fanfanfan Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 Hi . I've been dating this thai girl for like 8months now. Been to her village thrice, spent new years, x-mas with her, phoned her an average of 2hours daily. Recently, she dropped a bombshell on me saying she had patched up with her English bf and had to go live with him to support her family financially. I had not given her money on a regular basis throughout the 8 months. Just gave her enough for taxi fares to go back home. She had said to me she would wait for me to finish school as she 'loves' me and 'wants' me. A few days ago, whilst on holiday in thailand, her so called bf found out she was contacting me n things got out of hand between her n her so called bf. The thing is I don't mind leaving her but when I think back about all she has said to me everyday, crying on the phone saying she doesn't want my money just wants my emotional support for her, it makes me really sad to leave her like this. Even when I have a million reasons to do so! Its just not right for me to be staying like this. And her 'bf' according to her hurled vulgarities at her in front of the thai public many times before. I feel bad/sad for her. I know if I leave her, she can't get that emotional support she so dearly wants. And if I leave her, I'm afraid she might continue working the bar scene! Please give me your opinions on this and I thank u for reading my post Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mightyharriss Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 Read your post as if someone else has written it and I am sure you will be able to answer your own questions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 she has responsibilities to her family & they will come first, her own happiness will come very last so I suggest you move on with your life. You sound young & quite honestly probably could do without the drama & hassle that comes with having a "girlfriend" from the industry. Finish your studies & find a girl who is free to follow her own heart & not financial security. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zzaa09 Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 Gee, we haven't heard this story before, have we? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 I'm assuming that you wanted the opinion of the women posting on thaivisa hence posting this in the ladies section? If not then let me know & I will move it to farang pub. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrahamF Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 It seems that she has made her priorities quite clear, and it's not surprising that they are money & security for her and her family. The emotional support that you feel she desires will always come 2nd or 3rd............. Move on, you can be as nice as you like about it, but in the long run it will be better for you and probably her as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GizmoBKK Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 Well, the most important thing you say is s I don't mind leaving her I do not want to jump to conclusions, but from the little that you describe this seems it is what you have to do. It doesn't matter much what are the reasons for her going back to her "bf" (or should we say "sponsor"?), be it family obligations or "love". You've got a taste of what's to come if you stay in this relationship. What zzaa09 says is in a way true: we've heard the sentence And if I leave her, I'm afraid she might continue working the bar scene! too many times. There is no love in the bar scene. (Personally I have not heard of a single Farang - Thai bar girl relationship that worked.) Take good care of yourself! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fanfanfan Posted March 7, 2011 Author Share Posted March 7, 2011 I'm assuming that you wanted the opinion of the women posting on thaivisa hence posting this in the ladies section? If not then let me know & I will move it to farang pub. Hi Boo! I think it would be better off in farang pub as I'm new here and unsure still about the forums. Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fanfanfan Posted March 7, 2011 Author Share Posted March 7, 2011 Well, the most important thing you say is s I don't mind leaving her I do not want to jump to conclusions, but from the little that you describe this seems it is what you have to do. It doesn't matter much what are the reasons for her going back to her "bf" (or should we say "sponsor"?), be it family obligations or "love". You've got a taste of what's to come if you stay in this relationship. What zzaa09 says is in a way true: we've heard the sentence And if I leave her, I'm afraid she might continue working the bar scene! too many times. There is no love in the bar scene. (Personally I have not heard of a single Farang - Thai bar girl relationship that worked.) Take good care of yourself! Gizmo The only issue that is hindering me from leaving her is that I'm feeling really sad for her. She repeatedly tells me she needs me not to sponsor her but to be by her side if she needs any sort of morale booster. Its just driving me nuts everyday thinking about her. And she said she wants to visit me for a week in mid march and I for one honestly do not know how to end this all... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beano2274 Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 She says she does not need you to sponsor her, but this is just getting you hooked, like a fish on the line, then she just winds you in and you do everything she says. She is a bar girl, as you state, and she knows how to catch a fish and how to start the relationship and then get into the bigger things in life (money). Do yourself a favour and concentrate on your studies, then find the woman who really wants you. Sorry for being negative but this is Thailand, and it is a common thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 moved to pub Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greglim Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 The same old story again It is all about money i guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daewoo Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 (edited) I'll go out on a limb here... You are probably young, but without much hope of her converting you into a paycheque... He is old(er) and has a high likelyhood of being converted into a paycheque... She has no need to cut you loose completely... in a few years, her English Boyfriend might dump her arse, or she might have been with him long enough that she can screw money out of him when she leaves... The cost to her of keeping you on the hook is some time on the phone, and a few crocodile tears... Forget the bullshit about her needing to support her family... she is just lazy, and marrying a farang is the easiest way for her not to need to get a real job... If it was about the family there are a billion jobs that she could do, give them some money, and stay with you... Move on, find another one... send her a photo... hope you don't get screwed around by the new model... I only just read the last line of your post where you say she is a bargirl.... I've been coming to Thailand since my late 20s, and stupidly thought I was something special because I was young and handsome, compared to the old and ugly... guess what... I am old and ugly now, and the girls treat me exactly the same... don't believe you own publicity... you are special just like everyone else.... it is your money that makes you special... Daewoo Edited March 7, 2011 by Daewoo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fanfanfan Posted March 7, 2011 Author Share Posted March 7, 2011 I'll go out on a limb here... You are probably young, but without much hope of her converting you into a paycheque... He is old(er) and has a high likelyhood of being converted into a paycheque... She has no need to cut you loose completely... in a few years, her English Boyfriend might dump her arse, or she might have been with him long enough that she can screw money out of him when she leaves... The cost to her of keeping you on the hook is some time on the phone, and a few crocodile tears... Forget the bullshit about her needing to support her family... she is just lazy, and marrying a farang is the easiest way for her not to need to get a real job... If it was about the family there are a billion jobs that she could do, give them some money, and stay with you... Move on, find another one... send her a photo... hope you don't get screwed around by the new model... I only just read the last line of your post where you say she is a bargirl.... I've been coming to Thailand since my late 20s, and stupidly thought I was something special because I was young and handsome, compared to the old and ugly... guess what... I am old and ugly now, and the girls treat me exactly the same... don't believe you own publicity... you are special just like everyone else.... it is your money that makes you special... Daewoo Hi Daewoo.. I know I'm gonna leave her but the problem is to pick up the courage to do so. I've made good relationships with her family back home in particular her fatherless son. I'm finding it hard to leave her even as there are no valid reasons to stay Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GizmoBKK Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 (edited) 1) If she does not want (need) your money, where does the money come from then? All the bar girls work for the money, not because it is the job they dreamed of. They need money for the family (the "fatherless son"!) so she either gets it from working at the bar, from someone else, or from you. Which option do you like? 2) What is your concern of leaving her really? That she feels bad about it or you feeling bad? Trust me, if she is a bar girl, she is used to seeing people come and go, and even though I do not know any of the two of you, it is likely she will not even shed a tear and look out for the next one. As beano said, this is Thailand... Caring for other people is a great thing. You seem to be a considerate person. But can you go out to all the girly bars, to the slums, to hospitals and help everyone who is miserable? You will find thousands of stories like the one you are just experiencing for yourself. Edited March 7, 2011 by GizmoBKK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fanfanfan Posted March 7, 2011 Author Share Posted March 7, 2011 I'm actually just feelin bad to leave her after all we've talked about and also the fact that I've bonded with her family. Its just so hard on me and its affecting my studies now knowing she is shagging another everyday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mighty Mouse Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 Her performance was first class. This is her reward. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maccaroni man Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 I'm actually just feelin bad to leave her after all we've talked about and also the fact that I've bonded with her family. Its just so hard on me and its affecting my studies now knowing she is shagging another everyday. chances are she was shagging others when she was with you; when you were at home asleep, down at the market or just out for a beer. these girls are sitting on gold minds and they keep it working. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GizmoBKK Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 I'm actually just feelin bad to leave her after all we've talked about and also the fact that I've bonded with her family. Its just so hard on me and its affecting my studies now knowing she is shagging another everyday. It's a bitter fact of life that we sometimes get to know people, feel close to them - but learn that things would not work out... Ask yourself what is better for you: continue the relationship (with all its consequences) - or take it as an experience that made you grow and made you a wiser man - and move on. It does not mean you are not compassionate, it does not mean you have to throw the good memories over board. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
transam Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 Close the door, move on. Forget about the family, they will soon forget about you if she teams up with another. Life really is to short to stay with someone who can flit from one to another with no conscience. If you can find it, mutual love is the key, that is out there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ozzieovaseas Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 I'm actually just feelin bad to leave her after all we've talked about and also the fact that I've bonded with her family. Its just so hard on me and its affecting my studies now knowing she is shagging another everyday. Mate, believe me, i have met this profile of Thai female over and over and over here, and they dont have to be bargirls to act in this way either. A few ive met who were seemingly "normal" (if thats possible) have acted even worse. They have absolutely no idea about "love" as we know it, they just simply don't understand such a thing, and their only thought is survival and survival=money, your money, and they will do ANYTHING to get it the easy way. They are basically selfish, cold and calcualting, VERY manipulative, good actors, and have absolutely no morals or qualms in telling lies 24/7 . Its a sad thing that they believe they have to be like this in order to survive but you will never change them...they are what they are, they will NEVER change. Do yourself a favour and and just forget her...The worst thing you could do is try to work her out, make any sense of it all, or twist yourself in pondering over why she does this and that. You will only suceed in doing your own head in. It may be a bit tough for a while, you may feel a bit lonely and face a wide range of emotions daily but believe this>>>you will come out the other side SANE, a lot happier, and with a LOT more cash in your pocket. In time you will come to see it like it is and appreciate Thailand for what it is and what you can do here. There are ways to get whatever it is you want (within reason!) it WON'T cost you a bucket and you WON'T be driven insane on a daily basis. Good luck with it!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Warhammer820 Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 I have seen almost a mirror situation of yours with a Thai girl that i know and her american bf...she just leads him on her game and he ends up going crazy over her...but after the year or so they were together she did not change her games...She would call him crying about how she needed him and he would sucker up to her and give-in..Dude when i go to Thailand i stay away from the bar scene for this reason..trust me this girl is definitely taking you for a ride, but her exact motives are unclear..the thing that threw up the red flag for me is when she dumped you for the "financial security"..and when she meets another farang that gives her money, you will be her "morale support" again instead of her bf..and my other thai friends who are really close to this girl told me that the thai girl i know had gik's on the side..a gik is like a friend with benefits which is very common there...and they will keep that very secret from men...dude leave this girl and her evil mind games at the bar Well, the most important thing you say is s I don't mind leaving her I do not want to jump to conclusions, but from the little that you describe this seems it is what you have to do. It doesn't matter much what are the reasons for her going back to her "bf" (or should we say "sponsor"?), be it family obligations or "love". You've got a taste of what's to come if you stay in this relationship. What zzaa09 says is in a way true: we've heard the sentence And if I leave her, I'm afraid she might continue working the bar scene! too many times. There is no love in the bar scene. (Personally I have not heard of a single Farang - Thai bar girl relationship that worked.) Take good care of yourself! Gizmo The only issue that is hindering me from leaving her is that I'm feeling really sad for her. She repeatedly tells me she needs me not to sponsor her but to be by her side if she needs any sort of morale booster. Its just driving me nuts everyday thinking about her. And she said she wants to visit me for a week in mid march and I for one honestly do not know how to end this all... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saakura Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 Her performance was first class. This is her reward. Dont you think his performance (until now at least) also deserve the same? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fanfanfan Posted March 7, 2011 Author Share Posted March 7, 2011 Her performance was first class. This is her reward. Dont you think his performance (until now at least) also deserve the same? I needed advice. Not for someone to crticize and I'm really appreciating other BMs take on this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fanfanfan Posted March 7, 2011 Author Share Posted March 7, 2011 I'm actually just feelin bad to leave her after all we've talked about and also the fact that I've bonded with her family. Its just so hard on me and its affecting my studies now knowing she is shagging another everyday. It's a bitter fact of life that we sometimes get to know people, feel close to them - but learn that things would not work out... Ask yourself what is better for you: continue the relationship (with all its consequences) - or take it as an experience that made you grow and made you a wiser man - and move on. It does not mean you are not compassionate, it does not mean you have to throw the good memories over board. Hi Gizmo. Thanks for the advice so far. Your post suggests u too have thought long about this issue. Thing is, I've always found it noble for thai girls as such to want to get money for their family at all costs although I find it extremely wrong at the means they are doing so. She is slated to travel to farangland this weekend to visit me for 5 days. I'm thinking of a way to let her go then Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fanfanfan Posted March 7, 2011 Author Share Posted March 7, 2011 I think its really wrong and unacceptable what she has done. I know financial security is at the top of her list. But don't these girls have feelings too just like us? Aren't they human beings that need love n not just the moolahs???its a really confusing issue this. I know most. Of you would agree that money is everything for them but what about having a good understanding n lovin relationship?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ozzieovaseas Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 I'm actually just feelin bad to leave her after all we've talked about and also the fact that I've bonded with her family. Its just so hard on me and its affecting my studies now knowing she is shagging another everyday. It's a bitter fact of life that we sometimes get to know people, feel close to them - but learn that things would not work out... Ask yourself what is better for you: continue the relationship (with all its consequences) - or take it as an experience that made you grow and made you a wiser man - and move on. It does not mean you are not compassionate, it does not mean you have to throw the good memories over board. Hi Gizmo. Thanks for the advice so far. Your post suggests u too have thought long about this issue. Thing is, I've always found it noble for thai girls as such to want to get money for their family at all costs although I find it extremely wrong at the means they are doing so. She is slated to travel to farangland this weekend to visit me for 5 days. I'm thinking of a way to let her go then My approach: "Im sorry dear, but there has been a bit of a tradgedy here. My mother has come down seriously ill and i have to come up with a LOT of money as she cannot afford the cost of the private hospital she needs to stay at. As such, i can no longer afford to help you out financially anymore, or give you what you need and deserve" Of course you might have to change the wording for a thai girl, but you get the idea...for me a 100% success rate so far Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Warhammer820 Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 I think its really wrong and unacceptable what she has done. I know financial security is at the top of her list. But don't these girls have feelings too just like us? Aren't they human beings that need love n not just the moolahs???its a really confusing issue this. I know most. Of you would agree that money is everything for them but what about having a good understanding n lovin relationship?? well in their culture they are supposed to follow their parents above anybody else..even a husband..her parents might be pressuring her to give them money...i read another story that a man wrote on another website about how he met a thai girl in his own country..he loved her and even sent pictures to the website for everyone to see them together in thailand..in the end he found out her parents sponsored her to go to England to fin a lot of bf's to send money to her so she can support them..he got her to admit this after one of her several bf's found all these phone numbers in her phone...he ended up calling all of her bf's to tell them that each of them was not the only one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ozzieovaseas Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 I think its really wrong and unacceptable what she has done. I know financial security is at the top of her list. But don't these girls have feelings too just like us? Aren't they human beings that need love n not just the moolahs???its a really confusing issue this. I know most. Of you would agree that money is everything for them but what about having a good understanding n lovin relationship?? These are the sorts of questions that will spin you for a loop...I agree its hard to conceive and you would like to believe that their is some decency in there somewhere, but honestly, i think the way they have been bought up, their beliefs and culture, its all so different than ours its just to hard to make sense of it. Having said that, and as you have brushed on in previous posts...some of these people are dirt poor and it all comes down to survival. Sometimes you have to wonder what you would be capable of doing if you were that poor and desperate, and had to feed your family and kid back in isaan..when getting a break or any decent paying work was near-on impossible? Still, you can do everything you can to help them, provide them with financial security for 12 months and when it looks like they won't get the big payoff they expected they will forget you tomorrow,without another thought, as well as forgetting everything you did for them. My GF had a saying that im sure is quiet common amongst thais "Mai kin rak"...you can't eat love It pretty much sums it up, when i mention it to new company they usually respond with a knowing yet slightly sly smile Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fanfanfan Posted March 7, 2011 Author Share Posted March 7, 2011 Some extra information for you guys to assist me out. Thing is she lives with her so called bf now and will be finding a job as a retail assistant in farangland. That's her main reason for living with him. To get the financial backings without having to work bar. And I've asked her this- "can you help me out if I have my money runs low?" And she says yes she would once she secured the job. This really puzzled me. Ok I know I'm gonna have to leave her as this is getting crazier everyday. But why answer in that manner. Is she playing reverse psychology with me ??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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