Advice

[billy123]

Posters,,

I wonder if you could offer me some advice? And I also humbly request that you keep it on topic, that being postive advice and don't judge or pass negative comment on any of my post. :jap: At the moment I am a psychological mess and do not have the stregth to take any criticism, so please keep that in mind and please realise that a jab, just now, is a stab. I truely need your input but I really can't handle a dig from anyone.

OK, my wife recently arrived in the UK with a ILE visa having been together in Thailand for 15+ years. I have also just started a job and am still in the probabtionary period. Whilst in Thailand I paid class 3 volunary NI contributions.

My wife was diagnosed with cancer at Christmas, we had to abort our baby (we had been trying for 8 years for Children - <deleted> me, even writing this making me wellup).

My wife had a mastectomy 2 week ago and is starting chemo next week.

As I said, I am still in the probabtionary period and have taken a lot of time off. As we start chemo, I am expecting to have to take more time off to take care of my wife, assuming that she takes it badly as most do. I think I'll get sacked as my performance just isn't that great now. Its hard to sell when you'd rather just be at home cuddling your lovely, beautiful soul mate.

My questions. What's my wife's situation regards some kind of financial allowance having just arrived? And what's my situation regards the same? Ive been away so long, I just don't know and to be honest I am finding it extremely difficult to just manage her hospital stay and the pitiful attempt at work.

I am lucky in that I live in my Mother's house and pay 300 a month as she lives elsewhere and I also own a small house outright which I rent for 400.

Basically, I'd appreciate your advice from the Chaps who have lived here and know the systems, where do I go? Who do I contact? What coud I get? Shoud I quit or wait to be sacked, if that has a bearing?

Gents, I know I could spend hours searching goggle but my wife needs her dressing changed, she is in a mess and needs to sleep and can't without me and frankly I cannot concentate (apologis if this email is hard to read Ive not slept for a while) so here I am, 3 months into our 'new life'.

Any advice would be welcomed but please - don't give me any grief about google, immigrants who should have no rights or anything else - I just need some human help.

Thank you

:jap:

[billy123]

Gents

Or even some advice on other forums which could be of use.

Ahead of time, thank you. Im exhausted, I have to sleep will check again tomorrow 6am on the way to work.

Just one thing, kiss your wives and GFs tonight - life is so unpredictable as I had forgotten.

[Thongkorn]

First I feel hart felt for you ,On the positive side and this is the truth , my sister had cancer nearly 20 years ago , She had her stomach removed , she has not eaten for nearly twenty years , I talked for hours with her because she was down , just like you with good cause, The point is cancer can be beat , If you are in the UK they will treat her , the doctors take an oath to treat all people so you should not get a bill, There are people you can speak to who will help you and can advise you , just ask at the Hospital.they know more than most because they deal with it every day, i hope i have help a little and I wish you and your wife all the luck, best wishes,

[gburns57au]

Breast cancer can be beat and the survival rate is quite good, response to chemo varies with people, some handle it well, others not so well. I have sat in the chemo room and seen the procedure for that chemo application, I must say that most ladies seem very positive about it, Being in the chemo room is actually comforting, it makes you realise that you are not alone with the desease. It is important that you stay strong for her, if you fall in a heap you will bring her down. Make sure she eats well and often, good nutrition is important and the average Thai diet will need supplementing.

Cant help with the financial questions sorry.

And yes I am a cancer patient

[gerryBScot]

Billy I don't know what kind of work you do, whether it is for a big or small concern, but I would pre-empt action by talking to your employers and explaining your predicament to them, perhaps even setting it out in writing so it is a matter of record that you have advised them of your circumstances. They shouldn't be sacking you in these circumstances as there are other options like allowing you to extend your probationary period or even granting unpaid leave of absence. ...... obviously options depend on the size and nature of your employer's business; for instance more would be expected from a big company or public sector operation than from a small family type of business. Secondly www.macmillan.org.uk may be able to help you and your wife with support; they provide specialist nursing care and this might take some of the strain off you as you try to care for your loved one. My sister talks highly of them from personal experience. Good luck and try to stay positive. None of us really knows what is around the corner.

[Basil B]

Billy I don't know what kind of work you do, whether it is for a big or small concern, but I would pre-empt action by talking to your employers and explaining your predicament to them, perhaps even setting it out in writing so it is a matter of record that you have advised them of your circumstances. They shouldn't be sacking you in these circumstances as there are other options like allowing you to extend your probationary period or even granting unpaid leave of absence. ...... obviously options depend on the size and nature of your employer's business; for instance more would be expected from a big company or public sector operation than from a small family type of business. Secondly www.macmillan.org.uk may be able to help you and your wife with support; they provide specialist nursing care and this might take some of the strain off you as you try to care for your loved one. My sister talks highly of them from personal experience. Good luck and try to stay positive. None of us really knows what is around the corner.

Sorry to here of your predicament, I agree with Garry, make sure your employer is fully aware of your situation, ask for a formal meeting where you can talk over your options, are you in a union? if so ask them for support, most unions have a probationary period where they will not represent you but given your circumstances they make an exception, get advice this probably not the best place for advice as very few if any of the board readers have been in your situation.

Wish you well and hope all works out in the end.

[7by7]

As she is a UK resident your wife is, of course, entitled to the full range of NHS care; as you are doubtless aware.

What I'm not sure about is whether she is entitled to any form of carer's allowance or other benefit. As she has ILE I think that she is. I suggest that you speak to your local CAB about this.

You and your wife have my sympathy. I know from personal experience how you must feel.

As said by others, cancer can be beat; so try and stay positive, at least in front of her.

Aa also said by others, talk to your employer. You may be pleasantly surprised by how much they are willing to help.