Regional Differences In Sin Sod

[LazarusEffect]

actually there are regional and familial differences between khmer (buriram) and korat and other areas : who has to give, how much, how important a first time wife is compared to a previously divorced wife, economic status etc.

my husband's family didnt ask for sin sot, nor for any other monetary anything; they paid full up for the wedding and gold for present to me ..

muslem thai family, the father had to give a dowry.

muslem thai lady's khmer man's engagement ended in a fiasco as family refused to pay sin sot for her, she had been previously married and had a daughter. they also didnt like the fact that she was muslem and citified.

husband also says it really depends on the specific family, and what u all decide to do. up2u. speaking thai and being in the area and not by remote control certainly helps u learn about the family from others in the town/village. i was told i was marrying in to a good if very poor family. i know most deep dark secrets. hubby makes the decisions about whether any money should be given or not. rgs gave a good list to read through. use your higher head.

and there is enough info on sinsot to read through on this forum, to make a book. read read and re read. and to all the posters, keep the thread pleasant and civilized as i know u all can do.

bina

israel

Wait a min, am I missing something here? Your a woman, why would your Thai husband's family ask YOU for a sinsot in the first place? In actuality they should have PAID you or your mother a Sin Sot as they would have if you were Thai, correct?

[kropotkin]

Being greedy is not a cultural thing.

It is a psychotic infliction.

So i hope.

[Atmos]

we're hosting a wedding here (Sa Kaeo) next week; Thai/Thai, he is paying 100k ss plus 100k gold for the bride.

The 100k will go towards the cost of having 200 invited guests and inevitably a few uninvited ones too. I understand guests will make further contributions towards costs.

Considering his earnings the figure is lower than I'd expected - just enough to satisfy nosey neighbours I imagine.

First time I'll have attended a wedding in this country; apart from nine monks arriving at 7am I don't know what else to expect.

Watch this space!

[Thongkorn]

Probly one takes cash and the other Bank Credit Card.

[bina]

they did. my sin sot was the wedding and the gold... and thats it. and we returned most of it to cover expenses and hubby told big brother to blow off when asked for the leftover money as we needed it for the rest of the wedding translations and paperwork in bangkok.... and i am 'second hand' with three. they neither raised their eyebrows nor asked for my atm card. but im sure that hubby made it very clear from the very beginning as did i, by what rules we are going by.

recently asked him if he isnt sending some shekels to his mom and dad as they are quite elderly in physical if not years, live very very hand to mouth and even a small amount could go a long way, or enjoyed a bit. he says he is kee nioew. he needs the money, he keeps the money (for us), as he is the one to earn the money (im on kibbutz if that means anything to you).

bina

israel

[IanForbes]

As far as I can discern from all the many discussions on this and many ofher forums about sin sod it varies from family to family and not region to region. It is an Asian tradition designed essentially for when taking a VIRGIN woman away from her family. A previously married woman does not qualify for sin sod. That should already have been paid once.

However, in most situations, a man marrying into a Thai family is expected to help out... and that includes everyone in the family. There is no set amount, but not helping family members in need is not considered "classy". It is a Thai tradition that mothers and grandmothers look after the infants until they are old enough to contribute to the family at large. Then, it's the children's duty to return the favour. That is why so many farm girls move to the city and send money home while using whatever means they can to do so. In the case of prostitution being the means of support for the family then that is usually kept out of sight... which makes it somehow acceptible by Thai standards.

In the OP's case he doesn't have the money right now and that should end all discussion about sin sod. If the woman and her family can't handle that then they are not worthy of even being considering as marriage potential.

Of course, anything we might reply here doesn't mean squat. The OP will do whatever his heart and head decides for himself.

[Scully]

I live near Udon Thani the parents wan't no sin sod just enough for food for the table and clothing etc when needed.

She has been married before but as usual left when found out she was pregnant he begged to be with her again but leopards don't change their spots.

My GF says if we pay sin sod (not much) then we do not have to look after the family financially ever again, I do believe it varies from region to region, family to family.

You need to live with this women every day every night for at least three years to be sure, I have and will still not get married. Why?.

[mark45y]

As far as I can discern from all the many discussions on this and many ofher forums about sin sod it varies from family to family and not region to region. It is an Asian tradition designed essentially for when taking a VIRGIN woman away from her family. A previously married woman does not qualify for sin sod. That should already have been paid once.

However, in most situations, a man marrying into a Thai family is expected to help out... and that includes everyone in the family. There is no set amount, but not helping family members in need is not considered "classy". It is a Thai tradition that mothers and grandmothers look after the infants until they are old enough to contribute to the family at large. Then, it's the children's duty to return the favour. That is why so many farm girls move to the city and send money home while using whatever means they can to do so. In the case of prostitution being the means of support for the family then that is usually kept out of sight... which makes it somehow acceptible by Thai standards.

In the OP's case he doesn't have the money right now and that should end all discussion about sin sod. If the woman and her family can't handle that then they are not worthy of even being considering as marriage potential.

Of course, anything we might reply here doesn't mean squat. The OP will do whatever his heart and head decides for himself.

Don't forget Ian that the word Virgin is open to interpretation. As in, "can not do I virgin back there." Or to some it may be something as simple as shaving.

[pjclark1]

I paid 100k to a farming lady from Petchabun.

Paid in post marriage installments.

It was to pay off a loan on the family farm that was due or the farm would be forfeit.

The lady did later admit to me she originally only married me to save the farm and intended to clear off after the payments were made.

But she decided she sort of liked me and has stuck around.

I haven't admitted that I originally only intended to have her around for a few months of enthusiastic sex and a married persons extension of stay that I considered well worth 100k.

But I also decided I sort of liked her and am glad she is still here.

For some reason she has given me the chanote for the family farm to keep in my personal document folder, I didn't ask for it. Now we both seem to be using the 'love' word in an excessive way.

Romance and love in the LoS, isn't it great!

PS

To those who complain and find fault about everything, I've had the best year in my life so far, and at a totally bargain price.

Edited January 12, 2011 by pjclark1

[crazygreg44]

if she had been married before, or has children from a boy friend. just tell them that you will gladly pay for a virgin , but not for a woman who seeks for someone to save her from the misrey of never again find a Thai man to get married to her. If the mother insists on sin sod, tell her the daughter is not a virgin any more. so much of my two satang to traditional marriages.

[Atmos]

I'm guessing someone here will know of a higher payment . . . there is a wedding nearby next week where Mr Sweden, 67, marries Miss ThaiFarmGirl From A Bar, aged 23.

Maybe nothing too extraordinary about that - except the sin sot he is paying to take her away.

7 million baht.

I've read of, I think, 2m being paid, but 7 ?

There will be quite a party.

Can anyone do better?

[IanForbes]

I paid 100k to a farming lady from Petchabun.

Paid in post marriage installments.

It was to pay off a loan on the family farm that was due or the farm would be forfeit.

The lady did later admit to me she originally only married me to save the farm and intended to clear off after the payments were made.

But she decided she sort of liked me and has stuck around.

I haven't admitted that I originally only intended to have her around for a few months of enthusiastic sex and a married persons extension of stay that I considered well worth 100k.

But I also decided I sort of liked her and am glad she is still here.

For some reason she has given me the chanote for the family farm to keep in my personal document folder, I didn't ask for it. Now we both seem to be using the 'love' word in an excessive way.

Romance and love in the LoS, isn't it great!

PS

To those who complain and find fault about everything, I've had the best year in my life so far, and at a totally bargain price.

Good post, pjclark. Those simple arrangements sometime are the ones that last the longest and DO turn into a real love. There are many kinds of love and the shakiest are often the ones based strictly on lust. Value for your money is a simple thing and if both parties are happy then what is the complaint? Everything beyond that is gravey.

[bermondburi]

I've read through all these posts now and it seems like so many people are sure of the rules of what should and shouldn't happen. I know of many marriages ( thai / thai ) where the bride has been married before and the groom has payed sinsot. The most recent example being my new BIL. There are no rules set in stone and it is up to the individuals involved to do things in a way that is acceptable to all parties. To the OP I would say that if you are in Oz with no job and no money then their asking for it might be a bit inconsiderate. As far as sinsot goes then if both parties are happy then nothing else matters but if one party isn't happy about it all then that could leave a taste of bitterness at the start of a marriage which probably isn't a good thing.

For myself: she ( not they ) never asked and I never offered so that was that.

[bangkokburning]

About 6 months into our relationship we were traveling in Myanmar, the subject of marriage was brought up as sin sod. Let me tell you about a little custom of ours....I jokingly told her that wasn't going to be paid (lightheartedly). Some months later, the subject came u again in a light but more serious discussion. I reiterated and told her that I expect that at some time in my life, I am going to have to fork out some dosh to her parents for something (health care). That was payment enough. She was quite OK with that. So, if I were to marry. No sin sod.

I told her as well - usually the woman pays the wedding and the man the honeymoon. We pay together she replied.

She is born and bred in BKK but comes from a rather struggling family. She put herself thru university and has been on her own for years. Don't see what mom and dad are "giving up" here hence the sin sod in the first place.

If I were to marry, I think I might cough up a bit of cash or a nice watch for pop and some gold for mum. Like that.

My girlfriend costs me less and less each month save for our holidays. We are moving to a new flat, we will split the costs (so I have more to spend on trips). She often brings home food and is very careful with my money. One year and parents have not asked for a baht.I f your girlfriend doesn't do same, find another.

Loads of lovely Thai women out there.

[astral]

As with most threads on this subject it has gone totally off the rails.

Only one poster, Bina, really addressed the OP's question.

Numerous off topic answers have been deleted

and the topic is now CLOSED.