Something To Offend Everyone

[Padkapow Guy]

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE

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> What is a Yankee?

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> The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone

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> What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?

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> The position of the dirt bag.

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> Why is divorce so expensive?

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> Because it's worth it.

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> What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?

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> One US leader.

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> What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?

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> Doughnuts.

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> Why is air a lot like sex?

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> Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

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> Why is Chelsea Clinton so homely?

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> Because Janet Reno is her real father.

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> What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room

> together?

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> 100 people who don't do dick..

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> What do you call a smart blonde?

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> A golden retriever.

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> What do attorneys use for birth control?

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> Their personalities.

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> What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?

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> 45 lbs. (ouch)

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> What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?

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> 45 minutes.

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> What's the fastest way to a man's heart?

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> Through his chest with a sharp knife.

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> Why do men want to marry virgins?

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> They can't stand criticism.

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> Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and

> good-looking?

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> Because those men already have boyfriends.

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> What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

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> After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

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> What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

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> The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of

> driving.

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> A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the

> biggest boobs?

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> The blonde, because she's 18.

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> Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?

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> Because they have cotton balls.

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> What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?

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> A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

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> What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

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> "Are you sure it's mine?"

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> What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?

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> Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.

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> Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?

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> Mace will do that to you.

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> Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

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> Breasts don't have eyes.

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> Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on

> Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?

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> Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

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> What's the Cuban National Anthem?

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> "Row, Row, Row Your Boat"

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> Where does an Irish family go on vacation?

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> A different bar.

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> What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?

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> A speech impediment.

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> What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?

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> They're hiring.

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> What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?

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> A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage

> along with... "a recipe."

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> How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F... word?

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> Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*! My MOM!

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> What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern

> fairytale?

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> A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."

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> A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."

[TokyoT]

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE

> What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?

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> One US leader.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Can someone tell me the metric equivalent to that US measure?