Ladyboys In Pattaya

[PattayaOneTeam]

Nightmarch

Voyeurs delight: The P72 beer boozer, munchery and hostelry is one of the longest running joints on Walking Street and a great place to watch the happenings on the street, especially those who wander into and out of the Lucifer's head-banging auditorium across the road. Prices for thirst quenchers are reasonable and the service damsels are friendly and attentive. The place usually attracts an older crowd, although I seriously doubt many of them are simply there to listen to the live band which kicks into life at about 10:00pm. Do they do a rendition of the Eagles classic 'Hotel California'? Does a bear defecate indiscriminately in the woods?

At the other end of town in Soi 6 the Jack Tar bar is a real lone mariner in a sea of sharks. It doesn't employ ladies who twirl knobs for a living, and never has. It's one of those places where 'regulars' turn up to prepare for a night of schlepping about and to this end it offers possibly the cheapest booze prices on the soi. Perfect for watching the freak show that is the street art on the soi and it has a very good view of the antics in the Red Point Sierra Tango joint across the road.

Equal Opportunity Employment? While some of the beer boozers of Soi's 7 and 8 and even Walking Street may have a ladyboy or three seeded like Patterson's Curse among their regular distaff employees, down in Soi 6 they're as brazen as Lopburi monkeys and thick on the ground.

While the Stringfellows den in Soi Yamato is unashamedly and clearly a place of employment for members of the meat-and-two-veg-in-a-dress brigade, there are many joints all over the city it seems where an unsuspecting or seriously inebriated punter might find himself hoping to play hid the salami with a willing damsel only to discover the expected pathway to the tunnel of love is blocked by a solid and unwelcome logjam.

One example of a place where an example of the uncut can be found is the perhaps suitably named Thumb's Up Funny Bar. Longtimers may recall the Thumb's Up used to be a reasonably popular nosh house in Soi 6, but it's now a funny bar, in more ways than one. I wandered in recently and thought it was quite nicely appointed, libations were about standard in terms of price and it is suitably dark, as one expects of a furtive fondlers joint. There weren't a lot of damsels, but the ladyboy stood out like a beacon on an ice flow.

Perhaps we need to see the Department of Boozing and Bar Licensing call on the government to introduce Trade Descriptions legislation, so boozers employing people who cannot claim female gender from birth are compelled to make themselves known. A yellow star on striped pyjama-like clothing should do the trick, although I think that idea might have been taken by some other organisation.

The Secrets to contentment: Some years ago I was part of an expedition to Koh Chang which involved a number of coyote dancers from the Secrets lounge lizard libation room (Soi 14, off Walking Street).

The girls were pretty good fun, but the main reason for the trip was to take a lot of photos to help promote the bar. This included going out to one of the smaller islands of Koh Chang for an afternoon photo shoot. In the downtime between shoots a couple of girls decided to create a sandcastle, complete with moat and outside wall. Another went off to perform an act of ecological redistribution, collecting a number of coral-like rocks which she placed around the sandcastle.

Amazing how something that keeps five-year-olds amused can do the same for bargirls.

Light up an Alpine: Whatever happened to the non-smoking law for bars and restaurants? Well, nothing, of course. It remains firmly in place, it's just very rarely enforced. It's one of those statutes on the books, much like the official 2:00am closing time for bars, which can be trotted out for financial gain at any time someone cares to employ it. Most sensible restaurants long ago banned smoking inside their premises in compliance with the law and it hasn't had any obvious effect on business. Bars are a different story, with most places adopting a fairly relaxed policy, especially those where the owner or managers are themselves into the cancer-sticks. One place with a firm no-smoking policy is the fairly new Punch and Judy boozer on Soi 8 off Thepprasit Road. Made much in the manner of a traditional English pub, the non-smoking stance of the management has attracted the appreciation of a number of the anti-puffing league. Naturally enough, when some down-at-heel official in need of a quick few thousand baht thinks about how he and his mates can trouser a little bit of spending money, they may well enforce the smoking ban and raid a bar or three, but you can bet the owners of these bars will be foreigners and not locals.

The wrapping looks better than the gift: One of the really interesting improvements brought on by the spurt in go-go bar numbers in recent years has been in female fashions as it relates to the ladies employed in front of said dens of the chrome pole and whose task it is to entice punters through the portals. In many cases the ladies out front are far sexier and physically alluring than their chrome pole molesting sisters inside. Some of the best outdoor entertainers in ogling terms are in front of Walking Streets dens such as Alcatraz, Iron Club, Airport and even the spruikers for Living Dolls Showcase appear to have been issued with new uniforms.

A new raft of chrome pole dens: It seems the more the city fathers claim they are turning our fair happy hooker realm-on-sea into a 'family-oriented' destination, the more go-go bars and other nightlife-based entertainment venues spring up. One is left with the distinct impression the verbal announcements emanating from within the bowels of City Hall are merely media fodder designed for the gullible, while the real wheel of business of keeping what made Pattaya successful in the first place continues to turn.

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-- Pattaya One 2011-01-31