Help!

[tevez32]

I Have a 4 month old daughter and the mother has decided she will go to bangkok to work and leave my daughter with the grandmother, she also doesn't want my support anymore and doesn't want me to see my daughter. My name is on the birth certificate but i'm not married to the mother. Can i take the child from the grandmother legally? She is not fit to take care of my daughter. What can i do to get legal rights as a parent? I'm happy for the mother to take care of my daughter but i don't want her to be with the grandmother or passed around other family members. What can i do?

[mkawish]

The best solution is to talk and NEGOTIATE with the Mom.

Offer the best that you can to entice her, whatever that interests her.

Most importantly for you is to try to talk to her and find out WHAT IS ON HER MIND.

Short of that, everything would become increasingly difficult for you to have the baby back into your bosom.

If she refuses to talk, the next alternative is to approach her mother (your mother in law) whom you deem as unfit to raise your daughter.

Talk to her and negotiate, find out what would be best for her, her daughter and her grand daughter.

If you try to be generous and meet their needs, perhaps, half way; perhaps you could win them over.

Remember to create a win-win situation for all involved.

Good luck to you and my very best wishes.

Edited November 25, 2010 by mkawish

[Mario2008]

Since you are not married and probably didn't legitimize he child, at this moment legally you are not the father and the mother has currently sole custody over her and can decide where her daughter lives and with whom. If you take the child at this time, it would be kidnapping.

The first thing you need to do now is to get a lawyer specialized in family law and request the court to be recognized as the father of the child and to be awarded joined custody. If you get joined custody, which can be contested by the mother, you can claim that the childs says with you if the mother is unable to take care of your child.

[MikeyIdea]

First you negotiate with the mother AND get a copy of birth certificate, that I agree with mkawish

According to law, you are hardly even a relative of your own child right now so what you must do right now, like yesterday, is to get a copy of the birth certificate, then you calmly go to a lawyer and request him to take the case to juvenile court (saan yawachonn lae krabkroa). You'd ask for legitimization (you recognised as legal father) and parental rights. Unless we are talking about a separation, then a court case will simply make father recognised as legal father and father gets shared custody 50/50 at the same time, just a formality almost. If its separation, then possession of the child (who should the child stay with which days etc) and alimony peanuts (IF mother request) will also be decided. As I said, this is just a formality almost if it is not contested. The child has a right to his father so this situation is not at all as bad as it sounds, it is just that Thai law demand that this is confirmed if mother and father is not married (gives mother sole custody until that happens).

If you decide you have to fight the mother in a court of law (try negotiate first), then you should be happy that the fight is in Thailand. Thai juvenile courts are known not to descriminate fathers and not descriminate westerners. You prove you are a good and caring father and you will get both custody and possession awarded. What I can't say is too much possession of course, 2/5, 3/4, 4/3, 5/2 or something else?

DON'T be too generous with money, law if this were to go to court can give the mother something like 3,100 to 5,000 bath per month in child alimony

Get a lawyer with experience in Family Law (not criminal law or civil law), family law is a bit special and those who don't work with it also don't know much, regardless of if they are lawyers, my opinion

More info from you

How old is the child? Separation? Where do you live now?

Don't worry, the law will help you if you are a good father

Edited November 26, 2010 by MikeyIdea

[tevez32]

Thanks for the information. My daughter is 4 months old, I'm currently back in the UK but will return to Thailand next week. For the past 4 years I've spent roughly 50% of my time whilst not working in my house in Nong Khai. How long does it take to get my parental rights? I'm concerned because my ex has left to work in Bangkok and my daughter is staying with the grandmother, who will be driving about with her on a motorbike and is frequently visited by her brother who is addicted to YaBa. Can anyone recommend lawyers in Nong Khai? I Need this sorted. I Can't offer them money because i've already gave them car, house and farm so they don't need my money anymore.

[Mario2008]

The process will take months, especially it the mother contest.

A good family lawyer in the isaan is isaanlawyers, just google them.

[MikeyIdea]

Oupps, 4 months old is not much, I'd say that you as father should demand that the mother stays and takes care of the child for longer than that. IF you pay the mother enough to stay home and take care of her child of course. I don't know where and how the mother live but 5,000 bath per month should be a lower point in Nong Khai, more better.

Bad idea that you gave them so much. Too much isn't increasing respect unfortunately, it's reducing it. If you want respect, then don't give too much, nice advice coming too late

Expect some 6 to 9 months to get parental rights (mother contest and it can take longer). After you get shared custody, which you will get if you prove to the court that you are a loving and caring father (to have given them too much in the past won't help you much, it's what you do / have done for the child! in the past and what you plan and can do for the child in the future that matters, and helping with mother giving birth of course), then as Mario2008 says, you as legal father can demand that the mother hand over the child to you if she doesn't take care of the child herself. A good and loving father has reason to expect to get decent possession of the child too. A Juvenile court judge will hardly think a mother leaving her only-four-month-old-child with the grand mother to go and work in Bangkok despite the father providing enough money for her to stay and take care of her child as very responsible and caring... Not perfect that you live in Nong Khai probably, a Bangkok Juvenile court would probably be a bit more positive, still, I don't see a problem. Juvenile court here is known to care for the childs best first

Time to gather evidence. Always keep evidence that you support the child, money transfer, whatever and everything. 5,000 bath per month is not bad for a 4 month old, you may not get much possession awarded if you can't prove that you care for the child economically, if mother refuse to give you the opportunity to care economically, then just open up a new bank account only for the purpose of putting in money for the child every month and use that as evidence that you care for your child. The point is not that the mother refuses to let you care economically, the point is that the child has a right to her father and you show that you are good for the child

I suggest emailing issanlawyers now, they're known to be ok, probably best choice in Nong Khai. Udon is only an hour away, maybe they have a lawyer there. Request a meeting

Any more, just ask

Good Luck

Edited November 26, 2010 by MikeyIdea