Things Have Started To Go A Little Wrong...

[sawatdeeyesitsme]

Well I've now been teaching in my Isaan village for about 9 months but things have started to go a little wrong and I need some advice on how to deal with the situation and a bit of a vent. Sorry this could be a long one.

Last semester I was the only farang at the school but this semester I was joined by 2 men and obviously the dynamics with the Thai teachers have changed because I started to spend time with the farangs (which I think is natural and not unreasonable but I think I may have put some noses out of joint just by doing that).

Anyway, one of the farangs has turned out to be bit of a sh*t stirrer and has said things to the Thai teachers that I've supposedly said. He speaks very good Thai, I speak very limited Thai. One of the things that I did manage to pick up on was that he told my office that I thought they were all nasty gossips and that I go home everynight and cry because I think they're so horrible. I'd never said anything of the sort and I'm a bit shocked that he did that to me, as I thought we got on ok. The Thai teachers were very cool with me after this was said.

From that point I distanced myself from him. He was away for a long time over Khao Pansa and things started getting better with the Thai teachers but as soon as he came back everyone started ignoring me again. I'm very surprised because people who I thought I got on very well with will actually leave the room if I enter it or avoid me if they can.

There maybe another factor involved. A couple of the Thai teachers were calling me a really rude name in Thai (a play on my name) and they had never told me what it had meant. I actually found out from a Thai friend out of school what it meant and was really shocked that they could've been calling me that. I asked them to stop because it was offensive but they denied what it meant even though they never asked me what I thought it meant. They didn't and carried on, so I have to admit I got a bit western about it and "scolded" the person who said it, which he didn't take kindly to. So problems may have evolved from that route as well.

I tried talking to my teaching buddy about it but only got "people think you've changed". I still hang out with my Thai group at school and don't feel as if I'm distant or ignoring people. Personally, I would like to know why people are so upset that they feel the need to ignore me but just don't know how to go about getting that information. 

I realise that I'm probably not going to have my contract renewed, which I'm absolutely gutted about. However, I'd at least like to know the reason why to satisfy my curiosity and so I don't make any of the same mistakes again.

I've only got 4 weeks left of my contract but I don't want to be feeling miserable and paranoid for the rest of that time. If you have any advice it would greatly appreciated.

[eek]

I really hope someone can offer you some words of advice on this. I have no experience of working with Thais, so have no idea what to suggest. Im very sorry that you are going through this at the moment. Given the circumstances, maybe your contract (possibly) not being renewed is a good thing..? Would you be able to get a decent reference? A move to a different area/school might be a welcome relief in the end, even if seems scary now...?

[sbk]

Thai people, like most everyone everywhere, love to gossip. Sounds like your western colleague is the same. And while you may have offended some people by standing up for yourself, you did what you thought was right. There is nothing wrong with defending your reputation.

I think your best bet is to just ride out the month. Look for another job somewhere else. Just ignore the troublemakers and get on with your life. I had similar circumstances in Taiwan, living in a small town and it ended up pretty much the same. Small town people really don't have a lot do except stir. So, move on, look to the future and realize that the petty western guy probably was smearing you in order to make himself look good. Eventually, his true nature will come out and people will learn that he's a <deleted> of the first order.

[kevozman1]

Gossip, sh*it stirring, silly arguments.................. and you guys are the teachers!!!!

Surely as mature people in good, responsible jobs you should all stop this silly

behaviour while at work. Not saying it is your fault just surely your sole purpose

of teaching is to educate and to hel_l with the childish social politics between

your fellow teachers.

Just wondering why you posted this subject in "ladies in thailand"? It is not really

a female orientated subject you posted and surely open to all.

Edited August 19, 2010 by kevozman1

[sbk]

Because she is a woman and she originally posted in here looking for women's advice on living in rural Thailand. And since she received useful advice, instead of inflammatory nastiness probably felt more comfortable posting in here than in General where some people seem to have great difficulty in being supportive, helpful and informative and can only seem to manage nastiness and insults.

[bina]

just had to reply... as u all know i live on kibbutz which means that i work with, eat with, socialize with and live with the same folks day in day out...

the best way is to fight fire with fire... if u have one good friend among your worker aquaintances, try to spread rumours about yourself back around again... using the 'dont tell anyone but...' system usually works... u say what u want your friend to spread around, and the word gets spread. u dont have to be mean, but u can express your 'losing of face' due to colleagues behavior, u can u can reverse the trend by mentioning that the 'farang' male is/was jealous of attentions by others... there are many ways to cook a goose (as mom would say) and i have long since given up beaing pure as driven snow when it comes to gossip. im not 'gossip girl', but have learned that judicious use of fight-back gossip goes a long way in fixing things in small town circles regardless of culture. the only difference being u have to find a way to start 'the fire' with the proper cultural phrases or rumours.

ifu dont like this style (not everyone's cup of tea), then there is always the straightforward 'getting nitty gritty' with the perp (in this case the male farang) and finding out what his thing is. could it be that he was making a play and u werent aware, or ignored his advances, or let him know that he isnt the 'white prince on a buffalo'? is he trying to promote his better knowlege of thai etc by trying any method to get 'in' with the 'ins'?

how totally kibbutz in nature...... so much the same.........

frankly, moving from small town to small town ends up with the same results. its more a matter of learning how to function in small town mentalities no matter what the culture, and when there are additional cultural problems it makes it much harder. in anthropological terms, u willhave to find the 'marginals' in the small town , but find the marginals that are acceptable to the town, be friended by them, and gradually find your way in. if u happen to be associated with the pushed away marginals, u are doomed.

ugly but very small townish behavior.

third option, move to larger city where city skills are more applicable. small towns are not for everyone.

last but not least,actually most important: what we say here on my kibbutz and for that matter everywhere here: develop a thick skin. memories are short, people come, people go... the longer u stay, the more used to the politics of the place, the more they know u, things smooth out, u can possibly find your allies and even good long term friends. someone who stirrs and instigates usually ends up also making a few sure enemies that will eventually do him in. ifu stay calm and even tempered, whileu may not make miss popularity, in the end, u will probably have most poeple move over to your side of things.

living on kibbutz for 20+ years and knowing many others in similar situations also small town atmospheres, this is all from personal experience and observation of others in similar situations.

kevoz... when u live in a small town, alone, and need help, even if u are a professional in your area, and your working/living community is one and the same and they put u on 'ignore', then come and say 'your only purpose is to xxxxwork/teach/sing/whatever, and dont bother with 'silly politics'. silly politics have driven people to suicide in similar situations too.

[GrahamF]

I like Bina's suggestion of fighting back with rumors of your own. I would discreetly mention to someone that the s-stirrer hit on you and was rebuffed and now he is mad at you and this might be why he is saying nasty things about you.

If your contract isn't renewed and since you will be leaving, maybe you could start the rumor that you were going to fool around with him but that he lost his "power" when you started laughing at the small size of his wee-wee! Ok, I'm joking about that, but not making light of your situation. I have read some of your previous posts and you seem like a nice person and it sucks that you are in this position. You may have upset some of the Thai teachers by not hanging out with them as much as you used to, but it doesn't seem you have done anything else and most of your problems are being caused by Mr. Stirrer. If it turns out that you are going to be leaving, I would suggest keeping your head down and concentrate on getting a good reference from your boss, no need to rock the boat. On the other hand, if you are renewed, you will have to address the situation. Bina and SBK have given you some good advice, I can only add that you might want to find your next job in a more urban and/or busier setting where people have less time to gossip and spread rumors, it will still happen, but maybe not too mut.

Good luck!

[kevozman1]

^Yeah you may be right but personally growing up in London (not there anymore) I have naturally

picked up quite a thick skin in that unless someone is directly attacking me they will struggle to

effect my emotions.

Maybe its better to leave you ladies and Graham Norton discuss this one and come out with some

'nice' advice as my heart is kind of cold to these minor social issues. Good luck with your teaching OP.

[endure]

^Yeah you may be right but personally growing up in London (not there anymore) I have naturally

picked up quite a thick skin in that unless someone is directly attacking me they will struggle to

effect my emotions.

Straight white men don't 'pick up thick skins'. They're born with all the privileges so don't need them.

[kevozman1]

^Yeah you may be right but personally growing up in London (not there anymore) I have naturally

picked up quite a thick skin in that unless someone is directly attacking me they will struggle to

effect my emotions.

Straight white men don't 'pick up thick skins'. They're born with all the privileges so don't need them.

Yeah right, as a straight white man I had lots of 'privileges' growing up in East London.

By the way there are many rich business people who have every privilage known

to man who have thick skins and then again you meet some people who have

had absolutely no privilages in their life who are easily offended or upset by others

so its quite ridiculus what you said or do you believe everybody of a certain race, gender

and sexuality live the same life.

Edited August 19, 2010 by kevozman1

[sbk]

I had hoped I had made myself clear in my earlier post, but apparently not. Please read the rules specific to this forum, thanks.

[IanForbes]

Sorry to hear of your problem, sawatdeeyesitsme. It sounds like the familiar bullying that happens to school children, but in your case seems to have carried on into adulthood. I started a topic in the General forum on school yard bullying. I gave some suggestions for children but doubt if it would work on adults in a school where your peers have the upper hand. Unfortunately, about all you can do is finish up your term and look elsewhere for work. That is too bad and not a good situation because you might need the school's recommendation for elsewhere.

There is a difference between being assertive, being aggressive and being passive-agressive. It sounds more like you are a passive-aggressive personality... and that is a tough one to crack.

About all you can do to combat the "in crowd" teachers is to totally ignore them like they don't even exist, and never even make eye contact. Look right through them and if you bump them when walking don't even acknowledge that it happened when you've done it. If they speak to you then ignore them and show no reaction at all. You can never show fear or any emotion at all, and if you do anything then just give an evil smile with no emotion in your eyes at all. But that is a VERY hard trick to learn. It works but it is difficult being a total loner, independent of everyone.

Edited August 20, 2010 by IanForbes

[F1fanatic]

Sorry to hear of your problem, sawatdeeyesitsme. It sounds like the familiar bullying that happens to school children, but in your case seems to have carried on into adulthood. I started a topic in the General forum on school yard bullying. I gave some suggestions for children but doubt if it would work on adults in a school where your peers have the upper hand. Unfortunately, about all you can do is finish up your term and look elsewhere for work. That is too bad and not a good situation because you might need the school's recommendation for elsewhere.

There is a difference between being assertive, being aggressive and being passive-agressive. It sounds more like you are a passive-aggressive personality... and that is a tough one to crack.

About all you can do to combat the "in crowd" teachers is to totally ignore them like they don't even exist, and never even make eye contact. Look right through them and if you bump them when walking don't even acknowledge that it happened when you've done it. If they speak to you then ignore them and show no reaction at all. You can never show fear or any emotion at all, and if you do anything then just give an evil smile with no emotion in your eyes at all. But that is a VERY hard trick to learn. It works but it is difficult being a total loner, independent of everyone.

In your current situation this is probably about as good advice as you're going to get.

This is going to sound as if I'm attacking you, and I certainly don't mean it that way - but I don't understand why you're colleagues are listening the v recent arrivals rather than knowing that you're 'not that way'. You've been there 9 months, they've only been there a couple of weeks.

Edit - sorry, just realised the reason. One of them speaks Thai and you don't. Bad situation - Ian Forbes is right about the next few weeks and previous posters are right that you have to move on elsewhere.

Edited August 20, 2010 by F1fanatic

[zzdocxx]

bina you rock!

[sbk]

Posts have been deleted, please start a separate thread to discuss off topic issues, cheers

[endure]

As my posts seem to have disappeared I can't really say much more although I do have some sympathy for your point of view.

[sbk]

Yup, please take it elsewhere, you are free to start another thread discussing this very interesting topic but this thread is not the place for it.

[Boo]

Run forest,run.

Is a job out in the sticks with petty people who are so easily swayed by the gossip of a total stranger that important to you?

[StreetCowboy]

Run forest,run.

Is a job out in the sticks with petty people who are so easily swayed by the gossip of a total stranger that important to you?

Maybe its the best job she's got...

We none of us like the upheaval of changing jobs and moving to a new place and shifting the piano and putting the camels into new stables and finding a new mistress and all the other upheaval that a move entails.

Maybe there's other things she likes about the job? Some people like living in the boondocks (there's a couple of threads on the topic).

Anyway, my sympathies are with the OP. I don't have the sensitivity to offer any constructive advice other than to be prepared to move on at short notice if anyone else actually starts taking gossip seriously.

Normally, for my part, I only resort to starting baseless rumours to denigrate people if I am hopelessly out of my depth and need to divert attention from my own inadequacies.

SC

[loser1]

Gossip, sh*it stirring, silly arguments.................. and you guys are the teachers!!!!

Surely as mature people in good, responsible jobs you should all stop this silly

behaviour while at work. Not saying it is your fault just surely your sole purpose

of teaching is to educate and to hel_l with the childish social politics between

your fellow teachers.

Just wondering why you posted this subject in "ladies in thailand"? It is not really

a female orientated subject you posted and surely open to all.

You sound like one of the guy's whos turned her dream into a nightmare, i suppose she posting in Ladies coz they'll be plus sympathetique.

[mike123ca]

Run forest,run.

Is a job out in the sticks with petty people who are so easily swayed by the gossip of a total stranger that important to you?

I was thinking the same thing, how does someone with a few weeks of working there take control over a teacher who has been there already 9 months.

My answer is that The Thai teachers already wanted her out, these new ( foreigner) teachers just made it easier.

Didn't she also write ( in a previous post in this forum) about wanting to date one of the Thai school teachers.

If she did, she might have opened up a whole new can of worms.

[sarahsbloke]

How about a little gossip along the lines

"Don't tell anyone but this guy told me he doesn't have any real teaching qualifications, they are all fake ........ "

If they don't have time to check em out, they won't be letting your contract lapse in a hurry.

[sawatdeeyesitsme]

Thanks everyone for your advice and input. At the moment it is really not a case of trying to "put things right so I can stay", but I don't want to move on with such bad feeling towards me. It's all very well trying to ignore things but I've still got 4 weeks left here and I really don't want those 4 weeks to be miserable.

I know some people have commented how can he come in and change people's perceptions after only been at the school a short time (since beginning of June). What I will say is he's very charming, speaks Thai and has been in Thailand 2 1/2 years so knows how things work and is good at brown nosing. I'm very reserved and I'm not very good at putting a "face" on things or charming people. This situation has made me go into my shell more, whereas he's on a charm offensive around school.

Mike - It maybe the case that they did want me out but never had a reason before. This happened to a friend at another school. The first semester went great and then in the second semester they went into full nit picking mode to get him out. I would say that the school do seem to want farang men over women, so I always knew that would count against me. However, I always felt that it has always been the assumption with the other teachers that I would be staying and they've been very concerned about trying to keep the young farang.

As for my previous post about wanting to date the teacher, that never happened but we get on well. He's actually one of the only teachers who is still friendly to me and wants to come out with me (and the other nice farang) socially. I actually met someone else in the village (no connections to school and surprisingly not married and no gf) but he's away at the moment.

As for the baseless rumours... I know exactly why he's started them and it is because of an inadequacy. He is not a Native English speaker, whereas the other guy and I are. Therefore his position has always been very tenuous (the school were desperate at the time). He's on a good salary and has managed to pester the school to pay more and for extra things (like getting his visa paid directly by the school which wasn't in his contract).

Sarahsbloke - I'll try that tact, but the problem is that The most annoying thing is that I don't think the school has ever checked his paperwork (the other guy and I are hired through an agency, the school hired him directly) or got a reference (he told me he's been through quite a lot of jobs in the past 2 years). The other guy is the "goldenboy" (very young, very handsome) so is untouchable and is maybe leaving at the endof the semester anyway. If he gets me out, then he can take my position of being the longest serving farang and therefore has more control over how long he stays there.

Bina... great advice as always. I had the golden opportunity to gossip about him, but didn't feel that I could at the time because I'm not very good at playing games. It now feels as if it has gone on for too long that if I do start "fighting back", it will only serve to make me look even worse. I fear it will be a case of having to learn from this experience and not let it happen to me again.

I love the small community and I've got used to the gossip about things that I do and have taken an "I don't care" attitude. However, eventually you find out what the gossip is, the problem with this is I have no idea what has actually been said. There are other aspects to the small community, which I really appreciate and I would never have had that in a larger town.

Street Cowboy - I absolutely love the school. I was the first farang to teach here and therefore felt very accepted by the school, the students and the whole community. I still have a lot of students who graduated last semester still in touch with me and they come and visit if they are back in town. So to now be "pushed" out at school feels like a real rejection.

I love the small community and I've been very very happy here. I have good friends out of school and the thought of having to move and start all over again (moving, settling in, making friends) is overwhelming me.

Anyway, thanks again for all your input.

Edited August 23, 2010 by sawatdeeyesitsme

[StreetCowboy]

Thanks everyone for your advice and input. At the moment it is really not a case of trying to "put things right so I can stay", but I don't want to move on with such bad feeling towards me. It's all very well trying to ignore things but I've still got 4 weeks left here and I really don't want those 4 weeks to be miserable.

I know some people have commented how can he come in and change people's perceptions after only been at the school a short time (since beginning of June). What I will say is he's very charming, speaks Thai and has been in Thailand 2 1/2 years so knows how things work and is good at brown nosing. I'm very reserved and I'm not very good at putting a "face" on things or charming people. This situation has made me go into my shell more, whereas he's on a charm offensive around school.

Mike - It maybe the case that they did want me out but never had a reason before. This happened to a friend at another school. The first semester went great and then in the second semester they went into full nit picking mode to get him out. I would say that the school do seem to want farang men over women, so I always knew that would count against me. However, I always felt that it has always been the assumption with the other teachers that I would be staying and they've been very concerned about trying to keep the young farang.

As for my previous post about wanting to date the teacher, that never happened but we get on well. He's actually one of the only teachers who is still friendly to me and wants to come out with me (and the other nice farang) socially. I actually met someone else in the village (no connections to school and surprisingly not married and no gf) but he's away at the moment.

As for the baseless rumours... I know exactly why he's started them and it is because of an inadequacy. He is not a Native English speaker, whereas the other guy and I are. Therefore his position has always been very tenuous (the school were desperate at the time). He's on a good salary and has managed to pester the school to pay more and for extra things (like getting his visa paid directly by the school which wasn't in his contract).

Sarahsbloke - I'll try that tact, but the problem is that The most annoying thing is that I don't think the school has ever checked his paperwork (the other guy and I are hired through an agency, the school hired him directly) or got a reference (he told me he's been through quite a lot of jobs in the past 2 years). The other guy is the "goldenboy" (very young, very handsome) so is untouchable and is maybe leaving at the endof the semester anyway. If he gets me out, then he can take my position of being the longest serving farang and therefore has more control over how long he stays there.

Bina... great advice as always. I had the golden opportunity to gossip about him, but didn't feel that I could at the time because I'm not very good at playing games. It now feels as if it has gone on for too long that if I do start "fighting back", it will only serve to make me look even worse. I fear it will be a case of having to learn from this experience and not let it happen to me again.

I love the small community and I've got used to the gossip about things that I do and have taken an "I don't care" attitude. However, eventually you find out what the gossip is, the problem with this is I have no idea what has actually been said. There are other aspects to the small community, which I really appreciate and I would never have had that in a larger town.

Street Cowboy - I absolutely love the school. I was the first farang to teach here and therefore felt very accepted by the school, the students and the whole community. I still have a lot of students who graduated last semester still in touch with me and they come and visit if they are back in town. So to now be "pushed" out at school feels like a real rejection.

I love the small community and I've been very very happy here. I have good friends out of school and the thought of having to move and start all over again (moving, settling in, making friends) is overwhelming me.

Anyway, thanks again for all your input.

I hope things work out for the best, and let's hope that in a few months you can look back and laugh about it.

I don't think there's any point in trying to out-brown-nose or out-bitch, or out-gossip anyone, because that's what they're good at, whereas you wouldn't want to walk around with a nose smelling like that.

You could just try laying your cards on the table and explaining exactly how you feel; I very much doubt it would do any good, but it might be a far more satisfying thing to do than any machiavellian skullduggery

SC

[mike123ca]

sawatdeeyesitsme[/color]' ']

Mike - It maybe the case that they did want me out but never had a reason before. This happened to a friend at another school. The first semester went great and then in the second semester they went into full nit picking mode to get him out. I would say that the school do seem to want farang men over women, so I always knew that would count against me. However, I always felt that it has always been the assumption with the other teachers that I would be staying and they've been very concerned about trying to keep the young farang.

As for my previous post about wanting to date the teacher, that never happened but we get on well. He's actually one of the only teachers who is still friendly to me and wants to come out with me (and the other nice farang) socially. I actually met someone else in the village (no connections to school and surprisingly not married and no gf) but he's away at the moment.

As for the baseless rumours... I know exactly why he's started them and it is because of an inadequacy. He is not a Native English speaker, whereas the other guy and I are. Therefore his position has always been very tenuous (the school were desperate at the time). He's on a good salary and has managed to pester the school to pay more and for extra things (like getting his visa paid directly by the school which wasn't in his contract).

SC

I've only taught public school in South Korea, It's been my experience if the School Admin likes you, then you will get renewed, but if they don't it's not difficult to find a replacement. The difficult part is that all year long they tell you that your a great teacher. Only near the end they will make you look bad to justify your departure. It's much harder to do the same if your one of the local teacher's. You can be a great teacher, but if they get bored with you, it's pretty hard to change things.

Sometimes you find a school you like, but I wouldn't take it too personally if they don't renew. I'll be soon teaching in Thailand, but I'll be on an O visa, I don't want to be at the mercy of the school. If I'm not renewed at a school, they won't be able to cancel my visa. I will apply at the school down the road on my own time.

Best of luck,

Mike

[sawatdeeyesitsme]

I've only taught public school in South Korea, It's been my experience if the School Admin likes you, then you will get renewed, but if they don't it's not difficult to find a replacement. The difficult part is that all year long they tell you that your a great teacher. Only near the end they will  make you look bad to justify your departure. It's much harder to do the same if your one of the local teacher's. You can be a great teacher, but if they get bored with you, it's pretty hard to change things.

Sometimes you find a school you like, but I wouldn't take it too personally if they don't renew. I'll be soon teaching in Thailand, but I'll be on an O visa, I don't want to be at the mercy of the school.  If I'm not renewed at a school, they won't be able to cancel my visa. I will apply at the school down the road on my own time.

Best of luck,

Mike

I know - that's the sad thing. I feel that I'm a good teacher and get on really well with my students, it's just a shame that teachers and politics get in the way. Unfortunately it doesn't help that the teacher that is making the decision has expressed his desire to only have young, handsome male teachers.

The other sad thing is that the other guy (the nice one) doesn't want to stay and even if he did he doesn't want to stay with the sh*t stirrer. He said the only reason that he lasted the 4 months of this semester is because of me.

I think my visa should be ok as I'm through an agency, plus they can move me to a new school unless I find something independently.

Street Cowboy - I tried talking to my teaching buddy about it today and asking if I have upset people. He says I haven't but then I wouldn't expect him to be honest with me. He was saying that it is his decision who stays a few weeks back but has suddenly deferred to another teacher because I don't think he wants to be seen as the bad guy.

[mssabai]

Hmmm, Sawatdeeeyes, I can't help echoing Boo's comments...run forest run!

You are teaching in a small small place it sounds like. The unfortunate thing about small small places is they often breed small small minds. Sad but true. Having grown up in a village in the UK, I have had a lot of experience of this, and again working in small town Thailand (though nowhere near as small and isolated as yours sounds). Whilst I was living in rural Thailand, the only REAL Thai friends I made were those who had actually moved from Bangkok. I was on friendly terms with a lot of Thai people in my town, including all my boyfriend's family, but I found our lives just too removed from each other to ever be able to make the real bond that I see as a true friendship. Don't get me wrong, I liked many people and had massive respect for the strength with which people (especially women) conducted their lives in often trying circumstances, but as for real rewarding give and take friendships?? Nah, nada.

This came down to a number of reasons. Firstly I felt I had to change who I was to be accepted (not smoke, not drink, not talk about my previous sex life etc). This was fine, but personally I cannot be real friends with someone if I am hiding a part of myself. Secondly I have found, from speaking to quite a few Thai girls, that Thai women have quite different attitudes to friendships than we do in the west. Thai girl friends are often extremely bitchy and competitive with each other, despite outside appearances, there seem to always be power struggles and the like going on amongst friends, like I remember from the playground, but these women are 30+!

Many of the women I met in my small town had never really been out of the town. They may have gone to Bangkok to study, but they often lived with other people from the same town, and lived very similar lives to the ones they did at home (with all news of their antics getting filtered back home). I am someone who really really needs good friends around me. I can deal with petty bitchiness and power struggles that you find in ALL Thai schools, as long as I have my friends that I can return to sanity with outside of school. Without having these around, I actually started to go a little crazy. Ultimately what made me leave my small town was the realisation that the relationships I made there were never going to go more than skin deep, because in actual fact, this is as far as many many relationships go here, even amongst Thais. Bearing in mind, I was experiencing all of this whilst still having my Thai boyfriend with me, who is actually very honest and westernized in his own relationships. That was still not enough to keep me there.

My opinion was why try and bash a square peg into a round hole. Enjoy the memories and experiences that your time has given you but please stop analysing what you have done or not done wrong. If these people really want to believe idle gossip that someone who has just arrived in spreading, I hate to say it, but they were never your friend in the first place. Move on, move out. I always say there is a huge difference between being culturally sensitive and actually losing who you are. You can have just as good time in Thailand, and have a much better support network around you by moving to a larger town. That's what I would recommend. You will probably look back on this period and realise that you perhaps weren't as happy as you thought you were.... and I know how it feels to miss the kids, but you will be surprised at how quickly you get attached to your new classes.

As a side note I am very very very surprised that your school admin's opinion is that they would prefer male teachers over female. I have worked in 4 Thai schools over my time here and at every one of them it has always been very obvious that they would prefer female farang teachers. These are often very hard to come by so in every case, I have been treated exceptionally well as the school was very eager to keep me on. The parents love seeing farang lady teachers, and schools are often very nervous of their teachers getting romantically involved with farang men due to the reputation it may give the school. I am very very surprised that the school is forcing you out. Are you positive there is no other reason behind this? Were you involved romantically with anyone? Sickness periods? I can't believe that they would force out a good teacher on the basis of gossip spread by a new teacher...they have already known you for a long while before this time to know whether what he is saying is true.

[sawatdeeyesitsme]

Thanks Ms Sabai. I know, I need to get out of here. Like I've said, I just wish I could leave with people being friendly rather thant treating me as if I've got leprosy. My agency are coming to the school tomorrow to talk about contract renewals, so hopefully some light will be shed on the matter, but I won't count my chickens. 

I think there are good and bad points living in both bigger towns and small villages. I agree, it was such a culture shock when I first came here that everyone knew my every movement. There is one other farang in the village (an older guy not attached at the school) who I'm very close to and I'm going to miss him a lot. I remember from the advice that I got when I first came to this forum warning me that it's VERY difficult to get genuine Thai friendships, so I haven't really invested much emotion in them but I do have a network of people that I enjoy spending time with and having fun with. I do have a good Thai friend who lives an hour away, she lived abroad for a few years so that's why she "understands" my farang ways.

I think I got used to the gossip but I have found the situation very oppresive at times not being able to do what I want to do or always thinking of my reputation. I think I've suffered the same as you in going a little crazy. I do drink in town, which was accepted but maybe the more they wanted to push me out the more that this has become a problem. Having had other farangs here has meant maybe I have been a little bit more Western than I was last semester.  

As for other reasons... I've only had 1 sick day but I was quite depressed at the start of term, which hasn't been helped with the recent events. 

I also think me "scolding" the teacher for repeatedly calling me the offensive name didn't help matters. I was advised to remember sabai sabai and jai yen yen but I don't think any culture would see what they said as funny. I can take the repeated comments on my weight but that was something else. I remember at the time him "joking" that "if you ever talk to me like that again you won't be here next semester." So I knew I was on shaky ground from that point, especially when he said that I had changed this semester, which was ound to happen because I had no other farangs to talk to last semester. I'm not very good at putting a face on things or brown nosing, so I probably did become detatched. 

Throw into the mix that the other guy at school, who is absolutely adored, spends A LOT of time with me. So much so that my students now ask if he's my boyfriend and he's described as my "close" friend. I think that they possibly resent the amount of time he spends with me and probably think that I'm monopolising him (not the case, more the other way round). 

As for wanting men over women... I know I was very shocked. My first semester all I got from my teaching buddy was "I wish you had been a man". He happens to be gay and the one who has been searching for the native English speakers, so that might be the reason why. When we were searching for someone for the s-stirrer's position he wanted someone under 30 and male. He disregarded A LOT of older applicants, who were actually native English speakers because he didn't like their photo. The head of English as well finds it very easy to relate to men but harder with women. 

I'm just resorting to what Ian Forbes said and ignoring everyone. The funny thing is the only person that has not changed towards me is the guy that I originally posted about on this forum. 

[mssabai]

Poor you, they sound like a pretty unpleasant bunch. My last school was great, but a school in the same town that I worked in was famous for it's bitchiness. The heads at the school seemed to encourage infighting - a kind of divide and conquer form of rule I guess. They would choose favourites and have spies, but these would often switch at the drop of a hat. Very dictatorial. My Thai friend who worked there said that they were even worse with the Thai staff. My guess is that if you are experiencing this, the Thai teachers are probably experiencing bitchiness all of their own.

Yeah I agree, balling people out was probably not the best course of action. But ultimately they were in the wrong, so for them to turn it back on you juts shows what petty bullies they are. I wouldn't bother yourself with the whys and whats of why things have turned sour. Chances are you will never get a straight answer and ultimately it doesn't matter. The school was not right for you...there will be plenty that are. As I said I have been lucky enough to work in four great schools in a row so your chances of finding a good one next time round are pretty high. I have always gone on personal recommendations for schools from people (mainly girls) who have already worked there. Give this a go if you do want to continue teaching here. Good luck! Grin and bear the next 4 weeks, or why not just completely go for it...get leathered every night, go down to the local waterfall in a bikini and nip off for fag breaks at school...if they want something to talk about, give it to them!

[bina]

get leathered every night, go down to the local waterfall in a bikini and nip off for fag breaks at school...if they want something to talk about, give it to them![/quote

msssabai: u would make a great kibbutznik!!!