Stubborn Old Thai Parents Need Caretakers

[Unwisemonkey]

Okay hopefully I placed this in the right forum. My wifes parents are very old, and going senile. They drive me crazy in the usual Thai ways but I have put that aside to really look objectively at the situation. Without going into overzealous detail about how they live their lives I'll make it clear to the readers that I don't want anything from my wifes parents. They are middle class Thais, the father is in his 80's and mother is approaching her 70's. The old man still has it together but is slowing down. The mother has been by all accounts slipping slowly into dementia since a stroke she had before I even met the family. The only one I can see who is capable of managing a quality of life for them is their eldest son who lives in the U.S.A. I want to ask him to do something about it, but I thought it may be prudent to ask a question here and maybe get some advice. So my question is: Does Thai law allow for children to take power of attorney over their parents estate? From what I see culturally that is probably something as foreign to them as the rest of us. The thing is I truly do feel pity for them, despite how frustrated I get with them at times. These were some pretty considerable people in their prime but seeing their house and properties fall into disrepair and their refrigerators filled with things one and two years past their expiration dates is disheartening. I try to clean up for them and have stumbled upon rat and mouse scat and that unmistakable scent of rodent urine. I watched my own grandmother live like this until finally the family decided that no amount of protesting would change their mind, and by then she had developed cancer. In the case of my wifes parents, I told her they won't die of old age, they will die of food poisoning or toxoplasmosis from rodent feces or something.

Is there any legal recourse I can suggest for the eldest brother to take?

[Mario2008]

Believe Thai law does have the option of putting people in care if they are not competent to make their own decisions. There was a case a few years ago of a university lecturor being committed against his wil on request of his family.

But it does comes down to if the family wants this. In case of the father you say he is mentely competent, so a court will probably at most only declare the mother incompetent.

I think you are right that doing so would be alien to many Thai families. You can discuss the problems with them and let them decide what to do.

[Unwisemonkey]

Believe Thai law does have the option of putting people in care if they are not competent to make their own decisions. There was a case a few years ago of a university lecturor being committed against his wil on request of his family.

But it does comes down to if the family wants this. In case of the father you say he is mentely competent, so a court will probably at most only declare the mother incompetent.

I think you are right that doing so would be alien to many Thai families. You can discuss the problems with them and let them decide what to do.

There in lies the problem, and that is the dynamics of the relationship between the father and mother. Although the mother is slipping away it's more of a delusional state of mind. She is still the old battle axe she's always been and the father loves her so much it doesn't matter how insane she acts he will stand by her. If she demands they test their karma by dancing and handling cobras he will do it! Well maybe not that extreme but you get the point. That and they both worked for the government before retiring so they know all the right things to say in all the right ways. Their lifestyle though was in part to another relative who they treated like a slave to act as their maid, even referring to this relative as the maid and paying her very little. Nearly the same age as them she managed to kind of bandage the exterior but after a western style deep cleaning of their home I realized just how far along they have headed into convalescence. It may not be dire straights quite yet, but I think certainly prudent a time to prepare so they can maintain some of their wealth and live a better quality of life.

[sbk]

Perhaps a family discussion would be in order to find a caretaker for them since neither seems inclined (nor would they be happy to) go into care. Additionally, a power of attorney can be had and is probably a good idea, the main issue would be that the son in the US won't really be aware of whats going on on the ground as they say, so may not be the best person to yield it.

[Unwisemonkey]

Perhaps a family discussion would be in order to find a caretaker for them since neither seems inclined (nor would they be happy to) go into care. Additionally, a power of attorney can be had and is probably a good idea, the main issue would be that the son in the US won't really be aware of whats going on on the ground as they say, so may not be the best person to yield it.

And now we stumble into problem number two. He visits about once a year I'd say. He knows perfectly well the situation but how a court would view it... I understand. But honestly in his immediate family he is the best qualified. My wife and her sister don't speak to one another and both have issues. Even if I was just a friend of the family their brother would still be the best choice because I would not trust either sister to carry out the wishes, sorry wifey sad but true. I don't know much about trusts but my understanding is that the executor (Chief Trustee) is in charge of making decisions and his job for which it is perfectly reasonable to expect a little compensation too, is to make money for the trust. I figured he could hire the maids or whatever they need and have his girlfriend who lives here in Thailand report back to him, and help manage their business affairs, or get another auditor of sorts; whichever is acceptable to the family.

Just as an example of some of their behavior that is alarming (less so then other examples) They had a rental property for businesses and one tenant was complaining that the toilet was broken. They blew it off, and quite literally said "oh I didn't think he was serious" This went on for a couple of months and ended up a source of conflict between one of the other tenants and himself. I inspected the toilet myself finally only to see it was indeed broken and in need of repair. This is just one of hundreds of similar incidents. I think I will address the brother privately and let him be the one to open the discussion. Family discussion is out of question though. I really doubt that would amount to anything. I've been here for over a year now and I'll just hope you trust my judgement on this particular set.

[vont]

Just because a Thai has gone overseas to advance the studies, to work in the office or to run a company, does not automatically qualify nor disqualify the person from becoming sufficiently knowledgeable about old age nor what is really the best course of action to take for the benefits of the elderly in the family.

My humble opinion formed from taking care of several aged persons both within my own home and other close relatives' and friends' home lead me to believe that there is really no one best person who could form a thoroughly professional and efficient opinion to care for the elderlies.

Whichever children or whoever is the closest to the elderlies, and those whom the elderlies love and care about the most, should form a family group to administer this aging problem, together with the medical professionals and health care teams. It is my humble opinion that the elderlies could be well taken care of by these diversified group of personnel.

As for the role of the poster, you could offer opinion but stay way away from the decision making processes....

believe me should something goes wrong, you would be the one who would be responsible, because many Thais still believe that farangs know best....

If you care to, bring these diversified family and professional persons together to function as an efficient contributing group for the best interests of the poor mother....

I won't envy your job at all. Wishing you all the very best for you and your mom in law. :jap: