The Funny Things She Says

[kandahar]

A lot of you CR folks already know my wife. If you know her, you know she is sweet, smart, educated and still, she comes up with some doozies. I know some of the other CR wives and have witnessed some really good sayings from some of them as well. And we all know, each and every one of them say the funniest things sometimes, whether it is an ill-fated attempt at English, plain and simple female wittiness and humor or something that is specifically Thai that we don't quite get. So, knowing that this ISN'T a place to put down your better half, but instead is a thread to share the sayings and doings that endear these women to us, let's hear what some of your gals come up with on a regular basis.

Here's the most recent from my wife:

Her: What shirt did you wear to that restaurant last time?

Me: I dunno. That was some time ago. What difference does it make?

Her: I don't want them to think you have only one shirt. You need to make sure you don't wear the same shirt today that you wore last time you went.

Truth: I have LOTS of shirts and I really doubt that they remember what I wore last time. She's sure they do remember and will judge her on that.

Here's another, older one:

Her: Hon, what is a kaneevis?

Me: I dunno. Never heard of it. Is it Thai or English?

Her: English. You wrote it on your list of things to do today.

Me: I didn't write kaneevis on anything. Let me see the list.

Truth: Number 3 on my list- Sharpen knives. (She read "knives", which was an unfamiliar term to her, as "kaneevis".)

Edited August 3, 2010 by kandahar

[maibork]

555

[Paul888]

You started a thread like this on the same day you sharpened your kaneevis?

Brave man.

About the shirt.....she is not alone. I often find myself doing that also.

Everybody knows that restaurant staff keep notebooks about what customers wear and laugh at people who repeat on consecutive visits.

[kandahar]

You started a thread like this on the same day you sharpened your kaneevis?

Brave man.

About the shirt.....she is not alone. I often find myself doing that also.

Everybody knows that restaurant staff keep notebooks about what customers wear and laugh at people who repeat on consecutive visits.

I ain't scared. She reads this forum every day. She has her own user ID and password. She knows she cracks me up sometimes and she knows I crack her up sometimes.

But, no, I didn't start the thread on the kaneevis day. That happened about a year and a half ago. She always calls them kaneevis now though, because she knows it tickles me.

Edited August 3, 2010 by kandahar

[lannaman]

Travelling through a country lane in the West of England my Thai mrs exclaims,"look lubbert".

Lannaman replies, " Yes, a lot of bad people chuck rubbish down on the lanes".

"But they were cute"

"Ahhh! Rabbits."

Mrs, "We must tell Lubbert about them when we get home."

Me," Tell who? Ah! you mean Robert"

Mrs," Yes tell Lubbert and me saw lubbert and you thought me say lubbert."

[JohanV]

My wife has a lovely habit of mixing English and Thai in a funny way,

sometimes sticking to a Thai pronounciation even on English words.

So, when discussing dinner, she asks me:

"Tirak, do you want your ham with kai dao or man farang ?

And, maybe you can guess how she pronounces "ham"..

Wich, inevitably, gives the question a totally different meaning..

[kandahar]

Travelling through a country lane in the West of England my Thai mrs exclaims,"look lubbert".

Lannaman replies, " Yes, a lot of bad people chuck rubbish down on the lanes".

"But they were cute"

"Ahhh! Rabbits."

Mrs, "We must tell Lubbert about them when we get home."

Me," Tell who? Ah! you mean Robert"

Mrs," Yes tell Lubbert and me saw lubbert and you thought me say lubbert."

I think that one is hilarious. Thanks.

[kandahar]

My wife has a lovely habit of mixing English and Thai in a funny way,

sometimes sticking to a Thai pronounciation even on English words.

So, when discussing dinner, she asks me:

"Tirak, do you want your ham with kai dao or man farang ?

And, maybe you can guess how she pronounces "ham"..

Wich, inevitably, gives the question a totally different meaning..

I don't speak Thai. I don't get this one. My wife speaks Thai and English. She says this one is hilarious.

[JohanV]

My wife has a lovely habit of mixing English and Thai in a funny way,

sometimes sticking to a Thai pronounciation even on English words.

So, when discussing dinner, she asks me:

"Tirak, do you want your ham with kai dao or man farang ?

And, maybe you can guess how she pronounces "ham"..

Wich, inevitably, gives the question a totally different meaning..

I don't speak Thai. I don't get this one. My wife speaks Thai and English. She says this one is hilarious.

ham [ Thai version ] = slang for the male genital

kai dao [ Thai ] = fried eggs, but also slang for small breasts on a female

man farang [ Thai ] = potatoes, but it can also mean "man" ( oily, fat ) or slang for a female being horny

which gives -> "man farang" = "horny for a farang", or even "female body fluid for a farang"..

Quite hilarious indeed if you understand the double-speak

My friend told me he had seen a Thai movie ( the silly-joke type ) where a Thai woman wanted to tell her Farang boyfriend

she wished to have sex with him, so she asked someone how she could say "man farang" [you make me horny] in English.

In the next scene you hear her screaming from the bedroom "potato, potato"... very funny, actually..

Edited August 3, 2010 by JohanV

[villagefarang]

My wife has a lovely habit of mixing English and Thai in a funny way,

sometimes sticking to a Thai pronounciation even on English words.

So, when discussing dinner, she asks me:

"Tirak, do you want your ham with kai dao or man farang ?

And, maybe you can guess how she pronounces "ham"..

Wich, inevitably, gives the question a totally different meaning..

I don't speak Thai. I don't get this one. My wife speaks Thai and English. She says this one is hilarious.

Reason for edit: Already answered in the most delicate and tactful way imaginable.

Edited August 3, 2010 by villagefarang

[bifftastic]

Nice posts, very funny!

I've had a few confusing conversations with my g/f, once when she tried to describe a cock-fight 'same like a muay Thai but not same, not have people' 'HUH?' 'no, not have people, have chicken, boxing chicken!....honey, why you laugh? not funny, boxing chicken I don't like! Mai Dee!'

Another memorable moment of confusion was when we were discussing her sisters finances which involved the phrase 'help yourself'. Now this may, on the face of it, appear to be a rather innocuous phrase. I was tryiing to say that if her sister saved some money of her own every month (not likely, hasn't happened yet!) then maybe we could start helping her out a little bit as well.

So, I said , 'if your sister can help herself then maybe I can help her too, but if she can't help herself then I won't give her any money'

Deathly silence, fire behind the eyes, things are not looking good!

'Why you talk bad about my sister hmm?' followed by a string of Thai words which scared the dogs and had the children running for cover! (the cat raised an ear and went back to sleep. but cats are like that).

Turns out my knowledge of English is not as good as I thought it was... 'help yourself' is not something I should be saying when offering biscuits around, because it refers to masturbation!

I still get a clip round the ear when we're eating out and I offer her some food, 'here darlin, help yourself '

[kandahar]

Me: You know, when we had the party for our wedding at your house, your older brother told me that if I ever have trouble with you, I should just tell him and he will fix you.

Her: Yes. And now we see who fixes whom in my family. So, don't waste your time telling him about any troubles.

[bifftastic]

Me: You know, when we had the party for our wedding at your house, your older brother told me that if I ever have trouble with you, I should just tell him and he will fix you.

Her: Yes. And now we see who fixes whom in my family. So, don't waste your time telling him about any troubles.

and now you got the brother in law in trouble!

[JohanV]

It's nice to see you two guys - kandahar and bifftastic - talking here.

it is obvious you know each other, and I just realize I'm in a CR thread, whilst living in Nong Khai

Actually, the idea in this thread is very funny and I think it might interest people outside CR.

Could it be possible to move it to a more nationwide section ??

Just an idea. I'm enjoying this either way.

Cheers

[bifftastic]

It's nice to see you two guys - kandahar and bifftastic - talking here.

it is obvious you know each other, and I just realize I'm in a CR thread, whilst living in Nong Khai

Actually, the idea in this thread is very funny and I think it might interest people outside CR.

Could it be possible to move it to a more nationwide section ??

Just an idea. I'm enjoying this either way.

Cheers

Good idea, I think, like most threads, it's probably been done before but no harm in re-hashing it in my opinion.

Anyway, just jump in (you did already didn't you? )

I don't think Kandahar meant for this to be a CR only thread.

I liked the 'kai dow/man farang' quote btw

Edited August 5, 2010 by bifftastic

[soap]

Just to say thank you to Kandahar for the phone call today.

Not Thailand related but funny i thought

Many years ago sitting with the family watching a Charlie Chaplin movie in black and white

My sister who has many O levels A levels turns around half way through the movie and asks

Did they all walk like that in the olden days

[kandahar]

Just to say thank you to Kandahar for the phone call today.

Not Thailand related but funny i thought

Many years ago sitting with the family watching a Charlie Chaplin movie in black and white

My sister who has many O levels A levels turns around half way through the movie and asks

Did they all walk like that in the olden days

Hello Soap.

That is FUNNY!!

[kandahar]

I did put this in the CR forum on purpose. I thought that since many of us know each other, it would be easy to picture those different wives/girlfriends saying those things and imagining the men's reactions. But of course, are contributions are welcome. And there is no harm in someone else starting the same thread in the general forum. It would probably go over well nationwide. But this one, I would like to keep here. I'm sure it will fill up over the years, as these ladies just keep wowing us. I have already forgotten so many of my wife's classics. But there are more to come, I'm sure.

Edited August 6, 2010 by kandahar

[jubby]

My Wife doesn't say a lot of funny things these days. I suppose its because she spent 10 years in the UK , and so we sort of speak the same language .

Her head does spin on its axis, sort of full 360 degrees when she's whispering sweet profanities at me, and thats kinda funny in its own way ...............

[villagefarang]

There is an older topic in 'General' that deals with this subject matter. Link to topic..

[kandahar]

I told her the prostitute and the noodle joke a while back. Now, every time she sees a hair on the sheets, she says, "Hey look. A noodle". Cracks me up every time.

[skybluestu]

I have two stories, one about my current wife (Thai) here in CR and one about me while on holiday here in Thailand about 8yrs ago.

My wife stored some of her clothes at her Mum's house while she was pregnant and she recently brought them home. While unpacking yesterday she held up a pair of white trousers and said 'Look I think a crocodile poo-poo'd on my clothes'.

Me - ' You didn't tell me your Mum has crocodiles now too?! Don't they eat the pigs?'

Her - 'Are you crazy, they don't eat the pigs, they're in the wardrobe'

Me (looking very confused and trying hard not to wet myself) - 'Your Mum has crocodiles in the wardrobe???!!!'

Her - 'Yes, many houses have crocodiles..........oh, not crocodiles, I mean cockroach'

While on holiday here with my ex-gf we were looking for a guesthouse in Hua Hin and we had tried to learn a few words of Thai during our stay. As we were on a budget (we were backpacking, sorry!) we needed somewhere cheap & cheerful but with our own shower (had had enough of shared bathrooms by then) but were having trouble finding one (I'll explain why later). At every reception I would ask how much the room was and if it had a shower, they gave the price but then always pointed to the restaurant while either giggling or looking at us like we were crazy. We thought it was a bit odd that none of them had rooms with a shower, only a shared one near the restaurant, and then it dawned on us. We'd been saying 'Mee naam plaa mai?' instead of 'Mee ab naam mai? so we were asking for fish sauce instead of a shower, it was the 'naam' bit which made us think we were asking the right question. Another example of 'farang bah'!

[villagefarang]

I often hear farangs butcher the Thai language, far worse than the Thais do English. By way of example, I overheard a father trying to give his son a reading lesson at Doi Chaang the other day. Reading the name of the shop off the glass, he said "you know what Chaang means don't you?" "It means elephant." The problem was that he was using the wrong "a" and was saying "curse" (แช่ง) not elephant (ช้าง). Looked to me like the son's silence was brought about by his unwillingness to correct his father.

I guess I found that funny in a perverse way.

[kandahar]

Both of the above posts are funny. Stu reminds me that I should have included our own mistakes in the title. I am sure we are just as funny as the ladies, sometimes,

As far as the father and son thing in the coffee shop: The son is probably regaling his school friends with that story.

[Samuian]

You started a thread like this on the same day you sharpened your kaneevis?

Brave man.

About the shirt.....she is not alone. I often find myself doing that also.

Everybody knows that restaurant staff keep notebooks about what customers wear and laugh at people who repeat on consecutive visits.

PLUS, everyone thinks as you have evidently only one shirt and you still wear it, that you never ever washed it and never had a shower since..!

Yes, sometimes I wonder...

[scorpio1945]

I am always impressed that I can correct my lady's English once and 99% of the time she get it right from then on. She corrects me and I get it right 1% of the time. Two examples of things she retains are correct technically but just not normal usage (but so cute) are:

day after tomorrow - next tomorrow

throw up - throw out

There are more but I am drawing a blank.

We also had fun with Amazon coffee - she A maze on

[bifftastic]

one from yesterday that made me smile, talking on the phone I hear "oi jep jep!"

Me; "bpen arai?"

Her " I kick my finger table"

Me "huh?"

She (laughing) "sorry, not finger, finger-foot!"

I know it's a literal translation 'niw meu' finger-hand and 'niw tao' finger-foot (toe) but it always makes me chuckle.

Yeah, I'm easily amused

[woraphat]

Hey. When my husband kandahar tries to talk Thai he says funny things too. Not only me!

Every day, he talk to the neighbor dog. But the dog cannot know English. So, he ask me how to say Thai to the dog! Now he knows non long. That means lay down. And the dog does if kd say in Thai but not in English. That is funny. Now kd wants to learn Thai so he can talk to the dog but not to the people.

woraphat

[woralak]

Hey. When my husband kandahar tries to talk Thai he says funny things too. Not only me!

Every day, he talk to the neighbor dog. But the dog cannot know English. So, he ask me how to say Thai to the dog! Now he knows non long. That means lay down. And the dog does if kd say in Thai but not in English. That is funny. Now kd wants to learn Thai so he can talk to the dog but not to the people.

woraphat

Very funny Woraphat,glad to see you posting on TV,and now i know the correct spelling for your name,hope to see you and Kd soon,BFN (bye for now).

[woraphat]

Hey. When my husband kandahar tries to talk Thai he says funny things too. Not only me!

Every day, he talk to the neighbor dog. But the dog cannot know English. So, he ask me how to say Thai to the dog! Now he knows non long. That means lay down. And the dog does if kd say in Thai but not in English. That is funny. Now kd wants to learn Thai so he can talk to the dog but not to the people.

woraphat

Very funny Woraphat,glad to see you posting on TV,and now i know the correct spelling for your name,hope to see you and Kd soon,BFN (bye for now).

Thank you Woralak, see you soon.