Dictionary For Arguing With Women

[Axel]

1. "Fine"

This is the word women use at the end of any argument when they feel

they are right but can't stand to hear you argue any longer. It means that

you should shut up. (NEVER use "Fine" to describe how she looks. This will

cause you to have one of those arguments.)

2. "Five minutes"

This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your

football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so women feel

that it's an even trade.

3. "Nothing"

"Nothing" means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing"

is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you

inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an

argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine."

4. "Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows)

This is NOT permission; it's a dare! If you mistake it for

permission, the result will be the woman will get upset over "Nothing" and

you'll have a "Five-minute" discussion that will end with the word "Fine."

5. "Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows)

This is NOT permission, either. It means "I give up" or "do what you

want because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just

a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in

about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

6. "Loud Sigh"

This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement.

Very frequently misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are

a complete idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and

arguing with you over "Nothing."

7. "Soft Sigh"

Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of

the few things that some men actually understand. It means she is

momentarily content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe in the hope

that the moment will last a bit longer.

8. "Oh"

This word -- followed by any statement -- is trouble. Example; "Oh,

let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last

night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, run, do not walk, to the

nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done

tossingyour clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for

at least two days.

9. "That's Okay"

This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to

a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before

deciding what the penalty will be for whatever you have done. "That's Okay"

[Pink Mist]

Guy is walking down the road one day, suddenly the heavens open and it is God, says

"you have been a good person all you life, I'll give one wish, anything at all"

The bloke thinks about it for a while and says

"I want you to build me a bridge to Hawaii"

God says

"Cant you make it more meaninfull and a benefit to all Mankind?"

Bloke thinks again says

"O K can you explain the workings of a Female mind?"

"Why it is when they say yes it's OK to go out with your friends they really mean, look out if you do".

"When you ask what's the problem, nothing and the mood gets worse"

The guy was about to keep going and God interrupts

"how many lanes for that bridge 2 or 4"

[Dodeskaden]

For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing

with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand

just how it works.

Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman

happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes

and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she

expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the points system:

SIMPLE DUTIES 

You make the bed .............................................+1  
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.... 0  
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets...................-1  
You leave the toilet seat up..................................-5  
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty............ 0  
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex...-1  
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom...........-2  
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings.....+5  
in the snow...................................................+8  
but return with beer..........................................-5  
and no liners................................................-25  
You check out a suspicious noise at night..................... 0  
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing............ 0  
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something..........+5  
You pummel it with a six iron................................+10  
It's her cat.................................................-40  

AT THE PARTY

You stay by her side the entire party......................... 0  
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat  
with a College drinking buddy.................................-2  
Named Tiffany.................................................-4  
Tiffany is a dancer..........................................-10  
With breast implants.........................................-18

HER BIRTHDAY  

You remember her birthday......................................0  
You buy a card and flowers.....................................0  
You take her out to dinner.................................... 0  
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar..........+1  
Okay, it is a sports bar......................................-2  
And it's all-you-can-eat night................................-3  
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your  
face is painted the colors of your favorite team.............-10

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS 

Go with a pal..................................................0  
The pal is happily married....................................+1  
The pal is single.............................................-7  
He drives a Ferrari..........................................-10  
With a personalized license plate (GR8 NBED).................-15

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER 

You take her to a movie.......................................+2  
You take her to a movie she likes.............................+4  
You take her to a movie you hate..............................+6  
You take her to a movie you like..............................-2  
It's called Death Cop 3.......................................-3  
Which features Cyborgs that eat humans........................-9  
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans........-15

YOUR PHYSIQUE
 
You develop a noticeable pot belly...........................-15  
You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise  
to get rid of it.............................................+10  
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose  
jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts..............................-30  
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too.".............-800

THE BIG QUESTION 

She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"  
You hesitate in responding...................................-10  
You reply, "Where?"..........................................-35  
You reply, "No, I think it's your ass"......................-100  
Any other response...........................................-20  
 
[CODE]COMMUNICATION  

When she wants to talk about a problem:  
You listen, displaying a concerned expression..................0  
You listen, for over 30 minutes...............................+5  
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience.....+50  
Your mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her  
saying "well, what do you think I should do".................-50  
You listen for more than 30 min. without looking at the TV..+100  
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep.........-200