Thai Nephew "Borrowing" My Stuff Without Permission

[thaibeachlovers]

I reckon he'll be ok, just a moment of temptation furkling through a box of stuff, bit strange it wasn't all put back in the box though. Anyway, I don't think it's too much to worry about, but I'd keep my eye on him.

My wife hides her phone cos the kids keep playing with it, they still find it sometimes but they get told off and they know they shouldn't do it, they're just being kids!

Cameras and more expensive gadgets get put in our room when we're not using them and that's usually enough. But I don't really mind everyone having the use or enjoyment out of things, it's just that kids need to be supervised with cameras and phones, or they'll accidentally initiate some kind of factory reset that will <deleted> everything up!

I think if you just set some ground rules, I don't know how good your Thai language skills are, have a word with the boy so he's not scared but still respectful of your stuff.

I'm sure he'll be fine, just a mistake on his part really.

How big is he by the way? You say he'd be more than a match for you?

I hope it all works out for you, good luck in your new home!

Biff

It's not that he's big, but that I'm so decrepit!

Life has not been kind to me physically, and while I used to be able to carry the blacksmith anvil across the workshop floor, a little girl could probably beat me up now.

Luckily I have a genuine treasure in my wife and she takes care of me.

Good for you!.

Best of luck with the move. :jap:

Thank you. I'm looking forward to having time with my wife now that she'll be at home 24/7 ( she used to work loooong days 6 days a week at Sizzler ).

Anyone that saw another post of mine will know that we've moved to the village so she can look after her "not doing too well" mother.

[surayu]

The pity of it is that had he asked, he would have been able to borrow the things he took, or I'd have bought him a new one, but not so favourably inclined now.

I hope he doesn't end up like that really bad boy in someone's post.

We all (ok, maybe not really all) hope that he ends up as another "bad boy".

As Geekfreaklover said on #22, i also think no kids are born bad, but when i see the total absence of a "guide" in their life, you can easily understand why they end up like that.

I had exactly the same experience with some growed up villagers, i always mentioned how they could get many things from me at no charge at all, and reminded many times on how it was of paramount importance they had to ask me first, otherways i would consider that a theft rather then borrowing, and made sure they understood the concept.

No way they would stick to this very basic warning, as soon as you turn your back or show the slightest sign of "weakness" they are on you.

My impression on why they do this, it look like if they don't "cheat" on you then they are worry to appear as stupids to their other con-nationals, please excuse the pun on this.

I rewarded every good intention often profusely, still they manage to get bored of acting in an appropriated way and start misbehaving.

As a goodhearthed person i believe to be, i now prefere to throw in the rubbish anything i don't have a use for rather than giving it to any of such individuals, and believe me, i find it hard to resist, the temptation is almost like for a very greedy person to try to be generous, for me just the other way round.

I believe it's counter-productive to reward lazyness or any bad action we receive, so the brain must to be in control of the hearth.

I recently went to the petrol station to fill up my scooter, the attendant pour petrol all over it and was smileing while i was telling him to stop in a very serious manner! i believe he just wanted to round up the amount by a round number (lazy to give the change back?), he still kind of pretended as a tip the few Bahts i had to get back, and guess what? No way Jose' i would not leave even a single Satang to those ill minded people!!!

Save your kid while you still can, once they grow up it's too late!

[bifftastic]

Thanks for all the great replies. Too many for individual responses.

My wife has spoken to him, and he says he won't do it again.

We will lock my good stuff away, so hopefully he won't be breaking the door down.

The pity of it is that had he asked, he would have been able to borrow the things he took, or I'd have bought him a new one, but not so favourably inclined now.

I hope he doesn't end up like that really bad boy in someone's post.

I'm sure he'll be fine, not so hopeful for the oxygen thief of a nephew of mine!

[GM1955]

Worse thing could happen is you would Father sons who would spend every waking hour in their latter years on an anonymous internet forum in a foreign country slagging off the very country they choose to live in.

I know, that is really unlikely, who in their right mind would stay in a country they don't like ?

Welcome to ThaiVisa.

ThaiVisa, the Forum for the guys who's wives have already gone to bed, and she's happy he's on the computer as long as possible.

Edited July 2, 2011 by GM1955

[Trembly]

Well its nice to hear that it might all end happily in a locked room after all. . . . bah humbug!

And I was almost creaming my pants at the thought of some lovable light fingered little curio being sent down to the Thai teen equivalent of the borstal to be buggered ragged by the kindly directing staff for half-inching a bit of shade.

Good luck to you and to him. A wise man once said that there are often more facets to a person than most people are prepared to acknowledge.

Edited July 2, 2011 by Trembly

[surayu]

...

Thanks for all that enlightment, what about moving up to China? In there even what we have to say it's already been prepared, no need to think.

Let's book the plane, me, you and the first wife of whom is gone to sleep already

[GM1955]

...

Thanks for all that enlightment, what about moving up to China? In there even what we have to say it's already been prepared, no need to think.

Let's book the plane, me, you and the first wife of whom is gone to sleep already

OK mate, I'm game, leave the miserable cows here and take a couple of fresh ones, fresh until we wear them down, wear them down from their previous smiling selves, the girls that we first met and fell in love with, the very same girls we tried to change to suit our previous countries perceptions of what women should be like.

Let me just say this . I have known many Thai women who have changed from being happy to being miserable after being in a Farang relationship.

No kidding guys, the Thai smiles are missing in many Thai/Farang marriages, simple reason is the Farangs are so miserable they wear the Thai girl down.

[thaibeachlovers]

...

Thanks for all that enlightment, what about moving up to China? In there even what we have to say it's already been prepared, no need to think.

Let's book the plane, me, you and the first wife of whom is gone to sleep already

OK mate, I'm game, leave the miserable cows here and take a couple of fresh ones, fresh until we wear them down, wear them down from their previous smiling selves, the girls that we first met and fell in love with, the very same girls we tried to change to suit our previous countries perceptions of what women should be like.

Let me just say this . I have known many Thai women who have changed from being happy to being miserable after being in a Farang relationship.

No kidding guys, the Thai smiles are missing in many Thai/Farang marriages, simple reason is the Farangs are so miserable they wear the Thai girl down.

Bit pessimistic are we?????

All relationships are individual. If the women to whom you refer married bad men just for money they got what was to be expected, Plenty of women in the west marry for the wrong reasons. I think divorce rate 50% in the west.

I know many western women ( and men ) who have changed from being happy to miserable after being in a farang relationship.

The farang man smile missing in many farang/ farang marriages, simple reason is the woman was such a crabby. using nag she wore the farang man down ( speaking from personal experience there ).

I have to hope that there are exceptions, having just got married to a nice Thai woman.

[thaibeachlovers]

What 'items" is the kid borrowing, exactly? If it's sports equipment, like a football or baseball glove, no big deal. If it's a toothbrush or one of your soiled underwears, the kid may need help of the medical kind.

Computer items. Had he asked, I'd have lent him the CD burner, but he also took a keyboard that I need for my computer- can't have that. I would have bought him a new one if he'd said his was broken, but not now!

He also used a few blank CDs, which I'd have given him if he'd asked.

[thaibeachlovers]

Put a stop to it immediately or you'll end up like pushing a trolley round tescos with 6 kids throwing things into it.

One thing that is essential for the kid is to wai you when he sees you. If he doesn't do this, you'll know what he thinks of you and EXACTLY where you stand in the family.

I met a mate last week and couldn't belive the thing he's hanging around with - beautiful but not only did she make her 5 y/o wai me, she didn't even herself! This is an obvious sign of ex-bar girl BTW.

Yep . . . wai-ing is important. All things being equal, don't placate them by going along with their idea of Thai culture if the young ones don't even show you some basic manners.

There were a few wai's when I first came up, but that's stopped now, so I guess I know where I stand with them. Well, that works both ways.

Another thing that I've noticed is that the nephews ( 2 ) don't do anything to help their aged and not well grandmother. All they do when in the house is to go on the computers ( one each ) till bed time. If they were my kids, I'd kick them down the steps and tell them to go and earn some money to help out the family ( very poor ) or at least grow some vegetables in the huge garden, which presently grows only weeds. Really P me O that their granny waits on them hand and foot, and they don't even fo some chores to help out.

[remiss]

@thaibeachlovers - the kids have to wai you in the morning and when they come home from school. If they don't, have your wife tell you how to tell them to wai you. You should reply with a nod as described above.

You now have a brilliant opportunity to learn the kids how they should behave. By the sound of it, it seems that person has been lacking so far.. Go for it! Play with them and teach them respect and general manners, etc.

Btw, I think maybe they should wai you before going to bed too, not sure about that one though... But it seems likely..

[Trembly]

If you don't live under the same roof then wai-ing you once when they meet you and once when they're about to leave is fine.

They should definitely be observing this 'salute' if you're doing them favours and lending them kit.

If you do live under the same roof then wai-ing is only necessary before and after an extended absence, and when they receive a favour or gift.

Edited July 3, 2011 by Trembly

[thaibeachlovers]

If you don't live under the same roof then wai-ing you once when they meet you and once when they're about to leave is fine.

They should definitely be observing this 'salute' if you're doing them favours and lending them kit.

If you do live under the same roof then wai-ing is only necessary before and after an extended absence, and when they receive a favour or gift.

Thanks for that info. I do live under the same roof.

[bangkokburning]

edit - see next post

Edited July 4, 2011 by bangkokburning

[bangkokburning]

Anyone younger than you should wai you if you have done them any sort of favor such as if you lent them a phone or gave them a glass of water. They should wai before receipt and yes, in the same home. After nearly two years my gf still wai's me if I bring her a glass of water.

[fletchsmile]

Thanks for all the great replies. Too many for individual responses.

My wife has spoken to him, and he says he won't do it again.

We will lock my good stuff away, so hopefully he won't be breaking the door down.

The pity of it is that had he asked, he would have been able to borrow the things he took, or I'd have bought him a new one, but not so favourably inclined now.

I hope he doesn't end up like that really bad boy in someone's post.

I wouldn't be too hard on him. My observations on rural Thailand are that people have a lot less, and property and possessions are more often viewed as more communal, and more easily shared or taken. Communities are collective rather than individualist.

As he's only a kid, he can't be expected to know that as a foreigner you have a stronger tendency towards individualism rather than collectivism. He sees things different to you.

As you've done, explain the ground rules, and set your boundaries as to what you are and aren't comfortable with. If you're going to live up country, it's one of many things to get used to, so thank the kid for your first lesson

You'll find that what is "normal" will often vary to what you're used to. "Common" is a more accurate word. You'll probably also have to reappraise what's important to you to draw a line and what isn't. You'll have to give some ground on minor issues, but at the same time there's no need to go to the other extreme of putting up with everyone else's way of doing thing, if it's your own house and you don't like it. Feel free to set your own ground rules - discussed with the wife first of course for her view (and permission!)

Respect your community's ways and values, but ensure they respect yours, particularly when you're in your own house.

Edited July 4, 2011 by fletchsmile

[Mosha]

Brother in law "borrowed" a bottle of rum 8 years ago. I'm still waiting for it back.

[surayu]

My observations on rural Thailand are that people have a lot less, and property and possessions are more often viewed as more communal, and more easily shared or taken.

As someone already stated, what belongs to you, belongs to everyone and what belongs to everyone it does NOT belong to you, the thai communal property & possessions rule....

Communities are collective rather than individualist.

Yes i noticed that too, a thief, rather than keep everything for itself, it's going to ask the neighbours if they like a free share of it, so the next time, the neighbour will give a share of what he will steal to exchange the courtesy, genuine rural life, they really care for each others, yesterday at the market i saw for the first time a local wearing a black shirt with a big thai flag and some english writing " I love my people", do they think we need to be told?

[Penefattore]

Just moved to the village ..... Don't wish to cause resentment, as I have to live here with him.

I just quoted the sources of the problem. Only solution, move out of the village asap.

[fletchsmile]

My observations on rural Thailand are that people have a lot less, and property and possessions are more often viewed as more communal, and more easily shared or taken.

As someone already stated, what belongs to you, belongs to everyone and what belongs to everyone it does NOT belong to you, the thai communal property & possessions rule....

I guess our experiences differ on that. I always find when up country people are happy to share things with me, without even asking - particularly food and drink.

No doubt someone will quote extreme examples such as land etc, but when it comes to simple every day objects in rural areas I can't remember someone ever telling me, put that down or give that back it's mine

Edited July 4, 2011 by fletchsmile