Worrying Symptoms - Ex-Wife

[simon43]

My ex-wife, who can best described as leading an 'active' sexual life, has developed some health symptoms which are rather worrying to my non-medical mind.

For the past month, she has had a recurring cough which seems to be getting progessively worst. She also suffers from night sweats. Her weight has reduced from her normal (but extremely low) 33kg to 30 kg (she is 145cm height and very small physical build, so 33kg was just about acceptable). She recently developed a lump in/near one of her lymph glands, and this was surgically removed a few days ago. She is continually tired, with no appetite and her face looked very thin/wasted when I visited her today. Her mental state, which is never all that good, has been rather depressed for several weeks.

I have urged her to visit a doctor, but she is making excuses not to go.

These symptoms could indicate some minor illness etc, but Dr Google has got me rather concerned, especially with her weight loss. I;m guessing (worst case, and with some knowledge of her lifestyle), that these could be HIV symptoms, but I'd appreciate the best way to persuade her to undergo the relevant tests, bearing in mind that she is not currently willing to visit a doctor. There is no-one in her family who will be interested in her state of health, so no family will be available to persuade her...

Advice is appreciated

Simon

Edited January 1, 2011 by simon43

[crazydrummerpauly]

Hi Simon, first thing, your post is a credit to you for its degree of responsibility and caring.

'Symptoms'...the recurring cough for example, can mean everything or something completely different - heard of the sufferers who sneeze violently and continually because there is a malfunction with the relevant neural system ? Night-sweats can have various causes, some 'normal' - e.g. menopause. But the thing that puzzles me is your mention of a surgical removal of a lump - are you saying that no tests were done or are due to be completed in connection with this procedure ? I know we're in the land of surprises, but aren't there any path-lab tests planned or already done ?

As for getting a highly reluctant person to a hospital for testing - that's a tough one - I know this is highly unethical, but my immediate thought ( being an occasional sedative-user due to chronic tinnitus ) was to deliberately get the person in a 'cooperative' condition ( leaving that to your imagination and personal knowledge ) and go for a ride to an appropriate clinic with a translator/helper on the team. It sounds extreme I know - but it all depends on your level of worry, and on how you will feel AFTER any dire downturn in her condition that might transpire. Personally, I don't give a monkey's about propriety or 'manners' if a person's survival could be involved.

Sorry the start of the new year comes with this perplexing problem - very good luck with it,

Paul.

[FarangBuddha]

Symptoms sound like classic HIV-AIDS to me...but could be something else as well. Definitely should see a doctor...as AIDS is a manageable disease now.

[Scott]

Make sure you take to a clinic/hospital/doctor away from her home community and where people might either find out or she may be paranoid of such.

You may have to get her to go when she is either rather sick and just tell her you are concerned. If possible, don't bring any friends or family that might cause her to be concerned about her secret.

I had a friend and former employee of mine who developed symptoms of HIV--very much in line with what you have described. I suggested he get tested, but he didn't--or the Dr.'s didn't. He kept getting sicker. I eventually got him to get tested, but it was almost too late. He is now terribly sick. He didn't dare tell anyone and when I found out, I was the only person who knew. He's now getting treatment. Not sure if his family knows yet or not. He's at home with them, but is in and out of the hospital, but the Dr.'s assure him, he should be OK.

Best of luck and hang in there. It takes a strong, responsible and big man to do what your doing for an ex.

[Nawtier]

if she will not go to the mountain...bring the mountain to her.

Find a doc that will visit home and take a blood test....dont mention the dreaded disease, just that the doc wants to run tests to see why she losing weight, or cough or whatever...then get the tests done.

[tim armstrong]

I am very sorry to hear about your wife's problem. If she attends a local temple, perhaps you could persuade one of the older monks to visit her, especially if she knows one. Probably also she has a former teacher living in the area - they are also well respected and listened to. Finally, like other posters suggest, try and get a Dr. to visit. If they won't,then get a community nurse from your local health clinic to visit, they are generally quite good, and do have the responsibility for this type of intervention. All the best

[simon43]

Thanks for all the good advice. Those 'old' ThaiVisa members will maybe recall the difficult situation with my (then) wife a few years ago. It certainly does sound like HIV symptoms to me, and since she is still working/active (ie not bed-ridden), I guess that treatment could slow the progress of the illness.

Her family will not help, but luckily she trusts in me totally, and it was her who asked me last week if I had any idea what might be the reason for her ill-health.

I will go and visit her in a few days and encourage her to get both an HIV test and overall health check.

I do not have the full details of the lump that was removed from her armpit. This was removed in a government hospital, and it may well be that no further tests will be performed unless requested.

Simon

[LaoPo]

Thanks for all the good advice. Those 'old' ThaiVisa members will maybe recall the difficult situation with my (then) wife a few years ago. It certainly does sound like HIV symptoms to me, and since she is still working/active (ie not bed-ridden), I guess that treatment could slow the progress of the illness.

Her family will not help, but luckily she trusts in me totally, and it was her who asked me last week if I had any idea what might be the reason for her ill-health.

I will go and visit her in a few days and encourage her to get both an HIV test and overall health check.

I do not have the full details of the lump that was removed from her armpit. This was removed in a government hospital, and it may well be that no further tests will be performed unless requested.

Simon

I do Simon..I do!

I really hope that 2011 will bring you a bit more luck and happiness than you faced in the past 4 to 5 years but the start isn't too promising....

My respect to you (and your present Lady) that you still take care for your ex; that's something 99% wouldn't have done after all the immense problems she caused you.

I hope she will listen to you and see good doctors/specialists to try and find help and medication.

Keep strong!

LaoPo :jap:

[bobbin]

Reading this gives me a case of deja vu..

A lady friend of mine was exhibiting almost identical symptoms.

Loss of appetite. Night sweats. Weight loss. Surgical removal of lymph gland (testing requiring approximately 3 weeks+)

Diagnosis... Non-Pulmonary Tuberculosis. Treatment was/is TB-specific antibiotics for 6 months.

The coughing might indicate "normal" TB, but lymph gland involvement points to Non-pulmonary TB. This is probably what is being tested but takes time to culture.

They have probably already tested for HIV, before removing lymph gland.

TB itself can be contagious(not a concern after about 2 weeks of treatment) but N/P TB is not, as it does not involve the airways, which is the means of transmission. It can lie dormant/controlled for years before breaking out.

[Mario2008]

As above post shows, it could be anything. Only examination by a doctor will tell and a proper testing of the blood will be in order.

Do hope it is nothing serious.

[FBN]

She clearly expects the worst possible outcome and this is a major obstacle to get her to see a doctor. Perhaps explaining to het that it may be TB or another disease that is treatable may help to persuade her to see a physician. It could be HIV but definitely also TB and even a Hodgkins lymphoma; only way is to have the tests done.

Good Luck!

[Nawtier]

I was going to say TB.....so use it as an excuse to get her to the doc...its not the worst disease and treatable.....then get them to run other tests while there.

[sezze]

Could be HIV but could be other illnesses also . If she remains sick , go to the hospital . If she get's kicked out without being a lot better with no decent info , then it is something uncurable . I think that anti HIV drugs only work when the disease is not full blown AIDS . Doctors do not tell you the result from the HIV test or other illnesses she might have . She have to agree on you knowing her medical state . Use your logic ... when you go to hospital for being sick ... you should get a lot better soon . If that doesnt happen and you get only vague answers from her ... be very worried .

[lopburi3]

Actually HIV is very treatable today so the goal now should be to find out what is wrong and obtain proper treatment. This is cough season so that may not be directly related.