Is This The Way It Always Is?

[DowntownAl]

Note: I am Canadian, 62, pretty healthy, moving to Chiang Mai next week to retire on a shoe string.

I am really hoping this not normal or the way it always works but, I have just spent 4 days chatting with a lovely woman from CM. She was very open and seemingly honest. She and I opened up on FB which imo, helps us see a persons real life, we can see them with their friends, at home and so on. After 3 days of deep discussion about relationships, money and all sorts of niceties and needs, along with her wariness of us lying, cheating farang, we decided that we might want to take a chance on each other. We have an identical sense of humour, we have the same sort of creative drive and we literally wrote some very nice romantic stories with her writing one line and then me the next in rapid succession. I absolutely adored the time we spent learning about each other as we chatted. We talked extensively about the fact I am planning on living on a shoe string for the next two years until the next stage of my pension kicks in. She seemed okay with that, she didn’t care about whether I have money or not. It had been made very clear that she has more than I have just by the house she live is just south of CM. Then this morning, she announces that I was lying about how much money I have and that I now have lots of money, and that she would be very happy if we developed a proper relationship, got married and that I would, since I am now rich, be able to move into her very nice house in the country and support my new wife and her two children??? Huh??? This followed with calling me a liar on every conceivable level and about pretty much everything that had been talked about. She told me the only reason I was moving to Thailand was the fact I really only want cheap bar girls, that I was lying about how much it cost to live in Canada, and on and on. After two hours of futile attempts to defend myself, (noting that one cannot prove one’s innocence, one can only be proven guilty) I got fed up and seriously annoyed (see: angry). That was when I became the evil lying farang and that I wasn’t worth her efforts, and that she was just defending herself because all farang are the same. The simple act of defending myself against 2 hours of demeaning, harassing insults, in her mind, made me evil and someone she could never have a relationship with. Is this normal, is this what I can expect from the non-party girls in Thailand. I am moving to Chiang Mai next week and just wanted to make a few friends first, but holly crap, I’ve been torn several new ones by seemingly gentle decent women, 3 of them is 2 weeks. I don’t need a woman in my life to do what I am going to do in CM but, is there no way to even make friends with decent older women there? BTW - she is 49 and still gorgeous.

[manarak]

where do you think she learned English?

[bdw]

Sounds like a total PSYCHO, but you will find plenty of those among TGs, LOL

Maybe it was someone else who logged into her account & wanted to get rid of you...

[Sheryl]

1. She is out for $$$. Run, don't walk, away.

2. It's a pretty sure bet that any Thai woman you meet online like that is looking for the same. And many of them are quite accomplished con artists. There are decent, ordinary women in Thailand, but you won't find them online.

3. At 62 you are going ti have trouble getting health insurance here, and if you do get, the premiums will be considerable. As a non-Thai, you are not covered by the national health system. Health care costs are considerable. Be sure to factor this into your financial planning. I strongly urge against coming here unless you can obtain health insurance or are able to self-insure by putting aside at least 1-2 million baht for that purpose. Suggest you post in the insurance forum for suggstions.

Frankly I am dubious about anyone being able to live here "on a shoestring" even with health insurance. Cost of living has gone up quite a bit and the baht is string against most currencies. Make sure you have a realistic idea of what things cost before making any permanent decisions. It is ntoi as inexpensive to live here as it used to be, and costs are only going further up.

[DowntownAl]

1. She is out for $. Run, don't walk, away.

2. It's a pretty sure bet that any Thai woman you meet online like that is looking for the same. And many of them are quite accomplished con artists. There are decent, ordinary women in Thailand, but you won't find them online.

3. At 62 you are going ti have trouble getting health insurance here, and if you do get, the premiums will be considerable. As a non-Thai, you are not covered by the national health system. Health care costs are considerable. Be sure to factor this into your financial planning. I strongly urge against coming here unless you can obtain health insurance or are able to self-insure by putting aside at least 1-2 million baht for that purpose. Suggest you post in the insurance forum for suggstions.

Frankly I am dubious about anyone being able to live here "on a shoestring" even with health insurance. Cost of living has gone up quite a bit and the baht is string against most currencies. Make sure you have a realistic idea of what things cost before making any permanent decisions. It is ntoi as inexpensive to live here as it used to be, and costs are only going further up.

1. & 2. Completely agree, I can be a slow learner sometimes but, once I get the clutch to grab hold and I find the right gear, things mess fairly well, thank you for you input and advice. As far as 3 goes, I have a quote from http://insurance.thaivisa.com that I can totally live with…so to speak. Easy to budget in, no pre existings etc. If there are some hidden tricks you are aware of off the top I'd appreciate hearing about them, for instance: the Monty Python non-payout insurance.

As far as living on a shoe-string, I have been a starving artist most of my life and have lived on the aforementioned shoe-string for many years. I tend to give away art rather than sell it, hence the starving part. I have lived (short term) in the Philippines and in a pretty nasty war zone recently so comfort becomes relative for me. A good coffee machine and a decent shower and I'm good. I will accede to your greater knowledge of Thailand and the cost of living since I am working with information I have found here and from several live beings I've met over the last year or so. I can only hope I've done the math properly because I can't afford to live in Canada anymore, I just came back from a pub where I paid $8 Cnd for a pint and last night I paid $12 for a burger and fries, it was a really good burger but, it was $12. Thanks again, and I'll be in Chiang Mai late Wednesday so the die is cast.

[bifftastic]

I don't think you can take your on-line experiences as too much of an indicator of what to expect when you hit the ground. The internet is a wonderful thing, but simply because anyone can 'be' anyone on-line, you will get some 'off key' experiences.

There are all kinds of pre-conceived ideas in everyone's heads, I'm sure lots of people you will meet in real life will have all kinds of them ready to go before you meet them. Just take your time and get yourself settled in.

It could well be the case, as someone said, that the more recent 'mood' of your on-line correspondence was a different person entirely from the one you first encountered.

It could also be that she has been speaking to her friends, who dutifully informed her that you are in fact rich and, therefore, are lying!

Beats me sometimes where all this rubbish comes from.

My wife, for example, warns all of her friends, without exception, to stay away from English men, as they are nothing but sweet talk and trouble.

They smile and thank her for her advice, and then ask her "so how's your English husband?" "yes, very good" she says "very good man, everything ok"

[outofoz]

Better you saw the crazy side of her now, rather than later.

[msg362]

Look up Chiang Mai Expats club, lots of farangs with lots of experience, great way to meet and make new friends. Meets the 4th Saturday each month in the Shangri La hotel ,Chang Klang road ( at the end of the night bazaar).Should help you find your feet. BTW I'm older than you and have health insurance here.

Good luck, take heart, lot of nice Thai women who aren't just out to rob you.. CM is a great place to live.

[Naam]

where do you think she learned English?

Cambridge?

[mezzy]

You know it is possible to fake a Facebook page right? This woman you have been chatting to could be a complete fabrication. Have you chatted to this woman on Skype and seen her face? Otherwise it could be some great big hairy biker (sorry to the innocent bikers out there) hoping to scam some money out of you before you move to CM.

my two cents worth.

[DowntownAl]

Look up Chiang Mai Expats club, lots of farangs with lots of experience, great way to meet and make new friends. Meets the 4th Saturday each month in the Shangri La hotel ,Chang Klang road ( at the end of the night bazaar).Should help you find your feet. BTW I'm older than you and have health insurance here.

Good luck, take heart, lot of nice Thai women who aren't just out to rob you.. CM is a great place to live.

Got here late last night (Wednesday) and have been wandering aimlessly and pointlessly all day, my feet are killing me. I have moved into my little studio apartment I rented for one month so I could get a feel for everything etc. So the Chiang Mai Expats Club meets on last Sat, that would be this Sat cool. If my feet don't hurt too much I'll drop by. Thanks.

[DowntownAl]

You know it is possible to fake a Facebook page right? This woman you have been chatting to could be a complete fabrication. Have you chatted to this woman on Skype and seen her face? Otherwise it could be some great big hairy biker (sorry to the innocent bikers out there) hoping to scam some money out of you before you move to CM.

my two cents worth.

Thanks for the input, and I agree, it is possible to bake a FB page. In this case there were hundreds of photos that fit too well with the conversations. So I think the page was real, but as others have already said, she is a pro. She admits to not working and yet has a gorgeous house just outside of town. Who paid for the house in the first place? Probably some shmuck like me, only one with money.

[Dag]

Treat it as a nice education without any sting.

[MrRed]

She will try to contact you again soon.

[SadieMBeagle]

Got here late last night (Wednesday) and have been wandering aimlessly and pointlessly all day, my feet are killing me. I have moved into my little studio apartment I rented for one month so I could get a feel for everything etc. So the Chiang Mai Expats Club meets on last Sat, that would be this Sat cool. If my feet don't hurt too much I'll drop by. Thanks.

My god, man. You're in Thailand now! That means CHEAP FOOT MASSAGE!! Get yourself on down to the nearest massage parlor and get a 1-hour foot massage. Try to find a place that charges no more than 150 baht/per hour. If you must pay 200 baht/hour, make sure the ambiance is nice. Better yet, go to the Chiang Mai Reflexology Center on Rachadamnoen Road. It's amazing.

Welcome to Thailand

[4evermaat]

Got here late last night (Wednesday) and have been wandering aimlessly and pointlessly all day, my feet are killing me. I have moved into my little studio apartment I rented for one month so I could get a feel for everything etc. So the Chiang Mai Expats Club meets on last Sat, that would be this Sat cool. If my feet don't hurt too much I'll drop by. Thanks.

My god, man. You're in Thailand now! That means CHEAP FOOT MASSAGE!! Get yourself on down to the nearest massage parlor and get a 1-hour foot massage. Try to find a place that charges no more than 150 baht/per hour. If you must pay 200 baht/hour, make sure the ambiance is nice. Better yet, go to the Chiang Mai Reflexology Center on Rachadamnoen Road. It's amazing.

Welcome to Thailand

+1. also agree with the posts that pointed out that facebook details or any online profile can be completely fabricated. You will find plenty of new women offline. Trust me.

[sunnyhor]

No $ No Honey!!??

[californiabeachboy]

I have visited Thailand several times, also looking at retirement, and also signed up for an online social/dating service. One thing I have learned as a result of meeting women in Thailand online first and then in person is - Never talk about money or sex online. If they bring it up, I am gone. From your original post I believe you discussed the issue of money online, and I think that opens the door to all types of abuse. For me, I just keep it friendly, almost like chatting with someone in a coffee shop, and then move to the next step in person.

Make friends online, make relationships in person. I just don't believe in making relationships online.

Good luck!

[Tanaka]

1. She is out for $$$. Run, don't walk, away.

2. It's a pretty sure bet that any Thai woman you meet online like that is looking for the same. And many of them are quite accomplished con artists. There are decent, ordinary women in Thailand, but you won't find them online.

3. At 62 you are going ti have trouble getting health insurance here, and if you do get, the premiums will be considerable. As a non-Thai, you are not covered by the national health system. Health care costs are considerable. Be sure to factor this into your financial planning. I strongly urge against coming here unless you can obtain health insurance or are able to self-insure by putting aside at least 1-2 million baht for that purpose. Suggest you post in the insurance forum for suggstions.

Frankly I am dubious about anyone being able to live here "on a shoestring" even with health insurance. Cost of living has gone up quite a bit and the baht is string against most currencies. Make sure you have a realistic idea of what things cost before making any permanent decisions. It is ntoi as inexpensive to live here as it used to be, and costs are only going further up.

I appreciate many good advice you give here, Sheryl. But I object to your generalization on #2 above. It is possible to meet good women online. I did and we have been together three years now. And no, she did not have any children and yes, she is younger than me.

[johnbits]

1. She is out for $$$. Run, don't walk, away.

2. It's a pretty sure bet that any Thai woman you meet online like that is looking for the same. And many of them are quite accomplished con artists. There are decent, ordinary women in Thailand, but you won't find them online.

3. At 62 you are going ti have trouble getting health insurance here, and if you do get, the premiums will be considerable. As a non-Thai, you are not covered by the national health system. Health care costs are considerable. Be sure to factor this into your financial planning. I strongly urge against coming here unless you can obtain health insurance or are able to self-insure by putting aside at least 1-2 million baht for that purpose. Suggest you post in the insurance forum for suggstions.

Frankly I am dubious about anyone being able to live here "on a shoestring" even with health insurance. Cost of living has gone up quite a bit and the baht is string against most currencies. Make sure you have a realistic idea of what things cost before making any permanent decisions. It is ntoi as inexpensive to live here as it used to be, and costs are only going further up.

I have yet to meet an accomplished con artist, most are quite transparent. I have seen a lot of gullible people who will believe implausible scenarios.

Moving to a foreign country without a job and without the ablility to get a job on a shoestring budget is always more dangerious. The new person doens't have the same support systems in place that they do in their prior location.

IMO the internet is a great way to meet people of all sorts, decent and otherwise. You can contact so many more people from all walks of life that it far beats wondering around hoping to bump into your soul mate, or it's even easier to find a casual date for that matter.

All the women I have actually met from online dating services have been honest normal women. Sometimes after a few weeks I have decided it isn't gonig to work out, but they are nice enough people.

Several women I failed to meet flaked out for one reason or another, sometimes perhaps I caused the problem, maybe at times she found someone else, who knows, and frankly, isn't it easier to find out electronically that things are going south Vs wasting even more time / money doing the same same in person?

It's not the people you reject or those that reject you that should count, it's the people you meet and like that will count.

Edited August 30, 2011 by johnbits

[scotto]

Run little rabbit run

She has you in the spotlights

waiting to shoot you (read rip your money off you and tear your heart out)

If you want a tgf take things slowly and never talk money let her bring it up and when she does

you will see the true colors 1 way or another

My advice only you can decide

[Femme]

OP, you're not stupid, just open hearted. And inexperienced. And blinded by (Thai) beauty and charm

Sorry to hear btw...

@ DowntownAl:

always curious about artists among TV members, do you have anything to show online?

[steelepulse]

2.5 months on, what happened DowntownAl.

[krading]

2.5 months on, what happened DowntownAl.

Might have found his Uptown Girl

[zorro1]

I agree with Tanaka. I also found an amazing lady on line 4 years ago and going strong and really how else do you find a real Thai girl when your not socializing in their circle?

dont get me wrong the replies were 70% hookers so some common sense is required. In the end it narrowed down to 2 girls one a futures trader and the other an executive.

[MrRed]

2.5 months on, what happened DowntownAl.

He got married and she is expecting her first home.

[4evermaat]

I can only encourage the OP to do his best. It's much easier to make a couple of attempts and then form assumptions about the whole bunch. But have the courage to let go of what is not working for you....this frees you up to find someone that will work out. If you later discover that your partner is not what you want, you don't blame yourself....and you don't blame your partner either; instead you make a new choice .

You are on the right track, though. You ask for what you really want. Just realize that everyone, including yourself, are wearing many masks, sometimes several masks a day. The internet is even worst; always follow up with in person visit. Dont be a victim; just make a new choice.