,000 baht on your deposit on your hoise condo etc but it's better than taking care of other peoples crap she probably found out she was pregnant and wanted to find a naive foreigner to take care of her x *h*i boyfriends problem

[dave111223]

Godness. Hope you never end up penny less more than walking distance from your friends or family. You are by definition insane then. And I guess I am too as I would rather spend some hours in a disco, than spend those hours standing straight up in a temple. Anyway, I admit it. I was stupid. Happy now?

WB

I'm not sure i follow your logic of how i am insane because i've been been pennyless without any friends or family?

And what kind of "discos" are these that you hang out at which don't require you to buy any drinks or pay a cover charge, and allow you to lug around your worldly processions in carrier bags?

[elkangorito]

Some people really like to have problems...so much so that they will do almost anything to avoid 'giving up' the problem. This kind of thing is not very healthy, I feel.

In the meantime, do as countless others have suggested...simply ignore, ignore, ignore, ignore, ignore to the power of a million. If you are true to yourself, you will be able to do this without any problem whatsoever.

Anybody knows that death threats can be reported to the police.

If she visits again, slam the door in her face.

I really don't see that you have a problem.

[Wonderboy]

Godness. Hope you never end up penny less more than walking distance from your friends or family. You are by definition insane then. And I guess I am too as I would rather spend some hours in a disco, than spend those hours standing straight up in a temple. Anyway, I admit it. I was stupid. Happy now?

WB

I'm not sure i follow your logic of how i am insane because i've been been pennyless without any friends or family?

And what kind of "discos" are these that you hang out at which don't require you to buy any drinks or pay a cover charge, and allow you to lug around your worldly processions in carrier bags?

You wrote no sane persons have no friends or family they can turn to, hence my follow-up. Most if not all discos have a wardrobe where you can deposit your bags, coats etc. and as I said it was only on the outside she carried those bags. Obviously the place has no cover charge and has to many guests to check if everyone are buying drinks, Sherlock. I asked a question if I could take my case to the police and I hoped to get a straight answer, not waist my time defending myself from guys like you who have to show off how insanely street-smart they are and what an idiot I am. As I wrote, you dont know the complete story.

WB