Elderhood: A Buddhist Approach To Aging Well

[sabaijai]

Elderhood: A Buddhist Approach to Aging Well

Lewis Richmond

06/21/11

This March I turned 64 -- one year away from Medicare, two years away from Social Security. So there it is: I'm a baby boomer, a Buddhist, and one individual face to face with his own aging. But I'm not alone. Each day and every day for the next twenty years, 10,000 boomers will turn 65. This is a fact with enormous implications for our politics, our society -- and, I believe, our spiritual life.

Forty years ago, when my Buddhist teacher Shunryu Suzuki was in his mid-sixties and the students around him were mostly in their 20s and 30s, someone asked him, "Why do we meditate?" He replied, "So you can enjoy your old age." We all laughed and thought he was joking. Now that I am the age he was then, I realize he wasn't joking at all. Some aspects of growing old can be hard to enjoy, and a spiritual practice can definitely help. This isn't just theory; the Handbook of Religion and Health by Koenig et al. presents research showing that people who have a regular religious attendance or practice live, on average, 7 years longer than those who do not. That research result is even more significant when we remember that for the first time in human history, people will be living in relative good health into their 70s, 80s, and even 90s. What are we all going to do with that extra gift of time?

For the last several years I have been developing a contemplative approach to growing old and aging well. I have come to believe, as my teacher did, that spiritual practice can help us to age gracefully, and that the last part of life is a fruitful time for spiritual inquiry and practice. As part of my research, I logged on to Amazon, put in the search word "aging" and sorted by descending best-seller. Yes, there were a lot of best-selling books with the word "aging" in the title. But when I looked more closely I could see that most of the titles really weren't about aging per se, but about postponing, disguising, or reversing aging. It was only when I set aside sales rank as my criterion that I found some good books with a spiritual approach to aging. Two of my favorites are The Gift of Years: Growing Older Gracefully by Benedictine nun Joan Chittister, and Spirituality and Aging by gerontology professor Robert C. Atchley.

What other resources do we have for accepting aging with grace, about learning the lessons of wisdom that aging teaches, about investigating the deep questions of our human life? 2,500 years ago, the Buddha had a lot to say about the inevitability of loss and change. What could all of us aging folks learn from his teaching today?

The Buddha taught that "everything changes," and many of today's Buddhists repeat that teaching as a patent truism. But suppose we were to rephrase those words to say, "Everything we love and cherish is going to age, decline, and eventually disappear, including our own precious selves?" Suddenly this "truism" takes on a different coloration and urgency. It's all going to go, the Buddha is saying, all of it -- everything that matters to us. In fact that process is always happening; everything is aging, all the time. How is it that we didn't notice?

When we are young, we don't notice. In youth, life is full of opportunity, and when things go wrong there are do-overs and second chances. But on the downhill slope of life, we start to notice the worrisome finitude of time. We go to more funerals, we visit more hospitals, we view the daily news with more distance, and we start to feel an autumnal chill in the air. There are joys too, of course -- grandchildren, time for travel (if we can afford it!), the pursuit of long-dreamed-of avocations and new beginnings, as well as the energizing impulse to "give back" to community and society.

There is also a fresh opportunity to look to the inner life, to revisit the deep questions that a busy career and family responsibilities might have long pushed into the background. A regular contemplative practice can indeed be a part of this journey, and Buddhism offers rich resources in this area. In my upcoming book Aging as a Spiritual Practice: A Contemplative Guide to Growing Older and Wiser (Gotham Books, January 2012) I offer many such contemplative practices -- from traditional meditations on breath, gratitude, and compassion, to more innovative reflections on time, worry, fear, and what I have ecumenically termed "the inner divine." The last section of the book -- "A Day Away" -- is a guided personal retreat that uses these contemplative exercises as a way to reflect on aging in all its many dimensions. I use the term "elderhood" to refer to the totality of this effort.

Elderhood is the culminating stage of a life fully lived. When the time comes, we can (although we may not always ) assume the mantle of elderhood as a kind of birthright, and traditional cultures have all honored and supported elderhood, giving their elders specific roles and tasks to do. In today's wired, youth-oriented world, elders don't typically garner that same kind of respect. These days, each of us has to imagine and construct our own expression of elderhood, and find ways to bring it forward.

Recently I read an online article which described a group of elderly Japanese who volunteered to help with the cleanup of the damaged nuclear reactors. They vigorously refuted any notions that they were some kind of "suicide squad." They were just being practical, they said. "I am 72 and on average I probably have 13 to 15 years left to live,"one said. "Even if I were exposed to radiation, cancer could take 20 or 30 years or longer to develop. Therefore us older ones have less chance of getting cancer." Some might say these elderly Japanese were just expressing a strong cultural value of sacrificing individual well-being for the good of the group. But elderhood is culturally specific; it shows up in different ways in different times and places. Elders are not the same as identified leaders; often elders are invisible, behind the scenes, shining like gold nuggets at the bottom of the stream.

I thought their offer was a particularly courageous expression of elderhood. Elderhood means to take responsibility, to mentor, to offer perspective. The nuclear crisis in Japan is only one of many dire situations the world over that cry out for a mature, seasoned response. I think contemplative practice can give us inner strength and help us develop the resources to assume our elders' role in a troubled and often rudderless world that needs us, now perhaps more than ever.

source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lewis-richmond/elderhood-buddhist-aging_b_879850.html

[vont]

i would be most interested to learn what the poster PERSONALLY have gone thru.... in the process of aging.

what others or books said, did and done.... are aplenty in printed forms and otherwise.

tell us again, in your own words, not words used by others, what is it like, or what has it been liked.... to arrive at where you are now.

i am really interested in your personal account of being more mature and seasoned than many many others on thaivisa....

any personal insight, suggestion or advice for other farang living in and or around thai kingdom, pls? thx much for sharing. :jap:

[Jawnie]

I turned 60 this year. This was significant to me because both of my parents died when they were 60 years old from what are now treatable cancers. So far, I've been extremely fortunate regarding my health: I exercise regularly, eat well, take no medications and still feel healthy and strong.

To the OP's points, Buddhism says that from the moment we are born, we are headed inextricably toward death. We forget this or never even thing about it. To me, this is the most "unfair" thing about life: that it ends.

Still, it does end...and we age. Nothing to feel sorry for or to be ashamed of. You are old now or will be some day; you are young now and think old people are yucky? You will be yucky one day, too. Some people are simply closer to the end than others.

I think it is important to continue practice as a Buddhist and that will counter many of the negatives which beset elders. By continuing to recite and memorize prayers, the mind stays active; the same with breathing and visualizations; the mind stays active and flexible. By attending temple and performing acts of merit with others, you pave the way to a happier and more fulfilling life now and the future. And, by continuing to practice meditation, wisdom arises through observing the endless patterns of suffering as we gain the wider perspective of years and insight. What mattered before is a meaningless waste of time and attention now.

Edited June 25, 2011 by Jawnie

[IMA_FARANG]

Excellant post.

I am turning 65 in October this year (2o11). I comsider myself a Buddhist and now I have the time to actually read and study...not just do my "career".

So frankly, I'm enjoying my retirement and studying those Buddhist traditions other than the one I originally picked. Those traditions I "didn't have time for" when I was younger.

I like the Elderhood concept. While I have no complaint about those who start Buddhisim at a young age, I do feel they often take Buddhisim as a "study-course"...to be passed, take the final exam and get a good grade in, and then to get a degree in...so they can get on with their "real life"

I understand that attitude...but it is a mistaken attitude in my opinion.

THat's why I feel that a person really should take up a serious study of Buddhisim...whatever tradition he or she chooses...only when they have reached a certain level of maturity.

For one thing, if they are like me they have already made a lot of mistakes and misteps in life...so when they hear about such teachings as inpermanence and suffering...they can think...oh yes, I've been there already, haven't I?

[sabaijai]

i would be most interested to learn what the poster PERSONALLY have gone thru.... in the process of aging.

what others or books said, did and done.... are aplenty in printed forms and otherwise.

tell us again, in your own words, not words used by others, what is it like, or what has it been liked.... to arrive at where you are now.

i am really interested in your personal account of being more mature and seasoned than many many others on thaivisa....

any personal insight, suggestion or advice for other farang living in and or around thai kingdom, pls? thx much for sharing. :jap:

I found the article inspiring, so wanted to share it with others. Personally I have nothing to add. Sorry to disappoint

[rockyysdt]

THat's why I feel that a person really should take up a serious study of Buddhisim...whatever tradition he or she chooses...only when they have reached a certain level of maturity.

For one thing, if they are like me they have already made a lot of mistakes and misteps in life...so when they hear about such teachings as inpermanence and suffering...they can think...oh yes, I've been there already, haven't I?

I sometimes wish that I had my current maturity with my body of thirty five years ago.

I'm also mindful that from the time I'm mature enough to regularly practice in the manner prescribed by the Buddha, l might run out of time before death calls.

Not to mention the subtle deterioration of my brain and body which might become invisible barriers to my progress.

It is one thing to overcome aversion/delusion/greed, but to also contend with physical barriers (physical deterioration of the brain) would make growth impossible.

I suspect the mature young amongst us have the best chance.

Edited June 27, 2011 by rockyysdt

[Brucenkhamen]

I'm also mindful that from the time I'm mature enough to regularly practice in the manner prescribed by the Buddha, l might run out of time before death calls.

Not to mention the subtle deterioration of my brain and body which might become invisible barriers to my progress.

It is one thing to overcome aversion/delusion/greed, but to also contend with physical barriers (physical deterioration of the brain) would make growth impossible.

I suspect the mature young amongst us have the best chance.

Youth is wasted on the young.

Sure as you get older your ability to sit in meditation for long hours reduces but you have the chance to contemplate impermanence and suffering first hand, not to mention that all the things you pursued when you were young did not provide the lasting happiness promised.

[rockyysdt]

Sure as you get older your ability to sit in meditation for long hours reduces but you have the chance to contemplate impermanence and suffering first hand, not to mention that all the things you pursued when you were young did not provide the lasting happiness promised.

Perhaps the youth don't ponder impermanence as to them death seems so far away.

To the youth (non Buddhist and immature), l suspect it's not whether their pursuits provide lasting happiness, but whether promises of alternatives are real.

In the absence of a real path isn't short term happiness better than nothing?

In order to give up short term happiness you need to have a level of belief before the fruits of your practice begin to ripen.

[Xangsamhua]

From the wisdom of my years - all 67 of them - I would like to add .... now what was it I was going to say?

zzzzz

zzzzz

zzzzz

Seriously though ... Ageing is fine as long as we have our health. OK, obvious I know, but I'm thinking of mental health - cognitive flexibility - as well. Bilingualism, where the languages are both used every day, is a good contributor to mental acuity and flexibility in the senior years, so retirement in Thailand helps that.

Meditation/Zazen connects us with reality, though I still tend to drop off a bit (I've learnt a new technique though recently which helps - another prophylactic to mental sclerosis).

I know some elderly people make a substantial contribution to their communities. I won't be one of them, unless the community comes to me (unlikely), so "elderhood" won't be a mantle I'll be wearing. Do young people really see the aged as "elders"? I think in my homeland they just see them as old folks, some of whom are more approachable than others, but not many of whom are interesting. In Thailand it's a bit different, but an old Farang is only an "elder" to a very limited circle - not even that if he/she can't speak good Thai.

"I remember ..." No I don't! One vow I have taken in my 60s is never to start a sentence in conversation with those words. It can be a hard vow to keep though.

In a recent discussion, a retired man said that as he aged he became more and more peripheral, to the point of invisibility. Perhaps that's the forest stage. We may not want to paint our faces and walk off naked into the life of the sannyasin, but we can perhaps let go of the ego as we age. That should keep us busy, and we'll neither expect or attain any kudos for it.

Thanks for the article, Sabaijai.