How Much To Pay The Mother In Law?

[PaulUSA302]

Another option is going to the gym, getting in shape and hope to find a woman that wants you for love or lust and not your income. That would be my option if only because I am a cheapskate!

[cdnvic]

A few posts were removed that were off topic personal battles, and one that was just a mangles mess of quotes.

[kikoman]

I pay nothing to my in-laws, I paid no Sin Sot and I have a great relationship with my in-laws. They have their own income and are capable of taking care of themselves.

If there is a family emergency, I will loan money of which ,I have always been repaid.

12,000 baht is an above average income for many Thai families, as the poster said that He pays 6000 baht to his in-laws because he wants to , I see nothing wrong with that, to each his own but for the GF or the family to expect a monthly payment. I would not do it.

If I was to contribute to anyone's family it would be MY own Parents-Siblings.

cheers:

[PingManDan]

Here is my suggestion. Pay nothing. The end.

I agree not one frigging baht, this is not a business deal it is supposed to be love & marriage

Edited July 2, 2010 by PingManDan

[Maccheroncini]

Crazy, it's all about money.  They only like your money.

[sarahsbloke]

OP what you have got to ask yourself,,if you fell on hard times,had jack shit,would they the MIL +FIL take care of you.(food ,somewhere to stay etc)Only you will no the answer to this.If YES then why .

I'm pretty sure that if I fell on hard times I could go and live on the family farm, but I don't really fancy becoming a farmer in the deepest, darkest depths of northern Thailand. No internet, how would I survive!

[sooksam]

:lol:if yall want to help a thai family buy em a lawn mower...........they can then sell the parts.......... :lol: :lol:

[IanForbes]

The only suggestion I have is not to pay any money , buy them the MEANS to make money for themselves IF they work , as has been mentioned , how did they manage before ? That is what I set up for my extended family and it has worked well for them , on occassions when funds get low , my wife helps out from her monthly budget , the onus is on her to stretch the budget , this is better for all concerned over the long haul , it is called 'Self sufficiency' .

Good post, dumball. That is exactly what I did for a Thai family. I got them enough to start a small business selling Ice, water and cold drinks. I just consider it charity and I have no ties to the family other than visiting them for a few days each year. I just want the children to have a little bit more than they can make on their own.

[Loz]

There is not much chance you'll get respect from these people anyway but I assure you they think the first guy is a twunt! As long as he is "contributing" he'll be "welcome" but ask him to stop payments for 3 months and on the fourth to ask MIL and FIL for a small loan of 5000bht. See what happens to that paradise he thinks he lives in.

LOS = Land Of Selective memory.

Respect of farangs if it even exists is short lived at best. Good luck with that.

[neverdie]

There is not much chance you'll get respect from these people

Whilst I don't disagree with what you are saying, 'So what'. I didnt get myself to the position that I'm in by throwing all my hard earned cash at people that can only show respect or consideration for a person that constantly 'hands out, puts out' or whatever you want to call it. Its an absolute joke to be worried about whether or not people respect you based on how much cash you flash around instead of the real issues that surround you as a person.

Having seen others make mistakes with their adopted Thai families over a few decades I made it very clear right from the word go with my chef's family on where I stood regarding money and handouts. As I said before, Im not Thai and never pretend to be. Everyone in the family holds down a reasonable type of job, with the exception of a couple of cousins & its a massive family.

Anyway, I made it easy on myself, I made a set amount of money available to anyone within the family on a LOANS basis. I will give you an example of roughtly what I did. I said, heres a pot, its got 50,000 THB in it (of my money). Anyone in the family can 'Borrow' money anytime HOWEVER it must be repaid in a timely manner & of course if anyone drags the chain the next one needing a spot for a few weeks or whatever it is soon applies the pressure & money soon appears. Its not rocket science & works fairly well for me, I've even dropped my own hand in the jar a couple of times when the exchange rate was a bit low and I was running short. Granny of the family who is in her 90ies runs exactly the same scheme and keeps an eye on the lot & let me tell you, NOBODY messes with Granny.

Each to their own, I guess. As for the respect, I don't lose sleep over it worry about whether uncle bill really likes me or not, but I seem to get invited to most the family functions & am well fed, so it can't be all that bad.

[473geo]

Interesting responses, I was once advised "learn to say no".......now this advice covers all the answers here.......why?.......because once you have said, no, anybody who asks is aware you have, and are entitled to use the no option regarding any request for funding. By the same token you also have the option of not saying no, if you wish to help out........so you are in control, which is really where we all wish to be with our finances.

Simple really isn't it?

[IanForbes]

There is not much chance you'll get respect from these people anyway but I assure you they think the first guy is a twunt! As long as he is "contributing" he'll be "welcome" but ask him to stop payments for 3 months and on the fourth to ask MIL and FIL for a small loan of 5000bht. See what happens to that paradise he thinks he lives in.

LOS = Land Of Selective memory.

Respect of farangs if it even exists is short lived at best. Good luck with that.

Precisely why I always say... never invest any more than you are not willing to walk away from with few regrets. Anything you give consider it to be charity with no expectations of anything return. Be happy with the giving and leave it at that. The problem lies with people who expect their charity to be appreciated, and it doesn't always work that way.

[Penkoprod]

I dont think the problem lies with the Thai family, though

But more this overbearing prick of a fellow Western guy. HE'S the one that appears to have taken over the role of the head honcho and big kahuna thereabouts.

Has the family asked outright for any monthly contributions... or ANY money from OP in fact?

I cant see any reference to it on here, and can only see this Western guy saying "you should pay 500,000Baht sin sod" and "i pay 4000 a month, but now you are involved WE will pay 6000 a month each"

Even the girlfriend is saying "upto you, if you dont pay, then i will take it out of my salary"

You just got to ask him, who the <deleted> hel_l he thinks he is. He's not even THERE but in Bangkok and he is pulling everyones strings. The family AND the OP

Penkoprod

[thomo]

Interesting responses, I was once advised "learn to say no".......now this advice covers all the answers here.......why?.......because once you have said, no, anybody who asks is aware you have, and are entitled to use the no option regarding any request for funding. By the same token you also have the option of not saying no, if you wish to help out........so you are in control, which is really where we all wish to be with our finances.

Simple really isn't it?

Yes, well said.

Although in so many cases here, saying no and being in control of one's finances will result in having to find another rental.

[yeesipha]

OP what you have got to ask yourself,,if you fell on hard times,had jack shit,would they the MIL +FIL take care of you.(food ,somewhere to stay etc)Only you will no the answer to this.If YES then why .

I'm pretty sure that if I fell on hard times I could go and live on the family farm, but I don't really fancy becoming a farmer in the deepest, darkest depths of northern Thailand. No internet, how would I survive!

ahhh sarasbloke didn't you no that's where the REAL thai people live, outside of the TOURIST HOTSPOTS,also no problem with being a farmer if your thai,FIL owns approx 3000 rai and does

quite well off it, living on a farm?no not our family,personally i could not live in a TOURIST HOTSPOT or BKK,cluttered with plastic people (thai & falang) alike .

[kunash]

I dont think the problem lies with the Thai family, though

But more this overbearing prick of a fellow Western guy. HE'S the one that appears to have taken over the role of the head honcho and big kahuna thereabouts.

Has the family asked outright for any monthly contributions... or ANY money from OP in fact?

I cant see any reference to it on here, and can only see this Western guy saying "you should pay 500,000Baht sin sod" and "i pay 4000 a month, but now you are involved WE will pay 6000 a month each"

Even the girlfriend is saying "upto you, if you dont pay, then i will take it out of my salary"

You just got to ask him, who the <deleted> hel_l he thinks he is. He's not even THERE but in Bangkok and he is pulling everyones strings. The family AND the OP

Penkoprod

yes, correct, the mom has not asked for a farthing. i am happy to pay the 2000 a month. would like to see his face when he finds out. anyway, face = bothered = NOT. i went to see him when i arrived in surin to say hi,

( before he went to BKK ), i was polite and friendly, as i am to everyone, but the reception was unfriendly. i cannot be bothered with people like this, plus he was rude about my GF. so i wont be seeing him again. he is a fluent thai speaker, i can only say 2 words lol, hello, and thank you. i think he has already tried, to put rifts between me and mt GF, by saying i dont trust her, and also rifts between mt GF daughter and me, by saying i am a ting tong, etc. he can speak thai, i cant. but my GF is wise to his actions. i think that was rather cheap of him. he said the family will look down on me, someone replied who cares - exactly. i dont care what people think of me, as long as i am respectful and curteous.

the family have given the land the house is on , to the 2 youngest daughters. they have given my GF another piece of land,which is a good size, but has no vehicle access. the WG has offered to buy that land from my GF, for 100,000. ( you can fit a 4 bedroom 2 storey house on it ). he wants to build a house for the youngest daughter ( he is married to 2nd youngest ), so he can get her out of the house ( with her 2 children ), i told her not to ever sell.. i think he is taking the piss.

he even suggested i could buy the land next to the parents, for 1.2 - 1.5 mill. i went along with him, but of course i will never buy it. he would then build a house for the parents, so he could live in the house hebuilt alone with his wife.

[ESB7]

farang ting tong...

This is 2010 and you don't have to pay for a Thai girl anymore...

Sure there are ones you can pay for but there is also an abundance of "normal" Thai girls.. educated/single/financially independant just waiting on the sidelines like wall flowers to be picked up...

Find them in the gym / sports clubs not in your local massage or go go bar....

Anyone who pays for a Thai wife and family with all the information at hand now on the internet is just bonkers... IMHO..

Anyway upto you...makes interesting reading....

Spot on!!! but there are still idiots out there. I know of a girl that was sent to work in a bar at 14 years old, went on to massage, karoke and then at 18 years old Coyote in Phuket. An English guy that worked as a diver married her after 3 months and immediatly shes expecting. 2 years on he has had to return to the U.K alone as hasnt enough money....she works in the dive shop and he was working also, so why couldnt they live on their salaries??? simple, he initially bought her out of the Coyote bar with an agreed sum to pay her each month for her family and that can never stop...if it does, the marriage is over.........if the so called average salary of a Thai is 6,000 a month, how then do the Thais send 4,000 a month to the MIL.....start as you mean to go on, and pay nothing.

[jackr]

Give the missus some dosh if you must, then it's up to her if she wants to furnish her lazy mother, but personally if there'd had to be an arrangement where I were obliged to pay the MIL anything; well it just wouldn't happen. And as for this farang telling you to pay money, <deleted>! One swift reply to him, FO.

[Seewolf]

Many stories like that are happen everywhere in Thailand. My best friend form Germany has the same problem with his Mother in Law. He got married with my Wifes Cousin.

And they were thinking he will do same as i did, buid a House with pool etc........He didn't and he couldn't but he pay 4000 baht a month to her Mother.

I seam to lucky as my Wifes Mother gave me Money , once even 30000Baht and she said i maybe need it as i spend a lot of money to build our House. Unfortunatly she passed away a couple of weeks ago.

But in Thailand it's many times like that when they see a Farang a lot of Thais they imagine we are all rich.:jap:

[cdnvic]

Bizarre post with huge fonts removed.

[khaowong1]

Thai customs are very difficult for us westeners to understand. Don't listen to the wg.. let your wife pay her mother out of her allowance. you shouldn't pay her anything as this will become a problem down the road. let your wife take care of it. yes, as westerners, we are looked upon as atm machines that never empty. this is a hard habit to break them from. but, you need to start with the MIL.. don't start paying for the sisters.. this wg must be out of his mind or doesn't understand he's being taken for a ride. hang tough...

Edited July 5, 2010 by cdnvic
removed excessive formatting

[khaowong1]

Many stories like that are happen everywhere in Thailand. My best friend form Germany has the same problem with his Mother in Law. He got married with my Wifes Cousin.

And they were thinking he will do same as i did, buid a House with pool etc........He didn't and he couldn't but he pay 4000 baht a month to her Mother.

I seam to lucky as my Wifes Mother gave me Money , once even 30000Baht and she said i maybe need it as i spend a lot of money to build our House. Unfortunatly she passed away a couple of weeks ago.

But in Thailand it's many times like that when they see a Farang a lot of Thais they imagine we are all rich.:jap:

You are correct but unfortunately for many farangs the whole love and marriage thing is purely financial. My wife is asked all the time if l have a friend they can marry and most of these ladies are already married to Thais or have kids from a husband thats deserted.

<FONT size=4 face="Comic Sans MS">this happens way too often. I know a guy from canada whose wife married her thai boyfriend while the canadian was back in canada working. didn't think a thing about it. when he found out, he walked and she couldn't understand why..

[losworld]

Show some balls. Would you pay money to your inlaws in your home country? Do you have to continually p4p even when married????

[somtampet]

Here is my suggestion. Pay nothing. The end.

My suggestion would be 2 words and the scond is OFF

[473geo]

Thai customs are very difficult for us westeners to understand. Don't listen to the wg.. let your wife pay her mother out of her allowance. you shouldn't pay her anything as this will become a problem down the road. let your wife take care of it. yes, as westerners, we are looked upon as atm machines that never empty. this is a hard habit to break them from. but, you need to start with the MIL.. don't start paying for the sisters.. this wg must be out of his mind or doesn't understand he's being taken for a ride. hang tough...

Maybe the wg can afford to be generous.......just a thought......

[losworld]

I'm finding much of this hard to understand. Tell your gf you are not sending money to the family and if she doesn't like it get another one. If the other one doesn't like it get another. If you can't find a single Thai woman that won't spend time with you without financial payout then go hire an attractive maid and move her in, pay her a salary and cut to the chase without the car wreck.

[473geo]

Show some balls. Would you pay money to your inlaws in your home country? Do you have to continually p4p even when married????

Yes I have helped out parents, in-laws and relatives in my own, and other a few other countries, mostly by working for free to help turn situations around.......I personally do not see anything wrong in that......and on occasion my assistance has been reciprocated, also much appreciated by me, although I help out quite simply when I can.........because I am able

I struggle to understand why many find this type on inter family support so alien...........perhaps in their families things were different.

[misterphil]

Thai customs are very difficult for us westeners to understand. Don't listen to the wg.. let your wife pay her mother out of her allowance. you shouldn't pay her anything as this will become a problem down the road. let your wife take care of it. yes, as westerners, we are looked upon as atm machines that never empty. this is a hard habit to break them from. but, you need to start with the MIL.. don't start paying for the sisters.. this wg must be out of his mind or doesn't understand he's being taken for a ride. hang tough...

Exactly !!!!

let your wife pay her mother out of her allowance. you shouldn't pay her anything as this will become a problem down the road. let your wife take care of it.

This is what you should be doing, don't listen to that crackpot saying you need to pay 500,000 baht sin sod, did he? He's a complete head na ball if he did and needs a good slap. And as for paying for the sisters too. I hope he's getting his monies worth out of them.

[thomo]

Well-off (ish) locals who are generous and free with their money are thought of as fools.

Those who are well off and give nothing but rudeness and contempt are respected and honoured/revered.

Just my observations. Take it as you will.

[473geo]

Well-off (ish) locals who are generous and free with their money are thought of as fools.

Those who are well off and give nothing but rudeness and contempt are respected and honoured/revered.

Just my observations. Take it as you will.

So kineo now means revered and respected does it?.............I did not realise just how revered and respected I am........... ..............just my observations.