Things Have Started To Go A Little Wrong...

[sawatdeeyesitsme]

LOL - Great suggestion mssabai... it has crossed my mind to get wellied every night. Actually had a bit of a meltdown here on Saturday, which I think was a bit of a 2 fingered salute to everything. I'm just going to try and enjoy the time that I have left with my students and I think once I'm out of the situation will feel so much better about life in general.

I think part of the problem with the school is that because I am the first farang here they have no experience of actually getting rid of someone. Part of me feels that it's almost make things very uncomfortable for me so I jump, so they don't have to come up with an excuse. I'm bloody minded with things like that, so even if it is a miserable experience, they will have to tell me to go and I'm interested to see their "why". A friend's last school just had a rule that no farang should 

Interestingly, we had an English dept meeting yesterday and contract renewals came up. The head said that my contract was good for next semester. However, my teaching buddy then kept asking me if I really wanted to stay and even said "maybe next semester you'll be at another school" and even suggested a school for me. Seems like me scolding him has had deeper repercussions than I had initially thought. I do wonder if I announced I was going that people would start being nice to me again, but I think that would be more of a bitter pill to swallow (not good at putting a face on things) than putting up with being an outcast for 3 weeks.

[loser1]

Remember to come back here and say how it all pans out. How did the Agency visit go?

[mssabai]

Who is this 'teaching buddy' and who died and made him Buddha? I have never had one of those before, nor would I care to! Really sounds like this guy may be the source of many of your woes. Sounds like he wants you out, whilst the school doesn't so he is trying his hardest to make you feel as insecure as possible. What a nasty piece of work.

[sawatdeeyesitsme]

Loser1 - The agency visit went ok. They seemingly haven't said anything negative to them about me and have said that the contract is good for next semester. However, they did say to the agency that they would like to do their own observations of my teaching, which doesn't really make sense if they are ok for me to stay. I did broach the topic of moving schools to the agency but they were quite concerned and admitted that they don't think many other placements would stay at the school because it is out of the way.

Who is this 'teaching buddy' and who died and made him Buddha? I have never had one of those before, nor would I care to! Really sounds like this guy may be the source of many of your woes. Sounds like he wants you out, whilst the school doesn't so he is trying his hardest to make you feel as insecure as possible. What a nasty piece of work.

When I first came to the school I was assigned the teaching buddy and put into his group of friends, which was difficult to say the least. He was the main driving force behind getting farangs at the school but unfortunately sees it as some matchmaking opportunity.

[sawatdeeyesitsme]

Well a few months on, I thought I'd update you all on my situation...

Well, I took Ms Sabai's advice and went pretty wild in my last couple weeks of the semester. There was a week long boat race festival the week after my contract ended, which served as a final hurrah for myself and the other farang teacher (the golden boy) at school. It was during this week I actually got my contract renewal.

I went back home to the UK for a couple weeks in October to visit family and friends and to clear my head a bit. Being back in the UK helped realised that my little Isaan village is actually my home now and so decided to take the contract renewal.

The s-stirrer was also offered a contract renewal. However, when I returned to the village in October, 2 teachers approached me asking for my help to find a replacement for him. Although he was very popular with the teachers, they had been worried about his conduct with some of the students.

We managed to find a replacement, an "older" English guy, who happened to be someone who had taught with a friend of mine at a school nearby. We also had a new farang through the agency I work for, a young American guy. It's been very interesting how the school reacted to both. The young American was quite disliked at first because he's very reserved by nature and was constantly being compared to the golden boy. The older English guy is absolutely loved because he takes an interest in everyone and is much more outgoing. From my point of view it's been great having farangs that I get on with.

As far as the Thai teachers are concerned, things haven't gone back to how they were in my first semester but they are no way as bad as they were last semester. I feel very much on the periphery of things now but an accepted part of the scenery. It's been a very interesting experience with regards to Thai culture and also how I react to things. As Bina said, I needed to grow a thick skin, which I think I have sufficiently. I went into this semester not holding any grudges or bad feeling. If people have been funny with me I just smile at them and carry on as normal. Whatever has been the issue (one thing that did surface was disapproval about me tending to only socialise with men), is their problem and not mine. Although I can be culturally sensitive, I can never be Thai and therefore will never get the same respect that a Thai girl would get.

One good thing about the school is that they do respect the fact that I'm a good teacher and well liked by my students. I was awarded "kru dee" on Wan Kru. I've had an absolutely brilliant semester teaching-wise, had a lot of fun with my students and have loved all the classes I've taught.

Although I did think I was absolutely nuts for staying on, especially as I got offered a job at a school 2 hours from here who actually wanted a female teacher, I'm glad that I did for various reasons.

Thanks for everyone's support and advice, it was very much appreciated.

[sbk]

. Although I can be culturally sensitive, I can never be Thai and therefore will never get the same respect that a Thai girl would get.

But neither will you get the major disapproval when you do wrong either, people will just shrug their shoulders and say "farang mai ru ruang" but if a Thai girl breaks the same rules she will have it far worse, IME.

Glad you stuck it out and glad you are finding fulfillment with your job. Good news indeed

[sawatdeeyesitsme]

. Although I can be culturally sensitive, I can never be Thai and therefore will never get the same respect that a Thai girl would get.

But neither will you get the major disapproval when you do wrong either, people will just shrug their shoulders and say "farang mai ru ruang" but if a Thai girl breaks the same rules she will have it far worse, IME.

Glad you stuck it out and glad you are finding fulfillment with your job. Good news indeed

You're right, Thai girls do have it a lot worse. But then again, they know the social rules. I think it's only been this semester that they are now saying "farang mai ru ruang", because I did meet with disapproval last semester (socialising with men/drinking). I think last semester was maybe a bit of shock when they saw how farangs interact with each other. I think their opinions are definitely changing now.

Actually, there has been a bit of a change in the younger unmarried Thai women at school. When I first came here, none of them would touch alcohol at a school event. Now most of them do and it's not disapproved of. Also, 2 of the younger female teachers have been very blatant about having many gigs. Again, laughed about but no major (outward) disapproval, which is something I thought would be very frowned upon.

[Goinghomesoon]

Great to hear you are going okay

[Ave]

I so understand you. I have had the same treatment by someone I really respected and still respect despite his weaknesses. There was this funny rumour going around me so I decided to spread a rumour on the rumour starting with the person I suspected spread it. Things changed quite quickly until the rumour was no longer relevant.

This time it didn't really get to me because one thing I learnt is not to have doubts. The moment you have the slightest doubt on what others can to make you suffer that's when you start losing the battle.

That's what I think, anyway.

That's why I decided to confuse those people who love to gossip for the sake of causing mischief, I do it so casually and minimise their intent to the point that the person who spread the rumour is brought to ridicule and nobody believes them anymore. Things have gone back to normal now whether colleagues have believed in that rumour or not. I'm certainly not leaving my job because of this.

There are still people who are envious of us for no evident reason (but when we have faith in ourselves weak people fear us and want our life to go wrong, it's natural). Some colleagues even tried to convince the boss to fire me but instead, I remain to fight my little revolution on my own terms and have fun while doing it.. Whichever way you want to look at it deep inside you know when it's time to look for new pasture and this experience will have toughened you right up. Good luck!

[KJH]

Couple of comments to add...

First of all, I really wish I'd seen this thread last Aug. I was going through similar problems at my school. I also went back to work after the Khao Pensah holiday to find that the other teachers were blanking/refusing to talk to me, and that people in the town - who I'd always seen as nice and friendly - were behaving in the same way too.

Like you I struggled to try and work out what was going on, and why people had decided to pick on and gossip about me in the way they were doing.

Unlike you, I wasn't brave enough to say that I would stick my contract out. Unlike you, I resigned (I told the head of the school that I would leave one week after the gossip became worse... One day before this someone had unclipped the brake cables on my bike whilst it was parked at school and, from that moment on I was really worried about what people might do to my stuff/me if I stayed...

Even though I'd handed my notice in, the gossips did not stop. I asked the teaching agency that I worked for whether I could break my contract and leave early. They refused to acknowledge there were any problems at school. I insisted that they came to visit me at school to see the way that the teachers were behaving towards me for themselves. In the morning they saw (and said) that there were problems. They came back later that afternoon to say that the teachers had said that there was nothing wrong (even though they themselves had seen the way the teachers were treating me) and because of that I would have to stay until the end of my contract. Leaving early would have meant losing 2,000b a day in breach of contract fines.

One of my students (repeating what another teacher had said) slandered me in class, and I reported her to one of the Thai teachers. The Thai teacher interrogated her to the point where she was in tears denying that she had said anything. Eventually she said that she was only repeating what her mum - a nurse at the hospital - had told her. After that, whenever my student made rude remarks, I just ignored them. I didn't want to see the Thai teachers upsetting them again.

I was slandered and insulted until my contract ended in Mid Sept. Even then it didn't stop. I left quietly. My boss organised a small leaving ceremony and got some of my students to give me leaving presents. Some other teachers spread more gossip around town, about how selfish I was/how I had made the children cry/made the school waste loads of money as they had prepared a big leaving ceremony for me and spent a lot of time making a bai see (one of those big green folded banana leaf thingey-majigs you see in Thai ceremonies...) and I hadn't showed up...

This was not true, the school had done nothing - and the other foreign teachers at my school confirmed this - but the teachers there just wanted me to lose whatever little bit of face I still had left. The teachers also said that I was disrespecting Thai culture as they wanted to have a 'su kwan' (where people tie string around someones wrists) ceremony for me but I'd refused (there was no way that I could have listened to the same 2 faced, lying teachers who had made my life so hellish wishing me luck, good health etc...)

I also went back to the UK, took some time to think over what went on and wrong, and reached the same conclusions as some of the other post-ers here...

small town, small minds... thai women having nothing better to do that gossip... thai women being malicious/jealous/competetive... etc, etc...

Fast forward a couple of months...

I went back to the town in Nov to see a few friends. Back in the UK, being amongst family and friends, I figured that it would be OK to go back, (as at that time I had no idea what had been said about me or how serious the stories that were made up were....)

When I rode my bike past my old school, one of the teachers stopped me and said (in Thai...) 'so, the guy who came to school and said bad things about you.... is it OK now?' When I replied that I didn't know what she was taIking about she said 'forgotten already...thats good.' I was stunned. I'd no idea that it could have been connected to any guy.

Later on, I was told that this is what happened. A guy I used to know when I lived in BKK (and had formely thought of as a friend) had started dating a new gf, who 'didn't want you in the country.' 'wants you to live far away' They'd contacted people at my school and slandered me - as they wanted me fired. The school couldn't fire me on the spot (as I was employed by a teaching agency.... ) so my so called 'friends' there, decided to make my life as hellish as possible until I left.

I was told this very casually (like the person relaying the story expected me to know everything that happened, and to be totally unemotional about it.) When I heard I was in shock. I couldn't believe that no one told me what had happened....

The Thai girl had made me out to be a total psycho who would take revenge on the guys family if I found out that anything had been said. She claimed to be totally terrified of me. They also claimed - falsely - that I had deliberately visited the guys house, and that, since I knew where the guy's family lived, his family were worried that I would harm his family if I stayed in the area.

The guy's house is a good 150km from where my school was... it was somewhere i'd rode my bike past a lot - as its a shop on one of the main roads in the area, but not somewhere i'd ever 'deliberately' been to.. and all but one of the times I went there were before I had any idea whatsoever that it was his house (I knew him from BKK. I'd never seen him at home.) Plus the guy had previously told me that his house was in a town almost 10km away from the place I rode my bike...

Anyway, people in the town where I worked decided that I'd been to his house 3 times and deliberately tried to find him there. To add to this, the guy had made out that I was madly in love with him - definitely NOT true, we were never anything more than friends, and it was a pretty strange 'friendship' at that - and that when he'd said that he wasn't interested in me, I'd been to find him at his house.

In the midst of all the gossip at school, I used to joke with my Thai friends that my life was a real life 'lakorn nee ngow.' Going back to Thailand in Nov, it felt like it was becoming one for real.

Knowing what had happened made me question so much about my life there... Whether I really did have the friends/good relationships with my students that I thought I did.. whether I was that dumb as a person, that I couldn't see through the superficiality, whether I was going crazy (as when I tried telling someone that people were gossiping about me, they suggested that I was 'thinking too much' and going crazy...)

Like you I was told that 'I'd changed...' but nothing about me had changed. What had changed was the Thai teachers behaviour towards me, and as Thai's its far easier for them to blame their reactions on me eg. 'you've changed' than to accept responsibility for their own emotional immaturity and childishness.

Things that I knew were part of Thai culture (eg. no one questions a Thai person/older person... what they say is usually accepted as being true... no one will go against what a group of people say/will normally want to show they agree with it.... foreignerVthai - foreigner will almost always come off worse ) and had always accepted suddenly became very hard to accept.

I still can't believe that no one thought to question/check whether the stories that they told were true or not before people spread them around/reacted towards me in the way that people did... that no one from the school could/would tell me what happened... (did they really believe I was the crazy psycho person???? or were they just scared to stand out from the rest of the community???) I thought that, having lived in the town for over 2 years, I had a good relationship with my students/the other teachers/did a good job/was well liked/respected in the community but... THAT COUNTED FOR NOTHING!!!

One of my sister's bf's friend taught English in a village in Issan and suffered similar treatment to you (unlike you she wasn;t strong enough to stay and see it through to the end of her contract.) I remember telling the guy the story of how some people gossipped about her and made her life hell. I had no idea that, a few months later he and his new gf would do exactly the same thing to me...

Sorry just realised I've been waffling on for ages...

The other things I wasnted to say was that I really, really admire your strength for going back, and being able to do your job in that climate... and getting recognition for being a good teacher. If you can work with those women after the way they treated you, and bear no grudges towards them, then you are for sure...

Working in Thai schools (with all the politics/bitchiness) that goes on isn't easy.

Also, I really admire you for seeking advice and posting your story on here. I know of other people who have also had bad experiences in Thailand (dealing with gossip, politics at school etc...) and they all seem to think that its just them, and that its something that they have done/are doing wrong. Thai people also like to believe that they are really nice and friendly, treat guests well etc. and that if/when foreigners have problems living in Thai communities its the foreigners fault... Truth is, a lot of maliciousness and envy can be hidden behind those polite words and nice Thai smiles...

[NALAK]

does seem odd that after 9 months you had not cemented your relationships with the staff at the school already. as for the name thing well thats going to follow you every where and its no use have a go at people about it, mine translates to prostitute, 10 years i get sick of it but its not going to go away so learn to live with it. scolding a Thai guys not good for face etc a laugh and a smile would have been better.

hey thats my 1000 post up

Edited June 6, 2011 by NALAK

[Senia]

ok so here goes, I did a post a few months ago about having too much advice from the locals ............. lol latest update : I got myself evicted lmao

long story short , I had a baby in March , first 4 months I was here there was no problems at all . Then the BABY came............ the second I stepped out of the door would be comments, advice etc about the baby , non- freaking - stop , it drove me mad.

and they would draw conclusions based on what they see for 1 time, like I gave my baby cold milk ( pumped ) and they saw it , so they drew 2 conclusions a. she doesn't like to breastfeed 2. she only feeds her baby cold milk

they see him in disposable diapers ok a few times, conclusion , she's too lazy to cloth diaper her son, he going to be bow - legged!!!!

then I had chicken pox - yes as an adult so I had to get a neighbour babysit him, what does she do ????? gives him only cold milk , leaves a disposable diaper on him for like 6 hours !!!! And the best part , fed him water cos he didn't like the formula milk ....................well DUH he's been breastfed all the way , I told her 6 times to not give him water and she still did it !!!!

but what made me take him back after 2 days only was that she self medicated him !!!! After repeatedly telling her that he has a yeast infection on his neck, to NEVER let it get wet and what does she do ???????? yes, then she tries to fix the problem by applying baby oil on it !!!!! ( I also gave her the medicine for the yeast infection ) , took me a week to fix the problem after I took him bak.

After I took him back I ignored everybody , seldom took my baby out and if I did, covered him up so that no - one could see him until I got into a cab .

neighbour was landlady's daft sister, so I got evicted .......... good thing is that I found a great apartment at a better location and a REAL sitter nearby , FOR THE SAME RENT ................yay

advice for OP , move on, it's not worth it

OR like bina says start new gossip

[KJH]

ok so here goes, I did a post a few months ago about having too much advice from the locals ............. lol latest update : I got myself evicted lmao

long story short , I had a baby in March , first 4 months I was here there was no problems at all . Then the BABY came............ the second I stepped out of the door would be comments, advice etc about the baby , non- freaking - stop , it drove me mad.

neighbour was landlady's daft sister, so I got evicted .......... good thing is that I found a great apartment at a better location and a REAL sitter nearby , FOR THE SAME RENT ................yay

advice for OP , move on, it's not worth it

OR like bina says start new gossip

Its so sad that these people have nothing better to do that gossip about or interfere with the lives of other people... and that Thailand has so many people/communities like this.

Im glad that moving out turned out to be better... A real babysitter who listens to what you say sounds much better than your old neighbour did...

I think one reason why a lot of people (girls who get bitched about at school etc...) are scared of moving on is that they think that things could be a lot worse somewhere else and dont want to take the risk of moving to a new town/village and having to deal with a new set of faces and the personalities behind the, all over again...

Another story / more stuff about moving on...

Last year one of my colleagues had a horrible time at school. The teachers loved and doted over her kids (dressing them up, putting make up on them, giving them candy etc...) but constantly bitched about her personality, her teaching, and the fact that the lights / computer / air con etc. in the teachers room were always left on. At one time, some of the Thai teachers used to stand on tiptoes peering through the window as they walked past the foreign teachers office to see whether anyone was sat in there (teachers absences - yep... no one seemed to accept the fact that the teachers were actually 'teaching', when they weren't in their office - and fag breaks were also bitched about too...)

The school offered to renew her contract... Other (Thai) people in town couldn't understand why she turned it down and was wanting to leave. She had what, to them was a good, well paid job, in a nice quiet town, the teachers loved and took good care of her kids etc... Thai people in local communities rarely see the way that Thai teachers behave towards their foreign staff. The Thai teachers create the impression that the foreign teachers are well liked (the truth is that whilst the students usually love foreign teachers... reasons vary from English being fun to foreign teachers not hitting students in class..., the Thai teachers are usually less admiring... and are often openly bitchy...)

Talking honestly (in this case negatively...) about how the Thai teachers really behave usually makes things worse... (as you destroy the little illusion that the teachers have created... that they are taking good care of their foreign guests etc...) It also leaves you open to attack (as you are being disrespectul to Thai culture. must be lying,... since no Thai person would ever behave/treat someone in the way that you have described etc...)

Anyway, I digress. Back to the story... She left... at first for a crappy job on the outskirts of BKK, and a few weeks for one of the jobs she really wanted, at an international school in the south. She's still there now... Is very well paid, has a much better job, nicer colleagues, a house near the beach etc....

Me... Jobwise, I haven't been so lucky... But since leaving that school in Sept 2010, and Thailand in Jan 2011 life has been an incredible adventure. Now a year and a bit later I can't help wondering why I wasted so much time and effort wondering why people were being so horrible to me... listening to and trying to analyse and find reasons for the maliciousness and all the lies and the gossip... It would have been far better to get well away from those people and that environment much sooner... though in my case escape would have been expensive. The agency I worked for said I must pay 2000b a day (almost double what I earnt each day) for breach of contract if I left my school before the end of term... The only things I got from staying until the end of term were insights into how nasty Thai people and the communities they are part of can be and serious test of my sanity, not things that I would recommend anyone experience...

To anyone else in a similar situation....

Move on... Look forward to making a fresh start, and the day when you'll be able to feel grateful for the experiences you had, but glad you don't have to listen to or deal with these people, and the situations they create ever again..

OP... Would be interested to know which agency you worked for...

[farang000999]

thread is very scary. is it this bad in the international schools?

[David006]

....dealing with bad situations in any environment by running away rather than confrontation, addressing the issues at hand and getting to the root/facts of the problem is defeatist at best.

... adopting a poor me attitude never got anybody anyplace .....

Looks like the OP has now got back on the rails by her own efforts...goodonya girl!

[Krupnik]

thread is very scary. is it this bad in the international schools?

No, it is a different story because the teaching staff and also the school directors are predominantly foreign.

[Lite Beer]

A Post making derogatory comments about the Thai population has been removed.

[Jenny Adara]

hmm ive seen this happen before, its a difficult situation indeed.

I once saw a very nice guy who was an excellent teacher, basically get kicked out of a school when about 3 religious teachers turned up. It was terrible they basically brainwashed the whole Thai management dept and had who they want kicked out (if you were not a church goer) etc.

Very sad to see, especially since the guy was not bad at all, and very good at his teaching job.

I left shortly after just because it disgusted me how they took sides with the stirrers who obviously just wanted to turn the school into a church