Smart Answer No5:

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As

a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his

trench coat and flashed her.

Without missing a beat....she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not

your stub."

______________

Smart Answer No4:

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the supermarket, but she

couldn't find one big enough for her family.

She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The stock boy replied, "No madam, they're dead."

______________

Smart Answer No3:

The policeman got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding

rolled down his window.

"I've been waiting for you all day," the policeman said.

The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."

When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way

without a ticket.

_______________

Smart Answer No2:

A lorry driver was driving along in his wagon.

A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead."

Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck

under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car

comes up. The policeman gets out of his car and walks to the lorry driver,

puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"

The lorry driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of

diesel."

______________

AND NOW...FOR THE No1 SMART ANSWER SO FAR FOR THE YEAR 2005

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.

"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I

might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or

a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses

whatsoever!"

A smart guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would

you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual

exhaustion?"

The entire class is reduced to laughter and sniggering.

When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student,

shakes her head and sweetly says: "Well, I guess you'd have to write the

exam with your other hand."

LOL!

I{m gonna start to learn how to er... exhaust myself sexually with my other hand... just in case...

A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife.

It read:

"Dear Wife:

You must realize that you are 54 years old, and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my

18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight.

-Your Husband"

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a fax letter

waiting for him that read as follows:

"Dear Husband:

You, too, are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18- year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up."