Religion Can Help Queer Youth

[camerata]

Religion Can Help Queer Youth (and How Buddhism Helped Me)

By Natalie Wendt

Yesterday an estimated 1 million people wore purple to raise awareness about bullying of LGBTQ youth. In light of the highly publicized series of suicides related to homophobic bullying, many of us are wondering how we can help LGBTQ youth. To answer this question, I’ve been reflecting on what helped me as a queer teenager in an aggressively homophobic community. By the time I was 15, nearly every one of my LGBTQ-identified friends had tried to kill themselves. I was alone in not attempting suicide. There are many factors of course, but I keep thinking of Noach Dzmura’s comment in the current issue of Tikkun,”Liberal religions save queer lives daily.” Having a loving, inclusive religious community was the biggest sources of inspiration and support that I had, one that my queer friends and peers lacked.

I grew up in a fairly rural small town in an extremely conservative state. Bullying because of queerness, perceived queerness or gender difference was common and ranged from verbal harassment, threats, and having our lockers defaced to being kicked, pushed, beaten, and pelted with rocks. In high school, one of my out gay male friends received death treats at school, and as far as I knew, nothing was ever done about it. Though the peer bullying was terrible, it was adult acceptance of our harassment that wore us down.

I had a handful of wonderful teachers who I knew cared about us and would fight for us, but many others who ignored or even encouraged homophobia. There was no gay-straight alliance at our school and starting one, even less than a decade ago, felt impossible and unsafe. More than one teacher told their class that homosexuality was wrong or that gender nonconforming people were “mixed up” and needed fixing. Most teachers and administrators simply said nothing, especially when they needed to speak up. This wasn’t limited to homophobia. They were just as silent when boys groped objecting girls in class or when racial slurs were casually used by white students, even when students asked them to intervene. My town was just a few hours away from the then-headquarters of the Aryan Nations, and I remember very few teachers ever speaking a word against the violent hate group. (As I left for college, the Aryan Nations was sued into bankruptcy for shooting at two Native Americans who’d pulled over near the group’s compound).

I have a fantastic, supportive mother, but in the other adults in my town I saw a little hate and a lot of apathy in the face of injustice. Up until college I had never spoken to an out gay adult, but I had met vocal adult Holocaust-deniers and slews of silent adult bystanders. I think the suicidal despair of many of my queer peers came from the sense that no one cared what happened to us as much as it did from abusive bullying. Even I imagined a future plagued by harassment, surrounded by indifference. We had so few adults we would want to become, no wonder so many queer youth were, and are, desperate.

For me, the exception was my Buddhist community. At 14, thanks to my incredibly sympathetic mother, I began attending a sangha in a town 45 minutes away. I went every Sunday all through high school, and was generally the youngest person there by more than a decade. Not only did my liberal Buddhist community welcome me and present a spiritual path that didn’t condemn me out of hand, it introduced me to different adults. My experience was perhaps unique, but my sangha of American Buddhists included liberals objecting to cruelty, even some activists who spoke of their work in relation to their spiritual practice. In my hometown, religion was often used to justify hate, but in my sangha we spoke about personal ethics rather than sin, about working with our minds rather than converting the world. Though I still didn’t have queer role models, I saw adults who I wanted to be like. As I became part of the community, I began to think that maybe what I saw in front of me in high school wasn’t all there was. I was suffering, but I had tools to deal with that suffering, and I had something positive to center my life around. I had a space where my worth as a human being wasn’t in question. Everyone deserves this.

Buddhism does not have a perfect record of supporting queer rights. Some Western Buddhists, out of misunderstanding of the teachings, do fall into indifference when they should take action. But I know from experience that it does not have to be that way. I honestly don’t know what would have happened in my teens without my sangha. I might have be fine; I might not have. I’m glad I didn’t have to find out.

http://blogs.alternet.org/speakeasy/2010/10/21/religion-can-help-queer-youth-and-how-buddhism-helped-me/

[Ijustwannateach]

One of the things I like about Buddhism socially is that it is one of the few 'faiths' (if that's what it really is) which doesn't have a lengthy institutional history of homophobia. Of course, there are a lot of other reasons to like it, too.

[geriatrickid]

Thailand can appear to be quite tolerant, and yet, once you get a little deeper into the heads of people, one finds that the mentality is quite similar to other cultures. People are people and they still have the basic behaviour no matter the language, religion or skin colour.

The article uses an American Buddhist experience that is so very far removed from that of the typical rural gay kid in Thailand. In the west, the response to discrimination is usually governed by a codified response. The "system" provides a means of redress. In Thailand the "system" isn't there for those that have suffered discrimination. The benefits discussed in the article are more a product of having enlightened and understanding adults in proximity. It is no different in Thailand.

The big thing now in the USA is the hot potato of allowing openly gay people in the military. Thailand too has its military issue; that of the overt public humiliation of transgenders or openly effeminate males at the public inductions. It is great public sport to show up and laugh and otherwise publicly humiliate such people. So much for the culture helping a vulnerable young Thai male. Look at a Thai newspaper employment ad. The specific age and sex of a candidate is stated in many ads. Discrimination is part of the local culture and that is in part a reflection of the religious beliefs that allow for it.

Maybe religion can help, but the article is more a story of one person's personal growth. Gay kids don't need religion. They need love, reassurance and peer group support. This kid is going to be just fine.

Look at what two prominent religious leaders have to say; Phra Maha Wudhijaya Vajiramedhi is a best selling religious icon. He's the go to guy when talk shows need a talking head, or the news syndicates need a chewable quote. He's quite popular with rural people as well. He was the fellow that came up with the "good manners" curriculum released in Chiang Rai, where there is a high number of gay and transgendered monks. His temple instructs novices on issues like smoking, drinking alcohol, walking and going to the toilet properly. In his interview on its release he said he was particularly concerned by effeminate activities among novices. (I wonder where he will place the homosexual tendancy management? Before the how to poop nicely or after the smoking section?) Phra Vajiramedhi stated that it was difficult to exclude transgenders from the monkhood, but he hoped his course could at least persuade them to curb their more extroverted habits. Nice. Ok you gay kids, don't be yourselves. Back in the closet you go.

Another very popular religious leader is Phra Payom, abbot of Suan Kaew temple in Nonthaburi had this to say about gay and especially the transgendered monks;

They are an eyesore. They want to be gay, but haven't worked out how to do it yet. Yup, that's really tolerant and will help a kid.

In answering the question of how some temples have so many elderly gay monks, his statement was; They are often clever at arranging flowers, speak nicely to people, and can help senior monks putting on functions, so they end up staying.

Forget the guy is Thai, that could be any westerner's statement. Gays are good at arranging flowers. Nice to know.

Religion phooie.

[Ijustwannateach]

Another point of argument with the writer's article could be that 1. Buddhism is not really a 'religion' per se (according to some perspectives) and 2. it isn't religion per se which could help gay youth, but ANY accepting and supportive social organisation which gives them structure, leadership, and helps develop self-esteem. In that context, there's little enough of that sort of thing to go around even with straight youth- not that that's a bitter indictment of the whole nuclear family values shtick or anything....

[pauleddy]

As a gay buddhist, I know that buddhism has many fine features when compared with other organised religions. However, the OP's slant is a new one for me.

Homophobia is still rife here, except if you happen to live a cosmopolitan lifestyle in your luxury Sathorn condo, which means that you are cocooned. Same if you live in Earl's Court or Greenwich Village. My BF comes from the N.E., and young gays in the village get rocks thrown at them. He did not "come out" until he hit 29, came to BKK and lived in trendy Aree with me.

Yesterday, I was chatting quite happily with a taxi driver taking me home ('regular guy', football etc.). When he asked me about Thai wife, I told him Thai husband. The atmosphere changed within 10 seconds. He was not rude, but I could sense his homophobia.

I was surprised to read about homophobia 'preached' by top monks. Monks mustn't have sex anyway. Sex isn't in their sphere. Also, more importantly, they adhere to the Buddha's teachings on compassion and the truth of karma. If you are a sissy, it was your karma to be, and there is nothing anybody can do (or, indeed, would wish to). The top monks should stick to what they are supposed to be doing. Unfortunately, I have seen gay and non-gay monks drinking and smoking, and I have heard of worse stuff going on.

Thailand is a wonderful place to be gay if you just arrived from Redneck City Nebraska, and you have three weeks here to ball your brains out in Babylon. Scratch the surface, however, and you see the other side.

eddy

[isanbirder]

Homophobia is still rife here, except if you happen to live a cosmopolitan lifestyle in your luxury Sathorn condo, which means that you are cocooned. Same if you live in Earl's Court or Greenwich Village. My BF comes from the N.E., and young gays in the village get rocks thrown at them. He did not "come out" until he hit 29, came to BKK and lived in trendy Aree with me.

eddy

This seems to vary widely from place to place. I live in an Isan village, openly, with my gay partner; his brother is a katoey. We are all on good terms with the family, and there really seems to be no discrimination. What they say behind our backs is something else, of course, but I don't think the extended family has anything against us. I know that at least one of the monks in the temple in front of our house is gay also.

[SweatiePie]

Maybe religion can help, but the article is more a story of one person's personal growth. Gay kids don't need religion. They need love, reassurance and peer group support. This kid is going to be just fine

Agreed GK, but that's all I agree with!

Phra Maha is a best seller, but he is not a religious icon - anything but! Thais consider him an "abbot for hire", ready and willing to appear anywhere where he can preach his particular version of Buddhism, particularly in the foreign media. "popular with rural people"? There's a difference between being popular and being respected - his views are certainly not popular.

And Phra Payom? The only reason he became popular was because he got involved in politics - nothing to do with his religious beliefs.

]Thailand too has its military issue; that of the overt public humiliation of transgenders or openly effeminate males at the public inductions.[/size]

This is based on the article you posted recently, which is out of date, sensationalist and simply untrue (as I posted there, where I would suggest any continuation of this particular point should be made)

[SweatiePie]

My BF comes from the N.E., and young gays in the village get rocks thrown at them. He did not "come out" until he hit 29, came to BKK and lived in trendy Aree with me.

Well that's a "new slant" for me and has got to be one of the wierdest things I've ever read here. I'm not doubting your BF, but if that happens/happened on a regular basis then its something I've never heard of, let alone experienced.

I wasn't brought up in a "village", but I've got a lot of friends who were and we regularly go to their villages and schools and I've never heard even a suggestion of anything like this. I can't think of any reason why this would happen in one particular village, particularly if its as routine and as acceped as it sounds, but not in others (and I've lost count of those I've been to).

I'd be very interested to know what the reaction to your BF was when you visited his village with him - did you notice any adverse reaction then, particularly by his friends and family, and what about those who threw rocks at him when he was young?

[SweatiePie]

I only just noticed that this article was copied from Tikkun, a Jewish blog, and referred to an article by Rabbi Noach Dzmura in the blog. Unfortunately it is not possible to read the article unless you pay to become a member, but I have to confess that I had never noticed Judaism as being particularly accepting or supportive of homosexuality and I have always thought that Judaism, along with Christianity and Islam (all religions originating in the middle east) were among the most homophobic around. Things may have changed, but as far as I was aware although the Torah allowed for homosexuality this was only on condition that those with homosexual urges never gave in to them and committed homosexual acts. To me that's frustrating, not supporting!

[paulfromphuket]

Relgion is evil the soonner we dispose of it the better

[kropotkin]

Relgion is evil the soonner we dispose of it the better

Totally off topic ----- but also totally true.

[endure]

I only just noticed that this article was copied from Tikkun, a Jewish blog, and referred to an article by Rabbi Noach Dzmura in the blog. Unfortunately it is not possible to read the article unless you pay to become a member, but I have to confess that I had never noticed Judaism as being particularly accepting or supportive of homosexuality and I have always thought that Judaism, along with Christianity and Islam (all religions originating in the middle east) were among the most homophobic around.

As I mentioned in another post it was a combination of the Quakers, the Unitarians and Liberal Judaism who successfully lobbied the UK government to allow civil partnerships to be celebrated in religious settings, a practise which had previously been forbidden. It's something I would have expected the Quakers to do but, as I know little about Judaism, I'm not sure whether I should be surprised that Liberal Judaism got in on the act or not.

Where's Jing when you need him?

[SweatiePie]

As I mentioned in another post it was a combination of the Quakers, the Unitarians and Liberal Judaism who successfully lobbied the UK government to allow civil partnerships to be celebrated in religious settings, a practise which had previously been forbidden. It's something I would have expected the Quakers to do but, as I know little about Judaism, I'm not sure whether I should be surprised that Liberal Judaism got in on the act or not.

Where's Jing when you need him?

Very much "Liberal Judaism", I believe, as mainstream Judaism is very clear on the subject with different "degrees" of gay sexuality, particularly for lesbans and gays.

I had never come across the "Q" before in LGBTQ, but after I found out that it meant "questioning" rather than "queer" I suppose it makes a good deal of sense.

JingThing? As I said before, I may not have agreed with a lot of what he said but he was one of the very few regular posters here who had a broad knowledge base and I think the board is considerably poorer for his absence - as I think it is for JohnLeech's, who has e-mailed me that he too will no longer be posting here; by a very strange co-incidence I recently found out from him that we both went to the same school many moons ago!

[Ijustwannateach]

Jingthing is voluntarily no longer posting here for personal reasons- PM him if you like- and John Leech has been banned for violation of the rules and is no longer allowed to post. Let's stay on topic (see many posts above regarding religion and gay youth for examples of the topic).

I have some experience with liberal Judaism and it is ranges quite far from openly gay synagogues (though these are usually not widely recognised as 'proper' by other conservative institutions) to places where you simply don't study Hebrew or eat kosher. I would not be at all surprised to hear of one of the more intellectual liberal institutions cosponsoring an interfaith outreach to gay youth.