Younger Gay Ferangs...

[endure]

I was merely pointing out I was a young gay farang and here I was... My main problem is every Thai gay and their uncle seems to have the one mission of sleeping with the farang from the word go.

That's a problem?

[LeCharivari]

I was merely pointing out I was a young gay farang and here I was... My main problem is every Thai gay and their uncle seems to have the one mission of sleeping with the farang from the word go.

That's a problem?

Never was for me!

... and I, too, don't see much to be gained by going to Bangkok to "date" - the urban Thais you meet may be more pretentious than their country cousins, but that doesn't make them any more mature.

Edited September 1, 2011 by LeCharivari

[McDougal]

Sleeping around isn't my thing. I'm a commitment type of person. Also, as I've mentioned, I live in a relatively small province so I don't want a bad name for myself. I think ideally I need to make more gay friends, whether they're Thai or Western, I'm not fussy. I just need someone's advice and guidance for whose been there and done all this before.

As for looks, I don't know, I've never really considered my looks. Never had problems with dating until now though!

[Ijustwannateach]

I think you may be facing some other cultural issues here, too. The way Thais 'date' each other is not exactly what you may be familiar with. If you were straight and dealing with 'good girls', I believe you would be facing a somewhat slower process where you and the girl's friends and family would be hanging out and spending a lot of time together before 'romantic' things developed, especially outside the cities. Meeting gay Thais can be similar; you will usually encounter them among their already-established groups of friends, dining, drinking, or dancing. In a sense, you are joining the whole group and if you have compatibility issues with the group it may be more challenging to develop strong connections with the individuals. However, the interest in sleeping together is quite keen (these are young guys- like you, right?) and if you don't move things along in a way that is understood it may be assumed you are not interested. I think that until your Thai is good enough that you can try to explain these differences to a potentially sympathetic partner, you pretty much have to play things out the way the Thais do it; if you have expectations of a lot of one-on-one time out alone together, you may find that this is not the model of sociologizing here.

[LeCharivari]

I think ideally I need to make more gay friends, whether they're Thai or Western, I'm not fussy. I just need someone's advice and guidance for whose been there and done all this before.

Like many others here, I've read the book, seen the film, and eaten the stew (as said after Watership Down).

Forget about making "more gay friends" here. Just make more friends and some of them will be gay and may be your type. Its not rocket science.

[McDougal]

I think ideally I need to make more gay friends, whether they're Thai or Western, I'm not fussy. I just need someone's advice and guidance for whose been there and done all this before.

Like many others here, I've read the book, seen the film, and eaten the stew (as said after Watership Down).

Forget about making "more gay friends" here. Just make more friends and some of them will be gay and may be your type. Its not rocket science.

Easier said than done when in a small province! I would like to meet other gay friends when I travel around, which I do frequently!

[Ijustwannateach]

I can understand the 'wanting friends in places you travel' thing- I do that myself. I remember when I first realised how the whole 'be gay, see the world' thing could work even before the internet made it trivially easy.

I do sense a bit of ambivalence here; you say that all the gays are clamoring to know/meet/sleep with you- so you know who they are- but you can't find gay friends - and you want to date them- but you don't want to sleep with them- so you need to go to another province and make gay friends- (but presumably you won't want them to sleep with you either).... just how long would you be 'dating' someone before sex? When gay Thais have decided they're interested, they're generally ready to get started.

I'm not encouraging you to make your bed a revolving door, but surely a bit more adventure wouldn't hurt or ruin you even out in the countryside? We're mostly not talking about Judeo-Christian-Islamists or Anglo-Saxons; Thais (outside of the 'Culture' Ministry) aren't shocked that people have sexual needs.

[LeCharivari]

I think ideally I need to make more gay friends, whether they're Thai or Western, I'm not fussy. I just need someone's advice and guidance for whose been there and done all this before.

Like many others here, I've read the book, seen the film, and eaten the stew (as said after Watership Down).

Forget about making "more gay friends" here. Just make more friends and some of them will be gay and may be your type. Its not rocket science.

Easier said than done when in a small province! I would like to meet other gay friends when I travel around, which I do frequently!

What, you're having problems making any friends because you live in a "small province"...?

And you have no problems finding your way around the gay bars and clubs in your "small province" and meeting "every Thai gay and their uncle" who all want to sleep with you, but you need a gay guide from here "who can show me the ropes, let me know where to go in Bangkok" where the "gay scene" is rather better documented and more obvious than it is up country...?

Somehow this doesn't quite add up ...

[McDougal]

I mean I'm having problems making gay friends. I have lots of straight friends here, both Thai and Foreign, but making Gay friends and meeting gay people seems to be difficult either because I come across university students in bars that are young and immature with only one goal in mind, which I don't want unless it's long term or I find anyone else is shy and unapproachable unless you are friends with their friends. The happy end of this tale is I was able to overcome all this by achieving the latter.

Thank you everyone for your advice!

[LeCharivari]

... university students in bars that are young and immature with only one goal in mind ...

.... rather like university students in bars anywhere, even going back a decade or two (or three!).

[Ijustwannateach]

I mean I'm having problems making gay friends. I have lots of straight friends here, both Thai and Foreign, but making Gay friends and meeting gay people seems to be difficult either because I come across university students in bars that are young and immature with only one goal in mind, which I don't want unless it's long term or I find anyone else is shy and unapproachable unless you are friends with their friends. The happy end of this tale is I was able to overcome all this by achieving the latter.

Thank you everyone for your advice!

Yes, you need to have a 'group of friends'. Then, even if they decide you can't pair up with any of them, at least they can look out for you & vice versa when you go out together.

I think the 'immature' thing is going to be a problem for you unless you decide to date older Thais. You're not going to find a lot of people who've, say, been working, living on their own, and already own a car by their late teens as you might in English-speaking countries. You'll be lucky if they've done two of those three things by the time they are your age!

I don't know what you're thinking of as 'long term'- at 24 and in the countryside of a foreign country, how long term can you realistically be looking at even for yourself? Ask yourself how much a 'long-term' view Thai could count on you, considering the probabilities... Maybe it would be better to gain some short or medium term experience and just have a little fun.

Glad to help out and hang in there with that group of friends. Try not to let things get unbalanced either way- do your part, but expect them to do their part, too (It's not like you're scads older than them and should be paying for them all).

[endure]

Just to add that in my experience Thais are 'group creatures' anyway. They thrive when together and are uncomfortable alone so if you want to be friends with one you have to accept that you're taking on his friends too. It's a bit like getting married - you don't just marry your other half you marry the family.

Also as IJWT says put yourself in the place of a Thai who you tell you want a long-term relationship with. How's he to know you won't be moving back to Farangland at the drop of a hat?

Edited September 7, 2011 by endure

[jdinasia]

Just to add that in my experience Thais are 'group creatures' anyway. They thrive when together and are uncomfortable alone so if you want to be friends with one you have to accept that you're taking on his friends too. It's a bit like getting married - you don't just marry your other half you marry the family.

Also as IJWT says put yourself in the place of a Thai who you tell you want a long-term relationship with. How's he to know you won't be moving back to Farangland at the drop of a hat?

My experiences differ a bit. My BF isn't a 'group creature' at all. He's not a recluse but he is comfortable at home alone with the dog, or me and the 2 dogs. He does small group activities about twice a month (him and a friend or two for dinner/shopping/spa etc) and sees his mother and/or sister about once a month. I think the difference is in how someone grew up and how they interact with others. My BF (of 9 years) grew up in a small family and even though the extended family was around, it wasn't like that of upcountry rural Thais. (He is from upcountry - barely --- Nakhon Nayok -- but not from a poor family which means his opportunities to meet new people, travel. and interact online and in person with a broader set of people made him far more "Western" than many Thais.)

Our (my) group of Thai gay friends are mostly professionals and have similar behaviors. None of them will date a farang that has been in-country for less than 2 years --- most learned this the hard way.

[endure]

Just to add that in my experience Thais are 'group creatures' anyway. They thrive when together and are uncomfortable alone so if you want to be friends with one you have to accept that you're taking on his friends too. It's a bit like getting married - you don't just marry your other half you marry the family.

Also as IJWT says put yourself in the place of a Thai who you tell you want a long-term relationship with. How's he to know you won't be moving back to Farangland at the drop of a hat?

My experiences differ a bit. My BF isn't a 'group creature' at all. He's not a recluse but he is comfortable at home alone with the dog, or me and the 2 dogs.

I was talking more about when Thais are out having fun rather than when they're at home. It's very unusual to see a lone Thai out on the town.

[KJC]

From my experience Chiang Mai does seem to attract 'older' farang in general, gay and straight. I am a young(ish) gay male living and teaching in Thailand, but not in Chiang Mai. I live in the province of Singburi. In my experience here there are LOTS of young gay foreigners, mostly teachers, spread throughout the various provinces. Hope this adds to what you are looking for.

kjc

[tombkk]

Just to add that in my experience Thais are 'group creatures' anyway. They thrive when together and are uncomfortable alone so if you want to be friends with one you have to accept that you're taking on his friends too. It's a bit like getting married - you don't just marry your other half you marry the family.

Also as IJWT says put yourself in the place of a Thai who you tell you want a long-term relationship with. How's he to know you won't be moving back to Farangland at the drop of a hat?

My experiences differ a bit. My BF isn't a 'group creature' at all. He's not a recluse but he is comfortable at home alone with the dog, or me and the 2 dogs. He does small group activities about twice a month (him and a friend or two for dinner/shopping/spa etc) and sees his mother and/or sister about once a month. I think the difference is in how someone grew up and how they interact with others. My BF (of 9 years) grew up in a small family and even though the extended family was around, it wasn't like that of upcountry rural Thais. (He is from upcountry - barely --- Nakhon Nayok -- but not from a poor family which means his opportunities to meet new people, travel. and interact online and in person with a broader set of people made him far more "Western" than many Thais.)

Our (my) group of Thai gay friends are mostly professionals and have similar behaviors. None of them will date a farang that has been in-country for less than 2 years --- most learned this the hard way.

In general, the Thai people are a Collectivist society, meaning that the group is more important than the individual. Western countries, extremely so the US of A, are Individualistic societies, meaning that the individual is more important than the group.

As a feeling of most people who grew up in these kinds of National Cultures, and yes, not everybody conforms to these norms but it is still a general truth. Check out the Thailand page of www.geert-hofstede.com to know what I mean, and compare it to your own country's page.