A Tale Of 3 Thai Chicks

[Lovedog100]

I find it astonishing that anyone would want to have a Thai girlfriend/wife but refuse to accept their culture and use this as a condition of the relationship. Totally selfish and I'm not surprised at the OP's lack of success.

I Have to agree with this to a point. Mama lives alone, papa ran off with another woman. I send mama money every month, peanuts to me, but it really helps mama out. I transfer it from my account to hers. She had never had a bank account before. Now when she goes and gets the money each month, she sees it's from me. I made it clear from the start that there would be no mafia loans to repay, leaky roofs, or sick Buffalo's. I am thanked every month for sending it, have never been asked for one baht more. When there is some strain in the relationship, mama soothes it over for me. She even agreed to forgo sin sot because it's not my culture. Taking care of parents is Thai culture. Give and take. To be honest, I think I have got value for my money taking care of mama. You might want to rethink your stance. I will say, that if papa was in the picture and was a card playing drunk, I would have a hard time taking care of him, but for me, that isn't the case.

[kerryk]

Paying cold hard and folding to a partner's family is nothing (and for nothing) more than prostitution by another name, but you're not paying it to the woman herself. If she hadn't taken up with a farang, i.e., no partner, what would the family do? They'd manage. I think a lot of farang are conned into supporting hangers on when there is no legal or moral requirement to do so. The little contact I had with three Thai women indicated to me that they (at least two) put money before any relationship, indeed any relationship depended on the ability to come up with money. One I emailed for a while was a widow and my understanding is that sin sot (is that what it's called) doesn't apply to a second marriage, but she alluded to the fact that her parents needed land and a house!!

When I was married I put no restrictions on what my wife spent, although in retrospect I probably should have, because she was a waster. It wasn't worth brawling over, but it would have been better to not see money wasted. Even after seeing that, it would be the same with another partner, but I would insist on no cash to parents. If I took up with a SE Asian partner, and that's looking increasingly unlikely from what I read here, I would not be supporting family. Several thinking posters are onto it, and how money seems to be almost inextricably connected to a relationship.

poanoi said Because in a corrupt country, your extended family & tribe is your only loyalty, and the only ones who would give a rats arse about you on a rainy day, so when need be, screw everyone else.

I don't believe for a second that you could rely on loyalty in a crisis, unless there was a guarantee that the money would concinue to flow. If the cash dried up, so would the loyalty. In fact, I could see a situation where loyalty may be used as a reason to extract more cash from the hapless farang for continued support!! On my recent visit, one of the women I was with 'negotiated' a tuk tuk fare at 100 baht. I knew it was too much, and that was confirmed the next day when I made the same trip alone for 40 baht. She was either on the take, or appearing to be a big spender in front of her countryman, at my expense.

Many years ago I was taken prisoner in West Timor, back when it was Indonesian controlled, around 1980. The company for which I worked had local employees, but when the heat was on, the chips were down, and their support was expected, they deserted like rats from a sinking ship, and I was left to extricate myself from what appeared, at one stage, as though it may be being murdered. You can't depend on loyalty from these people, and if you believe so, you are delusional. They see farang as not much more than milking cows.

There was an American fighting with hill tribe people a few years back. His hill tribe troops were overrun and helicopters were evacuating them. The American was shot three times while waiting for an airlift but he insisted his hill tribe men be evacuated before him. He later married the princess of the tribe and became the head of their people . For every story of cowardice I can tell you 10 of bravery.

[kerryk]

kerryk said

Average wage women in Thailand vs average wage women in Australia? Now do you get it?

Thai people support the family because Thailand is not a nanny state like Australia. Now do you get it?

I don't want to get into a brawl with you, but your comments are arrogant and offensive. You are implying that you are the only one who knows how this works, and that is quite obviously not the case.

Because the average wage for a Thai woman is less than the average wage for an Australian, that does not make me a milking cow. Take, for example, the case of a Chinese man taking up with a Thai woman. The average income for a Chinese woman is less than that for a Thai woman. Should the Chinese man not contribute for that reason?

Because Thailand is not a nanny state, there is no obligation on me to support a partner's family. There may be on her, and since I would be with someone who either has grown up children or wants no children, then there would be no reason why she shouldnt' work and fulfill that obligation.

ludditeman said I agree, Thailand is not the right place for you, you would be unhappy here.

You agree with me? I didn't say that it wasn't the right place for me or that I would be unhappy there.

Sorry you find my comments arrogant and offensive but I have an arrogant and offensive personality. It is obvious from reading this thread that I am not the only one who holds my opinions.

Anyone who is not mind locked into a Western mentality and who has lived in Thailand for a while realizes that because Thailand is a not a nanny state and they live in Thailand they have to adapt to that fact.

I think it is nutty to take a Thai woman out of Thailand, so if you plan on having a Thai woman that entails you moving to Thailand. If you move to Thailand you will have to adapt to Thailand and not Thailand adapt to you.

The average wage thing is something to consider. I wonder if you realize what 9000 baht really buys.

I have done it both ways. Now I have a woman half my age plus 7 years who works 12 hours a day 6 days a week and makes a good wage, far above average. I have also lived with a younger woman who I asked to quit her job and I paid her 9000 baht a month to live with me. On a practical level now I like my free time but can't travel or do exactly what I want because she has work responsibilities.

The 9000 baht is not really a lot of money to me and it took care of the younger woman's personal needs and family responsibilities.

I don't know if you would be happy in Thailand you seem to want your own cultural standards confirmed as existing in Thailand rather than look at it from an objective point of view. That is typical of a lot of TV posters. They ask a question and when the old hands answer the question in terms outside of their cultural experience they react with derision. So in fact you are not asking a question you are asking people to agree with your Australian view of life transposed to Thailand and tell you it is the same.

Thailand is not the same as Australia. Thailand is taking care of family responsibilities and in Australia it is being a milking cow.

In the future in hopes of securing the information you require it might be better to preface your posts with, “I am an Australian who believes in Australian values and I seek people who agree with my world view of Thailand after experiencing the country for three weeks.” This would give you information you agree with and create less conflict.

[maccaroni man]

i dont get why there are posters on this forum who believe they hold the moral high ground on how others choose to spend their money. the key word here is choice. IMO a person owns very few things in life and personal choice is one of them. The TGF knows what she is getting when she hooks up with a man who says he does or does not want to support the family it is her choice. I say do what you want, believe in what you do and F the people who have anything negative to say about it.

[poanoi]

I must say the last post was remarkably sensible

[rgs2001uk]

saxpirant,

There are Thai people out there who share your values.

There are Thai women out there who share your values, but you wont find them in the bars of Pattaya.

There are two Thai women where I live, independantly wealthy, both were married before and are now widows.

One told me she doesnt have a friend, the other said she wants the security of having a man in the house and doesnt like living alone.

Neither of them are looking for handouts, both are working because they are bored with have nothing to do and as a way of meeting friends and passing the time.

What they are looking for is a man who will not disrespect them, beat them or otherwise embarrass them by womanizing.

Neither are they looking for alcoholics or men who dont know how to dress themselves.

You will be judged by the, way you act, company you keep and the way you conduct yourself.

Dont think because no one says anything you are not being watched and judged, opinions will be formed, the type of women you attract will depend on the way you conduct yourself.

Of course if you have a good heart and want to take on some 23 year old from upcountry with three kids in tow and all the baggage she brings with her, good luck to you, you are a better man than I.

Edited October 16, 2011 by rgs2001uk

[kerryk]

saxpirant,

There are Thai people out there who share your values.

There are Thai women out there who share your values, but you wont find them in the bars of Pattaya.

There are two Thai women where I live, independantly wealthy, both were married before and are now widows.

One told me she doesnt have a friend, the other said she wants the security of having a man in the house and doesnt like living alone.

Neither of them are looking for handouts, both are working because they are bored with have nothing to do and as a way of meeting friends and passing the time.

What they are looking for is a man who will not disrespect them, beat them or otherwise embarrass them by womanizing.

Neither are they looking for alcoholics or men who dont know how to dress themselves.

You will be judged by the, way you act, company you keep and the way you conduct yourself.

Dont think because no one says anything you are not being watched and judged, opinions will be formed, the type of women you attract will depend on the way you conduct yourself.

Of course if you have a good heart and want to take on some 23 year old from upcountry with three kids in tow and all the baggage she brings with her, good luck to you, you are a better man than I.

You bring back memories of me three years ago.

There is a road between two Thai cities and on that road not in any town but a short drive from two cities is a very good Thai restaurant done in formal Western style, even a grand piano in the dining room.

The lady who owns it is a very attractive wealthy widow. She wants another husband. When I first met her I was awestruck by her beauty, grace and business acumen. She seemed like the perfect woman; no children, no family, beautiful and wealthy and alone.

I was relating my interest to a very good Thai friend of mine of long standing. He smiled and told me her two husbands were gentlemen and solid Thai citizens and both died of accidental gunshot wounds.

[w11guy]

kerryk said

Average wage women in Thailand vs average wage women in Australia? Now do you get it?

Thai people support the family because Thailand is not a nanny state like Australia. Now do you get it?

I don't want to get into a brawl with you, but your comments are arrogant and offensive. You are implying that you are the only one who knows how this works, and that is quite obviously not the case.

Because the average wage for a Thai woman is less than the average wage for an Australian, that does not make me a milking cow. Take, for example, the case of a Chinese man taking up with a Thai woman. The average income for a Chinese woman is less than that for a Thai woman. Should the Chinese man not contribute for that reason?

Because Thailand is not a nanny state, there is no obligation on me to support a partner's family. There may be on her, and since I would be with someone who either has grown up children or wants no children, then there would be no reason why she shouldnt' work and fulfill that obligation.

ludditeman said I agree, Thailand is not the right place for you, you would be unhappy here.

You agree with me? I didn't say that it wasn't the right place for me or that I would be unhappy there.

Sorry you find my comments arrogant and offensive but I have an arrogant and offensive personality. It is obvious from reading this thread that I am not the only one who holds my opinions.

Anyone who is not mind locked into a Western mentality and who has lived in Thailand for a while realizes that because Thailand is a not a nanny state and they live in Thailand they have to adapt to that fact.

I think it is nutty to take a Thai woman out of Thailand, so if you plan on having a Thai woman that entails you moving to Thailand. If you move to Thailand you will have to adapt to Thailand and not Thailand adapt to you.

The average wage thing is something to consider. I wonder if you realize what 9000 baht really buys.

I have done it both ways. Now I have a woman half my age plus 7 years who works 12 hours a day 6 days a week and makes a good wage, far above average. I have also lived with a younger woman who I asked to quit her job and I paid her 9000 baht a month to live with me. On a practical level now I like my free time but can't travel or do exactly what I want because she has work responsibilities.

The 9000 baht is not really a lot of money to me and it took care of the younger woman's personal needs and family responsibilities.

I don't know if you would be happy in Thailand you seem to want your own cultural standards confirmed as existing in Thailand rather than look at it from an objective point of view. That is typical of a lot of TV posters. They ask a question and when the old hands answer the question in terms outside of their cultural experience they react with derision. So in fact you are not asking a question you are asking people to agree with your Australian view of life transposed to Thailand and tell you it is the same.

Thailand is not the same as Australia. Thailand is taking care of family responsibilities and in Australia it is being a milking cow.

In the future in hopes of securing the information you require it might be better to preface your posts with, "I am an Australian who believes in Australian values and I seek people who agree with my world view of Thailand after experiencing the country for three weeks." This would give you information you agree with and create less conflict.

I agree that if you come to Thailand to live then you need to adapt to Thai culture. But that doesn't mean you have to accept everything. I'm from the UK and there are even things in UK culture that I don't agree with and don't have anything to do with. So, yes it's true that if you want a Thai GF then you need to take Thai culture into account. But the TGF is also getting a farang BF, so she should also take Western culture into account. It's about two people coming together and working out what's best for them as a couple. If they can't reach some kind of compromise, then the relationship is doomed. But for farangs who want everything to be done the Western way, then I just don't know why they are here.

Many posters are going on about not having a legal or moral duty to pay for family, etc. No, you don't. But wouldn't you help out a best mate who was down on his luck? Do you have a legal or moral duty to help him? What's the difference? If you can help people that are worse off than you then you should. It has got nothing to do with morals or legality. It's about compassion. If you are too tight to help a poor family then you don't deserve a decent gf. What decent girl would want a bf like that?

If I had a well off long-term gf and my parents were almost destitute, I'd be appalled if she didn't offer to help at all. If you have money, then share it. I don't mean you have to buy the parents a new car or a new house, but offering a little help if you can afford it is normal. I have mates back in the UK that I almost always buy drinks for, because they don't have much money. It's normal to help out the less well off all over the world.

Edited October 16, 2011 by w11guy

[w11guy]

I'm with you rgs2001uk. If a girl/woman wants to support her parents/family, she can do it, but I wouldn't be getting involved.

Why? Aren't you bothered about the people she loves? Seems very selfish to me.

No more selfish than her thinking that a farang partner should support her parents/family!!

This:

A couple of years ago there was a survey, conducted by the Nation Newspaper, throughout the Isarn region. Aproximately 1100 single ladies, of varying ages, were asked if they would consider marrying a farang. A high percentage - more than eighty percent - answered in the affirmative. The ladies were also asked why they would prefer to marry a farang and almost all of them replied along the lines that it would "improve their lives" or "some of their friends have a farang husband and they've got a nice house and lot's of nice appliances." Now I know that a partial survey like this is only just that, a partial survey, and it may not tell the broader picture. However, even if you extrapolate it to fifty percent of the general populace it's not very encouraging if you're a farang. You've got to give them credit at least for setting their stalls out. However, don't ever think that silly little thing called love is a primary concern, because it's not. Family and money come first and you fit in somewhere down the line. If you believe that it's something other than this then you are deluding yourself.

Now I know there's going to be a number fellows who'll come on here and tell me that I've got it wrong because they've made good choices and they aren't supporting their wives family. To you I say well done, you chose wisely. But the fact is that there's alot that don't choose wisely. And the stories we see on here, and various other Thai blogs, are a testament to that. At the end of the day though who's fault is it that the poor old naive farang gets taken to the cleaners? Well, I apportion blame to both parties; the farang for not doing his due diligence and often being in too much of a hurry to marry a tilac, and the lady for not exactly being up front about her intentions from the start. How many guys do you think would take up with a local lass if she was to come out and say right from the start that she was looking for financial support for herself, her children from marriage to a previous Thai partner, and her family back at the village. I bet you most guys, if they were informed of this right from the beginning, would be out of there fairly quickly. I'd be intersted to know what percentage of farang, in a relationship with a Thai lady, are in a mutually beneficial situation? How many have actually got a partner that helps create income? I would bet it's not many. From what I've seen it's almost always a one way flow; from you to them. The other thing to consider is how many Thai men would support his partners family and/or another mans children? I bet I know what the answer to that is as well. Don't be fooled, providing for your Thai partners family isn't your duty. It maybe something you do as a favour but don't be hoodwinked into thinking that it's something that you are culturally bound to do.

And this:

As a wise friend told me many years ago, when I first arrived in this fair land, stay single for the first two years you are here. Look around, learn and understand how things work. Don't rush into any relationship with a Thai woman and, most importantly, learn the language so that you can communicate and listen to what they're saying about you.

And if you asked women from an extremely deprived area of the US or UK if they would marry a foreigner than I'm sure you'd get similar results. If you are extremely poor then it is just common sense that security has to be one of your main priorities.

Also, many farang men on her accuse Thai women of putting money before love, but that is exactly what the farang men are doing. If love is more important, then why are you so concerned about your money. Give it all away and find true love. Many farang men on here are so obsessed with not giving away a single baht that it seems to me that it is them that puts money first, not the Thai women. For many of you it seems like you can't adapt to the culture at all. So why are you still here? Go back to your own culture and then you won't have to support any family.

The final point is that most of you base all your knowledge and belief on the experiences you have with a few bar girls. Not all Thai women are bar girls. Perhaps you all need to get out and meet some other women. Then you might have a clearer picture of how things actually work here.

[poanoi]

Those over 50 can consider them-self lucky that thai woman are greedy,

-why else would a 30 year old woman bother or be attracted ?

white skin ? good heart ? gimme a break

Edited October 16, 2011 by poanoi

[kerryk]

Those over 50 can consider them-self lucky that thai woman are greedy,

-why else would a 30 year old woman bother or be attracted ?

white skin ? good heart ? gimme a break

Maybe she reads the posts of the under 50 year old guys on Thai Visa.

[MEGALITHIC]

And if you asked women from an extremely deprived area of the US or UK if they would marry a foreigner than I'm sure you'd get similar results. If you are extremely poor then it is just common sense that security has to be one of your main priorities.

Also, many farang men on her accuse Thai women of putting money before love, but that is exactly what the farang men are doing. If love is more important, then why are you so concerned about your money. Give it all away and find true love. Many farang men on here are so obsessed with not giving away a single baht that it seems to me that it is them that puts money first, not the Thai women. For many of you it seems like you can't adapt to the culture at all. So why are you still here? Go back to your own culture and then you won't have to support any family.

The final point is that most of you base all your knowledge and belief on the experiences you have with a few bar girls. Not all Thai women are bar girls. Perhaps you all need to get out and meet some other women. Then you might have a clearer picture of how things actually work here.

No, we're not putting money before love, we're putting common sense before love. That's seems to be a concept that you can't quite grasp. There are lot's of sentimental individuals out there living in your little mills and boon world and prattling on about love. Sorry but I put integrity and honesty above love because without that, love doesn't exist. Prove to me otherwise? If you're quite happy supporting your wifes extended family then good for you but don't come on here trying BS that it's some kind cultural requirement or necessity for a farang to be in a relationship with a Thai woman because it's not. IT's something we might do as a favour and nothing more.

If you're so certain of your understanding of Thai culture, tell me why many Thai men don't bother providing ongoing financial support for their wives families? I'll tell you why old sport, because they've already paid a sin sot that's why. And that's why the responsibility of taking care of the parents always comes back on the daughters. You seem to be making great issue of telling us how wonderfully generous Thai people are. Really? Please provide us with a list of Thai people you know wh've recently bought a farang a house, a car, and who are providing a farangs with monthly stipends? Can you also tell me why 5% of the Thai population have 95% of the wealth of this country while the other 95% are living on, or about, the poverty line. How come the wealthy 5% aren't taking care of the needy 95%? It looks as though your understanding of Thailand, and Thai culture, is not all that it's cracked up to be. Perhaps you're the one that need to go back to where you come from?

I'll leave you with something that a Thai Hiso lady told me some time ago: "hiso and low so is a fact of life in Thailand. We grow up knowing this. It's just not politically correct to say so" Make of that what you will

Edited October 17, 2011 by sbk
try not to screw up the quotes

[luckizuchinni]

The girls that spoke English have been rented many times before.

TLL is 90% working girls.

What a weird contention.

I used TLL (and Matematcher before that), and not one of the women I met were "working girls," in the vernacular. Oh, all except one had jobs, so they worked, but those jobs were with established companies. I will admit that one possibly worked some in the entertainment industry, but the rest, including my now-wife, did not.

[IanForbes]

This thread has actually been a good discussion with a lot of reasonable replies from many different perspectives. I actually think a lot of us agree, but from slightly different points of view. Nobody wants to be treated like an ATM machine, but we are willing to help where help is truly needed. Vistors to Thailand eventually get hardened to the differences between the western world and what goes on regularly in this country of real and fake smiles. We can feel sorry for the beggers and children in the street, but still ignore their pleas for money. Someone mentioned "choices" and that really is the key. We can choose to do whatever suits us and live with the consequences. I've listened to the sad stories told by the ladies of the night, and where these women were not trying to scam me, I don't doubt that many of the stories are true because I've seen the genuine tears. I've helped more than a few, but only because I knew they actually needed the help and would ease some of the pain. I've done it to make ME feel good and not because of some altruistic reason, or because I was being scammed. As someone else mentioned, it's no different than helping a good friend with no expectation of anything in return. It's just the decent thing to do.

[Berkshire]

Can you also tell me why 5% of the Thai population have 95% of the wealth of this country while the other 95% are living on, or about, the poverty line. How come the wealthy 5% aren't taking care of the needy 95%?

Well it's 1% of the population screwing the other 99% in the USA...or so I'm told by some "occupy" dudes. Perhaps you can explain why the 1% of Americans aren't taking care of the needy 99%. It's not really a Thai thing, is it?

[Payboy]

Those over 50 can consider them-self lucky that thai woman are greedy,

-why else would a 30 year old woman bother or be attracted ?

white skin ? good heart ? gimme a break

Maybe she reads the posts of the under 50 year old guys on Thai Visa.

Ouch, heartless!

[ludditeman]

The girls that spoke English have been rented many times before.

TLL is 90% working girls.

What a weird contention.

I used TLL (and Matematcher before that), and not one of the women I met were "working girls," in the vernacular. Oh, all except one had jobs, so they worked, but those jobs were with established companies. I will admit that one possibly worked some in the entertainment industry, but the rest, including my now-wife, did not.

I'm sure all your girlfriends were different.

[Berkshire]

The girls that spoke English have been rented many times before.

TLL is 90% working girls.

What a weird contention.

I used TLL (and Matematcher before that), and not one of the women I met were "working girls," in the vernacular. Oh, all except one had jobs, so they worked, but those jobs were with established companies. I will admit that one possibly worked some in the entertainment industry, but the rest, including my now-wife, did not.

Unfortunately, ludditeman makes a valid point. There are exceptions, certainly. But if you were to assume that every English-speaking Thai girl you come into contact with has questionable intentions, you'd be right a majority of the time. I would not make that same generalization about the vast majority of Thai girls who don't speak English.

[kerryk]

Can you also tell me why 5% of the Thai population have 95% of the wealth of this country while the other 95% are living on, or about, the poverty line. How come the wealthy 5% aren't taking care of the needy 95%?

Well it's 1% of the population screwing the other 99% in the USA...or so I'm told by some "occupy" dudes. Perhaps you can explain why the 1% of Americans aren't taking care of the needy 99%. It's not really a Thai thing, is it?

I pondered that 95% to 5% thing and I too wondered why the Americans did not help one another. Then I thought about Britain and what they did when the serfs began to get rowdy. They sent them to Australia for a while. Then I wondered how the wealth was distributed in Australia and why Australia of all countries considering their historical make up would allow that.

I think perhaps the more cogent point is the difference in years removed from a feudal society. In Thailand it is only 100 years and in the US, well there never really was a feudal society but it has been more than a couple of hundred years in the UK.

Class warfare occurred in most countries but not always violently. When the upper class gets entirely out of touch and tells the population to eat cake if they run out of bread it is time for a change.

The President of one nation's wife spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on a birthday party when millions are out of work is probably not a good idea and shows little knowledge of the French revolution.

I doubt if most Americans or Brits would shed many tears if the guillotine was brought back and everyone in politics made its acquaintance. I don't think Thais feel the same way yet. They are still too close to feudalism.

[theblether]

I've dated a couple of hundred women in my time, I don't know exactly how many but it's in that area. I've dated women from about twenty countries, and a fair few religions and levels of society.

I can remember very very few that did not love their parents deeply, and care deeply about the well-being of their family.

When I was married there were a few times I had to help my Mother-In-Law out, never for a vast amount of money and to be honest I was very pleased to do so as she was amazing with my kids.

So the concept of having a Thai girlfriend, ( as I have ) that keeps in mind the needs of her mother is no shock to me. I don't mind, in fact I enjoy helping out, and in particular I like watching my gf and her mums faces when I take them to places together that they could only dream of.

However!! To me it is all a question of scale, some of the requests I've seen granted to Thai girls by my ex-pat pals are quite frankly ridiculous. Who in their right mind is going to buy a house they can never legally own and give it to a girl that they hardly know? ( at this point old hand Thaivisa members can fill in the names of guys they know that done exactly just that, and it's a long long list ).

I would suggest the concept of helping out parents is a worldwide phenomenon, the only difference here in Thailand is that someone has sprinkled some loony tune dust that makes some normally sane men make insane decisions.

ps If you ever hear of me buying my Thai gf a house, shoot me......I'll deserve it.

Edited October 18, 2011 by theblether

[IanForbes]

Good post, theblether. I feel exactly the same. If I was a billionare I guess I would buy homes for people I only had a passing interest in, but billionares don't get rich by giving their money away while they are still making it. Bill Gates has given away millions of dollars, but only to things he feels are worthwhile. In my own little way I like to help out, but only because it makes me feel good to do so, and I don't want anything in return. It is when you give and expect something in return that you start to have problems. You can't buy love, but having enough money does make things much easier.

[theblether]

Good post, theblether. I feel exactly the same. If I was a billionare I guess I would buy homes for people I only had a passing interest in, but billionares don't get rich by giving their money away while they are still making it. Bill Gates has given away millions of dollars, but only to things he feels are worthwhile. In my own little way I like to help out, but only because it makes me feel good to do so, and I don't want anything in return. It is when you give and expect something in return that you start to have problems. You can't buy love, but having enough money does make things much easier.

Your right about you can't buy love...........I wish people would remember that. The laws of human nature apply virtually everywhere in the world. My gf recently recounted the following story to me.......she had been talking to another girl from her village just outside Chiang Mai and the girl said.......

" I hear you have a farang boyfriend?"

" Correct "

" What has he bought you? "

[IanForbes]

Your right about you can't buy love...........I wish people would remember that. The laws of human nature apply virtually everywhere in the world. My gf recently recounted the following story to me.......she had been talking to another girl from her village just outside Chiang Mai and the girl said.......

" I hear you have a farang boyfriend?"

" Correct "

" What has he bought you? "

That is only to be expected. Women are not stupid... but many men are. You can't blame women for noticing what happens around them and wanting the same. They see with their own eyes these men who try to buy love with some pretty young thing that is 30 years his junior. The see their friends on the chat lines who have several men lined up and thinking they are the only one. It is mostly the men's own fault. Unfortunately, men LIKE being the white knight in shining armour come to rescue the beautiful maiden in distress. I know, I'm not much different.

[luckizuchinni]

The girls that spoke English have been rented many times before.

TLL is 90% working girls.

What a weird contention.

I used TLL (and Matematcher before that), and not one of the women I met were "working girls," in the vernacular. Oh, all except one had jobs, so they worked, but those jobs were with established companies. I will admit that one possibly worked some in the entertainment industry, but the rest, including my now-wife, did not.

I'm sure all your girlfriends were different.

My point is that they were not different. Your point was that 90% were hookers. And I contend that that is ridiculous.

I had my suspicions on some women who wrote me. So guess what? I never went out with them. One or two raised my radar on the first date. So guess what? I never went out with them again.

I "dated" or more maybe 6 or 7 women before I got married. And except for one, I knew where they worked. I took them there at times and picked them up after work. Two worked for the government and the rest for companies. I went to weddings with their fellow workers. I went to parties. I ended up selling our product to one of the women's company. So yes, I am very confident that none were hookers, part-time or not. One didn't have a job, and she could have been, though, even if I saw no evidence of it.

So in my opinion, your 90% figure is off, significantly so. I think you have a wrong idea on the subject.

Now I did go out with a hooker. I met her at one of the biggest massage parlors when taken there by Thai friends. And she was great, in every way. I wasn't divorced yet (still in the legal process) and yes, I was worrying about her background, but it is still a regret that I dropped her when she wanted to marry. I love my wife now, but I do think back on the other one. So my point here is that I am not knocking all professional girls. I had a relationship with one. But the fact of the matter is that of the women I dated from Matematcher and TLL, only one could possibly have been in the business (not saying she was, just that she could have been.) But the rest were positively not in the biz.

[IanForbes]

I would agree with you, luckizuchinni, but it depends on WHERE the farang meets the lady. If it's Pattaya, Patpong, patong beach, or Nana Plaza then Ludditeman is probably correct. Again, who cares? Lots of hookers change if they meet the right man. I know at least 4 and maybe 5 guys who have ex-hookers as wives and they've all been happily married for at least 8 years. I don't know any hard and fast rule where you can determine that one woman is bad and another is good.

[rusty1976]

Lots of hookers change if they meet the right man. I know at least 4 and maybe 5 guys who have ex-hookers as wives and they've all been happily married for at least 8 years.

With bar girls or hookers, I think once they past their prime then they look to settle down... the 19 to 25 year olds would rather work the bars and stay in thailand near the family or within a 5 hour bus trip. One of my first ladies I met was 28, she wanted a visa and did want to stay with me in Australia, unfortunately I was the bigger butterfly back then (works both ways).. She has since married a bloke from Denmark and they have had a kid, I am happy for her.

You can meet nice girls in pattaya, I have before... When staying long term or short term for that matter in thailand you can fall into the trap of wanting more than one lady very easily.

Edited October 19, 2011 by rusty1976

[luckizuchinni]

Lots of hookers change if they meet the right man. I know at least 4 and maybe 5 guys who have ex-hookers as wives and they've all been happily married for at least 8 years.

With bar girls or hookers, I think once they past their prime then they look to settle down... the 19 to 25 year olds would rather work the bars and stay in thailand near the family or within a 5 hour bus trip. One of my first ladies I met was 28, she wanted a visa and did want to stay with me in Australia, unfortunately I was the bigger butterfly back then (works both ways).. She has since married a bloke from Denmark and they have had a kid, I am happy for her.

You can meet nice girls in pattaya, I have before... When staying long term or short term for that matter in thailand you can fall into the trap of wanting more than one lady very easily.

Could be true. The one woman who was in the biz that I dated was 29. She had been using her job to become a mia noi of a series of high-powered people in government, but now, as 30 years old was looming, wanted a husband, home, and kids. She ended up marrying a guy from New Zealand and now has at least one kid with him down in Australia. From a mutual friend, I have heard that she is fairly happy now.

[veryruay]

Op, I enjoyed reading your story though. But my suggestions to you............. you stated, you are looking for a sexy and charming one, that showed that you are not really looking into a "serious" relationship or a long term one. If you are, why are looks and sexy figure so important?

Frankly, you are already 60 yo, I can tell you , whether are you good looking or not, you will not find a Thai lady of your expectation to be in REAL love with you. Alternately, perhaps a Thai lady around your age , it a little easier to find. I don't mean to be mean, your post seems like you are looking more to a 5eX partner rather than a companion. My suggestion, no one will want you but only your money ( if you have a lot ) ..........

Make it this way, pay each time for a short term "love" or overnight, this will make you happier, you are allowed to choose how sexy, how charming with many thousands of Thai Baht shown. Do it this way, there are many waiting for you!!! This way, you can change partner almost everyday, perfect right?

[theblether]

OP, It is possible to get a middle ground. How about just showing up, getting into the ex-pat bars, finding your feet, settling in and seeing how the land lies. I'm quite sure the ladies are prepared to wait for you.

I remember three bits of advice I picked up quickly.

1. Never " date " the girls in the bar closest to your home, unless you like running the gauntlet that will surely follow.

2. Never short time a girl 3 days in succession, she'll decide that she is your girlfriend.

3. Your first Thai girlfriend is always the hardest to get rid of.

Personally, I decided early on that the bar girls were not for me. I wouldn't remotely consider a hooker as being a good life partner in the UK so I can't see much hope of a different outcome in Thailand. ( I know there are exceptions to the rule but the clue is in the word......" exceptions ".)

There are plenty of good girls in Thailand, especially in their thirties and above, who have been abandoned by their husband, boyfriend etc. There are plenty of girls who have never ever been part of the bar scene and would rather die than be part of it. If you want proof of that, have a look at the amount of beautiful girls working in the markets, 7/11, hotels etc that are on 5 or 6,000 baht a month, and they know they could sell there bodies for a fortune more, but they would never do it.

Many of these girls will notice you, and if you are seen with a procession of bar girls hanging off you they will mark you off as being just another bad farang. If you become known for being gentlemanly, well dressed, well mannered and respectful, you will find these girls starting to talk to you. You're surrounded by them, we all are. Many of them own the little cafe's, hairdressing salons etc, that you will frequent or pass every day.

Be smart and dress smart, there is nothing attractive in seeing crinkly old men turn up in decent bars wearing shorts and athletics tops. These same guys would never dream of looking as slovenly in social company in their own countries. I can guarantee you will drop faster than a stone in the estimation of all Thais if you take to doing that. Normally Thais are adept at being polite to your face but all old hands here will also tell you they can be searing about you behind your back.

I sometimes wish that I couldn't understand Thai as some of the comments I hear about farangs would make the devil himself blush.

So in summary, I suggest you forget about internet dating, just show up, spend time getting to know your way around, and making new friends in the ex-pat community, dress smartly, be a gentleman, and something good will come your way..........and if you feel a need to sample the bar girls, keep them well away from your home circle.

[poanoi]

Many of these girls will notice you' date=' and if you are seen with a procession of bar girls hanging off you they will mark you off as being just another bad farang. If you become known for being gentlemanly, well dressed, well mannered and respectful, you will find these girls starting to talk to you. You're surrounded by them, we all are. Many of them own the little cafe's, hairdressing salons etc, that you will frequent or pass every day.[/quote']

Yep, that is the truth.