Toes Before Blows

[happyrobert]

Cracks me up that some posters here are so serious about the club. Wittiest thread replies maybe ever. Moonraker you have me literally laughing uncontrollably and that my friend is a good thing...

Yes, Bunta, far too many are so tight-a$$ed they don't realize this is a parody of an earlier post. Hilarious that one poster even mentioned reading the beginning of that very same post! Reading comprehension skills are as sorely lacking on this website as spelling skills.

One can always count on Moonrakers, among a few others, to be witty. And, that, Bunta, is the sole purpose of this parody. Witty replies.The number of views is irrelevant. In fact, if this post were genuine and I actually meant everything I said, the fewer views the better!

Bragging about 6500 views where someone emabarrasses the crap out of themselves is a little like bragging among inmates who got the longest sentence for the same stupid crime.

This thread will die a quick death, but not until there have been a few good laughs. The difference is, the people are laughing with me, not at me (except for the few who are brain damaged).

[trisailer]

Wake me up when you hit 6500 views.

Yup, that's gotta be it...you're counting views as if they were potential customers, successful executive salesman that you were, so now let's see...6500 attempts to close, you keep changing the sales pitch to suit the audience, but still no sale. 6500 interested buyers, but nobody buying your product?

Go back to sleep

:jap:

You don't know how many buyers there were, do you? I admitted that my approach to the topic was way off base for this group, but I know that I got men thinking about the topic. Some of them may have done a little more looking. Some might learn that they have other choices available to them. Some are not the least bit threatened by my posts and take it for what it is worth to them and ignore the rest. Some can't let it go and create silly threads mocking my post. That's good. It means you can't stop thinking about the topic of why men are so dysfunctional. I would be more unhappy if I was ignored. So, thanks for making me happy and wake me up when your pathetic attempt at humor sputters and spits and breaks down in the ditch.

[Moonrakers]

The really sad thing is that some people lead such humourless lives.

I imagine the same people having to watch only comedies with canned laughter otherwise they won't know themselves when they should be laughing.

Edited May 26, 2011 by Moonrakers

[StreetCowboy]

The really sad thing is that some people lead such humourless lives.

I imagine the same people having to watch only comedies with canned laughter otherwise they won't know themselves when they should be laughing.

I'm grateful some people take less enjoyment from such idiocy; more left for the rest of us!

Anyway, I am sure that they enjoy themselves in their own way.

I'm also grateful for canned laughter - it saves us having to laugh politely; its rarely used on shows which are genuinely funny...

You'd not want to use Naam's toe-blower for nasal depilation, would you?

Has anyone else suffered accidental depilation when lighting their farts?

SC

[Ulysses G.]

I'm kind of embarrased to admit that I let a woman clip mine.

[happyrobert]

Wake me up when you hit 6500 views.

Yup, that's gotta be it...you're counting views as if they were potential customers, successful executive salesman that you were, so now let's see...6500 attempts to close, you keep changing the sales pitch to suit the audience, but still no sale. 6500 interested buyers, but nobody buying your product?

Go back to sleep

:jap:

Some can't let it go and create silly threads mocking my post. That's good. It means you can't stop thinking about the topic of why men are so dysfunctional.

I would be more unhappy if I was ignored.

(yawn, no problem)

[Thaddeus]

Has anyone else suffered accidental depilation when lighting their farts?

SC

Nope, but more than once lost all nasal hair when lighting a cigarette, briefly painful but beneficial.

[creck]

You people are just getting too metro for me. Toe trimming, whew. The other day there was a long touchy feely posting I don't recall the nature of, but one paragraph and I was gone and now this. Some people have just too much time on their hands and in touch with their egos.

Hey! Talking about it ruins it!! True of this thread too.

I have had the same nail trouble with my wife – she trimmed my nails and I couldn’t walk for some days. Her way of keeping me at home. So I trimmed my own nails. You know what? I couldn’t walk for a week. Talk about self harming!

Is there no compromise between men’s straight and woman’s curves? (I don’t mean Ladyboys) This world is not black or white. Usually some grey is the answer. Grey hours are livened by TV lunacy – and before I get grey painted – only a few of my hours are grey. Less now.

Accidental depilation when lighting one’s farts?

Haven’t had that fun for years. Didn’t know it was common here in LOS. I must report that I didn’t need depilation when I last practiced. Do now though, I understood the talk about getting lost in the garden.

[IanForbes]

You could always train you pet to do it for you, but they tend to leave a ragged edge.

Or, you can go to one of the many Thai massage parlours and have one of the pretty gals do it for you. Let THEM decide how THEY want it trimmed.

Oh, and the secret to nail trimming is having a bath first, or sit with you feet in warm, soapy water first. It softens the nails and makes them easy to cut. Toenails aren't that pretty to begin with, so just trim off the sharp edges.

Edited May 30, 2011 by IanForbes

[thommo46]

I totally hate trimming my nails , it is a form of self mutalation. I cringe watching my wife and son cutting their nails down to the bone and then offer to cut my nails and continue on to plucking nose ,eyebrow , ear , grey hair. But it has to be done so you don't bleed to death if you have a terrible dream like the wife's family chasing me down the street after more money and I lacerate my legs from my overgrown talons.

You should enjoy the occasion by soaking your feet in warm soapy water for at least 1 stubby of Singha Beer and a cheese platter with crackers , just to set the ambience for on coming toe cutting ceremony.

After, the toenails are collected and smashed in the bowl with chillies , rotten fish and served with sticky rice. Bon apertite gentlemen.

[happyrobert]

I totally hate trimming my nails , it is a form of self mutalation. I cringe watching my wife and son cutting their nails down to the bone and then offer to cut my nails and continue on to plucking nose ,eyebrow , ear , grey hair. But it has to be done so you don't bleed to death if you have a terrible dream like the wife's family chasing me down the street after more money and I lacerate my legs from my overgrown talons.

You should enjoy the occasion by soaking your feet in warm soapy water for at least 1 stubby of Singha Beer and a cheese platter with crackers , just to set the ambience for on coming toe cutting ceremony.

After, the toenails are collected and smashed in the bowl with chillies , rotten fish and served with sticky rice. Bon apertite gentlemen.

You're not far off, Thommo.

Not long ago I was in the market and a vendor was sitting on the table top with all the food he was selling--while cutting his toenails. They were flying every which way, as toenails are wont to do, mixing in with the food. He then proceeded to scrape out the toe jam and wipe it on the towel he used to wipe his hands.

But that one, frankly, pales in comparison with the one I saw yesterday in the same market.

A guy in his twenties, only slightly unbathed in appearance, had apparently been in a motorbike boo-boo some weeks before. He had a serious case of healing road-rash on the left side of his body.

He was methodically picking off chunks off scab, while sucking air through his teeth in pain, and then rolling them between thumb and forefinger before dropping them to the ground. When a customer would approach, he'd stop long enough to sell her some chicken. Then right back at it.

I'll take the toenails, please, hold the scab.

[happyrobert]

Only 5000 more views to go!

Then I can be a super-cool manly man like whaz-hiz-name.

[StreetCowboy]

I'm sure you'll all be pleased to know that I managed to make it to Bangkok for a hair cut at the weekend, and managed to squeeze in a visit to the family at the same time.

I went somewhere less upmarket for the haircut, and it was so cheap, I was tempted to ask for another one

SC