Marriage put off as sinsod not available

[OlRedEyes]

I would not turn around and advise any foreigner to say to his 'mom' "I dont believe in paying any dowry". When you marry a Thai, you marry into a family - you dont need to make yourself disliked even before you are married.

On the other hand, do you need to make it clear to the family that you are a sucker?

A happy cash cow

[Stephen Cleary]

I would not turn around and advise any foreigner to say to his 'mom' "I dont believe in paying any dowry". When you marry a Thai, you marry into a family - you dont need to make yourself disliked even before you are married.

On the other hand, do you need to make it clear to the family that you are a sucker?

A happy cash cow

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

A sucker?

If you had read the post more clearly you would have read that there are often advantages to be had when paying a dowry of some kind. You have to get a deeper insight into Thai culture and traditions before you can be one-sided.

A happy cash cow??

Well, that obviously depends what kind of Thai family you plan or are married into.

I wouldn't generalize.

[phazey]

Hmmm,

I never paid anything when i got married - alough i think i am paying for it now...gotta run, have ironing to finish! - shit the kids dinner is burning! i need a hug

[phuketsiam]

Yes, the Sinsod is important. My husband gave my mum the money, 60,000B

the village headman counted it out in front of everyone, to make sure it was correct!!

my mum did not have to give it back either, so she was happy

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I never hear any guys complaining about UK traditions

That's because here, it's a double standard of tradition. Thais rarely keep the sinsod when it's an all Thai wedding. However when it's a falang-Thai wedding, the fellow in question often gets the moo satay treatment.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Heng are you sure about this, when I married my wife the sinsod was returned to me after the wedding, but wifey's cousin later married a super rich Thai Chinese guy, sin sod included a new merc as well as gold and cash, the merc ended up with the bride, the bride's mum kept the cash (900,000 I believe) and the gold went into a safe for the future (who's future I'm not sure). As I understood it the bride's family weren't that bothered about the sinsod, their daughter had been with the guy since they were teenagers, but the super rich groom's family wanted a big deal of a wedding (face and all that)

it was a good bash though

So do thai's always return the sinsod or is it optional, my wife's brother who doesn't make much money married an Isaan girl from a poor family and he is still paying of the loan for his sinsod ( i didn't go to that wedding, lucky me )

Its all a mystery to us Farangs I think, so may variations and conflicting stories

[raro]

It really depends on the family. Just came back from Isaan and negotiated the whole marriage deal. Yes, they keep the cash, on the other hand the family did their utmost efforts to get all kids through High School and University...I've got now a "package-deal" - drop the cash, enjoy the party and take the girl home.

Seriously, I don't feel bad about it!

[Stephen Cleary]

Yes, the Sinsod is important. My husband gave my mum the money, 60,000B

the village headman counted it out in front of everyone, to make sure it was correct!!

my mum did not have to give it back either, so she was happy

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I never hear any guys complaining about UK traditions

That's because here, it's a double standard of tradition. Thais rarely keep the sinsod when it's an all Thai wedding. However when it's a falang-Thai wedding, the fellow in question often gets the moo satay treatment.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Heng are you sure about this, when I married my wife the sinsod was returned to me after the wedding, but wifey's cousin later married a super rich Thai Chinese guy, sin sod included a new merc as well as gold and cash, the merc ended up with the bride, the bride's mum kept the cash (900,000 I believe) and the gold went into a safe for the future (who's future I'm not sure). As I understood it the bride's family weren't that bothered about the sinsod, their daughter had been with the guy since they were teenagers, but the super rich groom's family wanted a big deal of a wedding (face and all that)

it was a good bash though

So do thai's always return the sinsod or is it optional, my wife's brother who doesn't make much money married an Isaan girl from a poor family and he is still paying of the loan for his sinsod ( i didn't go to that wedding, lucky me )

Its all a mystery to us Farangs I think, so may variations and conflicting stories

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Here, in regards to Dowry - there is a double standard.

You are right, but this double standard phenomenon is quite unique - only to the foreigners marrying into rural Thai families, especially from the country's North-east.

North-east tradition - the mother keeps the dowry but it is usually only a small one as both families are often poor. Newbie foreigners are often asked to pay a huge dowry, you CAN call that double standards.

Again generalizing is dangerous.

There are many a foreigner who has had his dowry returned or part of it in custom with the family tradition or what is thought suitable to pay.

>Unless you are willing to support a poor family from the beginning, then go find yourself a Thai wife who already comes from a family with money.

Simple as that.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

or, as previously suggested, marry an orphan ? LOL Or a previously married lady, or a low life, or one with a kid. Negates the Sin Sot obligation

[vinny]

A Sin Sot FAQ

[hansnl43]

or, as previously suggested, marry an orphan ?  LOL  Or a previously married lady, or a low life, or one with a kid. Negates the Sin Sot obligation 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

maybe I was dumb, I paid 200,000 baht for my wife, although she was divorced and had a child.

Anyhow I have survived it and I am happy with her

[Ollie]

or, as previously suggested, marry an orphan ?  LOL   Or a previously married lady, or a low life, or one with a kid. Negates the Sin Sot obligation  

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

maybe I was dumb, I paid 200,000 baht for my wife, although she was divorced and had a child.

Anyhow I have survived it and I am happy with her

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

You're not dumb - for the reasons you state.

A great FAQ, by the way, Vinny!

I think its case of live and let live. I got what I wanted out of this thread and I'm grateful for that and now it does appear to be going in circles, those who accept the principal of the sinsod, in all its forms, and those against.

At the end of the day, once reasonably informed, its a personal choice.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

or, as previously suggested, marry an orphan ?  LOL   Or a previously married lady, or a low life, or one with a kid. Negates the Sin Sot obligation  

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

maybe I was dumb, I paid 200,000 baht for my wife, although she was divorced and had a child.

Anyhow I have survived it and I am happy with her

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Psssssssssst Wanna buy Sydney Harbour Bridge ?

[RAZZELL]

All girls, their backgrounds, families attitude to "sinsod" etc will be different.

Same same but different

[Bonaparte]

or, as previously suggested, marry an orphan ? LOL Or a previously married lady, or a low life, or one with a kid. Negates the Sin Sot obligation

Just read this, sucker off plane, leave brain at customs during holiday, holiday over, apply for visa with handsome man.

Married before sinsod already paid, not required again.

Atleast the British Tax payer is not paying for her or her child after a holiday romance.

[Mid]

I paid 200,000 baht for my wife

[smartecosse]

I got married on the 15th of this month. Because of heavy expenditure on my property in London, I felt it was best to delay the wedding ceremony and sin sod. Didn't want us strapped for cash in the first few months of marriage.

It took a number of discussions with the family - particularly the mother - and it was agreed to shelve the ceremony until November.

We were allowed to get officially married first though, so my gf/wife was able to move back in with me.

Sin sod's negligible at 50,000 Baht and the option to spread the payments over 6 months. There has to be 10,000 in November though.

A sensible compromise was reached for all, IMO.

i'm sorry, are you marrying someone you love or buying goods on higher purchase?????

You can show money or gold.

Where I live you can "rent" gold for the day and then reurn it.

If this option has not been suggested to you then I would be getting a little bit suspicious.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

You must be joking. Rent gold?? The ones I know want money AND Gold and then keep on coming for more each month.

perhaps make new friends?

In answer to the question abut how much sinsod I paid, it was 25k baht. At the ceromony, the money and gold were in two seperate gold trays, the money was put into a cloth, I handed it over to my lady, who then handed it over to her mother, who had moved in close for this part of the ceremony.

The gold chains, kept by my fiance/betrothed, is significantly more valuable and kept by her, I know this, as I placed each chain around her neck and she wears one chain and carries the others with her all the time!!! Not even trusting the hotel safe.

Her family know I am buying a house in Thailand and quietly, when the time is right, I will make another payment. Thats my choice and that is what I will do.

glad it all worked out for you and best of luck etc but you are missing the point. The payment is meant to be there for EVERYONE to see, thats why quite often the money/gold is on show for all to see and then quietly handed back afterwards

With regard to the 'sin sod' and not too off-topic - my father-in-law's recent funeral cost my wife 350k baht.

The 'pick-the-bone' ceremony couldn't take place for over a week as the moon was not right. The mooban had a good time though!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

The last funeral I went to in the village was a three day pissup with 24hr Karaoke..

That cost 200K, but was covered by the insurance policies that the children had taken out for their father...

My wife and her sister have similar policies should their mum die... and it seems this is common for most people to do (in my wifes area at least)

totster

I'm curious as to how the cost gets so high, is it just "catering" etc to wish the departed on their way or are there other larger expenses?

[DavidOxon]

My Thai G/F and I were planning on getting engaged last November on our trip to 'meet the family'

I was feeling pretty good about it all, until my G/F mentioned Sin Sod. She'd thought it was given at the wedding, but her Mum said it was for the engagement. Mother in Law to be was asking for 800.000 BHT (Which G/F said would be returned) Being in the middle of Still sorting out finances after my Divorce, (still am!) this straw broke this camel's back, and I called the engagement off, as I just didn't have access to any spare cash till properties had been divided and sold.

I now suspect (having seen at closer quarters my G/F's 'number sense' I think the figure may have been 80.000, a much more manageble sum!

Family were understanding with my 'not quite ready yet' statement and hoped that we'd getmarried some time. So, that time has come, well next week anyway, for our UK wedding :D

We will get married again in Thailand in our next visit, which i guess will have the 'engagement' with Sin Sod just before. At least I have time now to sort out cashflow and save the money (should it be in fact 800.000!)

OK so far, so good!

My problem is G/F's Dad. her parents have been divorced a long time, and he has remarried

etc, but I know that he is in debt, and 'sponged' money off my G/F on our last trip.

I know she was upset by this, she works hard and saves etc, and she's dissappointed that her

Dad hasn't been able to do the same. NOW . . . guess what I'm thinking's gonna happen when we go to live in Thailand in a couple of years time?,

How can I tactfully get an estimate of his debt so that I can try and help him clear it (if it's not too much) so that my G/F isn't upset by him coming round for money?

Anyone else had this experience?

Answers on a postcard please!

David

[Mid]

apologies ,

to answer a ? , with a ?

what makes you think he'll stop ?

[Acquiesce]

What do you think is this typical or have I struck lucky?

Yes you hit the jackpot

[DavidOxon]

Dunno really, he has a specific one off problem, he owes the bank.

He's retired but still works part time

and his wife works as a teacher too

so I think if he could clear it then

they'd probably be ok.

[Mid]

well that's the gardener and house keeper sorted ...............

best wishes

mid

[DavidOxon]

actually, he's supposed to be very good with concrete and construction, so he could be useful

as an overseer when (if) we build our house!

[Heng]

Yes, the Sinsod is important. My husband gave my mum the money, 60,000B

the village headman counted it out in front of everyone, to make sure it was correct!!

my mum did not have to give it back either, so she was happy

I never hear any guys complaining about UK traditions

That's because here, it's a double standard of tradition. Thais rarely keep the sinsod when it's an all Thai wedding. However when it's a falang-Thai wedding, the fellow in question often gets the moo satay treatment.

Heng are you sure about this, when I married my wife the sinsod was returned to me after the wedding, but wifey's cousin later married a super rich Thai Chinese guy, sin sod included a new merc as well as gold and cash, the merc ended up with the bride, the bride's mum kept the cash (900,000 I believe) and the gold went into a safe for the future (who's future I'm not sure). As I understood it the bride's family weren't that bothered about the sinsod, their daughter had been with the guy since they were teenagers, but the super rich groom's family wanted a big deal of a wedding (face and all that)

it was a good bash though

So do thai's always return the sinsod or is it optional, my wife's brother who doesn't make much money married an Isaan girl from a poor family and he is still paying of the loan for his sinsod ( i didn't go to that wedding, lucky me )

Its all a mystery to us Farangs I think, so may variations and conflicting stories

Sorry for the slow reply. Was out swimming laps.

I'd say it's a fairly accurate generalization that it is indeed a double standard. You'll certainly find exceptions on both sides though (Thais not getting their dowry returned and falangs getting their dowry back).

[solo siam]

With regard to the 'sin sod' and not too off-topic - my father-in-law's recent funeral cost my wife 350k baht.

The 'pick-the-bone' ceremony couldn't take place for over a week as the moon was not right. The mooban had a good time though!

Sorry that just doesn't sound right, last time I was in Issan I went to a full blown wedidng with the whole village there, karaoke, Food etc...

Cost for the whole village was less than 35k including beer for 500+ people.

Even if you just said an average of two large changs, some good food and karaoke rental for the funeral, you are still talking about 80-100 baht per person, I can't believe the funeral had 3,500 people. You could build two houses for that much money!

[terrythesparky]

When I married my thai wife I paid 100,000 baht (1500 pounds at the time)to her family. we also put 350,000 baht on show at the wedding this was returned to me after the wedding. Her family have used the money to make life better for them. New roof on house etc. My wife used to send money home to her parents every month when she worked, now we have a son and she no longer works I send them 4000 baht every month. To me this is not wrong her parents are both over 70 and her farther is in a wheelchair they have no other income so how are they suppost to live?

Rinrada seems very anti thai as he had bad times with them or what. If he dislikes the thai way of life that much then like he said walk away from it. The money I send is only like going out for a meal and a beer once a month, instead I have dinner at home waited on hand and foot by the most lovely sexy woman I could hope to love me.

What is this small amount of money compared to being happy.

[aussiestyle1983]

When I married my thai wife I paid 100,000 baht (1500 pounds at the time)to her family. we also put 350,000 baht on show at the wedding this was returned to me after the wedding. Her family have used the money to make life better for them. New roof on house etc. My wife used to send money home to her parents every month when she worked, now we have a son and she no longer works I send them 4000 baht every month. To me this is not wrong her parents are both over 70 and her farther is in a wheelchair they have no other income so how are they suppost to live?

Rinrada seems very anti thai as he had bad times with them or what. If he dislikes the thai way of life that much then like he said walk away from it. The money I send is only like going out for a meal and a beer once a month, instead I have dinner at home waited on hand and foot by the most lovely sexy woman I could hope to love me.

What is this small amount of money compared to being happy.

Good on ya! Many others do the same as you and are happy to be doing so.

It sucks to see to many people on this site moan about Thai traditions yet they want to get married with a Thai? It just doesn't make sense. If you don't want to accept any Thai tradition or something you may have to do because you chose to have a relationship with a Thai, well then you need to wake up and move on. No one made you have a relationship with a Thai, so if you don't like a certain part of the relationship, go back to your country and start a relationship with a person with a similar culture to your own..................

[Simbo]

Can't you give the folks an IOU? How about a check?...

I refused to pay sinsod, I said that we didn't buy wives in the uK Her mother wanted her to go home with her directly, but my girl stuck with me. Then the face thing came out about showing the money to everyone. I suggested a cheque for any amount she wanted, but said it would bounce if they tried to cash it, They accepted this. Later returning it.

So a dud cheque worked for me.

However, I did pay 50k for the wedding, which, I reckon cost all of 15k.

[jayjayjayjay]

Yes, the Sinsod is important. My husband gave my mum the money, 60,000B

my mum did not have to give it back either, so she was happy

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I never hear any guys complaining about UK traditions

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

a super rich Thai Chinese guy, sin sod included a new merc as well as gold and cash, the merc ended up with the bride, the bride's mum kept the cash (900,000 I believe) and the gold went into a safe for the future (who's future I'm not sure). As I understood it the bride's family weren't that bothered about the sinsod, their daughter had been with the guy since they were teenagers, but the super rich groom's family wanted a big deal of a wedding (face and all that)

it was a good bash though

It's all a lot of show, I''m rich, I got power, come do lots of business with me ............. not so different from those who want there kids at Eton College!

[jayjayjayjay]

When I married my thai wife I paid 100,000 baht (1500 pounds at the time)to her family. we also put 350,000 baht on show at the wedding this was returned to me after the wedding. Her family have used the money to make life better for them. New roof on house etc. My wife used to send money home to her parents every month when she worked, now we have a son and she no longer works I send them 4000 baht every month. To me this is not wrong her parents are both over 70 and her farther is in a wheelchair they have no other income so how are they suppost to live?

Rinrada seems very anti thai as he had bad times with them or what. If he dislikes the thai way of life that much then like he said walk away from it. The money I send is only like going out for a meal and a beer once a month, instead I have dinner at home waited on hand and foot by the most lovely sexy woman I could hope to love me.

What is this small amount of money compared to being happy.

Good on ya! Many others do the same as you and are happy to be doing so.

It sucks to see to many people on this site moan about Thai traditions yet they want to get married with a Thai? It just doesn't make sense. If you don't want to accept any Thai tradition or something you may have to do because you chose to have a relationship with a Thai, well then you need to wake up and move on. No one made you have a relationship with a Thai, so if you don't like a certain part of the relationship, go back to your country and start a relationship with a person with a similar culture to your own..................

Cheers to both of you, .........

[markuk]

Sinsod is important, Brit is just too British about it.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

baby , SINSOD is important but its not that important , in general X TH family we dont care about it

na ka

Bambi

oh Bambina do i get you for free then??? hehe

[duratanium]

Farangs ain't ever goin' to understand this! At least not before they understand what poverty is! Not before they understand what a society is like without social security! Not before they understand what it's like when one has no money to buy medicine when one's ill!

Never going to understand?? In the UK we still have poverty and it isn't that long ago that people still had a sh*t house at the bottom of the garden and had to bathe in a tin tub, we had cholera, rickets - and no mobile phones, trucks, motorbikes etc etc that some seem to have now.

Also it is not THAT long ago dowries were paid in the U.K and many other western countries by the womans father.