Forum Newbie - Laos Gf Pregnant

[ihatetheo1]

Happy new year to all.

I am new to the site and just want to introduce myself before trawling through old posts searching for much needed advice. I will TRY to keep my story as brief as possible.

Kevin, 35 from London.

Visited Pattaya for the 1st time November 2009, me and 4 friends, several having recentley ended long(ish) relationships, ages 34-41. We knew roughly what to expect from the place and were happy to go to eat well, drink loads, enjoy the heat, spend loads of money and party hard. The holiday delivered sooooo much more than we expected!!

Met a girl the first night we were there, she is a Laos national. spent the first holiday with her and have been back in February and July 2010 specifically to be with her. We have been in contact via phone and internet every day since first meeting, we speak several times a day.

She is 26 weeks pregnant, we are expecting a baby boy 4th April.

She moved back home to Laos as soon as she found out she was pregnant. A friend who was holidaying in Thailand with his Thai wife at the time met up with her, took her to his docs and had everything confirmed.

Short term plan is for her to have the baby in Laos and for me to visit for a month soon after the birth, would stay longer but 4 weeks paternity leave is all i can manage.

Long term plan is to get married and get wife and child back to the UK.

I have several friends "involved" with Thai ladies so i am not totally green. One has been married for a few years and has his wife and child living with him in the UK. Another got married last year and he has recentley got her to the UK. A third friend, one who went with me to Pattaya the first time, has his lady over on a 6 month visa.

I am slowly discovering how hard it may be to spend time with mother and baby in Laos after the birth as an unmarried couple. I am also realising how long drawn out and expensive it will probably end up being getting her to the UK.

I will use the search feature on the site and try and find the info i need. IF any of you are able to point me to threads, external links, or just general information that may help me it will be hugely appreciated. I promise to search older links before bombarding you all with questions.

Thanks for reading, and good luck with your new years hangovers

Kevin

(admittedly i have made this post on other forums as well)

[MSingh]

Congratulations..

Don't really know what else to say.

What are you looking for advice on then, if you are actually looking for advice ??

[Beetlejuice]

Does the OP have the money, decent paid employment and a home in the UK to accommodate himself, a wife and baby?

If so there should be no problems with getting his family a visa for stay in Britain.

If not, good luck.

[ihatetheo1]

Congratulations..

Don't really know what else to say.

What are you looking for advice on then, if you are actually looking for advice ??

Thank you for responding....

I am looking for advice, possibly from people from that have experienced similar. I just didnt want my first post on the forum to be asking a thousand questions, i understand that a lot of the answers may well be on here already in older threads. I didnt mean the post to come across like "im having a baby, everybody be happy for me"

If there is a specific forum on here that this post may be better suited for, please tell me, i looked through them all and thought it fitted best here

I think the main thing i would like advice on is me staying with gf and baby in Laos soon after the birth. I have seen the advice on the FCO website re: sexual relationships between unmarried Laos ladies and foreigners, $500-$5000 possible imprisonment etc.... I have also read a few peoples bad experiences over there. If anybody has had a Laos gf or stayed in Laos with her, any feedback on your experiences would be invaluable.

In answer to the other post,... yes, i do have fairly well paid permanent employmnet (all things relative) and I am in a position to accomodate wife and baby in the UK.

All feedback greatly received

Kevin

[glomp]

I'd say DNA test might be in order. not to rain on your parade or anything, but i'd certainly do it.

[Beetlejuice]

Congratulations..

Don't really know what else to say.

What are you looking for advice on then, if you are actually looking for advice ??

Thank you for responding....

I am looking for advice, possibly from people from that have experienced similar. I just didnt want my first post on the forum to be asking a thousand questions, i understand that a lot of the answers may well be on here already in older threads. I didnt mean the post to come across like "im having a baby, everybody be happy for me"

If there is a specific forum on here that this post may be better suited for, please tell me, i looked through them all and thought it fitted best here

I think the main thing i would like advice on is me staying with gf and baby in Laos soon after the birth. I have seen the advice on the FCO website re: sexual relationships between unmarried Laos ladies and foreigners, $500-$5000 possible imprisonment etc.... I have also read a few peoples bad experiences over there. If anybody has had a Laos gf or stayed in Laos with her, any feedback on your experiences would be invaluable.

In answer to the other post,... yes, i do have fairly well paid permanent employmnet (all things relative) and I am in a position to accomodate wife and baby in the UK.

All feedback greatly received

Kevin

You are asking if there is any specific forum that may cover your situation better. What sort of answers do you wish to hear? You either have the means to facilitate a family in the UK or you don’t.

I would guess that you first need to certify that the child will be yours and then I would advise that you make inquiries at the British embassy or consulate regarding your situation and the required procedures involved in order to bring your family to the UK.

Sorry, but that`s in in a nutshell, there are no easy ways around this.

[Mario2008]

Since the baby will be born out of wedlock, you will need to legitimize the child for you to become the father of the child in a legal sense.

Since the baby will be born in laos, that will need to be done according to Laotian law.

[DougLee]

I'd say DNA test might be in order. not to rain on your parade or anything, but i'd certainly do it.

Do this asap, dont waste your time and dont waste their time.After this is done, you will have more paperwork in your favor.

Edited January 2, 2011 by DougLee

[Beetlejuice]

Just another point to mention and is very important.

Considering that you met this girl in Pattaya and had unprotected sex soon after meeting her, an HIV test would be advisable.

[ihatetheo1]

I'd say DNA test might be in order. not to rain on your parade or anything, but i'd certainly do it.

Do this asap, dont waste your time and dont waste their time.After this is done, you will have more paperwork in your favor.

No offence taken by that comment, it has to be a consideration, and is deffo something that will be done.

In trying to explain some of the stages of the Visa application, i was trying to say to her that we would both have to have a medical. She miss understood and said she understands, she said that i go to the doctors and she goes to the doctors and "doctor see if baby same same mama and papa". I have have never mentioned a DNA test to her. It would appear that she knows what one is, and knows that we we will be having one. She seems to have no fear of the test.

Once again thank you to all that have taken time to respond to the thread. I am not neccessarily looking for all the answers, i may not get any of the answers i am after from this thread. I am just interested to hear peoples experinces and maybe get some advice. I am starting to do quite a bit of research on everything,my stay in Laos and the visa application etc.... This is just one of many routes I am taking to get that advice.

Cheers

Kevin

[pjclark1]

I'd say DNA test might be in order. not to rain on your parade or anything, but i'd certainly do it.

Do this asap, dont waste your time and dont waste their time.After this is done, you will have more paperwork in your favor.

You must make it absolutely clear to the girl that no money will be forthcoming until the baby is born and DNA tested.

You met her in Pattaya, she was there for a reason, she was likely with 10-100 other men during that month.

A pretty girl can get 1-3 customers a day, so deduct the number of days you were with her x3 from the 100

(of course if you were with her for the entire time between her periods, that would be different, unless surprise early/late baby)

Yes it might be your child, but statistically it won't be.

PS

Don't let her choose the place or doctor for the DNA test.

Edited January 2, 2011 by pjclark1

[DougLee]

I'd say DNA test might be in order. not to rain on your parade or anything, but i'd certainly do it.

Do this asap, dont waste your time and dont waste their time.After this is done, you will have more paperwork in your favor.

You must make it absolutely clear to the girl that no money will be forthcoming until the baby is born and DNA tested.

You met her in Pattaya, she was there for a reason, she was likely with 10-100 other men during that month.

A pretty girl can get 1-3 customers a day, so deduct the number of days you were with her x3 from the 100

(of course if you were with her for the entire time between her periods, that would be different, unless surprise early/late baby)

Yes it might be your child, but statistically it won't be.

PS

Don't let her choose the place or doctor for the DNA test.

Don't do it in pattaya.

Email Stickman from stickmanweekly(google it) and ask him for a good clinic that does not cheat.

[transam]

Sorry chum but you have been done. End of story. Tears will be forthcoming.

Some good advice has come forward from those who know the set up.

[pjclark1]

Email Stickman from stickmanweekly(google it) and ask him for a good clinic that does not cheat.

Or even hire him to see how many other mugs she is stringing along with this same story.

[DougLee]

Email Stickman from stickmanweekly(google it) and ask him for a good clinic that does not cheat.

Or even hire him to see how many other mugs she is stringing along with this same story.

My post were objective.. in op's post he clearly writes in subtext that he knows she's a working girl. Just the "english" passage from her shows her F(fail) level english.

All the advices given to him should be for the good of this unlucky child, he clearly knows he's getting stuck into a life of misery, maybe hes miserable, just let him be.

Stickman is very good with those kind of guys

*attacks and making fun of people for their life choice should be for local forums/general*

Edited January 2, 2011 by DougLee

[ihatetheo1]

Email Stickman from stickmanweekly(google it) and ask him for a good clinic that does not cheat.

Or even hire him to see how many other mugs she is stringing along with this same story.

My post were objective.. in op's post he clearly writes in subtext that he knows she's a working girl. Just the "english" passage from her shows her F(fail) level english.

All the advices given to him should be for the good of this unlucky child, he clearly knows he's getting stuck into a life of misery, maybe hes miserable, just let him be.

Stickman is very good with those kind of guys

*attacks and making fun of people for their life choice should be for local forums/general*

Her english is not perfect but is improving, the Rosetta Stone language course I have got her should improve it consideably. My friend who has his Thai gf over in the UK on a visitors visa at the moment has used it, she says its very good. Over the last 5 monnths of being immersed in the english language the improvement in her language is 100 fold. My gf's english is MUCH better than my non-existent Thai.

Assuming all goes well and everything is as it would appear, the child will be far from "unlucky". This is my first experience of fatherhood and i have made positive changes to my life to prepare for the birth and her arrival in the UK.

stuck in a life of misery? lolololol I am extremly happy. I appreciate the risks and the scams, I have spent hundreds of hours online viewing threads like this and appreciate that a lot of people can and do get ripped off on a daily basis, i would not be the first nor the last. My friends who have thai wifes and gf's are CONSTANTLY getting me to question her about various things, they want me to be suspicious and i am (for my own good). My friend (who is married to a thai lady and has a 19 month old child) said he would bet me £500 that the bank account that i had asked her to open was empty, she said she had been making monthly deposits from money i was sending. the following day she went to the internet cafe and scanned her bank book that showed only deposits, to the exact amounts on the exact days stated. EVERY penny was accounted for.

I have ZERO problems with people highlighting the pitfalls and dangers with this; just not looking for the thread to turn into personal insults.

Worst case scenario for me is that after the birth and test i discover the child is not mine. If this happens I will have wasted a year of my life and maybe a few thousand pounds. I would have a lot of explaing to do to family, friends and work but, lets be honest, am sure a lot of these people may think i am getting scammed anyway. Have i borrowed thousands to fund this? NO. Have i invested my life savings to fund this? NO. Have i sold my house to "own" property in Thailand or Laos? NO. Do i think i have met a girl on her first day in Pattaya, still a virgin who just wants to be loved and settle down? NO. Will i be on home page of the Pattaya Daily News as a pixalated splat on the pavemnet below a 20 storey "condo" in Jomtien? NO.

I come on here with open eyes and i am willing to listen. I DONT know all the answers, hence all the questions.

Thank you to all those that have taken time to post comments

[ihatetheo1]

Sorry chum but you have been done. End of story. Tears will be forthcoming.

Some good advice has come forward from those who know the set up.

I suppose only time will tell, i will invite you to the "I told you so" party late April Looks like if the party happens it will be a sell out

[ihatetheo1]

Email Stickman from stickmanweekly(google it) and ask him for a good clinic that does not cheat.

Or even hire him to see how many other mugs she is stringing along with this same story.

I am on the website now, i will have a poke about, thanks both of you.

I appreciate a lot of these comments are jokey / tounge in cheek / pi$$ taking. I just have to work out which are taking the pi$$ and which are genuine.

Any chance you can just just tell me what stickman is all about then?

Cheers

[DougLee]

Stickman is a site for anything related to mongers/naughty life/Sunrice taco's and his other friend's terrible restaurants, he's got good contact on everything related to it.

If the kid is infact yours. Have you considered keeping the mother in thailand/laos and leaving her there untill she gets a proper education/job? Funding a decent diploma would cost you less than 300pound per month. This would show a sign of good fate from a woman who's never worked a single day in her life(unless you count doing the boomboom and drinking a job). Just to make sure you don't bring an other coach potato fried to a TV to your country.

[ihatetheo1]

Stickman is a site for anything related to mongers/naughty life/Sunrice taco's and his other friend's terrible restaurants, he's got good contact on everything related to it.

If the kid is infact yours. Have you considered keeping the mother in thailand/laos and leaving her there untill she gets a proper education/job? Funding a decent diploma would cost you less than 300pound per month. This would show a sign of good fate from a woman who's never worked a single day in her life(unless you count doing the boomboom and drinking a job). Just to make sure you don't bring an other coach potato fried to a TV to your country.

The stickam site makes a very inetresting read, i will prob contact him to get his opinions.

She has for the last few weeks started "working" in Laos. She is cooking food at home and selling it at the local "lady school". Her and her mum and doing it and are making about 250-300bht a day. This was something she decided to do off her own back because she was getting bored sitting at home. She realises, through conversations with my friends thai gf who is currently in the UK, that the streets ok London are NOT paved with gold, life IS expensive, and i DO work hard for my money. She wants to contribute financialy to the "baby fund" and this was her way to do that. Even if her hard work is only generating £80-100 a month, she is making an effort which i appreciate.

I will prefix the next section with," this is what she has told me". I cant prove or disprove it but I believe her:-

She was taken out of school and sent to Bangkok by her family at the age of 13 to work in a clothes factory to provide money to support her family. Her parents could not afford the upkeep / education costs of there 4 children. She said she worked there for about 9 years and didnt see her parents for that entire time. IF this is true, and yes i do believe it, I would suggest she has worked harder and longer in worse conditions for less pay than either you or I. I do not know you personaly but I assume you were not working in a sweat shop at the age of 13 to support your family?

The education option is something i hadnt really though about, very good point. The only thing is, we are 91 days away from the birth and after the birth she obviously wont be able to commit any time to schooling. Wish I had thought of that 4-5 months ago. The Roseta Stone English course should be with her with 2 weeks.

As far as the "couch potato fried to a tv" comment. From my experience of Thai wifes and girlfriends in the UK, 3 of the 4 are NOT like that in the slightest. They are house proud, good parents and good wifes. I have COUNTLESS female friends in the UK, who got pregnant at 15-20, split with partners and have been nothing but a burden to the state ever since. Free houses, free money, free education, free school and still ungreatful. These are the pople that i have seen sit on their fat <deleted> watching TV for YEARS with no intention of breaking that cycle. These Jeremy Kyle watching, pot smoking, tattooed, awful parents have the option to do <deleted> all, and the state provides them everything. The Thai (Laos) girls dont and hence some end up where they are today.

Rant over

Kevin

[DougLee]

Well i am hoping for the child and you that you found one of the rare bargirls who ended up there after a lot of desperation and only because she doesn't see sex as something important to her. Just keep your eyes open and don't get married. Marriage doesn't prove anything and you can reassure her that if you split up and it wasn't for a "cheating/stealing" reason she will still get support in her country for the rest of her live as the mother of your child.

[brewsterbudgen]

Hi Kevin

I too am seeing a Laos girl I met in Pattaya (nearly 18 months now) although thankfully she is no longer working in the bar. I've just got back from meeting her family in a small village near Pakse in Southern Laos. I have posted a Trip Report with photos on other Forums (PM me if you'd like links). I read up on the rules about not sleeping with an unmarried partner and stayed separately from her in a hotel. Her father was rather upset by this and insists that next time I stay at the family home! We'll see...

While my girl is not pregnant, I am looking into whether a long term future would work as she's a cut above any Thai girl I've met. Unlike you, I live and work in Bangkok and would have no intention of taking her to live in the UK! If the relationship lasts I would envisage living in both Bangkok and Laos. Family is even more important to Laos girls than it is to Thais.

Good luck and ignore the bitter cynics here (which is one reason I'm reluctant to post Trip Reports and photos on TV).

Edited January 4, 2011 by brewsterbudgen

[ihatetheo1]

Hi Kevin

I too am seeing a Laos girl I met in Pattaya (nearly 18 months now) although thankfully she is no longer working in the bar. I've just got back from meeting her family in a small village near Pakse in Southern Laos. I have posted a Trip Report with photos on other Forums (PM me if you'd like links). I read up on the rules about not sleeping with an unmarried partner and stayed separately from her in a hotel. Her father was rather upset by this and insists that next time I stay at the family home! We'll see...

While my girl is not pregnant, I am looking into whether a long term future would work as she's a cut above any Thai girl I've met. Unlike you, I live and work in Bangkok and would have no intention of taking her to live in the UK! If the relationship lasts I would envisage living in both Bangkok and Laos. Family is even more important to Laos girls than it is to Thais.

Good luck and ignore the bitter cynics here (which is one reason I'm reluctant to post Trip Reports and photos on TV).

Thanks for the response Brewster, i did send you a PM soon after your post regarding your road trip and photos, i may have messed it up though. I would really like to see them if you would be kind enough to send the link.

Kevin

[pjclark1]

She was taken out of school and sent to Bangkok by her family at the age of 13 to work in a clothes factory to provide money to support her family. Her parents could not afford the upkeep / education costs of there 4 children. She said she worked there for about 9 years and didnt see her parents for that entire time. IF this is true, and yes i do believe it, I would suggest she has worked harder and longer in worse conditions for less pay than either you or I. I do not know you personaly but I assume you were not working in a sweat shop at the age of 13 to support your family?

This is very common, not allowed to work in a bar until age 18, school is free but the family can't afford food, books and uniforms.

From 13-18 the girls work in a sweatshop or on a construction site.

My girl left school at age 13 to work on building sites with her mother.

Edited January 10, 2011 by pjclark1