Help, I Dont Understand Thai Wife

[oliver80]

Hi All

I need an educated ascertion of what is going on here on what is best for me to do, as the past has not worked and the pattern continues. I will try put it into logical order but it may be difficult as there is soo much.

My Thai wife, of 6 years, who is university educated and very beautiful, we met outside Thailand at work.The problem is ,every 3 to 5 months she is running back home to her mother in another province, claiming I dont treat her well and that I abuse her. ,under her mothers guidance she filed police reports, that I assaulted her, but with no evidence or doctors reports its merely a report. The fact is one would think if a spouse files against the other like this the spouse would also file divorce, which she has not. This is the first time she has done anything like this in her running away.

The problem is we have a small boy, and he is soo confused at to what is going on, he has been up and down 3 times in the past year, living in 2 different homes, and sometimes see me alot when wife is home and then not much at all when she runs away.

I have provided a house well in access of 15mil Baht, have a big fancy car for the childs safety and give my wife more than enough cash(I am talking over 100K baht) to takecare the house and herself. She claim she loves me when she's home, but we do have problems obviously. When she runs away, she ignores my calls and ignores my emails, she wont even let me speak to my kid even if i sms and plead with her I just want to talk to the child. I am not at all buying her love but providing as best I can for my family, she does also come from an very affluent but not too wealthy family,

Let me go through the problems and where I think they stem. The mother brought my wife up alone and worked, and always told my wife you dont need a man and you can be succesful like m(mom)e, the fact is the mother is realy miserable and missery loves company. But for the mom she is always building a wall around my wife when she goes home trying to stop her from coming back to me. Usually the only way I get her home is to visit and kiss upto her at her moms home...........which has lead to the continued running and cycle.

My wife says I dont treat her well, she thinks shes a princess and I am a slave, she shouts at everyone and truely has no real friends, she disrespects everyone and looks down on most people.My friends all think to let her go, but I have a child and want that child to have a chance at a normal family and life. And strange as it may be, all told, I still do love my wife, I just think she is either sick, Bi-polar or really confused never having a male figure in the house, but her mom running evrything.

It has been made difficult for me to see my child now, and I have laid a suit against the mom for interfering with father child relations. I have also advised my wife that we have 2 choices, sort this out or get divorced, she has not responded to either. I dont know what she wants , but as this drags on the child is suffering and calling out daddy everyday according to the nanny. Sebsequently the Nanny is back with me as my wife blew her top with her and sent her packing, she has witnessed the animosity the mother holds for me and her scheming. The maid is my witness as to the lies and plans they cohort together.

I really think my wife is confused, what do you think I should do, if i run after her like before she may well come home, but the cycle is not broken, If i leave her, like I did once for 3 months 2 years ago, she just gets on with her life...........so what is the solution, I dont understand this Thai woman??? Do you think she is trying to control the situation, how does one break this control, how does one get her to make a move, in any direction , reconcilliation or divorce, I need peace of mind, I am in limbo.

I need to get peace of mind for myself, and some stable platform for my child.

Thanx for any good advice

Edited September 14, 2010 by oliver80

[sarahsbloke]

I'm usually one for reconcilliation

But in this case DIVORCE and soon (unless you just want to just move away and dump the kid as well)

Give her no more money and insist on 50/50 custody of the child.

Women who scream 'abuse' are to be avoided at all costs, Thai jails are not nice, and as a foreigner you will always be in the wrong.

Sorry

Best I can do.

You pay her 100kbht a month to be your wife.

Surely not a 'Mia chow', rented wife, a form of prostitute?

(have I misunderstood, I hope I have)

I actually give my wife nothing at all in the way of cash, but pay 3kbht a month direct to her mothers account. The mother always sides with me. Not having a man around is not unusual, Thai guys don't take this sort of rubbish, they either wack em, or dump em.

Edited September 14, 2010 by sarahsbloke

[neverdie]

No shortage of these sort of threads at the moment. Is a full moon approaching?

[onnut]

15 million baht house and a flash motor. youve got the brains to make money so why cant you sort this out yourself?

there should be a new rule on TV, more than 50 posts before you can post about a drama in your life.

nothing but troll posts lately:annoyed:

[oliver80]

Hi again

Thanx for the two replies so far, the problem is, my son does not even look Thai, he looks farang, and he is not that close to his mom as the nanny did most of the taking cae and I was the play station and learning centre for the kid. What will happen if i go for divorce, is there chance I wont get 50/50 custody, I have never hurt the child in anyway and just want whats best for the child. I am very sad for the kid not to have a normal family and have sleepless nights and terrible days thinking of his poor soul and how confused and hurt he must be, he's only 2 and he's my whole life.

What do you think it is my wife wants, does she wnt to be boss and I kiss her backside all the time, thats why she's holding out, or does she really not want to be with me and then why will she not get a divorce???

What actions, or inactions do you propose I do to break her into communicating or making a final decision, to be or not to be married? I thought sueing her mom for interfering might make her go in one direction or the other, but still nothing, very strange!!

I am confused to her motives and wants, my friends have tried to put it into prospective too, but as yet we cannot establishwhat she is doing, so I look for an answer here.

Also the 100K plus I pay her per month, she takes care of food ,clothing, household, maids etc, so she can use what is left for herself. Maybe it too much but she does do alot for the home. I pay the home and the car, maybe thats why she dont want divorce too much complication spliting up everything......thoughts anyone!!! What is this woman doing and what does she want??

Please help

thanx

Edited September 14, 2010 by oliver80

[neverdie]

I thought sueing her mom for interfering might make her go in one direction or the other, but still nothing, very strange!!

Thats a new one for the books. Are you sure you are in Thailand?

[oliver80]

YES

I am in Thailand, but I am sick of my mother -in -law saying "we want a divorce" and interfering with me and my child as the kids father............My wife always says that she did not say for divorce but will not sort anything out.............so I need to spur them on in a direction and have better facility and safety to see my child without the mother around. Lawyer advised to sue mom for disrespecting my rights as father, lawyer also said is grounds for wife to divorce you as you disrespect her mom, so that okay, thought i would get a reaction, but dam_n got nothing, Atleast if she divorces me I will have the court order a custody, but hanging in limbo just seperated, its hard to see the kid.

[sarahsbloke]

Thai courts will nearly always award 50/50 custody if both parents are living in Thailand.

(not like western courts where allegations of violence get the woman awarded everything without any evidence)

As your child is male, the wife will probably only want him in order to get money from you.

You could offer to buy 100% custody straight out from the wife.

What is important is to cut off her money supply, but continue to give her 100bht a day for the child.

(Thai courts like to award 100bht a day child support, so make sure she knows what the 100bht a day is for, and make sure the money is trackable, money into bank account, etc., not cash in her hand)

What your wife wants?

Money, as much as she can get, for as long as she can get.

PS

Are you sure, going back to mum, isn't really going back to Thai husband?

You seem to have plenty of money, hire a PI to report what is really happening back at 'mums' place.

Please confirm you married her at the Amphur office.

Edited September 14, 2010 by sarahsbloke

[oliver80]

Hi

Okay some big misunderstandings here. My wife comes from an affluent family, I met her 11 years ago when she was 21, working a good job overseas. We married big ceremony and are legally married, we have child, who has both nationalities birth certificates and European paspport too. My wife has taken no money from me and says she does not want, her mom is more tha capable of supporting them, and does.

She will never take money for the child as she loves it too dearly, she is not the type of Thai person that we think is a money grabber, she will give up the 15mil house and big car and support from me, and has done in the past, running away, and asked nothing.

Thats why I dont know what she wants or is doing, if she dont want to be married, why does she not seek a divorce, why does she let everything hang in limbo??? Why does she file a fake police report against me and then not act further, is she trying to scare me to do as she wants and says in the home, she is very power hungry and I feel this maybe a ploy for her to control our life and home, while all the time she says she is thinking of the kid, I can see its only about her!!

thoughts please.

I assure you its not about money, she dont want and even when I did send to here in the past to her bank account ,when we where not together, she did not use or even touch it!

Edited September 14, 2010 by oliver80

[onnut]

a 21 year old Thai girl would still be in Uni, not working in a good job over sees! I dont believe it.

[oliver80]

a 21 year old Thai girl would still be in Uni, not working in a good job over sees! I dont believe it.

Jut finshed and had started as a flight attendant,,,,,,,,,,,,,thanx anyway for your help

[onnut]

a 21 year old Thai girl would still be in Uni, not working in a good job over sees! I dont believe it.

Jut finshed and had started as a flight attendant,,,,,,,,,,,,,thanx anyway for your help

your good at this troll stuff, youve done this before havent you?

[oliver80]

Onnut

I seriously just need some good advice and direction, please find another forum to spit out your troll rubbish, thank you

[onnut]

Ok, let’s say that this is a real post and you do need some serious advice!

In your “situation” this is what I would do.

My son (and I have a son in real life) is the most important person or thing I have in my life so I suspect he must be the same for you.

You have a passport, money and more importantly your son has a passport. Why not sort out your finances secretly and then take your son on a long holiday?

Don’t let her know, and then file for divorce.

You can’t live like this, it’s not possible.

If your son is with her at the moment, then suck up to her bullsit to make her come home and then make your move.

[oliver80]

Hi Thanx

yes i have been advised this also, and am thinking about it, but I belive the child also loves it mother, I may very well do that..........will have to set things up for that, unfortunatly kid still on breats, but can ween that I am sure, its just sad it must come to that as I really wanted the kid to have both parents, anyway yes, I cannot live like this, thats why I came here, need to now what is what and get my head clear.

Thanx

[MAJIC]

Assuming your Sincerity.

Sounds like YOU have 3 Major Problems here:

1. A MIL who cant accept her little girl has grown up.(who has a common Mother/Daughter Fixation)

2. You are giving her far too much money,(try reducing it to 5,000 baht a month.)to finance trips to Mummsy?

3. There are 3 people in your Marriage (try reducing it to 2).... see problem 1.

But until your Wife can understand the above problems and keeps running back to Mummsy to be

Mollycoddled,its going to be hard work....................see problem 2

If you continue to be the absent Meal ticket,then nothing will change,your the only one who is dissatisfied with the status quo,suits them fine!

Good Luck

You dont need to take this BS,nobody is thinking of you,so why not think of yourself and stop them taking the P**S!

Edited September 14, 2010 by MAJIC

[Samuian]

Despite that there are some irregularities in your story... RUN!

If she already files "Abuse Reports" with the BiB's, there is nothing good lurking on the horizon, she's working already on the results of a coming divorce!

Plus she is a spoiled brat, you will never change that!

Get real, get a life and go on with it, as hard as it might be, after all you'll be a happy person again it's not worth it - if the story is true!

[ilyelol]

Im sorry for what you are going through, as a father i have one advice.

Get his non-thai passport ready.

Take your child

Get the F-U-C-K out of this country and never allow him to see your wife, unless you receive papers from a very reputable hospital that her mental illness has been treated successfully.

Thailand is one of the few countries where a parent can flea for his child's better care without real repercussion. I suggest you do it before she does it to you.

[gregb]

Hi Thanx

yes i have been advised this also, and am thinking about it, but I belive the child also loves it mother, I may very well do that..........will have to set things up for that, unfortunatly kid still on breats, but can ween that I am sure, its just sad it must come to that as I really wanted the kid to have both parents, anyway yes, I cannot live like this, thats why I came here, need to now what is what and get my head clear.

Thanx

Formula works just fine, especially when the child is over 3 months, but even before then is no problem at all. The only side effect is the child may be constipated for a few days when changing his food. It is not a serious issue, so the fact that the child is breast feeding should not be a concern for you.

Your best bet is to take the child and run. If she filed 1 false police report, she could file another, and even self inflict bruises. There are few things which could cause you to lose shared custody in Thailand, but if the court feels the child's health is in danger, that could be one of them. You want to avoid even the hint of that at all costs. You have to start thinking defensively. This can only end badly for you.

Talk to a lawyer. Leave her now and take your child with you. Parental kidnapping is not a crime in Thailand. Her legal recourse is to sue for divorce, and during the proceedings shared custody will be granted. You are not removing the child from her forever, you are just protecting yourself and your relationship with the child. Sounds like your relationship with the mother is finished anyway.

Divorce sounds like your only chance, even if you don't want it. Don't wait for her to decide what she wants. It is likely she doesn't know. Push for immediate divorce. If that means the mother in law wins, so be it. Be kind but firm in your actions. Since she is incapable of decision, you need to make the decision for her. As you said "you can't live like this."

So, in the immortal words of Jennie, "Run Forest, Run!"

[MAJIC]

Hi

Okay some big misunderstandings here. My wife comes from an affluent family, I met her 11 years ago when she was 21, working a good job overseas. We married big ceremony and are legally married, we have child, who has both nationalities birth certificates and European paspport too. My wife has taken no money from me and says she does not want, her mom is more tha capable of supporting them, and does.

She will never take money for the child as she loves it too dearly, she is not the type of Thai person that we think is a money grabber, she will give up the 15mil house and big car and support from me, and has done in the past, running away, and asked nothing.

Thats why I dont know what she wants or is doing, if she dont want to be married, why does she not seek a divorce, why does she let everything hang in limbo??? Why does she file a fake police report against me and then not act further, is she trying to scare me to do as she wants and says in the home, she is very power hungry and I feel this maybe a ploy for her to control our life and home, while all the time she says she is thinking of the kid, I can see its only about her!!

thoughts please.

I assure you its not about money, she dont want and even when I did send to here in the past to her bank account ,when we where not together, she did not use or even touch it!

Hmm..............

Post 1........."and give my wife more than enough cash(I am talking 100k baht)"

Post 5........."also the 100k plus I pay her per month"

And now:

"My wife has taken no money from me and says she does not want, her mom is more than capable of supporting them, and does"

So are you giving her 100k a month or not?occasionally? or put in Bank and never drawn out by her?????

[donx]

Hi

Okay some big misunderstandings here. My wife comes from an affluent family, I met her 11 years ago when she was 21, working a good job overseas. We married big ceremony and are legally married, we have child, who has both nationalities birth certificates and European paspport too. My wife has taken no money from me and says she does not want, her mom is more tha capable of supporting them, and does.

She will never take money for the child as she loves it too dearly, she is not the type of Thai person that we think is a money grabber, she will give up the 15mil house and big car and support from me, and has done in the past, running away, and asked nothing.

Thats why I dont know what she wants or is doing, if she dont want to be married, why does she not seek a divorce, why does she let everything hang in limbo??? Why does she file a fake police report against me and then not act further, is she trying to scare me to do as she wants and says in the home, she is very power hungry and I feel this maybe a ploy for her to control our life and home, while all the time she says she is thinking of the kid, I can see its only about her!!

thoughts please.

I assure you its not about money, she dont want and even when I did send to here in the past to her bank account ,when we where not together, she did not use or even touch it!

Hmm..............

Post 1........."and give my wife more than enough cash(I am talking 100k baht)"

Post 5........."also the 100k plus I pay her per month"

And now:

"My wife has taken no money from me and says she does not want, her mom is more than capable of supporting them, and does"

So are you giving her 100k a month or not?occasionally? or put in Bank and never drawn out by her?????

I think the OP is saying that when his wife is in Bangkok (I assume this is where they live?) he gives her 100k baht to run the household. When she runs away to her mother, the money stays in Bangkok.

To the OP, I strongly recommend filing for divorce and requesting full custody of your son. I don't know that you will get full custody, but even if you split custody remember that in today's world this is the new "normal". It is now very common for kids to split time between parents. I also believe (assuming your wife treats your son well) that it is not bad to have him share time with her. I would suggest that if you share custody that you request that she resides in the same general location where you currently reside so that the child will be able to attend the same school (at a later time perhaps) when living to 2 different locations.

You need to push this to a conclusion because you are not the only one that doesn't know what she want - she also doesn't know what she wants. And if she does know what she wants, then my guess is that she wants to keep the cycle going. Get off now or you'll end up dizzy.

[oliver80]

Hi

thanx for the replies, I was thinking running with the kid may be best, it may be difficult to get alone with the kid, as it is difficult to see the kid anyway now. I have a maid to takecare of the kid, but that wont be suitable when I work because I am not home every night, with my work I travel half the month, what would one suggest besides having a nany as a reliable caretaker for my child, can these people be found and where.

Thankyou

Ps, yes it was 100K per month whene she was in BKK taking care of household, tks Now I will just give enough for the child, should I have to goto court and show that I did not totally neglect the childs needs.

Edited September 14, 2010 by oliver80

[473geo]

Are you telling us the runs home are not triggered by your actions? Do you encourage regular family visits to the Mother in law? Have you always given consideration to the mother in law? Have you encouraged her to visit?

[BlackGrape]

Are you telling us the runs home are not triggered by your actions? Do you encourage regular family visits to the Mother in law? Have you always given consideration to the mother in law? Have you encouraged her to visit?

Yes 473geo, wow, I hope the op is of sane, .... shit. Is this for real? Mother-in-law here.... haha

[MikeyIdea]

Time for advice and considering if you like them or not is not the top priority, OK?

Providing things too easily is reducing the amount of respect you will get in return, not increasing it. You obviously have a wife who does not respect you, remember that easy money or whatever it is for her is going to reduce her respect for you even more. You need to stay calm and gather evidence about you being a good father before you do anything else. Your child is your life, or it will be when you realise it, you can wait a couple of months, you can stand this crap another couple of months… with the mission to gather evidence so that you can ensure 50 / 50 custody and more importantly than that even, minimum 50% possession of the child. It sounds like the grandmother and the mother plans to stop you from access to your child in the future, you are NOT in a good position if the assault is true I can tell you, mother gets someone to witness in court and you are looking at very little possession, visitation rights could be in danger even. If you can’t also show evidence that you really are a good father

Good of you to give info about the upbringing, you have a difficult case, decently rich Thai upbringing and very spoilt, very selfish on top of that. She needs to be taken down but what would you benefit from doing it? Nothing. So not now and perhaps not you, ensuring as much possession of the child as possible when separation comes is more important. Grand mother running everything is not that unusual, they tend to mean a lot in many cases in Thailand and there are few Thai women who would go against their mother. Your wife were probably brought up by a mother who thought that giving her child any responsibility to take any decisions herself was to take care of the child badly… Thai mothers tend to not realise that it’s appropriate to stop when “child” enters or finishes university even. Not unusual

The mother has filed police reports against you so although she has no evidence, you need something to offset or you could end up with only Saturdays and Sundays, or less. You filed a return suit… This is how the judges at juvenile court see it! They are utterly bored with husbands and wives fighting, filing suits is just even lower. To get as much possession as possible, you need to push What Is Best For The Child. The case you filed *could* help your case if you pushed the bad impact on the child in it, if you instead pushed the bad mother / wife then it’s not helping you, the judges don’t want to know, they take decision regarding the future of the child based on what they see is the best for the child, the father worrying about the child helps, the father verbally attacking the mother does not, full stop

You need to prove that you are a good father, you take child to the zoo, to the sea, to nursery, to hospital, always a plus if the mother does not. You keep the bills as evidence. That the child is calling out daddy everyday is gold worth in a court case – if you have evidence of it. Can you get the nanny to testify in court? That should get you minimum 3-4 (i.e., you get 3 days, the mother 4 days a week). Beware: The second you let the mother know that you want the nanny to testify, then she will do everything she can to make sure that the nanny does not see the child again and can’t testify. Approach the nanny quietly and ask for her cooperation, offering money is not bad, if you can provide 100,000 bath per month for the wife, then you can give her 2 - 3 months salary to the nanny if she testifies the truth (and it is in your favour). Minimum, get evidence, record on video when child asks for daddy, record when nanny says child is missing daddy, wants daddy. Witness is best in court, video is second best

You have escalated the whole thing by criticising your wifes mother, filing suit about grand mother interfering with father child relations??? Which lawyer recommended you to do that? Thai law is very clear – Grand parents are Nothing. The father or the mother has the right to demand the child back from anyone, including grand parents, or put in another way – you can demand that the child is taken care of either by you or by the mother and if the mother is not taking care of the child, then she must hand over the child to you. If child stays at grand mothers place, then mother must stay there to (sleep there too), not go away and work in another city. True that both of you have legal grounds for divorce. If law suit you did show a father caring for his child then it’s maybe not only bad with it

The grand mother most likely doesn’t know and should somehow be informed that child alimony is around a hundred bath per day and that nothing of that is for the mother or her (not informed by you though, the daughter would be the best one to do that), the wife and the grand mother should be told that alimony for the wife does not exist according to Thai law and that she is entitled to exactly zero bath per month when divorce has gone through (you nicely tell wife and wife will tell grandmother for sure…). The law is simple, what you had before marriage is yours, what the wife had before is hers and what was bought during marriage is split 50/50. You may have destroyed the chances of that meaning anything by buying house in her name (if she was married then you had to sign that house is considered “before marriage” and hers). OK, I don’t think that money matters in this case but what the law supports when it comes to child alimony and divorce “wife alimony” surprises nearly all Thai women. Money is not a power you can use in your relationship it seems

“she has witnessed the animosity the mother holds for me and her scheming” Maid has lower status, nanny higher. Court cares about child so nanny matters much more than maid. I don’t understand the “The maid is my witness as to the lies and plans they cohort together” But to be honest, you bringing up lies and plans the mother has in court is most likely not going to help you get more possession of the child, the Nanny witnessing about the mother screaming – unable to control herself would be good – does help you because that indicate an unsuitable mother. In front of the child is even worse. You should have had the “not in front of the child please” attitude. Judges at Juvenile court are affected by who paints the best picture of being a good parent. Let the mother say that she doesn’t want to see you again, good for you. You as a father will of course talk about the childs best interest and that it is important for the child that the father and mother can communicate

Don’t send her packing yet, gather evidence and remember rule number one: the one in possession of the child is always at advantage. You should not leave the wife mother now and “let the mother take care of the child” (well, she will take the child and go home to mummy and there is nothing you can do about it – better avoid that) until the divorce goes through – risk of less possession. Keep it together until court case is on the way minimum. Remember rule number two: There is no benefit in you waiting for things to get better, unless you are with the child the majority of the time meanwhile – or you do it to gather evidence of your suitability as father.

“I really think my wife is confused, what do you think I should do, if i run after her like before she may well come home, but the cycle is not broken, If i leave her, like I did once for 3 months 2 years ago, she just gets on with her life...........so what is the solution, I dont understand this Thai woman??? Do you think she is trying to control the situation, how does one break this control, how does one get her to make a move, in any direction , reconcilliation or divorce, I need peace of mind, I am in limbo"

If the child is with her and not you then you should eat the shit and go up to her mothers house and ask her to come home. Come on, it’s not that bad, you can spit it out when she and the grand mother doesn’t watch. Then at least you are in a good position to gather evidence that you are a good father, that should help you to get 2-5 or 3-4 at least. You write; I don’t understand this woman… Oscar Wilde wrote – Women are meant to be loved, not understood You are not alone is this. Personally from what you write; I don’t think that you can get your wife to “wake up” about that the marriage and good times whatever are about to finish if she doesn’t shape up whatever. She will simply not realise that or care about it either, until it is too late and perhaps not care then either. She is very spoilt so control is one thing – you can’t break the control *need* she has, that’s a deeply rooted personality, you could possibly break the ability for her to apply the control but I don’t see that as priority now. That can be worked on first when the child is with you minimum 50% of the time. Money would be almost the only tool I can think of that has real power to fight a very spoilt Thai woman. But not in the case you describe so you only have two weapons it seems. All women hate to be ignored so turning the back to them will certainly make them angry first of all, anything after that is up to need. I don’t see a need so it will probably not work in your case. That’s number one. The second weapon is your childs love for you. Also, the child will get older and will have the possibility to influence more himself who he wants to be with - 7 years old and he can voice his wish in court. That will be your best weapon. But if the child is not with you for a longer time, then it disappears. Recognising and accepting that her mother means a lot for the wife is important, if you manage to patch things up, then the advice to encourage visits etc is excellent, oiling relations with both the wife and the grand mother

Negotiations are of course better than a court case. You will find that judges in Thailand don’t want to order unless they absolutely have to anyway so they will negotiate extensively. They know that Thais are unlikely to honour something that has been forced on them anyway

What someone wrote about foreigners always being in the wrong is total rubbish. I have followed quite a few court cases between mixed couples in custody cases and you are lucky to be in a country where the implementation of juvenile law is so much in the best interest of the child. There is no bias against fathers and no bias against westerners – that’s better than Europe

“What will happen if i go for divorce, is there chance I wont get 50/50 custody” – Strange wording. If you are legally married, then you already have 50/50 shared custody. Since mother filed about abuse, yes, there is a small risk you lose custody if the mother also brings witness, otherwise not. You can also bring witnesses so play it well, show plenty of evidence that you are a good father and that is not going to happen. Removing custody will Only happen if the judges consider you dangerous for the child, that will take a lot. The real question is Not about custody or not, it’s about possession of the child. Will you get 2-5, 3-4 or 4-3 or 5-2? Or something else is of course also possible

“What do you think it is my wife wants, does she wnt to be boss and I kiss her backside all the time, thats why she's holding out, or does she really not want to be with me and then why will she not get a divorce???” Think like this: Where is the wife now and where are you? Does it matter *to her* if there is a decision about divorce or not? I don’t think it matters so why should she take a decision? Why should she divorce at all by the way? What is the benefit *for her* in doing that? If you want her to take a decision, then you must make it matter for her. Gather evidence about you being a good father first, then make it matter

“thought sueing her mom for interfering might make her go in one direction or the other, but still nothing, very strange!!” Who says that it didn’t matter? You attacked her mother, that must have mattered, that is so disrespectful of you. What level did you sue? Was it just file at police station or was it also the second step – pushing it to the district attorney? First step means nothing and the mother probably knows that. Sounds like you did first level only, is it pushed to the courts? Why is it strange that she does nothing? Think from her perspective. Any benefit in formally divorcing? You may find that it mattered in that it will make it more difficult to get her and your son to come back from the grand mothers home. If that is the case, then you should initiate proceedings at juvenile court as quickly as possible as advantage is with the one in possession of the child. Try to get her and the child home first, then start proceedings though. Or here is a strange approach that I don’t think would work… Go and live with the mother in the grand mothers house for a month or so. Reason: You are the father and you want to be with your child

Sounds like you love the girl and are in a mess because you don’t know what is going to happen. I recognise that feeling I recommend you to think differently, the woman you love now matters much now but the day you realise / accept that she doesn’t care about loving you any longer, then you will slowly get over it, you will have to force yourself to get over it – takes a year or so. What already matters and will matter much more once that day comes is your child. Women hate to be ignored, it could even do your case with the girl good, you could make her realise that you after all matter, but regardless, your child is the most important thing

Something you wrote made me think of this; You misunderstand - It is not necessarily what this woman wants, maybe she already has it, it’s Why should she act? Does it matter for her? Selfishness is deeply rooted in spoilt people

There is nothing called full custody according to Thai law – you have shared custody, it can change to sole custody, no full custody. Possession of the child is what you will fight for. I think the mother, spurred by the grand mother will fight like a tiger in this case. And they have the financial means too. You are probably looking at 3-4 at best (unless you really can prove with very good evidence that you are a better and more suitable parent). 3-4 means problem – where should the child go to school? Probably close to where the mother lives. Can you utilise 3 days? Or can you only use weekends? But what if it’s several hours away from Bangkok? Any better option? 2-5 wouldn’t surprise me, mother has all financial means and is well educated etc, grand mother has already started working on you getting even less than that it seems. Don’t be patient and gather evidence and you could very well look at 2-5 or worse. Don’t expect spoilt selfish women to act morally in a divorce… Play it well and nanny witnessing about you being a good father and the child asking for her daddy can give you 50/50

Always think in terms of what is best for the child and Good Luck

Mikey

[gregb]

You may have destroyed the chances of that meaning anything by buying house in her name (if she was married then you had to sign that house is considered “before marriage” and hers).

Actually, that paper you sign is irrelevant. It has no standing in a divorce settlement. The purpose of that is so that the government officers can show they did their duty by verifying the funds to purchase the land came from sin suan tua of the wife. If they can't verify this, they can not allow the registration. If the OP committed fraud, and signed the paper when the funds really came from funds that were sin suan tua of himself, then that is a matter that is completely irrelevant to the divorce.

All the OP needs is sufficient documentation to show he purchased the house, and it will be treated as his asset. He can't own it of course. It will need to be sold and the money given to him, but the salient point is the wife won't get it. That paper at the land office means nothing. That is why there was the big stink last year about farangs using their wives as nominees to buy land.

Otherwise, I agree with all your advice, but I still worry for the OP that staying with his wife will give her the opportunity to file other abuse charges, and if she self inflicts some injuries and gets a doctor's report, she will have a strong case for preventing him from gaining possession of the child due to his "abusive" nature. I'm not sure the OP can afford to risk that in this circumstance. It is a difficult choice. I still think he may be best taking the child and moving out and not telling the wife where they went.

[MikeyIdea]

You may have destroyed the chances of that meaning anything by buying house in her name (if she was married then you had to sign that house is considered "before marriage" and hers).

Actually, that paper you sign is irrelevant. It has no standing in a divorce settlement. The purpose of that is so that the government officers can show they did their duty by verifying the funds to purchase the land came from sin suan tua of the wife. If they can't verify this, they can not allow the registration. If the OP committed fraud, and signed the paper when the funds really came from funds that were sin suan tua of himself, then that is a matter that is completely irrelevant to the divorce.

All the OP needs is sufficient documentation to show he purchased the house, and it will be treated as his asset. He can't own it of course. It will need to be sold and the money given to him, but the salient point is the wife won't get it. That paper at the land office means nothing. That is why there was the big stink last year about farangs using their wives as nominees to buy land.

Thanks for that info, interesting

[Boo]

post suggesting violence has been removed

[philliphn]

I'll save Boo the trouble.

------------------------------------------------------.

Edited September 15, 2010 by philliphn

[Thunderbird4ever]

Hi,

You might be heading down a road to a very unpleasant situation and some serious trouble in the future if you don't get your things together very soon. The lying police report she filed says it all and shows you exactly what she is capable of. There might be more of this in the near future, more accusations and fabricating of evidence to be used against you.

It can be various reasons for her to want a divorce. One might be the house that you own. Legally she has no right to the house if you bought it solely from your money but she might think she has which makes all the difference. As one poster said about the alimony and that is true, because most Thai woman really don'thave a clue what they are entitled to get after a divorce. Most of them actually think they will get half of everything no matter what. But they are so wrong.

After being here for ten years and what I have seen, stories I ve heard and had some myself too and your words about her being from either this or that family and that she doesn't want your money means zero, nothing, nada or whatsoever. If you live by those rules and you will lose as much as you can in Thailand. You should rather think the opposite and that this is all what she is after when in a relation with you.Many of them look at having kids with a farang is an easy way to the cash and that raising kids will have no financial worries then.

Here is my suggestions for you. You don't seem to have problems with money so step up and do the most what money can buy.

1. Gather as much evidence you can that will benefit you in legal process in a divorce. Without thinking about it and everybody always has much more evidence then first thought.Take care of all bills for everything regarding your household and for your kid. I am talking bills from toy stores, clothes to your son, trips you took him on etc.

Gather all photos you have of things you have done together with him. Everything that can prove you are a good father and that you love and care for your son the most.

Write down things that you remember of situations or some bad things she did that will tell she is not the most stabile mother. If any witness of situations or future situations make sure you know who they are. They can become handy.

2. Get agood private investigator to check up on your wife and what she really is doing when away from you or for that matter when around your house. If there is something to find like a lover or other things it will benefit you in the court. If you belive there is no reason to belive so you should still do it to leave out any doubts. A P.I. is not expensive.

3. Get a good lawyer who deals with family cases and work your case from there.

4. Make sure the nanny stay untill its all over. Take good care of her and make sure she will witness for you. She is a key witness and very important you.

5. Stop giving your wife money….. hmmm.... I am not so sure if this is the best....

You basically have two scenarios then. 1. She could use your soon in a way you have never seen before to get money or just to piss you off. If you dont stop giving her also the courts can see that you paid her money as long as you were married. That's a plus. 2. I don't know about her financial situation but if you do stop giving her money for some months or half a year she most likely will miss the cash and it would probably be a greater chance to negotiate with her over some hard cash so you could get sole custody. Basically buying the last 50% of your son.

If you manage to get sole custody you are in the best position. You can still let the mother see him a lot or it to be like you had shared custody but everything will solely be up to you. The only downside with sole custody for you is your work situation and that you are away for periods. As your exwife is now only the biological mother and without any responsabilities she can also if she is a real nut case refuse to see your son. Most likely she would like to see and stay with him occasionally but nothing surprises me anymore in this country.

If you aim for full custody make a big issue out of, if you do not get it, that your sons mother will be held accountable for all costs and expenses and expensive international schools etc 50/50 and that you will pay no more than 50%. And that your son need international schooling as he hold dual citizenship and if not that it could be a problem for your son later in life if wanting to go study, live or work there. The courts will aknowledge this and look at it as a downside in a relationship when having kids with a foreigner and then braking up.

When the exwife gets the message and It suddenly is not so fun to have a son thats gonna cost her 25000 Baht a month.

Now you are living in a situation where your son will and are being used between you and your wifes problems. This needs to stop as it will only effect your son in a very negative way.

A divorce and a court order is the way to go. They will give you your share of your kid which makes it impossible to run away with him or deny you to see him. If she does and you have a court order you can go to the police in the district where the child is and they will take your kid out of her arms and give him to you. If she keeps on doing this you just file a new lawsuit and she will loose custody.

Without a court order and a divorce they can not do anything other than go with you to the house where your son is and make sure there will be no fight or whatever between you andy our wife. If no divorce and you wont get him back if she refuse. If no divorce its like who has your son has him. If you had him in your arms and police came with your wife to your house without a court order It's all the same, they wont pull him out of your arms either if you refuse. No court order = police no power.

I strongly recommend you to take action right away before the situation gets out of control and you suddenly find yourself in some real difficulties. Do all the things above and don't wait very long with any of them or the courts. It's a scary situation trying to wait a year more or just to gather more evidence. So many things could be going on in the background already that you don't know anything about. Beef yourself up and take necessary steps to avoid any further or unseen problems. Don't fear the process of getting divorce but fear the situation you are in now and if doing nothing.

No matte rwhat happens. One of you will have to give in about where to stay as your son cant be cut in two and in the future the kid can only attend one school.

Edited September 16, 2010 by Thunderbird4ever