Mariage.

[electrozebra]

OK, I have read a lot about Sin Sot and it being returned and not returned and it being a Thai custom. I have read the Sin Sot thread too.

Yet I have some things I am not clear about.

1 - Why is it said Sin Sot is not paid to a lady who has already been married and has a child or children?

2 - Is a diamond wedding ring the accepted norm or a gold wedding ring or no ring at all?

[transam]

If she married before then mum has her sin sod. If you pick up the family problem and take on the kids then mum is happy with that.

Gold is the norm.

[Semper]

1. Second hand

2.Anything is acceptable, as long as it's sellable.

[Patron]

I gave my MIL a 5baht necklace and a 5baht bracelet. The next day my wife was

wearing them. I payed bt90,000 for them. Today bt200,000 or so.

Not so bad yaa think.

[Boater]

1. Second hand

2.Anything is acceptable, as long as it's sellable.

:lol: :lol:

but appears there is one born every second here in thailand ........

[JurgenG]

As far as I know the diamond ring is for the engagement, not the wedding.

[Semper]

I gave my MIL a 5baht necklace and a 5baht bracelet. The next day my wife was

wearing them. I payed bt90,000 for them. Today bt200,000 or so.

Not so bad yaa think.

And today, if you divorce. you will get 0 Baht. as you gave it to your MIL.

Edited May 7, 2011 by Semper

[Mossfinn]

I gave my MIL

And today, if you divorce. you will get 0 Baht.

I thought a gift was gift?

[IanForbes]

In Thailand you don't marry the woman. You marry the whole family and take on the responsibility of all of them. Some clever guy on thaivisa mentioned looking for ONLY orphaned women as a potential marriage partner. He was smart..

You have to ask yourself BEFORE getting married... Just what is it you WANT out of a marriage. If you want children of your own then fine, that is a noble idea. But, are you just wanting a "mommy" to look after you? You can hire a maid for that. Is it sex? You can get more of that and at better quality with P4P if you average it over the long term.

[Mossfinn]

There is no real reason on taking responsibility of a whole family and certainly nothing wrong with the values of your conduct if you do.

If someone has wandered into your sphere of influence and they are in need, you have a choice, to help or not, the same choice lies within your own standards of whatever country you hail from.

I have helped the family in Thailand and in the UK and Ireland and in differing areas, those I have helped and those that I haven't have helped me, no change from either set of values from either of the mentioned countries in my opinion.

[inthepink]

---edited---

Edited May 7, 2011 by inthepink

[ozzieovaseas]

In Thailand you don't marry the woman. You marry the whole family and take on the responsibility of all of them. Some clever guy on thaivisa mentioned looking for ONLY orphaned women as a potential marriage partner. He was smart..

You have to ask yourself BEFORE getting married... Just what is it you WANT out of a marriage. If you want children of your own then fine, that is a noble idea. But, are you just wanting a "mommy" to look after you? You can hire a maid for that. Is it sex? You can get more of that and at better quality with P4P if you average it over the long term.

Can't argue with that logic Ian...AND..you dont have to build them a house upcountry

Regarding the OP, even though you have been advised of the "second hand" rule from the first few posters, i suspect these rules do not apply when it is a prospective farang husband.

I'd go as far to say in the case of a farang, 2 or 3 dips in the Sinsod trough are widley accepted...and in fact encouraged.

Actually why even set a limit?.. im pretty sure the Thais don't

[electrozebra]

The reason I asked about Sin sot for a woman previously married is because I have often seen it said on this forum that you do not give Sin Sot to a woman who has previously been married and thought there might have been another reason besides the fact mother has already had one financial donation.

As I understand it many Thai men pay to marry a widow / divorcee here.

With regards to a wedding ring I have rarely seen a Thai woman wearing one but have seen both gold and diamond wedding rings. The diamond was definitely not an engagement ring.

[trisailer]

I think you have to sit down with your wife to be and talk about what you want from the relationship and what she wants. This is a perfectly acceptable process and the Thais are not shy about negotiating for what they want. Get yourself a translator that YOU trust and who has an understanding of Thai customs. You have to know what you are getting yourself into UPFRONT so that when you say NO to something that gets added along the way you will have barganing power.

It's nice to believe in all the romantic BS that blinds us to proper judgement, but a marrage is a contract and you better know what to expect and what is expected of you. If they are unwilling to talk about it than say goodbye and save yourself a lot of heartache. Take the time to learn about the character of this woman, her history, her goals. Hire someone if you have to gather objective information about her from people outside of her family. Marrage is hard enough without having to worry about secret agendas.

[chiangmaibruce]

As I understand it many Thai men pay to marry a widow / divorcee here.

And by any chance was that nugget of information relayed to you by a widow or divorcee?

[sarahsbloke]

1. I don't mind paying sinsot (on new or second hand), but only well after the wedding (2-6 months), fun first, pay later.

2. There is no Thai tradition of giving rings (it means nothing to the lady, so if you do it is often sold, so why put yourself in a position to be disappointed).

Edited May 8, 2011 by sarahsbloke

[longstebe]

In Thailand you don't marry the woman. You marry the whole family and take on the responsibility of all of them. Some clever guy on thaivisa mentioned looking for ONLY orphaned women as a potential marriage partner. He was smart..

You have to ask yourself BEFORE getting married... Just what is it you WANT out of a marriage. If you want children of your own then fine, that is a noble idea. But, are you just wanting a "mommy" to look after you? You can hire a maid for that. Is it sex? You can get more of that and at better quality with P4P if you average it over the long term.

You speak from experience Ian?

Without sounding arrogant, I'm not responsible for anyone but my wife. The brother-in-law who is married himself with 2 young children can fend for himself and has a good head on his shoulders the sister-in-law who is also married with 1 child gets by, just.

I'm not saying I haven't paid for food or anything but being responsible is way off.

[sarahsbloke]

In Thailand you don't marry the woman. You marry the whole family and take on the responsibility of all of them. Some clever guy on thaivisa mentioned looking for ONLY orphaned women as a potential marriage partner. He was smart..

I usually agree with your posts, but not here.

Weak men are fleeced everywhere by everyone, you just have to learn to say no right from the start.

You have to ask yourself BEFORE getting married... Just what is it you WANT out of a marriage. If you want children of your own then fine, that is a noble idea. But, are you just wanting a "mommy" to look after you? You can hire a maid for that. Is it sex? You can get more of that and at better quality with P4P if you average it over the long term.

Of course you are totally correct, many men can't tell the difference between a wife and a servant.

[IanForbes]

In Thailand you don't marry the woman. You marry the whole family and take on the responsibility of all of them. Some clever guy on thaivisa mentioned looking for ONLY orphaned women as a potential marriage partner. He was smart..

You have to ask yourself BEFORE getting married... Just what is it you WANT out of a marriage. If you want children of your own then fine, that is a noble idea. But, are you just wanting a "mommy" to look after you? You can hire a maid for that. Is it sex? You can get more of that and at better quality with P4P if you average it over the long term.

You speak from experience Ian?

Without sounding arrogant, I'm not responsible for anyone but my wife. The brother-in-law who is married himself with 2 young children can fend for himself and has a good head on his shoulders the sister-in-law who is also married with 1 child gets by, just.

I'm not saying I haven't paid for food or anything but being responsible is way off.

The point I was making is once you take on a marriage and are perceived to be wealthy by the rest of the family then there will be a never ending stream of requests. And, as daughters are usually closer to their kin then they are to the new husband then she usually takes the family's side. Yes, you can say no to anything and everything, but it will cost you in the long run... one way or another... just as in western marriages. Of course, if you are lucky enough to marry into a wealthy family then that usually isn't a problem. But, there aren't that many wealthy Thai families who have beautiful daughters who are not already spoken for. I know a couple, but I'm not in the market for a wife and I'm far too old to start another family.

[inthepink]

In Thailand you don't marry the woman. You marry the whole family and take on the responsibility of all of them. Some clever guy on thaivisa mentioned looking for ONLY orphaned women as a potential marriage partner. He was smart..

You have to ask yourself BEFORE getting married... Just what is it you WANT out of a marriage. If you want children of your own then fine, that is a noble idea. But, are you just wanting a "mommy" to look after you? You can hire a maid for that. Is it sex? You can get more of that and at better quality with P4P if you average it over the long term.

You speak from experience Ian?

Without sounding arrogant, I'm not responsible for anyone but my wife. The brother-in-law who is married himself with 2 young children can fend for himself and has a good head on his shoulders the sister-in-law who is also married with 1 child gets by, just.

I'm not saying I haven't paid for food or anything but being responsible is way off.

The point I was making is once you take on a marriage and are perceived to be wealthy by the rest of the family then there will be a never ending stream of requests. And, as daughters are usually closer to their kin then they are to the new husband then she usually takes the family's side. Yes, you can say no to anything and everything, but it will cost you in the long run... one way or another... just as in western marriages. Of course, if you are lucky enough to marry into a wealthy family then that usually isn't a problem. But, there aren't that many wealthy Thai families who have beautiful daughters who are not already spoken for. I know a couple, but I'm not in the market for a wife and I'm far too old to start another family.

There are plenty of Thai families that make more than enough money to look after themselves. The reason many Westerners find themselves taking on resposibility for their wife's extended family is because they make bad choices and marry badly educated girls from poor families. If that is not the case for the OP then he should be discussing these matters with his intended, as he's likely to get a lot of silly answers on here..

It is not unusual for a Thai man to pay sin sod when marrying a divorcee, it's really a personal decision.

[sarahsbloke]

........ The reason many Westerners find themselves taking on resposibility for their wife's extended family is because they make bad choices and marry badly educated girls from poor families. If that is not the case for the OP then he should be discussing these matters with his intended, as he's likely to get a lot of silly answers on here..

And pretty much everyone who has been through the Thai state education system could be classed as badly educated.

Which leaves almost no girls left for us to marry.

I hope you weren't thinking 'badly educated' and meaning 'prostitute'

Ian and I both know girls that have University degrees and are working as prostitutes (And they were badly educated too)

I'm guessing that what you really meant to post was ....... my hi-so, half Chinese, Uk educated, university graduate, rich girl is different.

But as all Tv posters married that sort of girl, she becomes the same as everyone else's.

[mca]

There are plenty of Thai families that make more than enough money to look after themselves.

Yes there does seem to be a train of thought on here that there are 2 classes of Thai. Either families without a pot to piss in nor window to throw it out of or wealthy families with his and her matching BMWs and house straight out of a hi-so soap opera which tends to exclude the a large number of Thais with mid-level life styles who seem to be managing ok and aren't living hand to mouth nor spending enough money in Paragon to finance a small army.

[inthepink]

........ The reason many Westerners find themselves taking on resposibility for their wife's extended family is because they make bad choices and marry badly educated girls from poor families. If that is not the case for the OP then he should be discussing these matters with his intended, as he's likely to get a lot of silly answers on here..

And pretty much everyone who has been through the Thai state education system could be classed as badly educated.

Which leaves almost no girls left for us to marry.

I hope you weren't thinking 'badly educated' and meaning 'prostitute'

Ian and I both know girls that have University degrees and are working as prostitutes (And they were badly educated too)

I'm guessing that what you really meant to post was ....... my hi-so, half Chinese, Uk educated, university graduate, rich girl is different.

But as all Tv posters married that sort of girl, she becomes the same as everyone else's.

She's not half Chinese actually, but what I really meant to post was exactly what I did post. I don't feel that I have to try and impress people like you with my choice of partner.

I'm sure that both Ian and yourself know plenty of prostitutes, with and without university degrees, there's no need to belabour the point. I meant that there's no need to marry the type of girl who expects you to support her family.

My gf is certainly different to your partner, from what you have said on here, but that wasn't my point. My point is that she isn't unique, not that she is. There are plenty of available girls from families that don't need a Westerner to support them so there's no need to put oneself in the position of having to worry about the wife's family.

None of us even know if the OP is in this position though, which is why I find it odd that most posters assume he must be. Perhaps when this type of question is asked, a little background about the lady in question would make it easier to give helpful answers.

Edited May 8, 2011 by inthepink

[Latindancer]

In response to the original 2 questions :

1 - Why is it said Sin Sot is not paid to a lady who has already been married and has a child or children?

2 - Is a diamond wedding ring the accepted norm or a gold wedding ring or no ring at all?

1)....I believe the concept is that you are expected to pay something for their education/living expenses. Foreigners say that "the parents have been reimbursed for her upbringing already " (if she's been married before), but I'm not sure if Thais say this.

2)....My wife tells me that here, unlike in the West, diamonds are often on the wedding ring. Ostentatious displays of wealth are the norm in Thailand. However I gave my wife a plain gold ring.

Customs vary in different regions in Thailand. In Isaan, people have a kind of socialist way of thinking in that they share everything with their family, so as a foreigner marrying in, you are expected to as well.

People will often look at your capacity to pay / share, rather than fix a definite price, hence Sin Sot prices varying so much.

[electrozebra]

<br>

<br>As I understand it many Thai men pay to marry a widow / divorcee here.<br><br>

<br><br>And by any chance was that nugget of information relayed to you by a widow or divorcee? <img src="http://static.thaivisa.com/forum/public/style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif" class="bbc_emoticon" alt=""><br>

No. By a male Thai friend I had some years back. Though he has never married as he cannot afford to do so

Edited May 8, 2011 by electrozebra

[electrozebra]

1. I don't mind paying sinsot (on new or second hand), but only well after the wedding (2-6 months), fun first, pay later.

2. There is no Thai tradition of giving rings (it means nothing to the lady, so if you do it is often sold, so why put yourself in a position to be disappointed).

No. 2 is an interesting point. And part of why I was asking..

[electrozebra]

OK, we seem to have covered the sin sot for a 2nd marriage and the wedding ring too. I am glad it did not turn into a free for all about how much, because that was not the topic. And thanks for the replies so far

Can I expand this a little further then? With regards to the wedding 'party'.

Who pays for the party? I ask because I have read in several topics that the parents pay for the party and they get the envelopes with the money in them to cover the cost.

On the other hand I have heard that the groom pays for the wedding and sometimes gets the money from the envelopes.

Maybe both options apply depending on circumstances?

For those wondering, yes I am under some ( a lot of ) pressure to get married from her mother. I made that evident in a topic on another subject some while back. I want to make a balanced judgement on this issue and I refuse to be railroaded into doing something. The better armed I am with information relevent to my situation the better I can put a case forward should I decide to say 'yes'.

[sarahsbloke]

An interesting feature of Thai culture is

Gold is seen as very like cash money, and gifts of gold are usually treated like gifts of cash, the objects are not considered as having sentimental value.

Most of us from the west attach emotional significance to such gifts, but the Thai lady will not think the same way. Western Men can become very upset when a gold wedding gift is sold, the Thai lady will not understand as she just considered it wearable money.

As a Thai lady once said to me "I only ever manage to keep silver jewelery, when I am short of money I always sell gold, if you want me to keep something forever, buy me silver"

Edited May 8, 2011 by sarahsbloke

[jimbeam1]

I gave my MIL a 5baht necklace and a 5baht bracelet. The next day my wife was

wearing them. I payed bt90,000 for them. Today bt200,000 or so.

Not so bad yaa think.

And today, if you divorce. you will get 0 Baht. as you gave it to your MIL.

Very good.

jb1

[wandrinstar]

Funney old game,they give millions to some person they aint marrying or know,but most likely never bought Mom and Dad anything like that amount, and they raised em.Hire n Fire the best way.