Living In A Village Advise Please

[bkkmadness]

I sort of half and half agree with this, it does help at least initially if you wife/GF is your first line of defence, you should try however IMHO try to swich that to yourself as soon as you can, if anyone wants anything here my wife just tells them to come and ask me. It saves her having to try and make excuses and most of the time they wont even bother to ask me. You wont get much respect out of Thai men by being seen to be your wifes puppet.

Your right RC, I should've clarified my point, of course you can't expect your wife or gf to take all the bullets for you and you should start showing you make the decisions concerning your life as soon as possible, I suppose the old 'face' thing comes in to play a bit here.

I suppose what I mean is at least have her on your side for one thing, some people find that their wives just extend the pleas of the family to them and thats not right, the wife should be looking out for your situation as much as the rest of her families though of course it can be very difficult for them so this is where you have to put the foot down and show that the buck stops with you, it alleviates the responsibilty from her also.

And the real thing I mean about 'first line of defence' is many of these requests of money and help should not even be reaching you, your wife or gf should know your thoughts on the matter concerning lending money out to people and be able to give a solid answer for you rather than "ok I will go and ask him for you".

If its a trickier situation concerning close family and much needed money for something important then the wife or gf can discuss it with you in private, but all these silly pleas for cash for whiskey from the local scroungers can be sent away without you even knowing about it.

I myself also like having the family and locals around, made some great friends up there, never get asked for cash and am always given beer, food and whiskey by everybody and one of the local guys is killing a chicken on my next visit in about two weeks for supper, as long as I can catch it! But then I suppose I'm just lovable.

BTW Is it cheating to catch a chicken with the use of a large rifle or am I expected to run around after the bloody thing?

[RamdomChances]

BTW Is it cheating to catch a chicken with the use of a large rifle or am I expected to run around after the bloody thing?

Usually you get them at night, just creep up on them when they are sleeping, for day time use a sling shot to stun them first

[Nam Kao]

This is a great thread, I brought this up in a previous thread and was chastised

for being "too paranoid" about getting fleeced

The key here is just portray yourself to be poor. Its hard to do as most wives

want to show the locals she is rich to gain more status. No matter where you

are in Thailand the vultures will be circling - seen or unseen. As they circle

look strong, as they are are searching for the weak animal to swoop down on.

Weak meaning the gullible falang with money. Dont think about this as a

falang problem, these vultures also prey on each other and other gullible Thais.

Dont get resentful, its a game, a sick game but still a game. Have fun with it.

At first i took it personally and was really steamed, but after watching them in

action I realize these people will rip-off anyone -brother,mother,best friend etc.

I was just an extra large jackpot

Once your labeled a "Dry Well" they will leave you alone and stop asking.

But as long as your doling out $$$ you be on many radars.

Good Luck

Nam

Edited July 23, 2005 by Nam Kao

[bkkmadness]

BTW Is it cheating to catch a chicken with the use of a large rifle or am I expected to run around after the bloody thing?

Usually you get them at night, just creep up on them when they are sleeping, for day time use a sling shot to stun them first

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I can see me dragging a couple of the local kids along to help, I think I will be more of 'director of operations' in the chicken catching scenario.

Saying that, done 3 kms on the treadmill today so I might just surprise myself and grab the little bastard within a few seconds, that'll get the village talking. I started a wave of gossip last time by going out after a thunderstorm and catching a load of frogs for the next days breakfast. You gotta love that village living.

[ozzydom]

I sort of half and half agree with this, it does help at least initially if you wife/GF is your first line of defence, you should try however IMHO try to swich that to yourself as soon as you can, if anyone wants anything here my wife just tells them to come and ask me. It saves her having to try and make excuses and most of the time they wont even bother to ask me. You wont get much respect out of Thai men by being seen to be your wifes puppet.

Your right RC, I should've clarified my point, of course you can't expect your wife or gf to take all the bullets for you and you should start showing you make the decisions concerning your life as soon as possible, I suppose the old 'face' thing comes in to play a bit here.

I suppose what I mean is at least have her on your side for one thing, some people find that their wives just extend the pleas of the family to them and thats not right, the wife should be looking out for your situation as much as the rest of her families though of course it can be very difficult for them so this is where you have to put the foot down and show that the buck stops with you, it alleviates the responsibilty from her also.

And the real thing I mean about 'first line of defence' is many of these requests of money and help should not even be reaching you, your wife or gf should know your thoughts on the matter concerning lending money out to people and be able to give a solid answer for you rather than "ok I will go and ask him for you".

If its a trickier situation concerning close family and much needed money for something important then the wife or gf can discuss it with you in private, but all these silly pleas for cash for whiskey from the local scroungers can be sent away without you even knowing about it.

I myself also like having the family and locals around, made some great friends up there, never get asked for cash and am always given beer, food and whiskey by everybody and one of the local guys is killing a chicken on my next visit in about two weeks for supper, as long as I can catch it! But then I suppose I'm just lovable.

BTW Is it cheating to catch a chicken with the use of a large rifle or am I expected to run around after the bloody thing?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Just look for one laying on its side gasping for breath

[bkkmadness]

Just look for one laying on its side gasping for breath

I have a feeling that'll be me laying on my side gasping for breath.

[Buff-horns]

yes all the neighbours will cruise in and out for free food and beer. i have had to stop keeping any beer or alchohol on my premises as once they know you keep it they all keep popping by for a free beer.

they then keep asking 'why you no have beer' ? ,so i have to make up a story about having a dicky liver .its the only way to keep them out of the house

[ThaiPauly]

Why take the risk of living in a village in the 1st place?

It would be all hunky-dory for a while, just like a honeymoon and then the probs would/might start.

Live far enough away from inlaws etc to make them think twice about visiting you, that way you have privacy and only see the relos occasionaly.

Those of you who have a good life in a village are the exception, not the rule.

Over to you 

Cobber:  If you put the brakes on the money nobody wants to have anything to do with you.

You will have 2 english speaking friends , UBC and thaivisa.com.

When you've had enough who will buy your house.

Very true....

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Ozzydom,

Udon is spot on, whats wrong with where you live now.? I have your tel number and will give you a call tomorrow at some stage, PM me a good time to call

Cheers, all is not lost. Sleep welll

TP

[BaanOz]

I sort of half and half agree with this, it does help at least initially if you wife/GF is your first line of defence, you should try however IMHO try to swich that to yourself as soon as you can, if anyone wants anything here my wife just tells them to come and ask me. It saves her having to try and make excuses and most of the time they wont even bother to ask me. You wont get much respect out of Thai men by being seen to be your wifes puppet.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Ram,

That would depend on whether you could speak Thai and the local dialect may be different again. I wonder how many falang's whould attempt to live in a small village with little Thai language skills?

Cheers BaanOz

[udon]

Madness's idea for a poll is good, but how should it be worded?

Any suggestions?

[ZZZ]

Get an old vending mashine for the beer and set it to 5, 10, 20, 30 Bath depending on how much company you want.

[Khutan]

Get an old vending mashine for the beer and set it to 5, 10, 20, 30 Bath depending on how much company you want.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Now thats a good idea.

[expatinasia]

mattnich,

An interesting story of you and your wife. Opps, I wrote that the woman in your relationship was your "wife" - that implies a certain level of formality and legality. I meant to write "TW" which is a living relationship devoid of formality, legality and, in your case, any semblance of respect.

Let's see, your Thai Wife gives away your food, your drink, your household appliances, and your consumer electronics. She allows people to "borrow" tools and vehicles without any understanding that they have to either be returned in working order, or returned at all. She takes your money to support your household and gives it to her friends and relatives so they can sit around and drink. Gosh, does she have a sister? How can I get on that gravy train?

Is the universe of women who will sleep with you so small that you have to put up with this behavior? When you got "married", did you give your TW the custody of your brain, your self-respect, your testicles, and your spine? I'd expect that a man with a scintilla of self-respect to leave this dysfunctional relationship behind. However, you're staying because you hope she'll change. She won't, and you'll only have yourself to blame when you're disappointed yet again.

[Khutan]

Expatinasia;

I can't make my mind up of you are trying to Flame me or have a troll.

<snip> did you give your TW the custody of your brain, your self-respect, your testicles, and your spine?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yes, I am legally married. So wou can bury that line of attack.

There is a mixture of influences going on here, particularly cultural, If you had ever lived for more than a day or two in a remote village, then you would see that yourself, oh, but hold on, I am making assumptions about someone I havn't met.

I'd expect that a man with a scintilla of self-respect to leave this dysfunctional relationship behind

Sorry, when did I say the relationship was disfunctional. I was just saying how it was. What I am also reading is; you are saying I should walk away from my marraige, because my wife still respects her culture.

However, you're staying because you hope she'll change.  She won't, and you'll only have yourself to blame when you're disappointed yet again.

Sorry, you are telling me what is in my mind. I don't ever remember meeting you in person, so where do you think you can make that assumption.

I would like to know somethig about you, so I can make assumptions about your life.

So some actions from this, for you to answer, so we can all judge you:

What is the longest uninterupted time you have lived in an isolated village.

What is the village

What was the period of time. (Dates Please)

What is the location (Province/Chaing-wat, Ampour)

How many people live there.

How many spoken languages are there in the village

What are the cultural influences (Thai/Issan/Khmer/Lao etc)

Who were the people who bought you to the village(TW, BG etc).

How much money did you spend over this period of time.

Did you pay for anyone else tom come to the village.

Do you live in a village yourself now

Or Can I answer this for you ?

[Sir Burr]

Mattnich,

As I've said before, I don't live in a Thai village, but have gone back to my wife's village in Esaan a number of times. I too got the demands for beer, lao kao etc. I coughed up. When they came and asked again, I smiled and said no. They then went to my wife and asked her. She backed me up and said no as well.

I explained your original post to my wife and she said that your wife was in the wrong (her opinion, not mine), she should have put you first and looked after your interests, after all, we are not talking about mama and pappa here. She also didn't believe the story of half the cattle feed being "donated" to someone less fortunate. She reckoned it was a scam.

You know your wife better than anyone on this forum, what is your explanation as to why she did what she did?

[Khutan]

Mattnich,

As I've said before, I don't live in a Thai village,

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Sir Burr;

My response wasn't directed to you.

[Sir Burr]

Mattnich,

As I've said before, I don't live in a Thai village,

Sir Burr;

My response wasn't directed to you.

Mattnich,

Yes I realise that. I'm just sticking my nose in where it probably isn't wanted.

I'm just curious as to why your wife didn't look after your interests and also why you have put up with this blatant disrespect shown to you by members of the village. As I've said before, I'm no expert on village life but my wife is and she asked me to ask you. If you don't want to answer, I fully understand.

[ray23]

From the amounts of money I have seen being talked about, it is clear where the problems lie.....

Lets face it, if you flash your wealth around someone poorer will want to partake of some of it, anywhere in the world. If some of you guys had of been a bit more prudent to start with, you wouldnt have the trouble you have now.

I agree that you have to set the limits from the very start of your relationships, whether it be with the missus or with her family. Once you are seen as a soft touch it is hard to alter that perception. You have to be seen to be firm but fair.

To the guys that want to build huge walls around their houses.....Thai society especially in villages is an open house society...people will drop by all the time, (not always to bludge food, drink or money) By building the physical barriers you are also building social barriers...you are isolating yourself and telling the villagers that you dont want to be a part of their society. That is when the problems start.

In the times that I have been in villages, I have never experienced these problems, I think IMHO that it boils down to respect.....if they respect you as a person they will treat you as a part of the village...if they dont respect you, they will try and scam you, bludge of you and rip you off.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

As luck woud have it I happen to know the guy in this story, he is not pretentious at all, gets out and gets his hands dirty everyday on the farm. His problem he is a nice guy and tried to give these people an opportunity to better thier lives through some financial help and hard work

Thank goodness not all Thais are like these people and not all the people of Issan are either. I have Thai friends here in Issan, but they never ask me for anything and always pay thier share when we do things. What this guy got hooked up with were a bunch of con artist's.

This guy's crime was not acting the big shot far from it. His crime was to be a good person and try to better other peoples lives. As to these people respecting him no, they don't nor would they respect anyone. As he has earned thier respect. They are using thier beautiful daughter, to earn thier living. so if there is a loss of respect to be had here, it is not him.

Edited July 24, 2005 by ray23

[Darkling]

RC, it varies from village to village, the one my wife's family is shocking, and the only time I will spend more than a few days is when I have plenty of falang around

Matt I'm actually gobsmacked reading this, you experiances could not be more different to mine. Why do you put up with it?

I have a Thai style 2 story house we live upstairs, nobody comes up there without an invite, thats not something that I had enforced, just no one does it. Nobody borrows anything with out my say so (or the wifes if I'm not here)

Our whole village is related so is really one big extended family and I rarely get asked to lend money, when I have I usually do lend it and have always got it back.

I've got to be honest my mother-in-law is great, can be a real "battle axe" anyone who wants anything from me has to go through her first, if someone came to " borrow my pick-up," at 6 in the morning she would'nt even let them up to the house- unless it was an emergency.

I just can understand why people put up with this sh1t, suppose I've been lucky really.

It doesn't matter how senile the old people in the village are, what they say is fairly much the way things are. You must respectfully listen and be polite, no matter how rediculous their opinions are.

If it's one of the old people talking then yes usually I just nod and be polite, then go and do things exactly as I want any way If it's people around my own age, we'd probably sit around arguing about it and drinking whiskey until the early hours....and then I'd probably go and do what I wanted anyway

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

You have got it just right, and thats the way it should be. We have two pools with about 10000 fish in, my extended family believe i can actually count how many fish i have. I love it! They have taken some training though over the years.

[RamdomChances]

I sort of half and half agree with this, it does help at least initially if you wife/GF is your first line of defence, you should try however IMHO try to swich that to yourself as soon as you can, if anyone wants anything here my wife just tells them to come and ask me. It saves her having to try and make excuses and most of the time they wont even bother to ask me. You wont get much respect out of Thai men by being seen to be your wifes puppet.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Ram,

That would depend on whether you could speak Thai and the local dialect may be different again. I wonder how many falang's whould attempt to live in a small village with little Thai language skills?

Cheers BaanOz

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yes mate you are right, thats why I said " it does help at least initially if you wife/GF is your first line of defence" because in this initial period most people are unliklely to speak much Thai. I firmly belive however anyone considering moving to live in a Thai village should make some effort to learn some thai before going there and then continue to pick it up as you go along.

I certainly could'nt speak much thai when I came to live here(in the village). I'd only been in the country about 3 months before moving up, but once the decision was made I enroled for a months worth of thai classes, 1 hour a day one on one lessons and I even did my homework!! It was only a couple of thousand Bhat, probably the best money I've spent here. Although my Thai was still minimul when I came here it did give me a very good base to carry on learning.

What you have to remember is that if you move to a thai village, very few (if any) people will speak english. If you dont bother to learn to speak Thai you will be virtualy 100% reliant on your partner for everything.

[ray23]

I sort of half and half agree with this, it does help at least initially if you wife/GF is your first line of defence, you should try however IMHO try to swich that to yourself as soon as you can, if anyone wants anything here my wife just tells them to come and ask me. It saves her having to try and make excuses and most of the time they wont even bother to ask me. You wont get much respect out of Thai men by being seen to be your wifes puppet.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Ram,

That would depend on whether you could speak Thai and the local dialect may be different again. I wonder how many falang's whould attempt to live in a small village with little Thai language skills?

Cheers BaanOz

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yes mate you are right, thats why I said " it does help at least initially if you wife/GF is your first line of defence" because in this initial period most people are unliklely to speak much Thai. I firmly belive however anyone considering moving to live in a Thai village should make some effort to learn some thai before going there and then continue to pick it up as you go along.

I certainly could'nt speak much thai when I came to live here(in the village). I'd only been in the country about 3 months before moving up, but once the decision was made I enroled for a months worth of thai classes, 1 hour a day one on one lessons and I even did my homework!! It was only a couple of thousand Bhat, probably the best money I've spent here. Although my Thai was still minimul when I came here it did give me a very good base to carry on learning.

What you have to remember is that if you move to a thai village, very few (if any) people will speak english. If you dont bother to learn to speak Thai you will be virtualy 100% reliant on your partner for everything.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Congraulations, well done. That is good advice if your going to live anywhere in Thailand other then the tourist areas. Even in areas like Udon if can not speak Thia you are very limited in business dealings of any kind and you have cut yourself off from the majority of the community around you. Even the best meaning wife who has no business experience can get you into some very interesting positions, in conducting business.

[Khutan]

Oh, I just wrote a long response and got a TCP/IP error

Ok, SirBurr, the essense of it, my wife does support me, but she has to also pay respect to her culture. Yes I make sure she knows I am angry, and then its over. There is more to live than a fridge, some food and a sattelite Kit.

The Villagers don't know anything different and you can't blame them for it. That is the world they live in, and they don't have any experience much outside the village. The number of people from the village who have actually left the province and been to bangkok is about 10, the number who have been outside Thailand (apart to visit family in Cambodia) is 1, my wife.

I am sure I offend them as well, but it is their village and their lives, I am just a guest.

I am also trying to highlight the "yaening" cultural gap. It isn't anyone's fault.

The village is very isloated, no sealed roads and electricity is only recent. There are only 3 telephones in the village, which are public.

To get an idea here are the gps coordinates of the general location 103 41' 56" E 14 26'18.1" N There isn't alot there

[Khutan]

Here is an overhead of where I am talking about. The Yellow line in the border with Cambodia, and the village is in the far top centre of the photo.

[pnustedt]

There isn't alot there

Tks for showing the remoteness of your home.

I'm planning to build on a remote plot outside our village and my main concern is security. Our property is not so close to the Cambo border tho (in Amphur Prank Khu near Sisaket). I have heard stories of cross border bandit raids - is this an issue in your village?

Most of the problems highlighted in this thread will not apply if tight security measures are applied, i.e. only invited guests can get in, if anyone did get in uninvited I would set the wife on them

[Dragonman]

There isn't alot there

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Tks for showing the remoteness of your home.

I'm planning to build on a remote plot outside our village and my main concern is security. Our property is not so close to the Cambo border tho (in Amphur Prank Khu near Sisaket). I have heard stories of cross border bandit raids - is this an issue in your village?

Most of the problems highlighted in this thread will not apply if tight security measures are applied, i.e. only invited guests can get in, if anyone did get in uninvited I would set the wife on them

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Thing is most of the problems I encountered were with invited guests re. cousins, nephews, aunties, etc. They were welcome to my hospitality but not the complete contents of my fridge Thing is I could leave cash around the house anywhere and no one would touch it, but "whatevers your food, alcohol and vcd's is also mine". My wife used to tell me "but I go and take anything when I'm in their house". Yeah but they only have water in the fridge.

[pnustedt]

Thing is most of the problems I encountered were with invited guests re. cousins, nephews, aunties, etc. 

Yeah, I can see that being irritating. When I'm staying at mum-in-law's most of the stuff I put in the fridge walks, but there are 2/3 families living there. Why not put a padlock on the fridge?

[dereklev]

I live in a village about 40kms from Korat and 10kms from the nearest small town NoneThai.

So not really remote but it is "Village Life".

My wife comes from a large family, 6 brothers and 1 sister. Some successful some not. They all live within 5kms of us, my sister in law lives next door....

Other than my wife's sister (older) requests, I haven't experienced any of the problems that so many of you seem to suffer.

I spent a couple of months there before I agreed to build on the plot my mother in law gave us when we got engaged.

When we built we hired a builder from Korat who understood that as many of the villagers as possible should be employed buiding the house.

This helped intergrate me into village life as I gave many of them work when none was available elsewhere.

I speak enough Thai to have basic conversations with the villagers and smile as much as they do!

I give my wife money on an adhoc basis, this is hers to do what she likes with. Some goes to her family I am sure but the majority is in her bank account.

She also gets a monthly allowance to cover the household expenses. I pay the bigger bills like insurance, car repayments etc.

I have helped out a couple of my poorer brother in laws and have always been paid back as and when agreed. I know that if I was not repaid I would be offered the money by a better off member of the family, not that I would take it.

I have 14 nieces and nephews ranging from 9 months to 20 years old. They are the only ones who raid my fridge and then it is mainly for ice cream and coke etc.

A couple of the older ones and a couple of my brother in laws are partial to the odd beer or three but would never take without asking or being offered.

I didn't make any ground rules when we married, it wasn't neccessary and hasn't been in the 2 years we have been wed.

Guess that I am lucky that my wife comes from a decent hardworking family who treat me the same as they treat eachother and not as a "Walking ATM"!

I am sorry that so many of you are being "fleeced" but perhaps you should have spent more time getting to know your prospective family and village folk.

When you marry a Thai girl, especially from Isaan, you get the family too.

For better or for worse.....

For richer for poorer......

[daleyboy]

When you marry a Thai girl, especially from Isaan, you get the family too.

Here here Derek, some people seem to forget this fact of marrying a Thai girl.

[udon]

I'm still looking for a tall, skinny orphan.......

[dereklev]

When you marry a Thai girl, especially from Isaan, you get the family too.

Here here Derek, some people seem to forget this fact of marrying a Thai girl.

Forget it at at your peril!

It is the most important thing to REMEMBER!