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Urgent! Need Love Adviser! What Sould I Do!?


annyka

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me and my bf are having trouble for 3 months already,,,we'd been fighting for the same thing and it turns no different...He was a good guy, honest, take care of me very well and never cheat on me in our 3 years relationship. He is a year older than me and now doing a master degree for political science at Thammasart Univ. and I am doing internship for some company around PlenChit.

Back to the point, he's been very lazy person as long as I know him, have no responsible for things he doesn't want to do, like if he dislike some class, he would not give a dam_n for it no more. He always got up late and skipped the class. always mention on eating, movie, game, no exercise blah blah blah, foolishly….i know this is not a big deal…but..i never have any flower from him, no gift for valentine's day..boring birthday…it could be my fault that I love romantic guy but he never be romantic to me….he's with me by his theory from books….his politic way. I always have hope for him that someday I would get flower, romantic or even a surprise gift. I always have hope for him that someday he would mention on his class, do some exercise, eat well, stop look down on people.

The big problem is, he never try to do anything except go to school…he got 3days classes in a week and 3hours in a day(from 17.00-20.00) so he got 4days free. And he do nothing just eat sleep readless and internet..that's it! He never take a trip with me whenever I ask him to go with me, like go to the beach or hiking. I think we are way too different now…I love to be volunteer while he thought it was nonsensical. I love hiking while he thought it was inconvenient. I love adventure while he thought it was rough. I don't like the way he look down people and reference it by many famous philosophers which I don't understand what he said. I said English is important while he said ''I give up'' I am a venture person, I love discover new thing by myself while he said venture is not in his dictionary and things are cleared by many philosophers. I'd been ok for his behavior for 3 years but now…since id been working full timejob in a company, I've leaned how much it's difficult. I have to wake up at 6 then get packed on the bts,off work at 5pm or over, back home and sleep as enough as I can for the new day. I have to study for the scholarship…I enjoy my busy life. I think busy is better than do nothing…back to him…he go to school from mon to wed (5-7pm) and for his free time…..internet , gaming, taking a nap, eat buffet..blah blah blah and the thing is he still have his salary from his parents! He aint got nothing!! We r very parallel and he never listen to me…

Several weeks ago, we got big fight, I said I'm done, I tried to break with him but he just didn't want me to go away so he seems very guilty and asked me for the last chance to improve himself….been 3 weeks, and he still the same and said

He : if you can not handle with my habit then go, I don't want you to stay uncomfortably

Me :so u give up? if so, it would be very kind of you to give my chance offering back

He : nope..

Me : then what? What do u want? I'm done with the same thing you'd never change.

He : let's just forget it ok…

……and everything turn no different over and over again…

My question is…I can say I'm trying to cheat on my bf, I try to get to know somebody who can talk to me and listen to me, hang out with me and laugh with me or whatever…even if I have none now but I still try to FIND someone who can be my more-than-friend. I just want to be relaxed with somebody…..am I do something wrong now? What should I do?

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Wow. That's quite a first post. Welcome to Thai Visa. What a cathartic tale. I note your comment about wishing to cheat on your b/f. Well, you certainly have come to the right place as I am sure there are plenty of boys here willing to help you out. I'm going to make an assumption here, that you are a female, in which case I am willing to offer myself to assist you in your time of need. I feel your pain, oh how I feel it. Now, I wouldn't call it cheating, as I can see that the relationship is over, so basically any of my activity would be an act of compassion in support of your emotional need. I believe that a man should be a good listener and show support to women. Sometimes I listen so intently it looks like I have fallen asleep, so don't think that if it looks that way when we are together. I really am paying attention.

Now before we take this further, I just need to make sure about a couple of things;

1. Are you ok with 4 legged critters chaperoning? The dog has a habit of running off with a bra and I've gotten in trouble before trying to pull it away. The cat usually has his special spot and you cannot sleep in it.

2. Does your mom know that you are on the internet talking about this and is she cool with you hooking up with a grown up, err I mean a new guy?

3. I don't have any Justin Bieber or Jonas Brother songs, so don't expect there to be any at my pace.

And so anytime you want to get it on, just toss me a note :partytime2:

Signed,

Your new best friend for like forever, or until a mod shuts this thread down :wub:

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In about 24hrs I hope to be able to post something in the "what have you done for Thailand?" thread :whistling:

Judging from the frequency of invitations OP is getting, SHE is likely to be able to post something in "Have you seen this snake?" thread within 24 hours...

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You know the answer . The answer is to leave him, you experienced something and you are past it. You want him to change and when you tried or pretended to leave he said he would but of course he wont and cant and maybe he shouldn't have to change. so its best you find another and remember you cant make a man change. BR

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Heres the big picture. Are you able to live on your own? Pay rent, buy food, pay the bills? If you can then this is ideal. Move out live alone for awhile, learn to love yourself and respect yourself get to know many guys. maybe you fuc_k some just for fuc_king and talk to others. get to know who they are and say in 1 year pick out one or two. focus on them and within the next 6 months pick one. then start dating exclusively. BR

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Maybe I expect him too much. Maybe I was wrong and he was right

Hi Annyka , I am not in the habit of offering relationship advice , but your first post was a cry from the heart , this guy has NO respect for you ! If you are in the position to move out DO SO TODAY !!! Move in with a friend , family etc. Most importantly, have RESPECT FOR YOURSELF, you really do not need to put up with this situation, which is making you SO unhappy.!

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Stop the maybe this or that, dont keep thinking like what many women do thinking themselves to do this or that. you know it you can feel what you need to do. If you stay then you better enjoy his faults and realize you do not love yourself but if you leave which is hard to do you will become lighter and hopefully in time you will learn to love yourself and find someone who values you as much as you value you. BR

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ANyone else think annyka is an aging beer swilling farang troll with extra credits at the local internet cafe? :whistling:

Quite possible, Loz. The answer to the gal's problem is too obvious... just say goodbye and walk away from a bad situation.

But, if the story is true, then there is only one answer. The slob has it too good and he ain't going anywhere. And, he isn't going to change. Leopards don't change their spots. Over the past 50 years of studying personalities I've heard and seen hundreds of examples of the same thing. However, having seen women in abusive relationships everywhere there is no way of understanding their psyche. Why would a woman stay with a man who beats her, but there are thousands of women who do.

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ANyone else think annyka is an aging beer swilling farang troll with extra credits at the local internet cafe? :whistling:

Quite possible, Loz. The answer to the gal's problem is too obvious... just say goodbye and walk away from a bad situation.

But, if the story is true, then there is only one answer. The slob has it too good and he ain't going anywhere. And, he isn't going to change. Leopards don't change their spots. Over the past 50 years of studying personalities I've heard and seen hundreds of examples of the same thing. However, having seen women in abusive relationships everywhere there is no way of understanding their psyche. Why would a woman stay with a man who beats her, but there are thousands of women who do.

Maybe they stay because thats what was done to them at home? Maybe they had mental and or physical abuse from their parents. Maybe due to this they do not really love who they are and are happy anyone wants them. Maybe they looked for a partner that resembles how their mother and or father.

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honestly, i would feel guilty if i left him because he loves me...

but im very sick and tired of this situation...

.....

being posting this on the website, I just have no one to talk to, well i have friends or even parents to talk to but they're just said nothing to me, tell me making my own decision which i don't know how to do.

i know somebody would say im an internet whore, bar girl, farang finder or whatever...i cant stop ppl thinking..

but anyway,,,,,listening to strangers, different opinion help me answer myself question more or less...

thank you for all suggestions :)

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honestly, i would feel guilty if i left him because he loves me...

but im very sick and tired of this situation...

.....

being posting this on the website, I just have no one to talk to, well i have friends or even parents to talk to but they're just said nothing to me, tell me making my own decision which i don't know how to do.

i know somebody would say im an internet whore, bar girl, farang finder or whatever...i cant stop ppl thinking..

but anyway,,,,,listening to strangers, different opinion help me answer myself question more or less...

thank you for all suggestions :)

Working on the assumption that you are NOT a troll, then there is only one solution to your problem. You have two options ...

1. You say goodbye and leave with no regrets.

2. You put up with the slob and use him just as he is using you. Be cold as ice and treat it like a business contract. Don't let your emotions rule you as they obviously are right now.

I'm not going to get personal, but everyone gets SOMETHING out of a relationship. It could be great sex, good conversation, financial reasons, or connections that can help further your career. It's up to choose what it is for you.

I've had many relationships with women that I wouldn't marry, but we both know the situation and take out of it what each of us needs. Some men might make good marriage material, but they might be a bit boring. The exciting guys might be great for a short time, but they'll drive you crazy in the long run.

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Stop trying to change him

Women always try to do that or think they can do that.

The best thing is to move on.

Why has it taken 3 years of being with a slob to realise?

There's a whole world out there, plenty of good guys.

Life is not a rehearsal, it's very short and you're a long time dead (I'm not Buddhist. It's what I believe)m so stop wasting time!!

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