Flakey Farang Stories

[Joel Barlow]

Anyone who has been here for a while has stories of amazingly weird characters they’ve encountered. They can be interesting, funny, informative, and sometimes mind-bending.

First time I had a beer in a Jet Yod bar, something called New Moon or Blue Moon, after I’d been living in Amphoe Muang a couple months, I was half way through the beer when two guys started walloping on each other. Soon they were wrestling on top of the bar, and utensils were flying. Cops were called. An American from southern California went to wait outside for them, and when the arrived, told them, “We don’t need you here. Go away.”

Another time I was waiting to have dinner in Overlander Café, ChiangMai. I decided to visit the restroom. To get there, I brushed by a guy standing in the path to it, and felt some decidedly hostile tension. Back at my seat, my food came, and as I was about to dig in, there was a flurry of sudden movement. All the beers on the bar were quickly thrown into the town moat by the guy I’d brushed by. Apparently he’d bought two for two other guys, and they’d not bothered to say “Thank you”.

But those incidents hardly rival a couple I heard of:

A guy who ran a guest-house in ChiangMai and did translating work for the police tells of another guy who went into a police station, slammed a large packet down on the front counter, and exclaimed, “I got ripped off! This heroin’s no good!”

Back here in ChiangRai a story got around about a guy with a furnished apartment, who decided to try some Viagra, got all excited, had a heart attack and died. The very weird part: he’d been all alone…

Another time, at a print shop, the owner asked that I speak with a young Aussie who wanted some books made, but couldn’t decide how many. He was thinking about 200. I suggested he start with just a few, and asked if I could see the manuscript. His reply? “No.”

[jubby]

The Famous Joel Barlow

I haven't seen any odd farangs lately, not really odd anyway

I dont get out round town very late these days, so if it still goes on, I dont know about it.

Maybe I dont attract them anymore either

The Whistling farang was the only one I've heard about recently. But VF's seems to have gone to the back of the Bus these days and maybe he's took his whistle with him

Hey, Joel ; dont be a stranger

[sceadugenga]

Welcome back Joel, good to see you again.

I think there's two types of expats in Thailand, those who are flakey when they come here, and those who acquire flakiness after arriving.

There's good daytime people watching to be had around town, some even take my attention from the girls for a while.

[kandahar]

Jubby is quoted:

"Maybe I dont attract them anymore either."

The only way to avoid them is to be just a little more bizarre than they are. So, what are you telling us here?

[jubby]

Jubby is quoted:

"Maybe I dont attract them anymore either."

The only way to avoid them is to be just a little more bizarre than they are. So, what are you telling us here?

Nah, Sounds like Joel went through a stage where he attracted them too. Maybe he's lost his attractiveness same me

[jubby]

Jubby is quoted:

"Maybe I dont attract them anymore either."

The only way to avoid them is to be just a little more bizarre than they are. So, what are you telling us here?

Nah, Sounds like Joel went through a stage where he attracted them too. Maybe he's lost his attractiveness same me

[kandahar]

Okay.

Well, I never see any of them so I must be a bit more bizarre than they are. I guess that someone who does see them should ask them if they ever see me. Then we will know for sure if I am one of them or not.

Edited September 11, 2010 by kandahar

[Limbo]

Great to see you again Joel!

And the 'welcome' was predictable.

Please know that many respect you highly as you are

one of the few who really have the ability to share

knowledge about Chiang Rai, because of the simple reason

that you actually have it.

My respect!

Limbo

PS: At the occasion of the coctail party at the Dusit

I met the legendary Tayto again. We missed you.

[thailandbluegrass]

The flakiest farang I have ever run into was in Chiang Mai. I was hired by a guy named Jason Carter as an English teacher at a pre-kindergarten and kindergarten school in Chang Puak. This flake had only been in Thailand for less then a year and was just a teacher.

The school had a problem with a Filipina teacher that was mean and all the Thai's were to afraid to fire her so they asked Jason to do it. He said how could he due to having no power so they said "ok now you're the Director of the English department". Well that was all he needed to go off on a power trip. Hahaha. He fired her asss and then had Business cards made (thousands) with is picture and new position all over them.

He bought about 8 of those huge Buddha images and attached them to a necklace like the Thai's do. When I asked him about certain monks he was wearing who they were etc he replied "I don't know but he looks cool". He used to tell me "you know dude everyone tells me I look Thai". He is as white as a ghost. Lol. Other kinds of things he said were:

I think I was Thai in my past life

I am Buddha (I think he meant he was Buddhist haha)

Now I'm ajarn yai. He thought that meant big teacher but really it's a person who is already dead and has given his organs for medical use.

He has the "Farang gone Thai" syndrome

Anyways when salary day came the school said they could not pay us so I called him and said "What's up with this Jason? You're the English Program Director (although there are only 2 pre-school English teachers) and he told me "well if you don't like it you can find another job". <deleted>. I said "dude you're supposed to be helping the farang teachers not siding with he Thai's". His reply was "well dude I think your trouble so best you don't show up for class on Monday. Your fired !!!

What a flake this guy is. Nothing worse then a farang who goes native on us. Hahahah

Funny thing was that at some point when we talked and he seemed cool we would exchange emails and he sent me one saying that All of the Thai teachers there were lazy fux and were useless (just trying to act cool to me and trying to show his Director power hahaha).

Anyways I made sure that all of the teacher's were forwarded a copy of his email to me. </FONT></P>

Edited September 11, 2010 by thailandbluegrass

[maccaroni man]

i dont know if my most memorable guy qualifies as a flake but he did leave an impression. he was in his early 20's and from denmark a big, fun kid on holiday renting a bungalow from me. up to this point i had heard stories about guys coming to thailand and blowing through money like sand through fingers but had nevr met one until i met this guy. He fell in love with every bar girl he met which was every day, he immediatly took them to the gold shop, and was the cause of many a cat fight as he took all the girls from the same bar, he bought into a thai gym, he bought into a failing bar bought a pool table and sound system but the old owners required their nephew stay on as cashier. fell in love with one of his girls but she was 7mo pregnant so he married a different girl and managed to take her back to denmark. total money spent before returning home after 30 days 1,000,000 plus.

The flake of all flakes is a guy from australia, he ended up doing a runner leaving behind many debts, but the thing about him was the fact that he was a very likable guy. His main problem was that he simply did not know how to tell the truth, even on simple things he would lie. it was like a disease for him he could not help himslef, he was a cronic lier .

[Joel Barlow]

Then there was the “engineer” from England, who’d supposedly taught kindergarten.

I was teaching at Sammakkhi Wittayakhom, and word was out that we were hiring to start a new English language program. As nobody else wanted to deal with him, I was told to do the interview. As he sat in front of my desk, he somehow decided he needed to tell me about the three old men who often met to plot against him. They sometimes arranged to make his buttons fall off.

More to come…

[jubby]

Then there was the “engineer” from England, who’d supposedly taught kindergarten.

I was teaching at Sammakkhi Wittayakhom, and word was out that we were hiring to start a new English language program. As nobody else wanted to deal with him, I was told to do the interview. As he sat in front of my desk, he somehow decided he needed to tell me about the three old men who often met to plot against him. They sometimes arranged to make his buttons fall off.

More to come…

We wait with bated breath

So did he get the Job or not ? ........

Come to think of it, I know those three Guys too . Are you still Hireing ?

Edited September 12, 2010 by jubby

[sceadugenga]

I'd be worried about a kindy teacher who claimed his buttons kept falling off.....

[Joel Barlow]

When I was making Chiangrai guidebooks and writing Lanna history, I hoped to find a publisher, or at least distributor. A company in ChiangMai said that if I made text for a book on Thai massage, they’d do the pictures, and be favorably inclined towards publishing my other work. I replied that, although I’d experienced a lot of massage, I really didn’t know enough to write about it. They gave me 5 books on it, and told me to get information from them.

At the time, there was a pick-up volleyball game by the old airport, and a new Farang who joined in said he was hoping to study Thai massage, maybe at ChiangMai’s Old Medical Hospital. I didn’t think he could write the book, but figured he might be able to answer an important question I still had after reviewing those books, about sen lines, if he took the course offered there. We all agreed on a meeting. As my wife was there, speaking with an owner who had, like my wife, little English (the language negotiations were in), and I didn’t care much about the result, I made sure that tuition at the school and a month’s rental on a furnished apartment would be paid, then gave attention only to the conversation in Thai. The other Farang took over negotiations - and arranged the incredible deal that he and I would split all profits from foreign sales.

Then, when time came for school, he forgot, as he’d run out of pot and felt he had to rush of to Pai, MaeHongSon, to find some. There was no further discussion of publishing my other work, and I never got the massage books I’d lent to that Farang back. He later “bought” a bar on Jet Jod, but seemed to have a similar problem remembering that he ought to open it, with at least some regularity.

He liked to spray-paint the front of it, once “Loi Kratong Party” - which remained there quite a while. A few streamers and balloons, some steamer tray food, and viola, a festive occasion for all! Or, all who pay for drinks, anyway.

[jubby]

Is he still around Joel ? . Its not the Guy who sits stroking rabbits is it ?

[Joel Barlow]

stroking rabbits?

oh, i know. Thought maybe that was some sort of euphemism!

No, not 666 Joe.

as far as I know, that other guy is still in Thailand, but has

too many debts here in ChiangRai to want to stick around here much.

One guy, who called himself "Santi", claimed computer skills, got several

people to place their problematic machines with him, sold them all for

about B60,000, and split. The cops got him in Pattaya. He served 5 years.

I don't exspect he'll be back much either.

High price to pay for B60,000!

How's that saying go, "A fool and his monkey are soon partying"?

[PhilHarries]

I don't know how these two do on the flakiness scale but definitely a pair of oddballs.

They were two Scandinavians, worked on the North Sea oil rigs, two weeks on two off which they spent in Pattaya.

They'd appear mid morning and head for the nearest bar, sit down and DRINK, and when I say DRINK these two made today's binge drinkers look like teetotallers and it was firewater not beer. They keep it up for two or three hours intil virtually comatose they stagger off back to the hotel for nine or so hours and then do it all again. They must have eaten sometime but I never saw them eat so much as a peanut. I never saw then with a girl either, they may have been gay for all I know but I doubt it.

That would be pretty well it for the two weeks then they'd go back to their jobs. All they'd see of Thailand and Pattaya was their hotel room and, usually, the same bar. They were never any trouble and the bar owner, surprise surprise, loved it when they hove into view on the first day of their break.

[jubby]

keep em coming Joel.

Euphemism !? ..... nah ! , dont know any Euphemism's Joel . .. ....... Ah. Yes, maybe. ......

A friend used to say 'show us your monkey' to some ladies when they were out of earshot. Maybe that was a lesser known Euphemism

[skybluestu]

stroking rabbits?

oh, i know. Thought maybe that was some sort of euphemism!

No, not 666 Joe.

as far as I know, that other guy is still in Thailand, but has

too many debts here in ChiangRai to want to stick around here much.

One guy, who called himself "Santi", claimed computer skills, got several

people to place their problematic machines with him, sold them all for

about B60,000, and split. The cops got him in Pattaya. He served 5 years.

I don't exspect he'll be back much either.

High price to pay for B60,000!

How's that saying go, "A fool and his monkey are soon partying"?

Hello Joel, I'm enjoying this thread, I've never had the pleasure of reading any of your posts before as I'm one of the 'newbies' although I did hear your name mentioned by Sceadugenga just the other day as you live close to me apparently.

I actually met a lot more flakey farang during my 5months in Chiang Mai then I have in over 2yrs here in CR but there is one that I met here who I won't forget. It was a while ago now when I used to be out and about more and got chatting to this guy at a bar. He was probably in his late 50's and, after a few beers, he told me how he 'rents' girls from the hill-tribes up here. He said he would visit one of the villages and choose a girl, usually around 15-16yrs old, and then have a contract written up between him and their father which listed what he expects from the girl during the duration of the contract, usually 3-4 years, and would cover many services including sexual ones. He would then take the girl home and return her when the contract expired. Maybe true or maybe he'd had too many beers, who knows!

You're mention of a monkey reminded me about another sad story I recently read about a monkey and dog who were best friends and had lots of media coverage. But the dog's neighbour, a policeman, was jealous of the dogs fame and poisoned him.

[greasemonkey]

I wonder if I can write this to sound as funny as it was?

when I first came to thailand, about 8 years ago, me and a mate were sat in a small cafe on rajvitti, having a late breakfast.

A yougish fallang walks in, with his tracksuit trouser hanging halfway down his arse, sits at the table next to us and starts talking to himself. asking questions and giving answers.

The thai woman owner asked for his order and he told her he "wanted to push a live fish up her arse" so she picked up a chair and chased him out onto the street.

In his hand he had a 5baht bottle of water, which he squeezed so hard the top flew off and the water hit the woman square in the face.

She chased him up the street and all the Tuk Tuk drivers were laughing and shouting.

I knew I'd like Chiang mai after that.

[Joel Barlow]

Nice to have started a thread which has yet to get me flammed -

it was mostly people acting like I'd somehow imposed on them by posting, which put me off

from Thaivisa for so long.

But I myself, amazingly, unbelievably, have been flakey:

I didn't check in at immigration to notify that I still live in the house I had built

(for millions of baht...)...

and so must rush off and fork over some cash today.

then buy "milk" for the kids (not milk, not even lectasoy -

it's gotta be special, hard to find stuff... which I like much better too).

and go to the bank, and pay for my slow, flakey internet "air stick"

(talk about flakey - can't get a land line to my house, here in amphoe muang!!!)

and lots of things which were easier to get tended to when I was a busy person,

not a retired one.

Would tell you all about my ChiangHai internet magazine, but suspect that violates

forum rules.

[villagefarang]

Joel, this is the new and improved Chiang Rai Forum. Nicer people, all chatty and into social networking and being helpful. It is a new day and a new way. Much to the chagrin of some.

[jubby]

Theres no Guarantee you won't get flamed Joel, but most of us don't take it too seriously.

we will Guarantee to find someone who can put the flames out for you though

[kandahar]

I won't flame you, Joel. Nice to see you on here. Have heard good stuff about you.

Just so you know, we all have a bit of the "flame demon" in us but we usually take that out on VF. As long as he keeps posting, I think you will be safe. If he abandons us, we'll be looking for a new whipping boy. However, jubby is next in line for that, I believe. He kind of likes it, more than VF does.

Welcome back.

Edited September 13, 2010 by kandahar

[sceadugenga]

Sceadugenga, who cares little for forum rules, fearlessly posts a link to Joel's online magazine.

ChiangHai Mag

[harrry]

Joel, this is the new and improved Chiang Rai Forum. Nicer people, all chatty and into social networking and being helpful. It is a new day and a new way. Much to the chagrin of some.

Yes there are some very flakey people onthis new impoved ChiangRai forum. Some of them even like to meet each ther in Real life.....how flakey can you get.

[jubby]

Joel, this is the new and improved Chiang Rai Forum. Nicer people, all chatty and into social networking and being helpful. It is a new day and a new way. Much to the chagrin of some.

Yes there are some very flakey people onthis new impoved ChiangRai forum. Some of them even like to meet each ther in Real life.....how flakey can you get.

Hey, I met you briefly harrry , and survived !. ....... Just

[woralak]

Joel, this is the new and improved Chiang Rai Forum. Nicer people, all chatty and into social networking and being helpful. It is a new day and a new way. Much to the chagrin of some.

Yes there are some very flakey people onthis new impoved ChiangRai forum. Some of them even like to meet each ther in Real life.....how flakey can you get.

Hey, I met you briefly harrry , and survived !. ....... Just

Snap we met briefly also (Rimkok) and like Jub says your still here to talk about it,nice encounter H hope we have a longer chat next time,cheers M8:) .

[jubby]

Joel, this is the new and improved Chiang Rai Forum. Nicer people, all chatty and into social networking and being helpful. It is a new day and a new way. Much to the chagrin of some.

Yes there are some very flakey people onthis new impoved ChiangRai forum. Some of them even like to meet each ther in Real life.....how flakey can you get.

Hey, I met you briefly harrry , and survived !. ....... Just

Snap we met briefly also (Rimkok) and like Jub says your still here to talk about it,nice encounter H hope we have a longer chat next time,cheers M8:) .

harry was a bit flaky though If I recall. Looks like things sort of drop off him. Look like his finger was gonna drop off when I saw him

Did you ever get those Boots Wora ?

[jubby]

sorry, double post.

Flaky internet

Edited September 13, 2010 by jubby