Trouble With The Wifey

[ozzieovaseas]

The guy who posted about his wifes annoying habits kinda jotted my memory about an American guy i'd met on visa trip to Laos some years ago. Can't say i knew him all that well but we would say hello on MSN every now and chat about life in Thailand.

Anyway,with him been married to a Thai for many years, i found it quite intrigueing to hear about all the dramas and ups and downs he would go through in his marriage. (and by the way, he had never mentioned TV, so i have no reason to believe he is a member or is reading these forums...maybe someone will recognise this story.)

They would have the usual arguments and the bigger ones would result in her refusing to talk to him for days on end, which i know from experience to be pretty much the standard MO for Thai females. In the end his viewpoint was that it seemed like she was deliberately trying to make his life hell so he would walk out and leave her the house and car and bike he'd ponied up for.

The big kicker was how his wife would refer to the house as "her" house,constantly to friends (in Thai)..as opposed to "ours". Apparently she also made comment on her Facebook page about it being HER house and her being debt free!!..although no mention of the farang who funded it all!!

I guess i can see how this would be a prickly issue, especially when this guy definately bought the house with his own funds, but possibly signed papers to say the exact opposite....

If it were me i guess i would be a little annoyed. I remember his last message was after a few nights on the syrup and he had finally confronted her about this and a few other things that he had been stewing over.

Anyway, I guess its not so much the fact that she constantly referred to it as HER house, (it could just be a language thing) but if it were me i would be more worried about the implications of this attitude if/when things went belly up.I guess In Thai eyes this would fall under "you think to much"

So was the guy being over-sensitive in your opinion??

After some of the stories i read on here i really do have to wonder why anyone would want to get married..anywhwere!!

Sadly i never heard the end of the above story but i often wonder if this issue might have been the straw that broke the camels back and made her kick him out of HER house for good

[JurgenG]

I think it's not only Thai but actually a very asian way of thinking. And if you think about it not very much different to what happen in the west during a divorce.

Basically, the wife sees as unavoidable the fact that her husband is going to have affairs, prostitutes, mia nois, ... So basically from day one the house, the savings are hers, as a security for her future and the future of her family (kids). If the husband leaves, he forfeits everything. And it's true in some cases he can be helped through the door.

But if you go through a divorce in the west, is there any big difference ?

[mca]

They would have the usual arguments and the bigger ones would result in her refusing to talk to him for days on end, which i know from experience to be pretty much the standard MO for Thai females.

Sincere apologies to those on here who experience this but I simply couldn't be with someone who goes off into a sulk for days like a bloody kid.

[Spoonman]

He might have definitely bought the house with his own funds but I suspect it is in her name hence it is HER house.

[zzaa09]

I think it's not only Thai but actually a very asian way of thinking. And if you think about it not very much different to what happen in the west during a divorce.

Basically, the wife sees as unavoidable the fact that her husband is going to have affairs, prostitutes, mia nois, ... So basically from day one the house, the savings are hers, as a security for her future and the future of her family (kids). If the husband leaves, he forfeits everything. And it's true in some cases he can be helped through the door.

But if you go through a divorce in the west, is there any big difference ?

Reasonably said, Jurgen.

[lovelomsak]

Why do guys buy houses for women here and not face the fact that it is dead money never to be seen again.I stand firm on the fact spend what you can afford to lose and live with it. I was married for 4 months to a Thai woman.She appeared to be of good heritage. Her first husband Thai was a professor at Naresuan university, her oldest son ran an international manufacturing company. After marriage I found out what a terrible person she was. In 4 months I bought a beautiful home and she spent over a million on other things. I walked away from her and got a divorce when the guy at the amphur ask if I had invested anything with her well married I simply said No. Please just give me my divorce .

All over the world the women take the houses face reality we are men act like it. I get tired of the men crying about their loses here to women. If you cannot afford to play stay out of the game.

Guys come here who never had a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of and think they are great because they are foreigners. Maybe have a few dollars and think they are rich compared to the poor thai. They act the part for a few years and lose it all then cry about it. Make your own bed and sleep in it I say.

Just had to add house costs here are the big draw I feel for many poor foreigners to finally feel they have arrived and can afford a decent home. They live life disillusioned.

Edited September 8, 2011 by lovelomsak

[zzaa09]

A greater [and common] mistake is to consider that all situations will be the same/similar.

[MEGALITHIC]

1. The house was her house because in Thailand a foriegner can't own land so therefore she was quite right in saying the house was her house.

2. Sulking, as the OP mentioned, is not a typical asian female trait. It's the trait of someone with the emotional maturity of a teenage highschool girl and it's utter bloody nonsense. Why any intelligent bloke would put up with this for more than 5 minutes beggars belief. If a bloke accepts this as normal behaviour, in a relationship, then you deserve what you get. At the first sign of this nonsense, terminate the relationship because it's not going to get any better.

[MEGALITHIC]

Why do guys buy houses for women here and not face the fact that it is dead money never to be seen again.I stand firm on the fact spend what you can afford to lose and live with it. I was married for 4 months to a Thai woman.She appeared to be of good heritage. Her first husband Thai was a professor at Naresuan university, her oldest son ran an international manufacturing company. After marriage I found out what a terrible person she was. In 4 months I bought a beautiful home and she spent over a million on other things. I walked away from her and got a divorce when the guy at the amphur ask if I had invested anything with her well married I simply said No. Please just give me my divorce .

All over the world the women take the houses face reality we are men act like it. I get tired of the men crying about their loses here to women. If you cannot afford to play stay out of the game.

Guys come here who never had a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of and think they are great because they are foreigners. Maybe have a few dollars and think they are rich compared to the poor thai. They act the part for a few years and lose it all then cry about it. Make your own bed and sleep in it I say.

Just had to add house costs here are the big draw I feel for many poor foreigners to finally feel they have arrived and can afford a decent home. They live life disillusioned.

Well said.

[robblok]

I hear stories enough where Thai courts do grant money back 50% from the house so basically guys should go to court if they dont want to loose it.

I just made sure the house was mortgaged so whatever happens i only paid for modification and dont loose out that much.

Smart guys plan ahead, and don't think too much with their little head.

Also the sin sod thing Better to burn your money IMHO. But that is personal i accept that others have other views. (as seen and discussed on this board)

[andrewbkk]

Sulking, as the OP mentioned, is not a typical asian female trait. It's the trait of someone with the emotional maturity of a teenage highschool girl and it's utter bloody nonsense. Why any intelligent bloke would put up with this for more than 5 minutes beggars belief. If a bloke accepts this as normal behaviour, in a relationship, then you deserve what you get. At the first sign of this nonsense, terminate the relationship because it's not going to get any better.

Perfect reply.

Dump the bitch.

[moe666]

hehehehe funny stuff she may have the emotional maturity of a teenager but the guy married her. Says a lot about of his maturity. It takes two to tango

[Payboy]

Wifey

You just know it's going to take a turn for the worse when you start calling 'em that.

[ozzieovaseas]

Why do guys buy houses for women here and not face the fact that it is dead money never to be seen again.I stand firm on the fact spend what you can afford to lose and live with it. I was married for 4 months to a Thai woman.She appeared to be of good heritage. Her first husband Thai was a professor at Naresuan university, her oldest son ran an international manufacturing company. After marriage I found out what a terrible person she was. In 4 months I bought a beautiful home and she spent over a million on other things. I walked away from her and got a divorce when the guy at the amphur ask if I had invested anything with her well married I simply said No. Please just give me my divorce .

All over the world the women take the houses face reality we are men act like it. I get tired of the men crying about their loses here to women. If you cannot afford to play stay out of the game.

Guys come here who never had a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of and think they are great because they are foreigners. Maybe have a few dollars and think they are rich compared to the poor thai. They act the part for a few years and lose it all then cry about it. Make your own bed and sleep in it I say.

Just had to add house costs here are the big draw I feel for many poor foreigners to finally feel they have arrived and can afford a decent home. They live life disillusioned.

Good post..you have just summed it up in a nutshell, especially "stay out of the game if you can't afford it"...that can only be telling it how it is.

I understand exactly your point, i guess what it boils to is these guys have given up what they did of their own free will. No-one forced them, and you have a mature and healthy approach to what happened to you. I do wonder how long you knew her before you married her though? What a terrible thing for her to do.

Anyway, you have a good attitute and approach, i guess to be otherwise would only send you crazy.

Still, as a single guy myself i just can't fathom how someone could be so cold to have orchestrated the whole thing so connivingly then executed the plan and left the guy on the outer with no remorse, no feelings whatsoever...and DEFINATELY no appreciation. Funny that people often suffer a lot more trivial things at the hands of others, yet people will ask "how could you do this to another human being"

Tricked into parting with years worth of labour and money its just disgusting. Presumably this same woman would shreik with horror if an animal faced any sort of cruelty...but yet the dispicable things they do to human beings is OK??!

In the case of the guy i talked of, your story, and others the most sickening thing for me is that you have been the provider, in good faith, given everything that anyone could want, Yet these people show no appreciation whatsoever, just expect the guy to give them a house for free and then shaft them.

Its enough to make a guy join the monkhood actually

[ozzieovaseas]

1. The house was her house because in Thailand a foriegner can't own land so therefore she was quite right in saying the house was her house.

2. Sulking, as the OP mentioned, is not a typical asian female trait. It's the trait of someone with the emotional maturity of a teenage highschool girl and it's utter bloody nonsense. Why any intelligent bloke would put up with this for more than 5 minutes beggars belief. If a bloke accepts this as normal behaviour, in a relationship, then you deserve what you get. At the first sign of this nonsense, terminate the relationship because it's not going to get any better.

I am suprised (well not really) that nearly all of my past Thai GFs have used the old silent treatment when they don't get what they want. I've read in some cases some have been known to pull a knife on the guy...so i suppose in that regard the silent treatment is preferrable!!!

[ozzieovaseas]

Wifey

You just know it's going to take a turn for the worse when you start calling 'em that.

Hehe, no worse than dahh-ling

[IanForbes]

hehehehe funny stuff she may have the emotional maturity of a teenager but the guy married her. Says a lot about of his maturity. It takes two to tango

My thoughts exactly. It takes a bit of research before jumping into a long term relationship. That doesn't mean you can't enjoy the ride. But, you REALLY have to be prepared to accept the consequences of your own actions. Living with anyone is a huge commitment... male or female, and it takes a lot of adjusting. I have many male friends that I couldn't live with and would probably drive me crazy... just as I would drive them crazy. But, we still have a lot of fun when we get together. I have a few beautiful Thai lady friends that are great lovers, but we could never live together. We just keep it that way and get along very well.

When my first wife of 20 years wanted a divorce I told her we would split everything 50-50 and I would give her a 1/3 of my pension, and support her for a year until she got steady employment. She was a licensed nurse and could earn more than me if she wanted to work. But, I also said if she wanted more than half then there was going to be a war. I would give her half the house alright... I would take the power saw and cut it diagonally to separate the upstairs from the downstairs which would effectively destroy the home. If a Thai wife wanted to toss me out of a home I had paid for then I would burn it to the ground and nobody would get anything. I won't back down from anything.

[ozzieovaseas]

He might have definitely bought the house with his own funds but I suspect it is in her name hence it is HER house.

Yes, that is a given, and yes, the guy agrees to do it because he thinks they have a future..and he thought he could trust her. Trust that was given in VERY bad haste.

But anyway my point still..someone get a free house, but no acknowledgement, no thanks, no appreciation...only the short end of the stick

Maybe i am just a tad old fashioned..if a Thai buys me a beer its like winning the lottery

[Payboy]

<snip> If a Thai wife wanted to toss me out of a home I had paid for then I would burn it to the ground and nobody would get anything. I won't back down from anything.

You tell 'em Ian. I'd hate if if someone's Thai wife tossed me out of my home too.

[ozzieovaseas]

hehehehe funny stuff she may have the emotional maturity of a teenager but the guy married her. Says a lot about of his maturity. It takes two to tango

My thoughts exactly. It takes a bit of research before jumping into a long term relationship. That doesn't mean you can't enjoy the ride. But, you REALLY have to be prepared to accept the consequences of your own actions. Living with anyone is a huge commitment... male or female, and it takes a lot of adjusting. I have many male friends that I couldn't live with and would probably drive me crazy... just as I would drive them crazy. But, we still have a lot of fun when we get together. I have a few beautiful Thai lady friends that are great lovers, but we could never live together. We just keep it that way and get along very well.

When my first wife of 20 years wanted a divorce I told her we would split everything 50-50 and I would give her a 1/3 of my pension, and support her for a year until she got steady employment. She was a licensed nurse and could earn more than me if she wanted to work. But, I also said if she wanted more than half then there was going to be a war. I would give her half the house alright... I would take the power saw and cut it diagonally to separate the upstairs from the downstairs which would effectively destroy the home. If a Thai wife wanted to toss me out of a home I had paid for then I would burn it to the ground and nobody would get anything. I won't back down from anything.

The thing about you Ian is that you know the rules of the game and play accordingly. If everyone were like this it would save a lot of hassle, but then again Thaivisa would be very a boring place if it were so.

You talk about researching the person before getting into a long term relationship,but how can you see the real person if shes hiding it from day one? putting on one great big fat BS act (such as in loveomasks case). You simply have no fair chance.

In my case i am lucky as ALL (and i mean ALL) of the Thai women i have known have had exactly the same traits, same thoughts on men, marriage and money. They even talk the same. It makes it a lot more simple to know what the relaities are.

So, yeah, i have the same situation as you with my Thai lady friends, but i am under no illusion.They play along because they realize they will never get the big payday off me, so to them it is better to hang around and see what they can pick up along the way...would i really trust them with something important?? well hmmm..thats a no brainer

The comments about burning the house to the ground did amuse me, i think you say this in jest. It probably would work in a real nasty case but im sure you would end up dead very quick...cant sleep with one eye open forever!!

The one woman i might have fallen for in the early days had a live in child, so the burning down the house tactic would'nt have been practical.

[Beetlejuice]

We need to understand that we are a foreign people living in a foreign land with virtually no statutory rights.

Although in our own countries, wives may still be able to take a hubby to the cleaners via the court systems, in Thailand Thai wives and their families have even more advantages over their farang husbands.

I have known cases where a Thai wife has died and her family had claimed all the property, including vehicles, although it was the farang husband who originally financed the lot.

As for property in Thailand regarding male farang to Thai female marriages, the law usually states that any proceeds left over after a divorce should be distributed 50/50 between the couple. But there are no guarantees, especially if the wife takes out any loans on a property, changes the names of owners on the land papers or sells it without the farang husband's knowledge, which is easy to do.

Taking these matters to court can take years and prove non-viable due to ripp-off lawyer's fees and court costs. In the end if an amicable agreement cannot be reached between the parties, the court may impose that all assets be auctioned at a loss.

Also, never assume that a Thai wife is unintelligent and not knowledgeable enough to undertake any trickery, because she will have family and friends who are only too keen to advise her how to fleece the farang.

Unless you have children who's names can be used for the purchase of real estate and land in Thailand, then whatever a farang purchases in the name of his Thai wife, he does so at his discretion, his own risk and he will be vulnerable, especially if the marriage, for whatever reasons, turns sour.

Edited September 8, 2011 by sbk

[ozzieovaseas]

We need to understand that we are a foreign people living in a foreign land with virtually no statutory rights.

Although in our own countries, wives may still be able to take a hubby to the cleaners via the court systems, in Thailand Thai wives and their families have even more advantages over their farang husbands.

I have known cases where a Thai wife has died and her family had claimed all the property, including vehicles, although it was the farang husband who originally financed the lot.

As for property in Thailand regarding male farang to Thai female marriages, the law usually states that any proceeds left over after a divorce should be distributed 50/50 between the couple. But there are no guarantees, especially if the wife takes out any loans on a property, changes the names of owners on the land papers or sells it without the farang husband's knowledge, which is easy to do.

Taking these matters to court can take years and prove non-viable due to ripp-off lawyer's fees and court courts. In the end if an amicable agreement cannot be reached between the parties, the court may impose that all assets be auctioned at a loss.

Also, never assume that a Thai wife is unintelligent and not knowledgeable enough to undertake any trickery, because she will have family and friends who are only too keen to advise her how to fleece the farang.

Unless you have children who's names can be used for the purchase of real estate and land in Thailand, then whatever a farang purchases in the name of his Thai wife, he does so at his discretion, his own risk and he will be vulnerable, especially if the marriage, for whatever reasons, turns soar.

That's a safe bet.....an assumption i definatley would never consider considering

[IanForbes]

The comments about burning the house to the ground did amuse me, i think you say this in jest. It probably would work in a real nasty case but im sure you would end up dead very quick...cant sleep with one eye open forever!!

The one woman i might have fallen for in the early days had a live in child, so the burning down the house tactic would'nt have been practical.

Many things I say in jest, but I stand by what I said about burning my home to the ground. I basically threatened my second Canadian wife the same way. I bend over backward to try to be fair, but if someone wants a war then I'm the wrong person to pick it with. I will do anything I want up to and including many things illegal if someone wants to pick a fight. At that point I don't follow law abiding rules and I don't care about the consequences.

[ozzieovaseas]

The comments about burning the house to the ground did amuse me, i think you say this in jest. It probably would work in a real nasty case but im sure you would end up dead very quick...cant sleep with one eye open forever!!

The one woman i might have fallen for in the early days had a live in child, so the burning down the house tactic would'nt have been practical.

Many things I say in jest, but I stand by what I said about burning my home to the ground. I basically threatened my second Canadian wife the same way. I bend over backward to try to be fair, but if someone wants a war then I'm the wrong person to pick it with. I will do anything I want up to and including many things illegal if someone wants to pick a fight. At that point I don't follow law abiding rules and I don't care about the consequences.

Ian, i always thought you were a peaceful easy goin fella but now your starting to remind me of this bloke......

[hotandhumid]

Why do people here keep discussing the same points over and over and over again...

It's so simple, if you buy anything and it is registered in her name accept from the get go that it is money you are prepared to write off and may never see again, if all works out and you live happily ever after until death do us part then great, but if not accept it and move on, if you think you are going to be all bitter and fight for what you think is yours then don't do it in the first place, it really is that simple. It's like going for a day out at the races, whatever you have in your pocket be prepared to lose it.

Btw, woman all over the world sulk and blank their other halfs for days, do people really believe that ONLY Thai woman are like this? Absolute morons on this board.

Edited September 8, 2011 by hotandhumid

[rocketmanbkk]

Thai women, especially hookers are teh most jelous people you can meet. They try to outdo each other with material things when infact they actually have eff all that they have paid for.

Move on..

[flemmie]

Frankly, I would have figured that having some piece and quiet for a while from the wife would have been a welcome development. I sometimes pray they are quiet when I hear their cackling voices...

1. The house was her house because in Thailand a foriegner can't own land so therefore she was quite right in saying the house was her house.

2. Sulking, as the OP mentioned, is not a typical asian female trait. It's the trait of someone with the emotional maturity of a teenage highschool girl and it's utter bloody nonsense. Why any intelligent bloke would put up with this for more than 5 minutes beggars belief. If a bloke accepts this as normal behaviour, in a relationship, then you deserve what you get. At the first sign of this nonsense, terminate the relationship because it's not going to get any better.

[IanForbes]

Ian, i always thought you were a peaceful easy goin fella but now your starting to remind me of this bloke......

I AM an easy going bloke, ozzie, but I do have limits. I'm a cold hearted bastard if I get pushed too far. That movie (Falling Down) is a good example of a man pushed too far. When someone steps over a certain line with me I change completely and turn icey cold and calculating. And at that point there is nothing that I won't do and get pleasure out of doing. I have to be very careful and control myself when I feel it coming. I REALLY have to control myself when dealing with the power tripping thugs in airport security and customs.

[IanForbes]

Thai women, especially hookers are teh most jelous people you can meet.

:lol:

I learned that the hard way the first time I came to Thailand. I figured it a bar girl I had been with could go home with various custormers then I could take another girl from the same bar home with me when the first gal wasn't available. BROTHER! Was I ever WRONG! I was rather funny though, and I eventually wound up with both of them.

[F1fanatic]

Ian, i always thought you were a peaceful easy goin fella but now your starting to remind me of this bloke......

I AM an easy going bloke, ozzie, but I do have limits. I'm a cold hearted bastard if I get pushed too far. That movie (Falling Down) is a good example of a man pushed too far. When someone steps over a certain line with me I change completely and turn icey cold and calculating. And at that point there is nothing that I won't do and get pleasure out of doing. I have to be very careful and control myself when I feel it coming. I REALLY have to control myself when dealing with the power tripping thugs in airport security and customs.

So your limit is if you know you won't get away with it you're v careful??

This is not a criticism as such by the way, as I'm the same .

BUT I object to you pretending you have 'a line' that cannot be crossed when its obvious your 'line' can be crossed by people who have the power to harm you!