Concerned For My Old Friend

[ankwa]

I would like to know what people think about someone financially supporting thier partner , basically i have a friend whom i have known from childhood , during my last trip to thailand i met up with him as he was holidaying at the same time , and he had his girlfriend with him , who seemed like a lovely girl she was from udon and he met her in Mr Tongs disco tech , now the girl has been married is now divorced, and has a three year old son who lives with the father in ko lanta , the thing that worries me is my friend has been financially supporting this girl to the sum of 10000 baht every month , she doesnt work and seems to have no intention of getting a job , or when questioned by my friend she gets angry and says not easy to get job without paper from school uni , if she gets a job in shop only 4000 baht a month and 10 to 12 hour days , with only two days off , now my friend is not just too healthy but has still taken up a second job to get the cash for this girl , and i would say thats the last thing he needs , i dont want to lose his friendship but i think he is doing the wrong thing !

The girl says if she marries him and moves to his country she will work , is this enough ? surley she must help him now ?

[raven0099]

From my experience , ive always noted that many thai people are not too fussed about working , they just lounge around all day , i think the man is usually the bread winner and many of the gfs and wives just stay at home ,

But if your mates health aint too good and hes having to work a second job for this i can understand your concern , could he not try and explain this to her ? and remember there is plenty of fish in the sea !

Edited August 13, 2010 by raven0099

[geriatrickid]

Please note that it is indeed difficult to find a decent job without a uni diploma. I bet most people are unaware that bank tellers in Thailand almost all have uni diplomas. Salaries have been cut at alot of service based industries. The 10,000baht may seem high, but I defy anyone to live on that. Oh sure, I'll get they, hey there's an all you can eat buffet down at the pub where fried road kill is served up, but seriously, 10K goes fast. That being said, the gal should find a job even if it is only part time, so that she understands the concept of work and budgeting. There is the cultural issue where some people expect the wealthier person to take care of the poorer person.

There is nothing you can do in this matter except point out that he is not doing her any favours by encouraging dependency, unless that is what he wants.. Is your friend so afraid of losing this piece of damaged goods that he is getting sucked into this? This is a no win situation, and you have to let it run is course. He'll wise up after a couple months once he realizes Miss Thang is getting her plumbing inspected regularly by a local fella.

[goldfinger]

Miss Thang is getting her plumbing inspected regularly by a local fella.

:cheesy:

[Chunky1]

How old is he? How old is she?

[dumball]

From my experience , ive always noted that many thai people are not too fussed about working , they just lounge around all day , i think the man is usually the bread winner and many of the gfs and wives just stay at home ,

But if your mates health aint too good and hes having to work a second job for this i can understand your concern , could he not try and explain this to her ? and remember there is plenty of fish in the sea !

Not married , not living together full time , what does this man have or need to 'Explain' to this lazy person ??????????????

What does she have that is so super special and not available in plentifull supply ????????????????????

Tell her to get a job of her own , not his fault she has no education , why should he be the THAI welfare system ????????????

Oh , of course , she luv him big hansum man , " If you love me , realy love me "get a job .

[WarpSpeed]

It seems that many are sued to applying those old western standards of relationships that many left the west for in the first place. there was a time not too long ago when women did not work at all you know?? and these are some of the traits that endear us to eastern culture and women so take the good with the bad and no 10,000b per month is less then a nanny would make and she'd get all the same benefits as the gf without supplying sex..

I might add what if he was seeking out bar girls several times per month for that service how much would it cost him do you think? That's only the approximate equivalent of 10 visits. And in this case it's supposed to be more about affection, companionship and intimacy not money..

[bifftastic]

I think it's all about attitude. Yes, jobs are hard to get without qualifications, but she could do something to show that she wasn't just waiting around for him to send her money. And 10,000, whilst it is true that it's more than many people earn, it's not a lot and especially if she's not working, will be gone pretty quickly.

I support my g/f too, she gets about 8,000, occasionally a bit more, but she insists on working too, she doesn't want to feel as though she's not doing something to look after herself so, on top of taking care of her kids, cooking for her sister and her brother in-law, doing all the family washing and cleaning every day while they're working in the fields, she takes in work from a local textile factory using her sewing machine.

It doesn't bring in a lot of money but it's because of her attitude to work and wanting to do something for herself that I continue to help her financially. If she just sat around all day and told me how hard it is to find work it would have worn a bit thin by now. She uses the money she earns to pay for her motorsy and puts the rest in a savings account so her kids can stay at school longer than she did.

Her attitude is good, she works very hard for very little so I help her because I can afford it. Living in London 8,000 baht is pretty much the cost of one night out!

If your friend is in poor health and taking on extra work to help this girl while she does absolutely nothing then, I make you right, it is the wrong thing to do.

[raven0099]

there will always be an issue with a clash of cultures !

Edited August 13, 2010 by raven0099

[ankwa]

I can understand there are some reasons why people cant work , but for me this girl has no excuse , and if she intends to live with my friend and marry him she should get her finger out her arse and start helping him now before he ends up six feet under !!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Beetlejuice]

No use in saying anything to your friend.

He will never believe in or listen to your advice and when it comes to loyalties between you as a friend, no matter how long you have known each other and the girl, he would shut the door in your face first.

Best to consider your friend as not so smart as you thought he was, let him learn by his own mistakes and stay out of it. Just be there if he needs you, that is if the guy doesn`t lose too much credibility in your eyes.

Edited August 13, 2010 by Beetlejuice

[bifftastic]

I can understand there are some reasons why people cant work , but for me this girl has no excuse , and if she intends to live with my friend and marry him she should get her finger out her arse and start helping him now before he ends up six feet under !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, I agree, if she understands that he's taking on extra work which puts his health at risk while she does nothing to help, then it doesn't bode well for the future.

If, however, he keeps telling her "it's ok honey I don't mind, I can get more work" or he believes her when she says she can't get work, or thinks she shouldn't have to do 12 hours a day for shit money, then, it's kind of understandable why she carries on like that.

It's hard to change the way things are once the status quo has been established but it would show a better attitude from her if she were to do some kind of work, somewhere, and he topped up her earnings.

Maybe he could mention his health issues and the fact that the extra work is making them worse and if she could help out by doing some part-time work it would make him happy.

Having said that, the fact that she hasn't volunteered to do that already is not a good sign.

No use in saying anything to your friend.

He will never believe in or listen to your advice and when it comes to loyalties between you as a friend, no matter how long you have known each other and the girl, he would shut the door in your face first.

Best to consider your friend as not so smart as you thought he was, let him learn by his own mistakes and stay out of it. Just be there if he needs you, that is if the guy doesn`t lose too much credibility in your eyes.

This is also good advice in my opinion. Once you've made your views quite clear that this girl should be contributing however she can to the finances of their relationship, you can't really do much more. If he won't listen then just try and make sure it doesn't spoil your friendship too much, so you can still be his friend should this end up as many on this forum have suggested.

Where in Thailand does she live by the way?

Edited August 13, 2010 by bifftastic

[powderpuff]

If she's not interested in working here she won't be interested in working in his home country either.

Bite your tongue or lose a friend. He has to make his own mistakes.

Post 11 is spot on.

[473geo]

No use in saying anything to your friend.

He will never believe in or listen to your advice and when it comes to loyalties between you as a friend, no matter how long you have known each other and the girl, he would shut the door in your face first.

Best to consider your friend as not so smart as you thought he was, let him learn by his own mistakes and stay out of it. Just be there if he needs you, that is if the guy doesn`t lose too much credibility in your eyes.

I agree, doubt he'll listen so save your breath. Too many here are looking to blame the girl.....all the decisions appear to be his so far....so let him do what he feels he must do.....maybe he feels his life has purpose again?

[Mercury]

From my experience , ive always noted that many thai people are not too fussed about working , they just lounge around all day , i think the man is usually the bread winner and many of the gfs and wives just stay at home ,

But if your mates health aint too good and hes having to work a second job for this i can understand your concern , could he not try and explain this to her ? and remember there is plenty of fish in the sea !

Any incentive she may have had to search out a job will have diminished if not evaporated. Then again, she was possibly prospecting for a "job" of sorts when your friend met her. Now that job is secured, real work is not even on the horizon.

[moe666]

Let the bugger do as he pleases, he has hit the mother load with this gal or so he thinks You are talking to the big head and he is thinking with the little head so good luck getting thru to him.

Want to bet she ids still married and she sends money to her husband a kid.

But I do think this is a troll. No response to several questions about age and location.

[Shotime]

I, also, agree with Beetlejuice. Your friend must be infatuated with her, and what you say is falling on deaf ears. Believe that. Why should she get a job when, it appears, she already has one?

[IanForbes]

You usually get what you pay for. The guy is paying for female company... simple as that. She has agreed to be supported by a man she probably doesn't really care for. It's a simple business transaction that sort of works for both of them. It's not a lot different than 90% of most marriages in the western countries. Who knows what actually goes on in someone else's head? Everyone has their OWN needs and wants. You can offer advice without getting intrusive, but leave it at that. I know of a Thai woman - farang marriage where the husband stays in America for 10 or 11 months of the year while his younger Thai wife has a whole series of lovers when he is away. The guy suspects her infidelity, but does nothing about it. I certainly won't tell him because it will only cause a big scene and I'll be the bad guy.

[xen]

Take a look from your friends point of view. Would you appreciate somebody interfering and it is disrespecting his partner. A man will defend his partner/family where as a coward won't. Whether there is truth in the allegations or suspicions , that is for him to find out and if he is your friend then it is your duty to catch him as he falls if need be. Maybe , he has his eyes open and is merely waiting to see what way the situation pans out. Afterall , in LOS there are plenty of fish and what has it cost him if there is no property involved. A bit of heartbreak and another experience.

Lets face it, anyone of us who has entered a relationship with a Thai suffer the same concerns, criticism, disrespect from our old friends, associates and family back in the homeland . There is nothing gained if you don't give it a try and if it doesn't work out , we all should be adult enough to pick ourselves up and move on ,no matter the cost.

Work is hard to find in LOS. Money is getting hard to get - that is why there are so many more scams and perhaps this is a scam too . My gf doesn't look for work but is always trying little business ventures like buying shirts and re-selling them . Problem is she often gives credit and there goes the working capital and profit when she doesn't get paid. But she is learning. Perhaps this girl can do something like this. Make som Tum and sell at a market !! There are plenty of ways she can do it. Perhaps this supporting role should be the approach you take with your friend.

Hope it work out for him in the end.

[robblok]

LOS still has a real low unemployment rate. There is always work for those who are willing to work. But as long as there are farang giving out money for free, buying girls.. why would they work ?. Then again why would a pretty young girl stay with a guy who is neither handsome nor young if not for money. And yes Thais do pay for their younger mia nois too so its not that strange. I dont have a problem with it as long as the guys know its not love its rent. The moment the money dries up they are gone.

[IanForbes]

I dont have a problem with it as long as the guys know its not love its rent. The moment the money dries up they are gone.

Same in North America. As soon as the money dries up the wife is gone if she has been relying on the man for total support. It happens everywhere and for a variety of reasons. Money is only part of the issue.

[473geo]

I dont have a problem with it as long as the guys know its not love its rent. The moment the money dries up they are gone.

Same in North America. As soon as the money dries up the wife is gone if she has been relying on the man for total support. It happens everywhere and for a variety of reasons. Money is only part of the issue.

Totally agree Ian.....................and if you add to that getting back breaking work planting rice for 150 baht a day is always an employment choice...........well if somebody offered 10k a month I know what I would rather do......have a few beers and chill!!!..............I don't blame the girl...........and if the guy feels he can do it, no problems there either.......as they say up to him.....I don't feel the need to crtiticise or judge him for his actions.

Edit: is ops name an anagram?

Edited August 14, 2010 by 473geo

[Travel2003]

I can understand there are some reasons why people cant work , but for me this girl has no excuse , and if she intends to live with my friend and marry him she should get her finger out her arse and start helping him now before he ends up six feet under !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Your friend had to take an extra job to support her?

And she doesnt want to work? Even part time?

May I ask, as one other member also asked, how old is he, and she?

[robblok]

I dont have a problem with it as long as the guys know its not love its rent. The moment the money dries up they are gone.

Same in North America. As soon as the money dries up the wife is gone if she has been relying on the man for total support. It happens everywhere and for a variety of reasons. Money is only part of the issue.

Sure Ian, that is why i don't want a girl that is dependent on me. Then at least you know they don't stay with you for the money.

Btw just gave the gf 100 bt to get some food.. must make a note in my book not to do that again.

[robblok]

I dont have a problem with it as long as the guys know its not love its rent. The moment the money dries up they are gone.

Same in North America. As soon as the money dries up the wife is gone if she has been relying on the man for total support. It happens everywhere and for a variety of reasons. Money is only part of the issue.

Totally agree Ian.....................and if you add to that getting back breaking work planting rice for 150 baht a day is always an employment choice...........well if somebody offered 10k a month I know what I would rather do......have a few beers and chill!!!..............I don't blame the girl...........and if the guy feels he can do it, no problems there either.......as they say up to him.....I don't feel the need to crtiticise or judge him for his actions.

Edit: is ops name an anagram?

I don't criticize.. as long as the guy knows its not love he is buying.. just time he is renting. What he does with his money is his money is his choice.

[ankwa]

He is 39 but an old 39 at that ,he could pass for 49 no probs !, im not sure how old she is but id say around the mid to late twenties, her mother and father give her a bit of money as well so i reckon she has been brought up this way , this 10k pays for a motorbike , electric for the house , monthly drinking water bill and air con my mate told her to get because he has trouble sleeping with the heat. The rest goes on grub and bits n pieces. i mean its not a lot of money in real terms but its the principle of the matter. i can usually judge and read people quite well and im pretty sure this girl aint cheating or lying to my friend, she appears to really love him and they make a nice couple , shes attractive but not beautiful or stunning, just a plain jane really.

i agree with many of the comments , but is it really fair to be calling a lady damaged goods just because they have a kid from a previous relationship , and does this mean that men are also damaged goods if they have kids from an other relationship,

[rgs2001uk]

He is 39 but an old 39 at that ,he could pass for 49 no probs !, im not sure how old she is but id say around the mid to late twenties, her mother and father give her a bit of money as well so i reckon she has been brought up this way , this 10k pays for a motorbike , electric for the house , monthly drinking water bill and air con my mate told her to get because he has trouble sleeping with the heat. The rest goes on grub and bits n pieces. i mean its not a lot of money in real terms but its the principle of the matter. i can usually judge and read people quite well and im pretty sure this girl aint cheating or lying to my friend, she appears to really love him and they make a nice couple , shes attractive but not beautiful or stunning, just a plain jane really.

i agree with many of the comments , but is it really fair to be calling a lady damaged goods just because they have a kid from a previous relationship , and does this mean that men are also damaged goods if they have kids from an other relationship,

"but is it really fair to be calling a lady damaged goods just because they have a kid from a previous relationship"

Stop thinking like a farang and start thinking like a Thai.

Why do so many farang end up with the cast offs of Thai society?

Not saying its right or wrong, its just the way it is.

If this lady was such a good catch she wouldnt be swimming in farang infested waters, a Thai would have snapped her up long ago.

[raven0099]

Well if her parents have never forced her to go find a job, the concept of working wil be alien to her !

Many years ago i jacked in School no qualifications , no job , no prospects and the first day after this i was lying in bed enjoying my slumber , when my father and mother burst into the room at 7.30am threw me out of bed , then said get dressed ,go grab some breakfast and get your arse into town and dont bother coming back until you have a job, now years later im a time served quantity surveyor , and yes i had to start at the bottom , factories, supermarkets , labouring jobs , then college whilst working part time ,and it made me the man i am today so its really all to do with how your brought up !

And as you said about the damaged goods tag , i think its an appaling way to talk about any woman , its not cars we are talking here its people and people deserve to be treated with respect !

[jayjayjayjay]

I can understand there are some reasons why people cant work , but for me this girl has no excuse , and if she intends to live with my friend and marry him she should get her finger out her arse and start helping him now before he ends up six feet under !!!!!!!!!!!!!

I agree with you fully. The girl is a lazy sod. Your friend is stupid to the same degree. She should work. Even if she works for 4000 baht serving food, that is almost as half as much as your friend is sending her.

If her room rent and expenses to live in Pattaya (which is my guess) are 3000 rent, 1500 food, the at least she would only be short 500 baht, in which case your mate would not have to send near as much. Not working just means she has a lot more time to spend money. The lazy sod doesnt even have her daughter with her. This reeks of a very unconventionally lazy Thai person.

[ankwa]

Its Udon Thani , not pattaya

rgs2001uk do they roll out the red carpet for you when you arrive in Thailand so you dont have to walk near the cast offs of society as you call them !

Did you ever stop to think that maybe the reason she is not with her exhusband is because the guy was an arse !

Im not condoning the money situation but thats a hel_l of a way to tag people !

Your not Thai and no matter where you swim or how much you think as a Thai you will always be a farang and most likley one that most thais cant stand !