Little Drama Exploded Today... Need Advice

[spolsky]

I'm an tech entrepreneur in my late twenties and I'm fully invested into my startup. I'm investing about $15k of my own money every month to pay salaries, servers and other things. Every pennies are important for me at this point. I haven't had income for the past 18 months while I'm working on this. My wife works for my startup and is earning 10k baht / month. She doesn't help financially with anything, but sends her mom 3-5k baht every month to help her pay the mortgage.

I've had some discussions with my wife about how I would like her to help pay things around the house or would like her to save some money so she can pay for her plane tickets when we are traveling. Unfortunately for me, she isn't saving money or helping me pay anything.

Two months ago while my wife and I were talking about her younger brother (12 years old), we decided that it would be good for him to have a computer and internet access so he can learn new things and experiment with technology and you know, all those things you can do on the internet. Despite me having no income, I decided to go and buy her brother a laptop with one condition; that her mom pays for ADSL with TOT (590 Baht/month).

Now it's been a little over two months and internet hasn't arrived at her house. I've been hearing excuses like "oh it's raining too much she cannot go make contract" or "she's feeling sick". I have kept the computer with me and have been waiting to send it until internet is installed.

Today while asking my wife about the status of the internet, I've been told the same stories about the rain and her mom feeling sick. Now I've been patient and I truly feels like I'm being played here... so I confronted my wife a little bit about the excuses she's giving me and I questioned how come in two months she couldn't find a few hours to go in town to order the internet yet. My wife got defensive and told me that I'm trying to control everything, saying that I'm changing my mind about keeping the computer until the internet is installed, trying to make me feel bad like I'm the bad guy here.

The reason why I insisted on her mom to pay for the internet was such as that I wouldn't have to, because it's also her mom responsibility to provide for her son, etc. I also made sure and insisted to know that she could afford it before I made the decision to buy the computer.

Anyhow, now my wife is being evasive trying to blame me for forcing her to pay for the internet... even though she had agreed to two months ago. I'm the one who's having no income for so long, who wants to help her brother out by giving him a brand new laptop and my wife dare to start yelling at me trying to make me feel bad? Enough... I've had it. Well... I got pissed and explained the situation using logic and common sense... I was angry and yelled back at her. Now my wife has no more excuses and is trapped... and tells me after 4 years of marriage "I'm done, I'm going to divorce".

I'm baffled and don't know how to react. Try to reason with her because I love her and I don't want to lose her? Or let her go and deal with a divorce while building my startup company...

Your thoughts are appreciated.

[elliss]

welcome to the club .

same old song , with a diferent tune .

[gotlost]

Here's another one.

[maccaroni man]

up to you

[FarangBuddha]

Reason with her...I'd be opening the door for such a Harpy!

Edited September 14, 2010 by FarangBuddha

[norrona]

you farang, have money too much, you can pay or finish ok:whistling:

[taninthai]

perhaps tv could open another topic called ive been a fool and lost everything then we dont have to see this crap everyday...

[wintermute]

Golly, that's quite the little conundrum you have there especially coming to us with 2 posts to your name and all.

[spolsky]

Golly, that's quite the little conundrum you have there especially coming to us with 2 posts to your name and all.

My wife and friends knows my handle here. Just trying to keep some privacy using this account... :/

[wintermute]

Golly, that's quite the little conundrum you have there especially coming to us with 2 posts to your name and all.

My wife and friends knows my handle here. Just trying to keep some privacy using this account... :/

Then couldn't they just as easily connect the dots based on the information you provided?

If this is a serious post i'll say this..if she says she wants a divorce then most likely it's probably over.

Edited September 14, 2010 by wintermute

[Lumumba]

Sorry, even my ex wife still marvels about about my new taste in women.

But thank god for my looks and my sense of humor.

Send her home, give the laptop and some more beers and listen to No woman No cry by R N Marley.

[Wallaby]

Not exactly helpful comments coming to you OP.

IMHO, I would let her go. It is obvious she is with you for money only and is happy to ditch you and go looking for a wealthy farang. I wouldn't waste my time with her. You'll probably get the business going well and she'll come running back, wanting a slice of the action of course.

As a small act of defiance I'd go out shopping with her, take the laptop with you and just give it to someone you think would appreciate such a thing. I'm sure she'd love that act of generosity.

Let her go.

[spolsky]

Golly, that's quite the little conundrum you have there especially coming to us with 2 posts to your name and all.

My wife and friends knows my handle here. Just trying to keep some privacy using this account... :/

Then couldn't they just as easily connect the dots based on the information you provided?

If this is a serious post i'll say this..if she says she wants a divorce then most likely it's probably over.

Some of them surely will even though they are not regulars here and the odds of them finding out are low. At least when looking at my regular handle's profile they won't see this post.

[sarahsbloke]

Never confront Thai lady.

Never try to use logic with lady of any nationality.

(yes, I know, we all forget ourselves and do it)

Don't offer money for the brothers, uncles, etc. NOT YOUR FAMILY.

If she is worth it, keep her, just forget the confrontation and she will forget it, don't maket the mistake and talk about it again.

If she isn't worth it, dump her, you will have to leave when she isn't paying attention (slip out the back Jack)

Highly unlikely she will divorce or leave you unless there is a large item of value she can nick on her way out. (car, house in her name, etc.)

Divorce is very hard and expensive without both people co-operating, it is also conidered 'poor show' for a Thai lady to leave her husband without a divorce and would cause her many difficulties in future life (for example she can't own land without your signature) Or to put it another way, she can't divorce you!

Let's all hope you weren't silly and can prove your business is not joint property but entirely funded by your money alone.You didn't let her go out and buy stuff for the business, did you?

Edited September 14, 2010 by sarahsbloke

[neverdie]

Golly, that's quite the little conundrum you have there especially coming to us with 2 posts to your name and all.

My wife and friends knows my handle here. Just trying to keep some privacy using this account... :/

Well you wouldnt be the only member here using two accounts (or more) but you do realise that its against the forum rules:-

26) Not to create multiple accounts. Any member found to have more than one account on the ThaiVisa Forum will be suspended. Suspended or banned members found creating additional accounts will be banned immediately.

anyway kudos to you for being honest, unlike others

Edited September 14, 2010 by neverdie

[wintermute]

Highly unlikely she will divorce or leave you unless there is a large item of value she can nick on her way out.

(car, house in her name, etc.)

A marriage which hinges on the basis of a threat of divorce is one that lacks trust and is pretty much finished.

[onnut]

let her go. sounds a nightmare.

[lannarebirth]

Focus on your businesss and give your wife time to think things through. Thais generallly cannot reason in real-time.

[Spoonman]

I wouldn't waste my time with her. You'll probably get the business going well and she'll come running back, wanting a slice of the action of course.

She probably already owns the biggest slice of the pie.

Pretty dam_n rude of the OP forcing an unwanted monthly bill onto the poor old mom.

[spolsky]

Highly unlikely she will divorce or leave you unless there is a large item of value she can nick on her way out.

(car, house in her name, etc.)

A marriage which hinges on the basis of a threat of divorce is one that lacks trust and is pretty much finished.

Every time we have a serious argument she resorts to make divorce threats. It's like the 10th time... no kidding. Each time I had to somehow take part of the blame even If imho I had done nothing wrong. It takes me like a couple of hours of trying to calm her down and what not. I just don't know if I want to do it this time... I'm tired of this immature bullshit.

Edited September 14, 2010 by spolsky

[welsh1]

Highly unlikely she will divorce or leave you unless there is a large item of value she can nick on her way out.

(car, house in her name, etc.)

A marriage which hinges on the basis of a threat of divorce is one that lacks trust and is pretty much finished.

Well no doubt if she is looking for a divorce ..operation car ,house money ETC is already in motion

[spolsky]

I wouldn't waste my time with her. You'll probably get the business going well and she'll come running back, wanting a slice of the action of course.

She probably already owns the biggest slice of the pie.

Pretty dam_n rude of the OP forcing an unwanted monthly bill onto the poor old mom.

We rent a house and she's got no assets to her name.

[wintermute]

Highly unlikely she will divorce or leave you unless there is a large item of value she can nick on her way out.

(car, house in her name, etc.)

A marriage which hinges on the basis of a threat of divorce is one that lacks trust and is pretty much finished.

Every time we have a serious argument she resorts to make divorce threats. It's like the 10th time... no kidding. Each time I had to somehow take part of the blame even If imho I had done nothing wrong. It takes me like a couple of hours of trying to calm her down and what not. I just don't know if I want to do it this time... I'm tired of this immature bullshit.

Time to bail out.

[lannarebirth]

Highly unlikely she will divorce or leave you unless there is a large item of value she can nick on her way out.

(car, house in her name, etc.)

A marriage which hinges on the basis of a threat of divorce is one that lacks trust and is pretty much finished.

Every time we have a serious argument she resorts to make divorce threats. It's like the 10th time... no kidding. Each time I had to somehow take part of the blame even If imho I had done nothing wrong. It takes me like a couple of hours of trying to calm her down and what not. I just don't know if I want to do it this time... I'm tired of this immature bullshit.

Time to bail out.

Probably

[Lammbock]

OP!

classic sooooo classic..

[MAJIC]

Standard Thai/Farang marriage situation here,

i.e You have your Agenda and she has hers and never the twain shall meet.

Unless you are much more convincing than the majority of Farangs,You can't reason with a stone wall.

IMO The Internet connection was just another ploy to extract money.

You are not playing the game by Thai Rules,you were supposed to hand over the money with no connection or receipts,or most likely agree to pay for the monthly connection charge.

Threats of Divorce should be taken with a large dose of salt,call her bluff!

Typical Thai wife response to not getting her own way.

Edited September 14, 2010 by MAJIC

[sarahsbloke]

Every time we have a serious argument she resorts to make divorce threats. It's like the 10th time... no kidding. Each time I had to somehow take part of the blame even If imho I had done nothing wrong. It takes me like a couple of hours of trying to calm her down and what not. I just don't know if I want to do it this time... I'm tired of this immature bullshit.

It's common practice out here, means nothing, apart from they are annoyed with you.

You are doing something wrong, by causing confrontation, you make her lose face.

Example of correct way to do things.

She: my brother needs laptop

You: OK, I will buy one for him

She: (1 month later): When you buy the laptop

You: Soon (as in never but I'm not going to tell you that)

Get the idea, agree with everything (never say NO), but only ever get round to doing what you want. This is the Thai way.

[welsh1]

Standard Thai/Farang marriage situation here,

i.e You have your Agenda and she has hers and never the twain shall meet,

Unless you are much more convincing than the majority of Farangs,You cant reason with a stone wall.

IMO The Internet connection was just another ploy to extract money.

You are not playing the game by Thai Rules,you were suppose to hand over the money with no connection or receipts.

Threats of Divorce should be taken with a large dose of salt,call her bluff!

PS ..make sure you use your best poker face

You cant reason with a stone wall.

[spolsky]

Pretty dam_n rude of the OP forcing an unwanted monthly bill onto the poor old mom.

I did not force anything. I said I'd be willing to help her brother out by buying him a brand new laptop - provided that they help as well by paying the internet bill. They agreed... now they want the laptop but they haven't ordered the ADSL line in two months and have been giving excuses. I care about her brother and would send him the laptop anyways if I didn't think they would just go ahead and sell the laptop to pay for other stuff.

I'm upset because they don't live up to their words and take no responsibility and have no gratefulness whatsoever.

[jaideeguy]

"I'm tired of this immature bullshit."

Welcome to TIT.......The main purpose of a computer for a 12 yr old [and 25yr olds] is to play games. Surely you didn't expect them to learn anything....that's anti Thai culture, to seek knowledge.

Your and our good intentions are most often wasted.....i've been married here for 10+ yrs [with 2 kids] and i've given up on them learning.

both my kids have their won computers and the only thing they do with them is play games and download cartoons.....but slowly my little girl is starting to play with photoshop and may develope from there.....let's hope.