Axel Posted December 29, 2003 Share Posted December 29, 2003 1. "Fine" This is the word women use at the end of any argument when they feel they are right but can't stand to hear you argue any longer. It means that you should shut up. (NEVER use "Fine" to describe how she looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.) 2. "Five minutes" This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so women feel that it's an even trade. 3. "Nothing" "Nothing" means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine." 4. "Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows) This is NOT permission; it's a dare! If you mistake it for permission, the result will be the woman will get upset over "Nothing" and you'll have a "Five-minute" discussion that will end with the word "Fine." 5. "Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows) This is NOT permission, either. It means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off. 6. "Loud Sigh" This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement. Very frequently misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are a complete idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing." 7. "Soft Sigh" Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. It means she is momentarily content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe in the hope that the moment will last a bit longer. 8. "Oh" This word -- followed by any statement -- is trouble. Example; "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossingyour clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least two days. 9. "That's Okay" This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding what the penalty will be for whatever you have done. "That's Okay" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink Mist Posted December 30, 2003 Share Posted December 30, 2003 Guy is walking down the road one day, suddenly the heavens open and it is God, says "you have been a good person all you life, I'll give one wish, anything at all" The bloke thinks about it for a while and says "I want you to build me a bridge to Hawaii" God says "Cant you make it more meaninfull and a benefit to all Mankind?" Bloke thinks again says "O K can you explain the workings of a Female mind?" "Why it is when they say yes it's OK to go out with your friends they really mean, look out if you do". "When you ask what's the problem, nothing and the mood gets worse" The guy was about to keep going and God interrupts "how many lanes for that bridge 2 or 4" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dodeskaden Posted December 30, 2003 Share Posted December 30, 2003 For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works. Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the points system: SIMPLE DUTIES You make the bed .............................................+1 You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.... 0 You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets...................-1 You leave the toilet seat up..................................-5 You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty............ 0 When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex...-1 When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom...........-2 You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings.....+5 in the snow...................................................+8 but return with beer..........................................-5 and no liners................................................-25 You check out a suspicious noise at night..................... 0 You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing............ 0 You check out a suspicious noise and it is something..........+5 You pummel it with a six iron................................+10 It's her cat.................................................-40 AT THE PARTY You stay by her side the entire party......................... 0 You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a College drinking buddy.................................-2 Named Tiffany.................................................-4 Tiffany is a dancer..........................................-10 With breast implants.........................................-18 HER BIRTHDAY You remember her birthday......................................0 You buy a card and flowers.....................................0 You take her out to dinner.................................... 0 You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar..........+1 Okay, it is a sports bar......................................-2 And it's all-you-can-eat night................................-3 It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team.............-10 A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS Go with a pal..................................................0 The pal is happily married....................................+1 The pal is single.............................................-7 He drives a Ferrari..........................................-10 With a personalized license plate (GR8 NBED).................-15 A NIGHT OUT WITH HER You take her to a movie.......................................+2 You take her to a movie she likes.............................+4 You take her to a movie you hate..............................+6 You take her to a movie you like..............................-2 It's called Death Cop 3.......................................-3 Which features Cyborgs that eat humans........................-9 You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans........-15 YOUR PHYSIQUE You develop a noticeable pot belly...........................-15 You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it.............................................+10 You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts..............................-30 You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too.".............-800 THE BIG QUESTION She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?" You hesitate in responding...................................-10 You reply, "Where?"..........................................-35 You reply, "No, I think it's your ass"......................-100 Any other response...........................................-20 [CODE]COMMUNICATION When she wants to talk about a problem: You listen, displaying a concerned expression..................0 You listen, for over 30 minutes...............................+5 You relate to her problem and share a similar experience.....+50 Your mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying "well, what do you think I should do".................-50 You listen for more than 30 min. without looking at the TV..+100 She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep.........-200 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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