Irishmen and work safety

Paddy and Seamus landed themselves a job at the local sawmill. Just before morning tea Paddy yelped, "Seamus, I've lost me bleedin finger!!!"

"Have you now?" says Seamus, "And how did you do it?"

"Well, I just touched this big spinning thing here like thi...Oh Christ, there goes another one!!!"

Italian Teacher

"Emma come first.

Den I come.

Den two asses come together.

I come once-a-more.

Two asses, they come together again.

I come again and pee twice.

Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed swine, " retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man.

"Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella Mississippi."

Hand-me-downs

A Palestinian girl says to her mommy, "After Abdul blows up, can I have his room?"

Me First

An Englishman, a Canadian, and an American were kidnapped. The kidnapper said "Before I shoot you you will be alowed last words."

The Englishman replied, "I wish to speak of the loyalty and service to the crown."

The Canadian replied, "Since you are involved in a question of national purpose, national identity, and secession, I wish to talk about the history of constitutional process in Canada, special status, distinct society, and uniqueness within diversity."

The American replied, "Just shoot me before the Canadian starts talking."

En Garde!

How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris?

Nobody knows, it's never been tried.

Too much work

Why don't South Africans go elephant hunting anymore?

It was a b1tch lugging the decoys around.

Oink

A Cuban goes into a bar carrying a pig under his arm. The bartender looks at them and says, "Where did you get that swine?"

The pig replies, "I won him in a raffle."

How do you sink a Norweigen submarine?

Swim down and knock on the door.

I am deeply offended, please stop offending me, cos my sides are hurting from laughing

Edited November 20, 200520 yr by andyfletch