One thing I've noticed as I read some threads, and I'm going to bet that a lot of you Ladies will have noticed it as well, is a lot of male posters here on TV bemoan the fact that their Thai wives/girlfriends never make allowance for their Western culture or tell them "you must respect Thai culture.", etc, etc. I realize that generally we are only going to hear about the negatives, but I am betting that there are a lot of Thai women who do not fit this profile and in fact make many concessions to their partners Western ways. Anyway, I thought I'd like to get the Western female perspective on this. So my question is, do you ladies feel that your Thai significant other, past or present, was/ is receptive to your cultural needs/differences/outlooks and is/was willing to make concessions to your sometimes (baffling) Western ways? It might be something as simple as a willingness to partake of Western food once in awhile or maybe they understand that many Westerners are not as comfortable with family members showing up unannounced and at all hours, it could be anything. I'd love to hear about it, and if they were not receptive then I would like to hear about how you dealt with it (maybe some people might get some good advice), not everyone has a whip like SBK! As an aside, I would be interested to hear the thoughts from Thai women who have dated/married Western men.

On a final note, I would ask that posters on this thread (this means YOU gentleman), don't turn this into a thread to vent your frustrations and to bitch and moan about your past/present girlfriends or wives, Thai or Western. I am sure that the Ladies here, will welcome posts from a male perspective as long as they are not some crazy rant.

Edit: One more thing guys, I really don't want to know how you "wielded the pimp hand" with your wife or girlfriend and how dominant you are.

Edited August 11, 201015 yr by GrahamF

I am sure that the Ladies here, will welcome posts from a male perspective as long as they are not some crazy rant.

Well said Graham F

Whip is only for thaivisa members btw

Marriage is a series of compromises, not big stuff like essential morals but when you live with someone you must make some allowances for the other person's culture. I had to learn to welcome people to dinner when there wasn't enough (quickly learning that while you invite people to join you the polite person declines), I've had to learn not to make a huge fuss over things but deal with them in the more mannerly thai way of devastatingly nasty politeness and my husband has had to learn to communicate with me, be honest even about the little stuff and to put up with the fact that I think in a different way. (and vice versa I might add).

His family never drops by at all hours of the day, so thats never been an issue thank goodness but of course there are other things.

If your partner is not willing to compromise and make allowances for cultural differences (and you aren't either) then the relationship will not thrive and grow as normal healthy relationships should.

I am always astounded by those people unwilling to even try their partners' food (it speaks volumes to me of their willingness to accept their partners differences) and those who refuse to visit their partners home countries, How you can understand another person if you have no experience of where they come from I have no idea. But usually, that kind of attitude tells me the person has no interest in truly understanding their partner. Up to you if thats what you want in a relationship but it would never work for me.

I am sure that the Ladies here, will welcome posts from a male perspective as long as they are not some crazy rant.

Well said Graham F

Whip is only for thaivisa members btw

Marriage is a series of compromises, not big stuff like essential morals but when you live with someone you must make some allowances for the other person's culture. I had to learn to welcome people to dinner when there wasn't enough (quickly learning that while you invite people to join you the polite person declines), I've had to learn not to make a huge fuss over things but deal with them in the more mannerly thai way of devastatingly nasty politeness and my husband has had to learn to communicate with me, be honest even about the little stuff and to put up with the fact that I think in a different way. (and vice versa I might add).

His family never drops by at all hours of the day, so thats never been an issue thank goodness but of course there are other things.

If your partner is not willing to compromise and make allowances for cultural differences (and you aren't either) then the relationship will not thrive and grow as normal healthy relationships should.

I am always astounded by those people unwilling to even try their partners' food (it speaks volumes to me of their willingness to accept their partners differences) and those who refuse to visit their partners home countries, How you can understand another person if you have no experience of where they come from I have no idea. But usually, that kind of attitude tells me the person has no interest in truly understanding their partner. Up to you if thats what you want in a relationship but it would never work for me.

I'm curious about the communication, from my limited experience, it seems that Westerners tend to be much more direct than Thais, and most Asians, in general. How was the learning process for you both?

Why should there be accommodation? After all this is Thailand, and shouldn't farang be adjusting their behaviors appropriately rather than their SOs adjusting theirs. Just my perspective, but I try to adjust to Thai ways as much as possible. I live in Thailand so I should learn Thai language and as much as possible adopt Thai ways.

Graham, my husband is from the South -- they are known for being more direct than most and his family is probably quite direct even for Southerners. That said, it took time and patience and me letting him know it was alright to be direct and that I wasn't going to blow up over it.

And granuaile, I am not Thai, I will never be Thai and no matter how much I adapt, that fact wont' change. But, if you think its appropriate for you then good luck with that because IME it never works long term.

Graham, my husband is from the South -- they are known for being more direct than most and his family is probably quite direct even for Southerners. That said, it took time and patience and me letting him know it was alright to be direct and that I wasn't going to blow up over it.

And granuaile, I am not Thai, I will never be Thai and no matter how much I adapt, that fact wont' change. But, if you think its appropriate for you then good luck with that because IME it never works long term.

Absolutely right you are not Thai, and neither am I. But I choose to adapt as much as I can. Maybe I will find obstacles and maybe i can't overcome them. I'll give a report in 10 years though you might have to remind me....

Granuaile

Why should there be accommodation? After all this is Thailand, and shouldn't farang be adjusting their behaviors appropriately rather than their SOs adjusting theirs. Just my perspective, but I try to adjust to Thai ways as much as possible. I live in Thailand so I should learn Thai language and as much as possible adopt Thai ways.

Excellent, I am glad that your approach is working for you and I wish you all the best in your relationship. As I stated in my OP, I am open to hear all the different adaptive methods used by Westerners dating or married to Thais. Other than learning to speak Thai, which I think is great, I am interested to know what Thai ways you have adopted and what Western ways have you forsaken and how they have strengthened your relationship?

Graham, my husband is from the South -- they are known for being more direct than most and his family is probably quite direct even for Southerners. That said, it took time and patience and me letting him know it was alright to be direct and that I wasn't going to blow up over it.

And granuaile, I am not Thai, I will never be Thai and no matter how much I adapt, that fact wont' change. But, if you think its appropriate for you then good luck with that because IME it never works long term.

I have heard that Southern Thai tend to be a little more direct, I don't know this for a fact, so I admit it as hearsay and that I am speculating. Now, here's a little bit more speculation.......The two most successful Thai/Farang relationships that I know of, one told to me through a friend and another that I have been witness to have both been with non-Buddhist Thai women. One woman was Muslim and the other was Christian. Is there a difference in outlook between Buddhist and non-Buddhist Thais, in my limited experience, it would seem so. SBK, I don't know if your husband is a Buddhist or not, but do you think that possibly the Muslim influence in the south has made a difference in the mindset of your husband, and Southern Thais in general? Another thing that I would ask, in your opinion, is if the time & effort it took to get your husband to understand that it was ok to be direct and forthcoming was the same as dealing with a Western male or longer?

Upper south has very little Muslim influence, and while we do live in a Muslim village they are more integrated with the local culture than vice versa.

Hard to say Graham, like I said, my husbands family is rather more direct than most and his father is quite blunt --even if he were not Thai, that would be so.

I've had two Isaan mates thus far. The first couldn't speak her mind at all. The second won't miss an opportunity to let me know what she's really thinking. I prefer the second.

My second, and current, mate enjoys many things western. I enjoy many things Thai. So though we are culturally different we both recognize the differences but appreciate many of them as well. There are those times when she corrects me in my 'misbehaviour' to 'properly' behave. I'm very easy going, and coupled with my enthusiasm to learn new ways of being, I have very little trouble on my end.

For me, there haven't been many serious situations at all. Mostly the usual male/female issues one would experience no matter what corner of the globe you are in.

OT

When God created man he promised him that he would make good women available in all corners of the world.

And then he made the earth round.

SBK said it best, it's all about compromising

My husband is from the South and a Buddhist. When I met him he had never eaten Western food or been exposed to anything Western until 4 months before we met. He was (and very much still is) a rural man through and through.

He only ever pictured his life in his village, with a wife who cooked and cleaned, a couple of kids and a cow.

Then he met me :)And to give an example of how western I am one of my degrees is in Women and Gender studeies..yes thats right a full blown feminazi

I was always very respectful of his culture. I quit smoking (woman do not smoke in his home town, although that is changing), I went from not eating any spice to being able to eat anything his mom cooked for me, I never stepped over the curry bowls , I dressed appropriately (as in no skimpy tank tops or low cut shirts etc). But this was mainly my choice. He never asked me to do any of the above. We did, in the beginning, have big problems with his friends. He is a man's man and they would always stop by but slowly they got the hint as I have a very hard time hiding what I am feeling, which of course is breaking the number one rule in Thailand...I still can't "save face" and that is something my hubby has had to deal with.

The biggest compromise is when my husband moved to Canada a year ago. Which he never wanted to do but I spent 6 years in his home so now it is his turn. Everyone finds him to be very polite and respectful. It took a while to get used to Western food and he still has rice once a day but he has done a 360 with what he will eat now. He has a hard time at work though because he works with other immigrants all over the world and all these cultures come together and it can cause some serious misunderstandings.

Neither of us have compromised on our principals however and not changed who we are. From time to time we still run into misunderstandings due to culture or language but overall we have both changed and grown so much in the past 6 years and this is largely due to each other and better understanding of each others cultures.

I can not grasp the concept of being with someone from another country/culture and not wanting to learn and experience what has made your partner who they are.

Edited August 12, 201015 yr by meme

Try being married to a Swiss guy whose family thought the UK was London. Yup, the whole of the UK (including Scotland and Wales, where?) was just London. Great big London. And yes, they do have electricity in London.

I gave up after a few months and just nodded.

MeMe your story is lovely and made me smile.