The Gulf War

[PETERTHEEATER]

Paddy was clearing out some kitchen units that had been lined with newspaper sheets.

He found a copy of the Dublin News dated December 1990 reporting on the Gulf War against Iraq.

Some of the briefs that caught his eye were:

Yesterday, a battalion of Irish Rangers were flown out to the Gulf by the Irish Air Corps to join the coalition forces. When they arrived, the Mexican Government announced that they did not know what to do with them.

A tank commander with the Irish Armoured Brigade was seriously injured yesterday when his head struck the ball cock.

An Irish Infantry Commander was offered some wheelbarrows to assist his men in moving ammunition. He declined the offer on the grounds that his men were not trained in the use of machinery.

A US Forces Commander, visiting the Headquarters of the Irish Forces in Iraq commented on the height of the ceilings in the rooms. The Irish Commander explained that he had had two rooms knocked into one to create more space.

A fighter pilot of the Irish Air Corps was briefed to bomb the Kuwait Theatre of War. Unable to locate his target in bad weather, he attacked a secondary target; the Covent Garden Opera House.

A wounded Irish soldier recovering in a coalition field hospital was told that a case of syphilis had just been received. He looked pleased and said that he was sick of Lucozade.