Have You Ever Tried To Rescue A "Fallen" Woman?

[chantorn]

We Buddhist believe that any good deeds you do will be deposited as a merit for next life. keep doing the the good deed, and your will be rewarded lwith less hardship in your next reincarnation. Keep it up.

[IanForbes]

We Buddhist believe that any good deeds you do will be deposited as a merit for next life. keep doing the the good deed, and your will be rewarded lwith less hardship in your next reincarnation. Keep it up.

It actually manifests itself in THIS lifetime, chantorn. When you begin helping others and seeing some positive results then it is a pleasure in itself. I always tell others that I help people for PERSONAL reasons... it gives ME pleasure. I know that you can't help everyone, and many people don't even WANT the help, but, if you can help just one person in your lifetime to exceed their previous expectations then you've done a good thing. I don't worry about the losses in any relationship. it's all just a learning curve.

[mrdeedee]

I thought about it, then I realized that how can you "rescue" someone who wants to be where they are at. We all make our choices, and there is always work on the rice paddy or in construction, though it simply doesn't pay as well as selling their tail.

Understand your point.

It is profit which is the only reason.

But I think if there were some more options for people involved, this business would not have been as big as it is now.

The % of ladies whom enjoy the business is most likely microscopical.

the % of girls who enjoy the business is astronomical. guys dont cum back time after time to be with surly hookers.

[mrdeedee]

I believe they enjoy the lifestyle as well as the money.

The drinking, drugs, party atmosphere, clothes and excitement.

Most of the girls fail to keep any of the money.

Yes they do have to shag old unattractive men, but that doesn't take up much of their time.

Many western women seem to view sex as a rather unpleasant chore, even with someone they supposedly love, I'm not sure Thai ladies think of it in quite the same way.

I did try to save one lady, but she got bored after a few months and started fooling around (with other old white guys). This was despite a lifestyle beyond the one she formerly had and her mortgage payments being paid every month.

I left, the bank foreclosed.

Old = unnatractive. Young = attractive? Ask the girls - you might get some surprises.

my research is that girls prefer old, older gits dont last long and have baht in bank...........GUYS YOU ARE CUSTOMERS NOT THEIR BOYFRIENDS.

[Loz]

Well I am glad this thread has grown legs! (rather than horns and fangs)

I agree that there is probably a Bell Curve of the "profession" and the out-liers might be saved under the right circumstances but I think the culture here which is close knit to say the least prevents people from wrecking curves. Best to just go along and get along. I am glad to see so many people have taken an interest in the welfare of others though.

Just as I wouldn't move a hooker in from back home, I wouldn't do it here. What flashed through my mind was offering a domestic help job and as soon as it flashed through my mind I remembered when my old house cleaner had her surly sister come round and watch my DVDs on my TV while enjoying my Sofa. And when I had the nerve to knock on my own locked door she got up without a word or smile shifted the lock and returned to the seat without even opening the door! I frankly wanted to throw her in the street by her hair, I don't have house guests so I as a bit annoyed that my house cleaner thought she could, without even asking. I should point out the cleaner did NOT live in. So the idea of a "wayword" girl bring her friends and family round left a chill in my spine. Can you really expect people to cut off all contact with their "friends"? This is why I think unless you have a remote retreat, "saving" is going to mean one thing to you and another to her...

Sad, but just one man's opinion.

[mark45y]

I hear what you are saying. But in defense of their objectivity none of them works in a bar anymore and the ladies are not available for rent. I didn't ask them about themselves I asked them about ladies currently working at a bar they all know.

They know I don't go to bars so there was no future business considered when I asked.

I can understand because I am old they would not say anything that would offend an older man.

I also suspect they also have Thai boyfriends so going a day without sex is rare.

Why wouldn't a respectable Thai ask the same questions? Because they already know the answers.

I don't think the answer applies to only bar girls. I had a young friend who was a sex god. Didn't have a lot of money but he was OK and he liked sports almost any kind of sports and was in shape. He was raised in Thailand although of European ancestry. We went out with some of the same women. They gave me a fair comparison. He was like the Eveready bunny and I took them out for dinner afterwards. With him they staggered home in the morning barely able to walk. We each had our place in the scope of things.

I don't think Thai women across the board are any more horny than any other nationality. But habit is habit and if you get used to sex a lot it becomes a habit.

I dated a woman who had worked in Singapore. We went for three months without any intimate behavior although we slept together every night. She was burned out. You can get too much of a good thing.

But I do think one should keep in mind if one rescues a woman from a bar there will be certain expectations to meet, only one of which is financial.

To get a better picture of how genuine these ladies views are, it would be interesting to know what they are doing now for a living. Did they change their bar job 'cos they decided it was morally unacceptable? If not, why?

You could be right, but women in the sex trade generally go right off sex - its hard to believe that its entirely different here and it becomes a 'habit' for them - especially that their 'habit' means finding old men more attractive than young men of their own age.

Where I live and the ladies work there a lot of offshore workers of many different nationalities to include Filipino, Indian, Korean, Burmese, Chinese as well as Falang and Thai. The western men get more money but the others do OK too. The ladies have a wide choice of men of different nationalities and ages. I would say most of the offshore guys are in their 40’s. It is physical work and they are in decent shape. There are also old retired men who live here full time.

Today is Saturday, market day. You can see the ladies of the night out with their boyfriends at the market. Some are alone or with other women some with Thai guys or men of other nationalities.

Why did the ladies stop working. Men mostly. They have a foreign and sometimes Thai husband paying the bills.

I think they consider themselves on a bit higher level than bar workers now. I don’t know that morals enter into it. They seem to be united in their distaste of a woman who would be a mia noi or go with man who has a Thai wife. When I ask them about their two husbands one being Thai they tell me they need a Falang husband because the Thai man does not give them much money.

When I ask them why they went with men who were married when they worked in the bar they tell me it was only for money or sex.

All in all what comes across is what is good for the gander is not good for the goose.

There seems to be a disconnect between reality when they worked in a bar and reality after they worked in the bar.

Not too dissimilar from the disconnect with reality of men who marry bar girls and transform them into something else after marriage.

I remember one evening, years ago telling a Thai businessman we were out with about my current girlfriends business acumen and the business she had owned both in Thailand and abroad. He was nodding sagely when she broke in to tell him, yes but she made a lot more money dancing at the Rainbow in Nana Plaza. He tried not to laugh feeling my embarrassment. I was younger then.

Later she did get a management job at an automotive shop. She got the job over a lot of other qualified women. I asked the owner why she had gotten the job. He said, “She tell me she give hummer with every muffler she sell.”

This is Thailand.

[tartempion]

I know at least 100 ex-bg's, all married to farangs, all but a few doing well.

Thus it seems they get into that profession to find a rich, neat fat farang.

Many seem successful at it also

[Beetlejuice]

I ran a home for wayward bar girls in Pattaya for a couple of years. All of legal age of course.

If you are in the business of saving fallen women, please could save a couple for me?

[Jimjim]

Interesting story, I once went to work in a small southern Thailand town on a temporary one month contract. Met a girl while there and we got along and hung out and went on a couple dates. I guarantee you she was no lady of the night and she was about 19 or 20, I just a few years older at that time.

A few months later as I'm back in Bangkok she gives me a call. Says something about finding work at store shops and has no luck. Said she has a cousin who has a great job that pays 30K baht/month and that she will get her a job as a waitress or something. She sounds unsure about it. So we arrange to meet her first night on the job at her new bar and sure enough it's an upscale hostess bar on Sukhumvit 33 or something like that cater more to expat Asians. She was wearing a sexy dress and clearly uncomfortable. We chatted for a while and she was discussing with me how she can get away from her cousin and said she doesn't want to do this job and that she just wants to go back to her hometown the next day. It was so surreal to see up front how a poor girl like her can get sucked in to that kind of life. Now, she was not held prisoner or anything like that, it was just more like a life situation had presented this kind of "work" to her through a family member. I suspect it happens this way quite a lot. She was poor, really, in that she had no savings and made probably 4000 baht/month back home. So I arranged for her to meet me after work got out. She told her cousin she was going to see "a friend" and would be back tomorrow and I arranged for her to stay in the apartment of a Filipina (that means Filipino woman in case you didn't know) friend in my same building. In the morning we went to the bus station and she was on her way home.

Never asked me for money. Never asked me for a thing. Very nice girl. Very "pure" girl if you get my drift. Not some scam involving sick buffaloes. None of that. I'm absolutely sure her story was 100% true. I never did hear from her again. She gave me her email and I lost it. Then I lost my phone the next week and lost her number. Hope she turned out alright as she really was a straightforward and innocent girl.

[IanForbes]

There are lots of those stories, Jimjim and it kind of breaks your heart. Some survive and some don't. I've seen the girls moving from city to city in hopes of meeting someone nice to get them out of the vicious cycle.They are entirely different than the ones that Mark45 is talking about. It takes a while to know how to separate the roses from the thorns. There many bar girls who actually DO enjoy their career. But, they become hardened and have difficulty in separating truth from fiction.

[mark45y]

I know at least 100 ex-bg's, all married to farangs, all but a few doing well.

Thus it seems they get into that profession to find a rich, neat fat farang.

Many seem successful at it also

I am not saying you are wrong or being untruthful but I wonder what makes your experience so different than mine.

Do you know the husbands or only the wives?

I assume you live in Bangkok because being able to know 100 bar girls would be difficult in most places except Bangkok or Pattaya.

I don’t think one can find 100 happily married to BG’s in Pattaya.

Where do you meet 100 happily married bar girls? I assume they no longer work in a bar.

[Travel2003]

I know at least 100 ex-bg's, all married to farangs, all but a few doing well.

Thus it seems they get into that profession to find a rich, neat fat farang.

Many seem successful at it also

100???

Typo maybe?

[Tonto21]

IMO Bar girl are like gambling addict, after a very short period they quickly learn to play the game, the girls go from money highs to low, (mainly low)and keep chasing the big payout, sad thing is even when they hit the jackpot, they can’t recognize it! I feel sorry for the girls, and would like to help, but, I know I was just another horny guy in the bar…..doing my bit for the Thai economy, if my marriage ever goes south I’ll be back in there, saving another lost soul, well, until it gets light again.

[astral]

No 1 Thai girls can look like school girls, until they are in their mid 20's

No 2 Remember the boy scout who helped the old lady across the road,

only to be told she did not want to cross in the first place.

[Berkshire]

I know at least 100 ex-bg's, all married to farangs, all but a few doing well.

Thus it seems they get into that profession to find a rich, neat fat farang.

Many seem successful at it also

Unfortunately, the farangs in the above scenario aren't doing so well...

[Thules]

I successfully helped 1 young woman (24) out once. Full financial committment over 4 years to see her through Technical College here in Phuket followed by 3 years and a bit at uni in BKK. She graduated with a 2.2 in Computer Science. Shortly afterwards, she married a young Thai man with a good job as a computer programmer back here in Phuket. Ironically, he didn't want her to work in IT, but rather help his mum at home. A classic touch of irony, but at least they're very happy together.

[Shotime]

To avoid being repetitive, I have to agree with Sarahsbloke. Generally speaking, of course.

It's almost impossible with the really pretty ones. Imagine the situation reversed. You can walk into a bar, and pick whomever you want to have sex with. Throw drugs into the mix, and it becomes totally impossible. Anyone who thinks the girls don't enjoy the sex (I'm not talking 100% of the time, as there are times the girls work cause they need the money immediately), is kidding themselves. They have no savings, and they do not support their families.

If you want to "save" anyone, "save" yourself.

Once a girl gets caught up in "the life." divine intervention is their only salvation.

[MJP]

We Buddhist believe that any good deeds you do will be deposited as a merit for next life. keep doing the the good deed, and your will be rewarded lwith less hardship in your next reincarnation. Keep it up.

[slapout]

If I ever had the opportunity to rescue a fallen woman I was probably too enticed, to recognize the window of opportunity. Maybe some of us are the fallen and they are unrecognized angels/rescuers.

[jaideeguy]

During my first decade in Asia, I tried and tried and tried so many times that I can't count and finally determined that it just can't be done. It's so true that you can take the girl out of the bar, but you can't take the bar out of the girl.

Even if you meet them on the first night, they have already made the decision to rent their bodies and have been taught and convinced by their friends that lured them into 'the life'.

It was a fun 10 yrs.....wouldn't trade them for anything. My intentions were always good and the longest one lasted was 2 yrs, but it was a lot of work and had a bad ending.

[Travel2003]

I guess we all have something in our past.

Anyhow,here is a story i think i might have told here before.

One of the very first days I was in Bangkok (a loooong time ago), I went to NP, and left with a lady.

When passing by the food stalls outside, approaching the cross road, I suddenly feel someone grabbing my neck real hard.

It was this guy, in his early 50s I guess, with his wife standing next to him.

He started to shout at me, telling me what a terrible man I was (which might be correct), while he continues to hold my neck, trying to push me towards the 7/11 shop (or family mart).

Just by instinct I manage to turn around and get an arm around his neck, and wrestle him off me, with him ending almost over one of the tables where they sell insects.

A lot of commotion.

Me being new in town very loud start to tell the locals to get the Police.

Of course, all the locals rush to separate us, smiling, talking all at once, to try to calm us down.

Which we do after a while.

We continue to walk, and the couple is waiting for us further down the road, next to Soi 11.

I start to steam up now, but this time he pushes his wife forward to talk to me.

Turns out this German couple were on a "mission from God" to rescue the ladies.

This time I just told them to fuc_k off, and go back to Reperbahn, to continue their mission.

Sorry to say, but they could not rescue the lady I went with.

Now, many years later, I still think about her, and wonder what happened to her.

[Shotime]

During my first decade in Asia, I tried and tried and tried so many times that I can't count and finally determined that it just can't be done. It's so true that you can take the girl out of the bar, but you can't take the bar out of the girl.

Even if you meet them on the first night, they have already made the decision to rent their bodies and have been taught and convinced by their friends that lured them into 'the life'.

It was a fun 10 yrs.....wouldn't trade them for anything. My intentions were always good and the longest one lasted was 2 yrs, but it was a lot of work and had a bad ending.

This is a total rationalization. If your intentions were good, you would have stayed away from her. I'm not saying I'm not guilty of the same rationalizations, but I don't kid myself anymore. I knew this Mexican guy in Mexico who used to say he was "helping" the girls. It always got a big laugh.

Those two years must have been rough. I am, and have been, involved with a woman who truly needs salvation. I used to think I would try to help her, and, at times, she tried to change her life-style, but it never lasted very long. In some instances, it was my fault that it didn't last longer. Mainly because it wasn't what I wanted. I loved her as both a human being, and as a crazy girl. However, I came to realize that each of us was responsible for our own decisions. My present attitude is to enjoy her as long as I can put up with her insanity. I realize I can't nor do I want to "save" her. That's something she'll have to decide. I haven't always, but now I seem attracted to the "bad" girls. They're a lot more fun., and I feel no responsibility for her decisions. If your relationship had a bad ending, it was because you couldn't accept her for who she was.

[Thongkorn]

I tried two years, nearly three, to get a lady a better life , if that's what you call it , I did every thing for her , got her reunited with her family and children, that she abandoned,I got her I D card which was no mean feat as she had never been registered as a child, found her a job in a hotel, Weaned her of Yabba , and self harm, I had to go home for a few months came back and she had returned to her old ways, So I just turned and walked away I was exasperated after nearly three years. it was not all bad, I learned how to get around Thailand,learn a little Thai and made many good Thai friends, From my acquaintance with her, I hope her Budda takes care of her,To this day I still wonder if she is still alive,

There was one other case which I wish I had tried to make a difference to some ones life , Sadly the girl in question died one week of starting life as a bar girl at 17, she was pressurised by her family to get money, She did not want to be there, so she bought a drug to try to kill the pain of desperation and loneliness. We found her unconscious in her room, we took her to Hospital , she died three days later,she never regained consciousness, My Thai friend who had employed the girl to work in her bar , phoned the mother of the girl to tell her that her daughter had just died , Her mother who was poor cried, because she did not have any money to come see her daughter, or take her to be cremated by the monks, We sorted that out , The girls from the surrounding bars some who did not know the girl contributed, that made me humble, So as far as I see it I have not tried to rescue fallen woman/women they have tort me humility and that there are two sides to every story some good some bad and not to judge others.

Edited August 30, 2010 by Thongkorn

[Thules]

Thongkorn, I am so sorry to hear that your admirable efforts didn't work out,... more so, that there was tragedy involved. Seven years here already, and I still can't get my head around the Thai people's approach to the loss of a beloved one. I feel your pain yet still can't understand.

[dominique355]

Sad stories, indeed.

If you are interested in a full story, try to find this book: "Private Dancer" by Stephen Leather. It's the story of a farang and a Thai bar girl and - you may have guessed it - it ends in tragedy, but not as you would have expected.

It's fiction but very close to reality. "na ahn" (worth reading).

[mahtin]

Find it here

http://www.pattayapages.com/girls/images/private-dancer.pdf

[WinnieTheKhwai]

Never really had the opportunity or inclination to rescue someone. It's very unlikely I would even find a sex worker in genuine need of rescue though. If that ever happens I would of cours rescue her, or at least report it to authorities.