Dying Girlfriend?

[Noel]

Richardb , words are not enough , but your last post made me cry.

Take care of yourself and you will meet Aom again one day.

God Bless.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Well said.

I'm going to Rayong tomorrow as the girlfriend has a seminar in town. I will make it a point to swing by the Camillian Social Center to make whatever donation I can give. I'm sure other members are doing the same.

Tompa

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

For those willing to help the Camillian Centre but are unable to do so in person, please click: HERE

Edited October 14, 2005 by Noel

[tayto]

I think this story has touched every member of Thaivisa and maybe has given a lot of us a different outlook on Thailand and its people.

Aom R.I.P from all in Chiang Rai.

Richardb if you ever get up North gives us a P.M, sure would like to shake your hand buddy.

[Ken]

For those willing to help the Camillian Centre but are unable to do so in person, please click: HERE

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

For those living in Thailand the above link provides a very easy way to donate money via an ATM transfer. I did it myself and transferred a donation from Bangkok Bank to the Bank of Ayudhya. Very simple to do and the transfer fee was only 35 Baht. The only thing I noticed that was different than the procedure posted on the link is that instead of the name "Camillus" being shown as the recipient, it came up with the name "Camilo".

[hoochie coochie man]

It seems that everyone is willing to help out. This community spirit or basic human goodness warms me. People coming together with only good intentions, kinda like a flow show.

[mpdkorat]

It seems that everyone is willing to help out. This community spirit or basic human goodness warms me. People coming together with only good intentions, kinda like a flow show.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yes this forum has a lot of good people.

I just hope that the kind words are followed up by donations, as kind words alone will not keep the centre running. Please everyone give what you can. It will all go straight to the problem.

[LostBrit]

Very sad story indeed, i wish u all the best and am sorry for your loss

it is only when we lose what we cherish most that we realise what we had

my condolences....

[threelegcowboy]

From BKK Post 18th

WE CARE

Practicing what you preach

Long regarded as a disease primarily affecting prostitutes and drug users, one Catholic priest is trying to show Thai people that there are many other faces of HIV and Aids

Story and photos by MARK BEALES

Pang jumps from the swing, takes a piece of paper and tries to write her name in English.

The five-year-old manages P, A, and G, but the "N" invariably ends up as an "M". She giggles as she tries again, and eventually makes it.

Pang is a chubby-cheeked, cheerful, precocious, little girl. Pang is also HIV positive.

She lives at the Camillian Social Centre in Rayong, along with 36 other children, and more than 50 adults.

The centre has been in existence for 10 years and has successfully created a tranquil place for patients, and has also helped to educate communities about HIV and Aids.

Italian priest Father Giovanni Contarin, who launched the centre, knows the importance of educating children like Pang for the future. He also knows how critical it is that Thai adults have a greater knowledge of the disease.

Many Thais still only associate HIV with working girls and tourists from the red-light centres of Pat Pong, Pattaya and Patong. In reality, it's the Thais not involved in the sex trade that are now indulging in high risk behaviour.

In Thailand, the number of faithful wives who are infected by their promiscuous husbands is among the highest in the world, as the "culture" of having sex outside of marriage is still prevalent.

In addition, young Thai girls are experimenting more with sex, often ignorant of the risks. Fr Contarin said that if things are to improve then it is Thai women, and not men, whose attitudes must change.

"In Thailand, nine percent of girls between 14 and 18 have sex. Later, when they come to have a boyfriend and girlfriend, they don't acknowledge their past history.

"Now, most of the infections are in the family and among many young people not in the sex trade. But Thai people still point to that group of working girls or the gay community."

The need for greater knowledge may be obvious, but even being allowed to talk about HIV in schools and offices is a challenge in itself.

"It took two years to get permission to organise HIV prevention activities and action plans for government schools. They said 'we don't have the power to decide, we have to go through the provincial office.'

"After two years I said, in front of the governor, 'I'm so bored, we are ready to go and we can do an action plan,"' said Fr Contarin.

Eventually the priest and his team of educators were allowed in. But still, teachers do not want to participate fully in HIV preventative education, where talking about sex is essential.

Factories first thought it would be invading workers' freedom to impose such training upon them. Now 80 factories, 13 schools and 12 communities benefit from action plans and preventative training. In addition, about 25 working girls from Pattaya come to the centre each month for HIV prevention training.

Listening to Fr Contarin, it's impossible not to be moved. He talks frankly and passionately about the subject. For more than 10 years he has worked in the field of HIV prevention, fighting against prejudices and fears.

And things are improving. Medication is more available and of a better quality. In the past 10 years, the rate of infection has dropped from an annual figure of 150,000 to around 20,000 today, although the reasons for this are economic as well as educational.

Fr Contarin explained: "There are many factors behind the lower infection rate. There's the condom campaign, education and economics.

"Eighty-five percent of Thai married men have sex outside marriage monthly, but now these people have less money to do this."

Today the issues are changing, and it is crucial that Thais alter their sexual habits if things are to improve further. Fr Contarin is keen to stress a new awareness and knowledge about "love and fidelity" as a value in Thai tradition and culture.

Another change is the growing number of women in need of help.

"Now we have more women at the centre than men. The numbers are increasing because of the increasing promiscuity. Before it was only prostitutes, now it's more than that. Another reason is that HIV naturally infects women more than men.

"Women outside the sex industry are more promiscuous, especially the young. We have to educate them about this because there's not enough understanding.

"This girl," Fr Contarin said, pointing to a patient wrapped in a blue blanket watching television, "she was not a prostitute. She is 19 and was married four times."

The priest has lived in Thailand for 20 years, but still speaks with an Italian passion and flair about HIV awareness. It's this desire for amelioration that has helped so many.

Children at Camillian come from extremely poor families and were infected by their parents; many are orphans.

The adults come from a variety of backgrounds and are generally referred to the centre by hospitals. Some of their families visit, many do not.

Camillian has a collection of small buildings, which include a handicraft centre, social area, playground, chapel and a pavilion in the middle of a pond. There is also a palliative care unit for sick patients with a full-time assistant nurse.

Most children go to local schools and are taken on occasional outings; the adults who are well enough do small tasks. Several adults live 40km away at the Garden of Eden, a specially-designated area of land where the patients grow their own vegetables. Life is as normal as it can be.

As we tuck into the canteen for pasta and pizza, Fr Contarin points out that the canteen staff is also HIV-positive.

It's one of the few centres in the world where the staff truly understand all the patients' problems. Nearly all the staff here have HIV, including Tong, a former drug user who is now a nurse.

He worked in hotels and for a bungee jump ride in Pattaya until he had a motorbike accident nearly 10 years ago. A routine blood test showed he was HIV-positive _ the result of heroin use. He continued to work until tuberculosis (TB) symptoms forced him to stop. The Camillian Centre looked after him for 11 months in its infirmary until he was well enough to work again. He lived with his family but became increasingly worried about the chance of infecting them, and when the TB symptoms returned, he chose to move to the Camillian Centre. Tong, 36, met his wife there and adopted her daughter, who are both also patients.

He then trained at the centre for two years and now helps other patients in the palliative care unit, checking that they take their medicine and helping with any emotional or spiritual issues they may have.

The salary he receives means his family can rent a home outside the centre and live independently.

Sommit is 42 and from Chon Buri. He said: "I went to hospital four years ago for a health check because I've got diabetes. I had a blood test and they found I was HIV-positive. I used to inject heroin."

Sommit is thin, missing teeth and has tattoos all over his chest. Living at the centre means he has access to all the drugs he needs to keep him well, and the support of others in the same situation. Outside the centre most people understand, but there are still prejudices.

"When I go to the local shops some are okay and don't mind, but some shops won't put the change in my hand. They just put it on the table."

Fr Contarin has little time for such attitudes and is critical of many things, including public schools.

He said: "Schools in Thailand are not doing enough. They explain about the physical part of the body, they explain about birth control, but they don't let the students talk about their situations, to ask questions and to interact with the subject."

The one irony behind a Catholic-based group's involvement in HIV prevention is the church's stance on condoms.

Fr Contarin said: "It is very important to understand the word 'prevention' and 'protection'. I live with HIV-positive people and I can see that the message of abstinence is not so understood. I believe in life and I'll try my best to educate people to defend it by practicing safe sex according to their beliefs."

When it comes to saving lives, there's a prerequisite to be practical.

As if proof were needed, the priest handed two photographs of a girl. In the first she is in a hotel room, leaning provocatively against a dresser with her legs slightly apart. She is wearing a polka-dot skirt and an orange and brown hooped top.

In the second photo, taken a year later, she is lying on a bed, her skeletal body covered by a thin shirt and incontinence pad; the ravaging effects of Aids all too obvious.

Fr Contarin puts the photographs away and pulls out a scrapbook. Inside are newspaper cuttings of the first HIV centre in Bangkok. Each story tells how the site had to close after it was attacked by bombs and shot at by a sniper.

Thankfully, things are much better than before. Preventative and educational work will ensure future Thai generations are at least armed with the knowledge of the deadly effects of HIV. Whether they choose to put that knowledge into practice is the major question still left unanswered.

Edited October 18, 2005 by threelegcowboy

[threelegcowboy]

INFO FORDonations

Name of organisation: The Camillian Centre

Contact person: Father Giovanni Contarin

Address: 1/1 Soi Kir, Huae Pong, Rayong, 21150, Thailand

Telephone: 03-868-5480

Fax: 03-868-7480

Email: [email protected]

Web site: www.camillian-rayong.org

Bank info: Account name: St Camillus Foundation of Thailand, Bank of Ayudhya, Map-Ta-Phut Branch Rayong, account number 229-1-29336-3, (AYUDTHBK)

[

[Noel]

The most recent addition to swell the burgeoning ranks of supporters of the Camillian Centre and specifically the 2005 JAIDEE APPEAL JW DRUNKATHOLON: IN MEMORY OF AOM initiative is none other than the most widely read cyberspace Bangkok commentator: STICKMAN!

To read his latest column, please CLICK HERE

[Noel]

The total pledged to date for the 2005 JAIDEE APPEAL JW DRUNKATHOLON:IN MEMORY OF AOM continues to rise!

If you would like tp pledge any amount you feel able and willing to spare, please let us know!

PLEDGES TO 31st of October 2005:

SUMMARY:

110,460

61,000

16,000

187,460

DETAIL:

10 July 2005 AXE WOUND 10,000

13 July 2005 JOHNNIE WALKER 10,000

14 July 2005 FOSSIL 10,000

21 July 2005 SWEENEY TODD 10,000

1 Aug 2005 AIRPORTWO 10,000

18 Sept 2005 WAIRU VALLEY TAVERN 23,460

18 Sept 2005 NOEL THOMAS 10,000

23 Sept 2005 RICHARDB 10,000

23 Sept 2005 AUNTY 10,000

24 Sept 2005 CHOPPER 5,000

24 Sept 2005 SUSIE WALKER 2,000

30 Sept THAILAND-UK.COM 61,000

6 Oct 2005 KEN (THAIVISA.COM) 8,000

7 Oct 2005 MPDKORAT (THAIVISA.COM) 4,000

12 Oct 2005 THE SCOUSER (THAIVISA.COM) 4,000

TOTAL TO DATE [‘plus change’ courtesy of Mrs. Wound ;-) ]187,460

[richardb]

Well I did it I phoned westeast this morning. 1pm my mate who has the day off drops my ticket off to me. At 5.30 pm I leave my office and head home. 6 pants,4 socks, 3 tees, 3 shirts,1 jeans, 1 chinos,1 skateborder shorts, 1 swimming trunks,1 desert boots,1 sandles, 1 lime green nike's, suntan lotion and shades into my bag. U turn and leave the house heading for picadilly line. 90 mins Heathrow TN3. 21.35 take off ....................................

To be continue

[Noel]

Well I did it I phoned westeast this morning. 1pm my mate who has the day off drops my ticket off to me. At 5.30 pm I leave my office and head home. 6 pants,4 socks, 3 tees, 3 shirts,1 jeans, 1 chinos,1 skateborder shorts, 1 swimming trunks,1 desert boots,1 sandles, 1 lime green nike's, suntan lotion and shades into my bag. U turn and leave the house heading for picadilly line. 90 mins Heathrow TN3. 21.35 take off ....................................

To be continue

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[Ken]

I may have missed this in one of the other threads (if so sorry). But can someone post a little more detail of the upcoming "Drunkathalon" that is being held as a Charity Drive to raise money in support of Camillion Centre. I believe the date is November 29, but where and at what time do the "games" begin.

[Noel]

I may have missed this in one of the other threads (if so sorry).  But can someone post a little more detail of the upcoming "Drunkathalon" that is being held as a Charity Drive to raise money in support of Camillion Centre.  I believe the date is November 29, but where and at what time do the "games" begin.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yes, it is definitely all set for the 29th of November, Ken.

We just have to finalise a few details and then I will post the full programme during the week.

It promises to be a great day/evening!

[richardb]

Well TG917 touched down I was in Bangkok but my luggage was in Bogota. Or at least it might have been for all there clue Thai had. Luggage eventually restored I have some thoughts and observations which I hope when read together may form a coherent whole.

I may not post in order it very much depends on how my days go:

1. Aoms things.

2. Soi 7 and Soi 8 Pattaya.

3. Chaing Mai to Burma.

4. Kikkies story.

5. A chat with Aoms Mum ( The truth about Aom )

5. An Art Gallery in London 2004.

7. The Camillian center.

I hope no post will be more than a few lines.

Richard

Edited November 27, 2005 by richardb

[richardb]

1. Aoms things.

I called around at my friends flat . He and his wife had cleared Aoms room and were waiting for me to arrive to sort out what I wanted to keep. We have a TV, a dvd, a small fridge ,cooking ring, clothes, photos, papers, bits and bobs of all sorts. Aoms cloths filled two bin liners and I was to take those to the Camillian Centre or Pattaya Orphanage as I would the white goods. I sorted the pictures into " our pics " of which there were several albums. There was an album of pics of Aom and her family from before I knew her, I recognized a few people. There were loose photos of people I did not know and an album of photos of Aom and her crew at the beer bar she worked at a few years ago. I resolved to take the photos of us and her and her family to her family and the photos of her and her friends to her friends. In the car to the camillian center I sorted through boxes of papers and made piles.

Here I came across plastic card from the Pattaya International. I was about to put it into the pile to bin as she was issued with a card from there a few years ago when she had an ulcer and I put her into hospital but then I looked at the date . 24th August 2005 . I first found out Aom was ill on the 6th of September when she was in the Banglamung. I continued going through the papers and found The Pattaya International release form . I read no Thai but two parts were readable. About two thirds of the way down were the letters HIV and at the bottom under reasons for release " financial problem ". Can anyone translate the Hippocratic Oath into Thai please.

Its odd to go through the remnants of a life. At the end of the journey I had only three piles . The first to bin filled the back seat. The other was a small envelope of things such as pictures of her son to take to her family . The third, for me, fitted in my shirt pocket. A picture of Aom as a young girl. It does seem that its what we were or did that lives on not our things that matter. There simply were no "things" that were or signified Aom.

Richard

[richardb]

Kikkies Story

About the time me and Aom were splitting ( the reasons I have explained previously ) I met Kikkie ( she has consented to me posting part of her story) Kikkie left school at 13. She has worked in the fields cutting rice and bamboo and on building sites. She is smart, fiesty has two kids she is lean dark and and has a dream. Her dream is to get to the UK where she can get a job in an old peoples home ( she has a friend who does this ) and earn " big money" For now she works in a large beer bar as its resident Kikkie Monkey . If she had had an education who knows.........

Kikkie "owes me one " I asked her to organize a cab to the Camillian Center and translate if necessary. She did so. Kikkies sister died of cancer about the same time as Aom. I met her sister who looked after her Kikkies kids. A nice lady.

As we went round the Camillian Centre Kikkie , who is normally Kikkie Monkey, went more and more silent. So sad, sad she kept saying. We got to the boys dorm where a few of the boys who dont yet go to school were having their afternoon nap. "They have too?" she asked. "Yes they are HIV positive too". "So sad so sad" she kept saying. In Father G"s office Kikkie looked at the posters and stuff and started to cry. She turned to me and said " Richard I lie to you before my sister have same your lady. I know this place now my sister come here one time for free medicine."

She told us that about a year ago Kikkies sisters ex husband found out he was HIV positive. He hung himself. Her sister got sick and was in and out of pretty much every hospital between here and Sisaket. She died in a hospital called the Queen something in this area. Kikkie said at the end she had a down turn and had tubes in her nose and they hurt her sister. Her sister improved and they took the tubes out but her sister and Kikkie were afraid that at the next downturn the tubes would be put in again. Her sister had not been able to eat for three days but in the end Kikkie got some orange juice down her. Kikkie was very pleased. "I think she drink orange she have power again".

Her sister died the next night. They never got the chance to put those tubes back.

A guy called Paddy who works at the Camillian Centre was there and he hugged her and I kissed her tears.

I thought I had my problems but on the day Kikkies came first, last and everything.

Others grief kinda puts yours into perspective.

Richard

[Ken]

......

Others grief kinda puts yours into perspective.

Richard

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Amen to that Richard! See ya tomorrow at the Bahtbus charity drive.

Edited November 28, 2005 by Ken

[richardb]

Nice to meet you Ken

The Drunkathalon raised about 300,000 Baht for reports see bahtbus.com forum or thailand-uk.com forum

Till next year

Richard

meanwhile my story ends

[richardb]

An art gallery in London in 2004

I was invited to a viewing of an artist I know. White wine was on hand canapes on trays the art admired.

I met a woman I have known for some time and we arranged to meet. I have never made any secret of Aom or our relationship. Some weekends latter we were on my sofa the coffee unmade and she turned to me and said " Richard we should go out together , you're almost perfect..........but you have to dump your Thai whore".

It was a no contest. I did not go looking for love in a bar. Aom was what she was and there were reasons for that. People say you can take the girl out from the bar but you cant take a bar out of the girl. What a load of r******s.

A cab was called.

Richard

Soi Seven and Eight Pattaya.

The Bar Aom worked at near Soi 9 was demolished some years back and I recall that her whole crew moved to a new location near the Big C . I decided to find some of her old crew to return some photos and things relating to those times. As I got off the Baht bus I paused for a moment to take in the scene. The neon flashing the music crashing. The smells of sewers and barbecues. Rock bands riffing, Thai pop mixing with the high hats, base and drum rushes of dance. As I moved through the complex my adrenaline was rushing too. Mekhon and lippoed up girls dancing and screaming. A high octane sonic boom. You can taste bright lights and money.

Are you familiar with Pira Sudham's books ( Monsoon county etc )-

"If I had not left my village then, I would have been subject, like most villagers, to the mercy of nature: floods, drought, disease, ignorance and scarcity. With endurance, I would have accepted them as my own fate, as something I cannot go against in this life"

Asked why he writes, he replies: "In my mind I carry memories of childhood, of life in villages, much as a pregnant woman carrying a child. Every day these images grow, and I know that one day I shall have to give birth to them through the medium of writing. Besides, I don't want people in our villages, so far removed from other peoples because of distance and poverty, to be born, suffer and to die in vain."

What is it like for a country girl in Pattaya for the first time?

Finding no trace of the crew I circled down to Soi 7 and 8. At the top of 8 a girl jumped out. "Richard you Aoms husband I waiting for you I no believe she die. I tell her you have ring you tell him I no believe she die.She die or no you tell me ( It was one of her old crew ) I told her Aom was dead for sure. I sat down and pulled out the photo album I had and she began to leaf through. More girls were called over and they pulled the pictures out. They all looked at them and at me. " She Sweden now, she Norway, she Sweden.....( lucky Scandanavia ) . It seems fully half the crew got their dream. Aom never made it. I was a bit tearful and the surrounding bar girls all started getting tearful too. “You good man " and soon I was the centre of a scrum of girls all hugging whichever bit they could. God knows what the passing fallangs thought was happening. I left the photos with the girls and did not have to pay for my beer.

Who says bar girls don’t cry?

Further down the Soi an old lady popped up it seems she was the one who charged Aoms phone when she was at the Banglamung and got people to call me. She confirmed that Aom had been at the Pattaya International before. ( That solves the mystery taxing a number of people and girls minds as to where Aoms nit noi gold went; it went to that hospital to pay their bills. The old lady said she massaged Aom till she was too thin and Aom had said she wanted her ashes in the sea. ( at that point Thaivisa members had not yet kicked in and she had not got to the Pattaya Bangkok and the Camilian Centre. )

I asked the obvious question . Why did Aom or no one tell me before ( I believe Aom knew her status a year and a half ago ) " She not know" What do you mean of course she know and if not why didn’t you tell her I said.

" If I tell her she have ( it ) she kill herself for sure" !!!!!!!!!!!

Richard

Chiang Rai to Burma

Back in Pattaya I had heard that some police still wanted money for Aoms last id card. Falang in town payday loomed. I took a view that it would be a cold day in hel_l before that happened. One evening I was having a beer and my mate said a young police man was outside. I kept my head down. Actually the young copers mum had worked for my mate and knew Aom and it seems Aoms mum had passed her a message that the family wanted the Ashes returned. I told the young cop can do am on my way.

Actually I won’t go into the journey to avoid dropping those that got me through all the checkpoints with the two urns father G gave me. I got myself a Lahu interpreter too. A few Sonkrans ago Aom brought herself an outfit which she wore the whole week. It was black cheesecloth baggy trousers and tunic with embroidered red triangles and beads and beaded tassels and bells. Give what I knew about her home I assumed she was Lahu. I assumed right my choice of a Lahu interpreter was a sound one.

I had never before spoken to Aoms mum as firstly Aom was deaf so could not speak for me and second I blamed her for selling her daughter over the border. I found her village easily I could do it blindfold. It was as I remembered. Aoms house has a concrete floor and walls. Windows but no glass. The neighbour’s houses are wood and bamboo some on stilts. The ones not on stilts have hard earth floors which I imagine turn to soft red mud floors when it rains. The well I built was functioning and had a new pulley. As my pick up bounced along the track of the hillside and pulled up everyone came out of their houses. It looks like I was expected. Slim hard bodied bare chested tattooed Burmese boys in Longhis, mother’s girls and babies all crowded round Aoms house and leaned through the windows. The men had tears in their eyes . I gave Aoms mum and elder sister an urn and Aoms family photos and our photos. The youngest sister it seems has made it out and is a teacher now. I asked permission to scatter the other urn in the sea. I told them what happened and how Aom died and showed the family pictures of the Camillian Centre. That made them happy.

Richard

A chat with Aoms Mum ( The truth about Aom )

Aom was deaf. I took her to hospitals and was told measles as a child knocked out her hearing almost completely. She could hear a dog howl and a base line but was - 100 decibels deaf ( a boeing 747 landing ) in the mid range. Never the less she always “chatted” . A series ooos ahhs whooahs and grrs. She was very much attached to her mobile and would phone people on it and wha whawha at them but of course could not hear anything back. Very odd you might think and you would be right. It was surprisingly effective. A loud Whoooo at 1 am is easily understandable as " get your worthless falang **** out of whatever low go go bar you are in and back to the hotel now or else.” More intriguingly though every night she phoned Mama.

I asked Aoms Mama two things. Firstly I wanted to know when Aom lost her hearing. Mama told me at about 5 and a half years old.

I asked Mama why she sold Aom over the border. Mama and Aoms sister shook their heads and told me this: Aom was always the cleverest kid in the village, even when she could not hear and speak she was the cleverest and could sort out things the other kids could not. She never learned to read and write but could bargin at the market charm and bully others and hold her own in all things. In that area people speak and girls tell tales of the riches by the sea in Thailand. Shortly after her son was born to a soldier who then beat her ,deaf ,illiterate, 4 ft 6 Aom, without telling Mama and sister, disappeared. Aom turned up back home nine months later with some money. She had gone to Thailand and made it to Pattaya not just made it but made it back to Mama too. The next time she came back she gave mama a mobile phone. It seems that though no one could understand Aoms yelps and gurgules her mother could. Every time in Pattaya I and others shook our heads at Aom “ chatting ” to Mama it seems Mama could understand and though Aom could not hear back she was telling her family her news.

I always though Aom was a victim not that she chose to cross the border to be a bar girl. Does this make a difference to me now ? The answer is no. Aom was a Lahu girl from Burma. When the Junta burned her original village the family moved to the border. Disabled, illiterate, with the earth literally in her toes she dared to dream of a better life and she went for it. Aom had a dream. She wanted to be out the bar, she wanted a Falang, to be married with a ring and then to have two more children and one of those ridiculous small lap dogs to dress up in bows play with. At some point though whether out of ignorance or for cash she contracted the HIV virus. Well she got half way to her dream. I still have her last text it reads “ thank you aom ok you work work luv u ok forever take care me sad sad sad sad sad vey much me sleep good aom xxxxxx richard ok luv u”

Richard

The Camillian Center.

I visited the Camillian Centre where Aom died three times. Before she got there she had been at the Pattaya International ( released for reason “ financial problem” ) , The Banglamung ( released as she was well !!!!!! ) and The Bangkok Pattaya.

I was going to say that the Camillian was larger than I thought it would be then I was going to say it was smaller. I suppose this means that I have to say it’s just right. About 45 mins out of Pattaya on the Sukhumvit Road you turn left and into the Center. The buildings are arranged around a green leafy space with a little lake and a sala in the middle. It is quite and peaceful except for the sound of children’s laughter. To the left are rooms for new patients. On the first occasion I went a new patient was being brought in by her family the staff were welcoming her and making her comfortable. I know this as I was waiting while it all happened. A little voice in my head my ego was saying hold on what about me I have come six thousand miles to be here. Pay me attention. I mention this as an illustration of where the priorities of the Center lie. They lie with the Children and the adults who are HIV positive and their families. The Bishop of Bangkok could walk in but if someone like Aom needed a hug or a word then the Bishop would have to wait. That’s why I know Aom was in the best hands at her end.

In the Center there is a boys dorm and a girls dorm, canteen, chapel, teaching rooms and activity areas.

Father Giovanni is a big man with a big heart. A religious man driven by love but a pragmatist also a doer. A man who lives his faith and lives it big. I sat in his office as his phone went off continuously. I was expecting a University professor from Australia who was to lecture in Thailand this morning but instead came a Thai professor going to lecture in Austria laughed Father G. “No the bus to take the children to the Big C for a treat should be here ten o’clock in the morning not ten at night he told one of the helpers. Ah problems problems” Many would give a shrug mutter “This is Thailand” and give up but father G has been at it for twenty years now fluent in Thai he and his helpers pull it all together for the kids and those adults affected by the virus.

Apart from the Camillian Centre proper nearby there is the Eden project for adults to grow food and gain some independence and a future home for teen age orphans ( one girl is now 18 the longest living HIV child in Asia ) is going to be built soon when the funding arrives there is also a workshop project that’s going to be built. Many kids are sponsored by individuals who pay for the anti retrovirals they need to stay healthy. To achieve all that is truly amazing. The Camillian center is a simple place but to keep it going needs work and hard work at that.

Paddy showed me round and explained how the dorms were going to be classrooms as previously the local schools would not take the HIV children . Due to the Camillians efforts and educational program aimed at institutions such as schools as to the realities of HIV all but the sickest children can now go to local schools which they love.

We looked in to the Palliative care unit where Aom died. It took me a while to come to terms with the concept. In palliative care, the aim is to minimize the impact of the progressing illness so that the patient can live life to the fullest. Death is neither hastened nor postponed; life is affirmed and dying is regarded as a normal process. The people in the Unit were in a bad way but as Paddy showed me around each person got a hug or he had a chat and a joke. It was then that it struck me that I was the only one with tears on my eyes. The patients were all happy at peace. Yes they were going to die probably sooner than me and Paddy but we too will die one day. I truly believe that quality of life is so important and meeting those people I know that the gift of a peaceful happy end is so so important.

I missed the old Katoy who I understand looks after some of the littlest children. Father G is certainly not a bible thumper and I think his view is that if you have some love to give to the children it does not matter if you are Thai or Falang or anything just as long as you make their troubled lives better and believe me some of these kids have had troubled lives and need all the love and treats they can get.

As we moved round I peered into a room where the children who are too sick to go to school were having their afternoon nap. Most of the HIV children were born HIV positive. I say most as the rest contracted the virus through abuse. What can I say? Maybe that if there is wickedness in the world and what happened to those children is wicked then there is goodness in the world too to balance it out.

I think that there are few things in this world that are all good or all bad but really in the Camillian Centre I cant see any bad at all.

Thailand-uk.com doing it for the kids

Richard

Edited December 8, 2005 by richardb

[Digger]

Richard - I am curious about the scenario you mention where people 'sponsor' a childs medications. Did anybody indicate what is the cost of such a scheme? Sounds like a good way of raising funds - I presume even people abroad could pay for medical treatment and get a real good feeling getting a letter from someone who's treatment they are paying for. Might be a good way of raising cash for the centre - kinda makes it easier to justify why somebody needs to keep up donations when its so personal.

Very moving summary as well - must have been tough for you but I am sure worthwile.

[slimdog]

Richard

Many thanks for your up-dates.

Throughout the early posts, I was unfortunetly away from Thailand on business. One of the first things I did on my return was to visit the Camillion Centre with my wife. As you can imagine it was an emotional experience for both of us, filled with huge sadness but in parts there was pure joy. It was wonderful watching the kids playing, and the love they receive there is obvious.

I would like to thank yourself, Noel and the others who brought the centre to my attention, and like Digger would be very interested in knowing about the sponser program.

It was great to see so many people at the Harley Pub last week. I appologise for not introducing myself, maybe next time.. I hope you understand. It was truely amazing the amount raised, congratulations to all. It certainly couldn't go to a better place.

Slimdog

[the scouser]

The drunken revellers' escapades know no bounds, and have even been reported in the Pattaya Mail.

Scouse.

[richardb]

From father Giovanni recieved yesterday

" Dear Mr.Lee,

with great joy and sactifaction I am sending you this thank's e-mail.

I received from Mr.Noel the sum of 103.000 baht (one hundred and three

thousand baht), sent in the name of the http://www.thailand-uk.com

website and all its members.

Th Jaidee Appeal project started a few years ago when Mr. Noel Thomas

wanted to support the new "Garden of Eden", a branch of Camillian Center

Rayong.

So many thinks appened in these last ten years and so many people could

get education and relief from being infectet by HIV/AIDS.

We tried our best to work at several levels to find out the best way to

help people in the Thai society to reduce the number of new infections,

to get acces to care and essential; drugs, to help orphan children

living with HIV/AIDS.

You can see the wide range of activities visiting the

www.camillian-rayong.org

Without financial support from many places and people like you we could

never succed in establishing such kind of services close to people in

need.

The integration of several activities (volontary test, education,

attitude,care at different levels) is the way to solve the problem of

HIV/AIDS, is not a matter of doing something in one specific

sector...for these reasons it involves more financial support and of

course human resourse.

We really appreciate your effort in doing fund raising and we would like

you to have a commitment to secure future support for our activities for

the poor, abounded and children with HIV/AIDS.

Please assure a special thanks for all your menbers and a Blessing from

the New Born Jesus.

May the New Year bring Prosperity and Happiness to all of you.

Thank You in the name of all our children and people in need.

Sincerely,

Fr.Giovanni Contarin, director Camillian Center Rayong Thailand"

Richard

Edited December 30, 2005 by richardb

[caledonia]

I have only just came accross this thread now but just wanted to say how sorry I was to hear about Aom's story - she sounded like a wonderful woman.

Her memory will live on not only in the hearts of Richard and her family and friends but also in the hearts and minds of every member who has came on here and read this moving story.

The Camillian Center sounds like a wonderful place and some good has came from this tragic story in that the many hundreds of people who read this thread are now aware of it and also aware of how important financing places like this is.

Anyway I just felt I could not read this story without saying something.

Thank you Richard for conintuing to share this journey with everyone else.

[richardb]

A long time ago now at the beginning of this thread I posted “ I retain great affection for an ex girlfriend. Lately she has been saying she has been unwell………..” I asked for assistance from the members of Thaivisa.com Pattaya forum. A lot has happened since then. To all those that gave helped me and Aom thank you. To those that posted their thoughts and experiences you are truly amazing.

Thanks also to all those at Bahtbus.com the Drukathalon was a great laugh and I enjoyed

meeting a whole load of new faces not forgetting the blokes from this site who came along for a beer or several. I am sure we will share a beer again on my next visit. Top blokes all of you. Thailand-uk.com also deserve special recognition for raising the truly amazing sum of 103,000 Baht for the Camillian Center .

Today is New Years Eve a time maybe for new beginnings and to look to

the future. Tomorrow HIV will, sadly, still be here though and blight

the lives of many in the country we all love. My visits to the Camillian

Center really opened my eyes to what can be done to help those who

cannot help themselves to fight, or to live with, HIV. I do not ever

want to forget the hugs and warmth of the children there. By my count

there are still nineteen beautiful children there without an individual sponsor from

Prae a little girl aged 21 months to Toie a boy aged 15. The Centers work in education, prevention, the Garden of Eden and all the other projects goes on.

So what next is "up to you"; a Thaivisa.com bash anyone?

As for me I will never forget Aom nor the circumstances of her

unnecessary death. Part of me wishes this thread could go on for ever,

as to end it seems disloyal somehow, but I think its right to end now. The

events, issues and thoughts raised here are important and can and should

be discussed and if anyone wishes to post this thread on any other forum

feel free to do so.

A kind of ending:

On Saturday 3rd December at about midnight I walked down Soi 8 with the

second urn which Aoms mama let me have in a shoulder bag. Half way

down I brought one of those orchid necklaces and put that in my bag too.

I got to the beach and the tide was way out. I took my shoes off and

walked across the wet sand. Standing on the edge of the sea about 20

meters out it was surprisingly quiet. The sea was flat and still. I

unscrewed the urn and scattered the contents into the water. I threw the

urn as far as I could. It caught the lights from the shore as it

shimmered in the sky for a moment before it fell into the sea. I did the

same with the lid. I put the flowers on the sea and said:

" The most beautiful sea has yet to be crossed.

The most beautiful child has yet to grow up.

The most beautiful days have yet to be lived:

and the most beautiful words I want to say

are the ones I have not yet said (to you). "

Take care everyone.

Richard Bartram

[vinny]

Come Together (Bangkok Post, Outlook, 07 Jan 2006)

Come together

The Internet can bring people together, especially during times of hardship and tragedy, as the sad story of Richard and Aom so ably demonstrates

Story by MARK BEALES

Richard didn't realise that Aom was ill until he received a phone call from Thailand. A Thai woman told him in broken English that his former girlfriend was very sick and in a Pattaya hospital. As Richard was in England, he had no way of knowing exactly what was wrong. Out of desperation he posted a message on a web site asking for help. The response was overwhelming, and poignant. Almost instantly strangers began searching and finding information.

Their replies soon helped Richard and, when the situation took a tragic turn, offered him support. The online messages burgeoned into a debate that prompted a show of public sympathy and philanthropy.

Several people read Richard's initial post. One reader went to try and find Aom, another asked his Thai wife to talk to the doctors.

A friend of Richard's was then able to visit Aom and give him more information.

Richard was taken aback by the amount of support. He said: "All in all you could say that Internet strangers did everything, including paying the bills even before I had wired the money over."

Aom was at Banglamung Hospital in Pattaya and was later moved to Pattaya International Hospital. At first it was thought she had tuberculosis, but then doctors discovered the truth _ she had full-blown Aids.

Friends organised for her to be taken to the Camillian Social Centre in Rayong, which cares for HIV/Aids patients. It was there that she died.

Nothing can compensate for the loss of Aom, but a group in Pattaya recently dedicated its Aids fund-raising efforts to her and collected more than 300,000 baht in the process.

Aom's story can be read online through the message board at www.thailand-uk.com. As the situation unfolded, the messages not only told of Aom's plight but of many others who wanted to talk about their experiences with HIV and Aids.

Hundreds of people with Aids-related illnesses die in Thailand each year and Aom's death prompted a frank debate on the web site, and beyond, into the disease and how both farang and Thais deal with it.

London-based Richard Bartram, Aom's former partner, was moved by the reaction and the help he received.

"A number of people volunteered to help me. To everyone who offered their help I can only express my gratitude. For no reason apart from pure altruism people went out of their way to help," he said.

Among those who saw the web site was a group from Pattaya that organises an annual fund-raiser through its own web site, www.bahtbus.com.

Readers of the forum pledged to support this year's sporting event in memory of Aom and raised more than 100,000 baht, a third of the record-breaking total collected for the Camillian Social Centre.

For many of those who took part in the fund-raiser, Aom's story was all too familiar.

Many foreigners move to Thailand in search of a better life, with better weather and better conditions. Many find all these.

But for some, their lives will be irrevocably changed by HIV and Aids.

Many have to deal with losing loved ones far too early to the disease and it's partly this bond that prompted such an outpouring of unity among the web site's users.

HIV is no respecter of race or nationality. And it's no respecter of stereotypes. Bar girls are one group at risk from HIV, but the biggest problem in Thailand at present is Thai teenagers' and Thai men's attitudes toward sex. A large percentage of married Thai men regularly have sex outside marriage and younger Thais' promiscuity is also worrying health experts.

Awareness is growing about the virus and about how to prevent it, thanks to centres such as the Camillian, that runs training courses and regularly visit schools.

Sadly, there was nothing that could be done to help Aom, who was Burmese, but Richard could at least find some solace from the tragedy.

He was amazed at the consideration others gave to his circumstances and he updated the forum to let others know of Aom's condition.

In one post, he said: "A forum member, through his contacts, arranged for Aom to be moved to the Camillian Centre in Rayong. I understand Aom was happy when she got there. Unfortunately, her small body was not up to it and she passed away with a heart attack.

"Thanks to all those people who helped and I really mean that."

In response, one reader wrote: "It is at times like this that the written word seems so inadequate.

"Sorrow is a word that can only be expressed in heartfelt terms. The heart's wounds are fresh and no amount of words can heal that wound, however friendship and compassion can aid in decreasing the recovery period."

Many others wanted to share their own experiences of HIV.

One man wrote: "My biggest concern for the girl whose treatment I pay for is that she will be sacked by her employer if and when they find out she has HIV, despite her just working in a convenience store _ nothing to do with bars, food or anything where she could risk passing on her condition to someone else."

Another post read: "Over two years ago, I was diagnosed with Aids. For the first month the antibiotic the doctor prescribed for the pneumonia did its job, the wife's cooking stopped any further weight loss and I started on ARV medication. The support I received from my wife was nothing short of brilliant. I don't think I could have made it without her.

"Today I feel fine. For me Aids is something I live with. I take the medications, I eat as well as I can, I get as much rest as I need, but most importantly, I do so with the full support and encouragement of my family.

"For the first few months, it was difficult to come to terms with, but as time passed and I saw myself getting stronger and healthier, I started to think about it less and less."

The Internet is perhaps the one place where such discussions can take place freely due to the relatively anonymous nature of forums, and the debate gave an honest insight into the lives of those touched by the devastating disease.

Following Aom's death, the fund-raising Drunkatholon, organised and created by Alan Lewis, was held in her memory at Pattaya. A record 301,000 baht was raised following golf, bowling and pool tournaments.

The event is part of the Jaidee Appeal, which was founded by Noel Thomas and helps the Camillian Centre.

Thomas said the figure collected was "a truly magnificent result" and he had special praise for www.thailand-uk.com.

There is perhaps no better way to pay tribute than to raise funds to fight the disease, and, just as importantly, talk about its effects.

Aom would have been proud.

[udon]

Good story...... strange that there was no mention of Thaivisa.

Not important but noticed.

[the scouser]

Good story...... strange that there was no mention of Thaivisa.

Not important but noticed.

Possibly because, despite having much smaller memberships, both Thailand-UK and Bahtbus members contributed considerably more than those of TV. Of the total 301,000 baht raised, TV members contributed 16,000.

Scouse.

[the gent]

Good story...... strange that there was no mention of Thaivisa.

Not important but noticed.

Possibly because, despite having much smaller memberships, both Thailand-UK and Bahtbus members contributed considerably more than those of TV. Of the total 301,000 baht raised, TV members contributed 16,000.

Scouse.

I recall a member, now sadly no longer with us, who opined that the majority at TV were low rent, visa runners. The paltry contribution from a forum that bizarrely had aspirations to issuing a credit card is perhaps evidence in support of his contention.

Edited January 7, 2006 by the gent