PattaniMan Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 I'd be interested in hearing feedback from men who have enjoyed (and still do enjoy) successful long term relationships with their Thai wives, partners or girlfriends. I think the keys to success are much the same as they are back home: 1. similar educational background 2. similar interests / shared interests 3. similar outlook on life 4. reasonable age difference (5-10 years if the guy is between 30 and 45; 10-15 years if the guy is between 45 and 60; 15-20 years if the guy is over 60). Maybe one day soon I will get married, so I'd like to hear any success stories that you guys may want to share. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mca Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 You could add similar social background to that list. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mahtin Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 You could add similar social background to that list. 1 grandfather a poacher and the other a cop; my social background has ensured 13 years and still with mine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villagefarang Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 (edited) After fourteen years together I am not convinced it is the resume that is so important. In my experience it is other more intangible elements that go into making a successful longterm relationship. She was 23 and I was 43 when we met. From a girl of 23 to now a woman of 37, she continues to amaze me and bring joy to my life. On paper we never should have made a go of it but here we are. Edited November 19, 2011 by villagefarang Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samuian Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 As long as the chosen partner is a "normal human being" with a "normal background", no matter what education, no matter what nationality, a relationship should not be much overcast by any doom and loom, but then one always knows better after ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mahtin Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 Careful where you shoot, or it's fruit of the loom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ludditeman Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 I've done it all wrong then, in a successful relationship (I think) 1) She is a farm girl, left school age 13, I have postgraduate 2) We share no interests, I'm into outdoor pursuits, she likes Thai soaps 3) We do have a similar outlook on life, we're both not really bothered about anything 4) 20 year age difference Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaimate Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 She went to high school and worked in her sisters restaurant ,her familly are decent hard working,two of her sisters married into money (thai/chinese) she is 22 years younger than me ,we go everywhere together and have a 17 year old son who will soon go to university. we are happier now than at the start ,it gets better all the time ,i have been married twice before to younger women ,they were good as well. its just a matter of being with someone who has had a decent upbringing and wants to make it work ,no matter where they or you come from. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zerothai Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 (edited) If we are speaking about regular Thai girls, then simply the usual things you would need with any other woman on the world: similar educational / interests and most important similar life overview If we are speaking about: I've done it all wrong then, in a successful relationship (I think) 1) She is a farm girl, left school age 13, I have postgraduate 2) We share no interests, I'm into outdoor pursuits, she likes Thai soaps 3) We do have a similar outlook on life, we're both not really bothered about anything 4) 20 year age difference then only she is an orphan with no sisters, brothers, childrens or any relative (extend "relative" to any remaining thai people on her life, including buffalos and pets), with no any thai ex-boyfriend, farang ex-boyfriend, worked on the industry for less than 3 weeks, have no tattoo, cannot speak "I love you" in more than 2 languages and don't have a facebook or any other social network account Or if you have an almost endless income, this works too usually Edited November 19, 2011 by Zerothai Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeavyDrinker Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 I think the keys to success are much the same as they are back home: Indeed. I think you have almost answered your own post here already! Apply common sense. If it looks like it's going to be nothing more than a financial agreement, get out of it and try again... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
richard_smith237 Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 All the successful relationships I know of contain one key aspect... Mutual respect.... When that is genuine nothing else matters too much. Most of the successful relationships I know of are where the couple are of a similar age, similar socio-economic and educational background... These relationships could still go pear shaped... I also know of successful relationships where the couple are from very different backgrounds... From what I see, there really is no hard and fast rule apart from the mutual respect part... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robblok Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 All the successful relationships I know of contain one key aspect... Mutual respect.... When that is genuine nothing else matters too much. Most of the successful relationships I know of are where the couple are of a similar age, similar socio-economic and educational background... These relationships could still go pear shaped... I also know of successful relationships where the couple are from very different backgrounds... From what I see, there really is no hard and fast rule apart from the mutual respect part... Why would you be in a relation if you dont respect the other person or vice versa. I think that is a normal thing to expect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ludditeman Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 Why would you be in a relation if you dont respect the other person or vice versa. I think that is a normal thing to expect. Good sex? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GooEng Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 a mia-noy who's a good listener Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PattaniMan Posted November 19, 2011 Author Share Posted November 19, 2011 After fourteen years together I am not convinced it is the resume that is so important. In my experience it is other more intangible elements that go into making a successful longterm relationship. She was 23 and I was 43 when we met. From a girl of 23 to now a woman of 37, she continues to amaze me and bring joy to my life. On paper we never should have made a go of it but here we are. I think intangibles include relative maturity. My guess is that you were a young 43 year-old and she was a very mature 23 year-old. Another factor is control. Not all men want to be the boss. I've done it all wrong then, in a successful relationship (I think)1) She is a farm girl, left school age 13, I have postgraduate 2) We share no interests, I'm into outdoor pursuits, she likes Thai soaps 3) We do have a similar outlook on life, we're both not really bothered about anything 4) 20 year age difference How long have the two of you been together? And what keeps you together? When you say she's not really bothered about anything, do you mean she's lazy or unambitious or just laid back? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moonrakers Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 (edited) Why would you be in a relation if you dont respect the other person or vice versa. I think that is a normal thing to expect. Good sex? Any sex, for some. Edited November 19, 2011 by Moonrakers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brewsterbudgen Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 (edited) I'm not sure what constitutes "successful", but I've been with my Lao girlfriend for over 2 years despite there being a 30 year age gap. She also (unsurprisingly) comes from a very poor background and I met her in Pattaya. If it lasts any longer, I'll let you know the secret. Edited November 19, 2011 by brewsterbudgen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boksida Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 I don't get what all this stuff is about Thai wives. Women are women and I don't think it matters where they come from if you are compatible. I've been married for 33 years and it is the only marriage for both of us. A lot of my contemporaries have got us beat for longevity. Our kids are grown up and moved away and we play up like second hand lawn mowers - we would be out at social events with friends at least three nights a week. It just keeps getting better. I had spent about 7 years here before taking the plunge, so if I did not know what I was looking for, I at least knew what to avoid. I think I last saw my mother-in-law in 1984. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theblether Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 Take the time at the beginning to find out what she is looking for from life, and making sure that is what you want too. So if your lady says she wants to live in a backwoods village and support her parents you better be ok with that from the off. Equally if she wants international travel and to live in your home country with you then the same applies. A lot of the problems start as soon as you know your agendas are not compatible. I think you'll find that is the same worldwide but it is magnified when you are dealing with a culture as unique as Thailand,s. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PattaniMan Posted November 19, 2011 Author Share Posted November 19, 2011 I'm not sure what constitutes "successful", but I've been with my Lao girlfriend for over 2 years despite there being a 30 year age gap. She also (unsurprisingly) comes from a very poor background and I met her in Pattaya. If it lasts any longer, I'll let you know the secret. By "successful", I'm talking ten years plus, children, shared assets, mutual respect, healthy sex life, etc etc. Take the time at the beginning to find out what she is looking for from life, and making sure that is what you want too. So if your lady says she wants to live in a backwoods village and support her parents you better be ok with that from the off.Equally if she wants international travel and to live in your home country with you then the same applies. A lot of the problems start as soon as you know your agendas are not compatible. I think you'll find that is the same worldwide but it is magnified when you are dealing with a culture as unique as Thailand,s. Good advice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Banzai99 Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 You could add similar social background to that list. Coming from a council estate and running away from the law, evading child support and ripping off the credit cards and banks for loans that were never intended to be Paid back ? Or, he met her in a bar, then again, that's where she met him also, in my experience, that's where most Farangs meet women, I know, I have a bar and I see it every day and have done for over 20 years. All except ThaiVisa members of course, they all have university educated Thai women 30 years younger than they are, from rich and powerful families. ThaiVisa members are a unique bunch, where else can you meet so many Farangs that have rich and powerful family connections, yet none can ever help you out....lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flying Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 (edited) All the successful relationships I know of contain one key aspect... Mutual respect.... When that is genuine nothing else matters too much. +1 Why would you be in a relation if you dont respect the other person or vice versa. I think that is a normal thing to expect. The problem is many start to take that for granted & let the respect deteriorate or lose it all together for various reasons/complaints. Edited November 19, 2011 by flying Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JAG Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 Love her and care for her! All you can do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
travelmann Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 (edited) Mine was a bargirl paid for indefinite leave 6 years ago she had 5 kids I had none she had no money I had loads my interests were saving hers spending I had a Msc she left school at 12, ok she has a lot of Brothers round to stay but we're still together although the account is dwindling am sure we'll be ok. Edited November 19, 2011 by travelmann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
outofoz Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 Mine was a bargirl paid for indefinite leave 6 years ago she had 5 kids I had none she had no money I had loads my interests were saving hers spending I had a Msc she left school at 12, ok she has a lot of Brothers round to stay but we're still together although the account is dwindling am sure we'll be ok. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
richard_smith237 Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 All the successful relationships I know of contain one key aspect... Mutual respect.... When that is genuine nothing else matters too much. Most of the successful relationships I know of are where the couple are of a similar age, similar socio-economic and educational background... These relationships could still go pear shaped... I also know of successful relationships where the couple are from very different backgrounds... From what I see, there really is no hard and fast rule apart from the mutual respect part... Why would you be in a relation if you dont respect the other person or vice versa. I think that is a normal thing to expect. Good point. I wouldn’t be in a relationship without genuine respect. As you pointed out robblok, it is a normal thing to give and expect in a genuine relationship. I suspect the issue with a lot of failed relationships between Westerners and Thai ladies is that the boundaries of ‘normal’ become blurred and those involved have the tendancy to pull the wool over their own eyes…. When hope and flattery trumps logic, abnormal becomes accepted as normal genuine respect is eventually lost. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ludditeman Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 The only reason any fully functional male has a 'relationship' with another person is for sex. Self delusion is a wonderful thing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
richard_smith237 Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 The only reason any fully functional male has a 'relationship' with another person is for sex. Self delusion is a wonderful thing! Pretty small box you have wrapped things up in there Ludditeman... What if she's a good cook too ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
South Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 Coming up 23 years .... she makes more than me, I spend the most - best friends we are. We both have respect, not only for each other but pretty much everyone. Are we the same? Yes and no - but it seems to be a formula that works. I like going out, she doesn't ... perfect! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaimate Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 The only reason any fully functional male has a 'relationship' with another person is for sex. Self delusion is a wonderful thing! I was like you when i was in my 20s you must have some really shallow relationships. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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