Thai Married And Living In Non-English Speaking Country. Let'S Discuss!

[IsaanUSA]

I was reading the "Asian Wife as they Grow Older" thread, but seems it is mostly about English speaking farangs married and living in Thailand.

I would like to ask the members of Thai Visa about marriage between a Thai and Farang, but I'm wondering more about the Thai living abroad and even more wondering about non-native English speaking countries. I suppose that would mostly be other European nations.

I have a few Thai friends married to Americans and Brits, and one with an Aussie boyfriend. The Thais speak decent English, and their SO speaks native English. There are still some communication issues due to language, but since they can at least understand English I feel they are able to integrate into England/USA better. I think typically the farang does not speak any Thai at the time of marriage and the Thai only knows a few phrases of the farang's language. Ich Liebe Dich

1) Thai's living abroad. The weather is unpleasant for 5 months. The food is not so tasty. Everything is structured, time is to be kept, and deadlines followed. Signs are in a different language. Cannot drive because driving style is so different. Miss the family back home. Miss the family back home. Miss the family back home. Must depend on your marriage partner for support. Depend on your marriage partner for language, money, transportation, for everything. Hard to meet people. Difficult to find work because of immigrant status and local unemployment rate. The culture is completely different than Thailand.

2) The Thai has spent years learning English at a Thai university or private classes, and would get along fine with English speaking people. The farang has spent years learning English in high school and university, and would get along fine with English speaking people. However the couple's styles of learning may be different, their vocabulary different, and their accents different. The Thai and farang can communicate okay together with their second language, but nowhere near perfectly. Possibly difficult to express feelings/emotions.

Inter-racial couples have additional problems. Inter-cultural couples have even more problems. Gays, probably even more. But then we add on the fact that English is both person's second language. We add on the fact that we are taking the Thai out of their culture and transplanting them into Farang culture.

How do these marriages work out over time?

I would assume the Thai would gradually learn their partner's language. I would hope the partner would pick up some Thai language. I would assume there would be an annual or semi-annual trip to Thailand to visit family.

If the Thai cannot find work, do they resent not being able to send money home?

If children are involved, does the Thai resent the child not speaking Thai?

What if the farang has no desire to ever live in Thailand?

Do the winters wear down the Thai quickly?

Does lack of work bore them to death? Farang at work all day, Thai alone at home.

Does the cultural gap lower self esteem and cause the Thai to miss their homeland even more?

Do the annual trips to Thailand get harder and harder?

Does the farang resent having their money spent on frequent airline travel?

What are the secrets of success for these couples? Where do the failures occur most often?

I have seen a web forum for Thais married to Scandinavians, but it's all in Thai!

[IsaanUSA]

I should say, I'm hoping to hear more about couples that are closer in age, the farang works full time and they are both educated. Not interested in, "My buddy married a bar girl 20 years younger than him, took her to Spain, and they were divorced 8 months later" stories.

[IsaanUSA]

I guess I should have posted this in one of the main forums and not this "hidden" sub-forum.

[onionluke]

I am afraid all I can give you is a yes /no answer . Just make it up as you go along is my advise .

[taiwangirl]

Somewhat a tangent, and for that I apologize, but I have a good friend (Taiwanese) who married a German man. Part of the requirement to get German residency was to take extensive German classes and pass a test. She knew basically no German language prior to going there and it was very difficult for her initially - away from friends and family, not speaking the language (especially brought home at her wedding ceremony), etc.

However, at this point, they have two kids, she is virtually fluent in German and they are doing well together. Her husband knows little, if any, Chinese. They have tried to come back to Taiwan for a visit on a 1-2 year basis, but it does get harder as the kids get older and more involved in school and activities.

I think that anyone who moves to another country which utilizes their non-native language has difficulties, but even more so when the situation is as you describe.

[7by7]

I guess I should have posted this in one of the main forums and not this "hidden" sub-forum.

Not a marriage question per se, anyway; so moving to General; but as this is an English language forum you may not get many replies.

I appreciate that we have many members whose first language is not English, but I suspect that most of them live in Thailand. In the Visas forum we get very few enquiries about settlement in non Anglophone countries.

[dominique355]

About 13 years ago I got married to a Thai woman and soon after she moved to Switzerland to live with me. We lived there for 8 years and then moved together to live in Bangkok, where we are now.

You are quite correct in listing all these problems and I would believe that only a very open minded person with a good education and language skills will master life in Europe. Fortunately my wife had already a University degree and was (and still is) very open minded. She immediately enrolled in a German language school and very soon was able to communicate in German. Next step was to pass the Swiss driver's license, which she also did in record time and that's not an easy task. This gave her the freedom to drive around with her own car, anytime, anyplace.

In Switzerland are about 5,000 Thai women living, but my wife had little interest - fortunately - in their company. They few she had met were all a disappointment (cheating, lying, gambling etc). The good thing is that there are many shops selling all kind of Thai food. This allowed her to cook her beloved Thai food, whenever she (or I) felt like. But in general, she adapted very well to "farang" food, in fact she became an excellent cook for my beloved Italian food. (Her pizza is still the best by far!).

After 3 years of marriage our first son was born and that kept her busy, more than she ever imagined. Nevertheless, she spent every year at least 3 months in Thailand.

Sending money home has never been an issue and still isn't today.

There are prejudices all around the world against Thai woman, undeniable, Some people - perhaps from their own experience - believe every Thai woman is an ex bar girl. My wife suffered from this, but frankly speaking, this prejudice exists even here in Thailand against Thai women married to a farang. Especially from their fellow Thai citizens and hotel personnel.

With time we built our own circle of friends and don't take biased people so serious anymore.

Now, after 13 years of marriage we are still happy together. What's the secret? Our secret? An open mind on both sides, accepting different views and values, being objective about the good sides and the bad sided of both cultures... well frankly speaking, I don't know. Maybe I was just lucky.

[zzaa09]

Would be an interesting study and research project to corner the percentage of Western partners that don't comprehend their Thai wife's language and the percentile of Thai partners that are reasonably founded towards their Western husband's language.

I imagine the results could be embarrassing. Or not.

[thaiIand]

this is all speculative BS.

Your basis this on a bargirl with no education

An educated thai (not from a small university, im talking about a real educated thai just like us) who had a normal family growing up can easily adapt to learning a new language(and even then every first world countries have a lot of people who only speak english in them), are easily able to learn how to drive correctly as they are not from the uneducated and uncaring part of the thai society.

Also really stupid to assume that everyone hates cold weather. Winter is an amazing season if you're not a little febile little girl. Snow means fun with kids, skiing or snowboarding, ice skating and many other great sports with beautiful scenery.

My woman does not speak my language and when we moved to my country she didnt mind, she could still speak english with most people while learning the new language, she could actually go on the roads without a 30% chance of dying that day, she could eat better quality food at lower prices and shopping was a lot more fun. Also fun to know that for the price of a shitty trip in thailand to an island and small ugly resort she can take the plane and goto a 4-5star all included for a full week in a neighboring country(all included in thailand are 3 to 7x the price). I could og on and on. IF there is a problem of adaptation, you either took someone that only wanted security and money or you're with someone that would fail completely in a western elementary school because everything in thailand is available in your own country. Hell i had a small vietnamese shop 5mins from my house with every single thai product i could want.. most of them priced CHEAPER than in thailand.

Your post reminds me of the thai forum for my country. Most of the woman are miserable and lying about the difficulty of entering the country and to adapt to the live there. Then a few of them are very positive. The positive ones are proper educated women who had good careers in thailand. Of course most of the whining women were ladies of the night.

Edited January 14, 2012 by thaiIand

[zzaa09]

A high proper education doesn't guarantee any "right" and "correct" character and intelligence.....in anyone.

[theblether]

Its all down to the individual, I know of many British women that could not adapt to life i anglophone countries such as the US and Australia, they just missed home too much.

If your partner is genuinely interested and inquisitive, going to live in a new country is exciting and fascinating. I would say that you have to remember that your partner will need a lot of support and it should be kindly and generously given. Take the time to talk through the pros and cons before you go, and once you get there make sure that you keep in mind the needs of your partner.

You will then see a series of small victories and the occasional setback, but the victories make it all worthwhile. As for food, I know there are websites in the UK that specialise in Thai foods, the supermarkets these days have an excellent variety of fruits and vegetables, and just about every major city has a Chinese food wholesaler.

A little bit of forward planning goes a long way but primarily it all boils down to the personality of your partner in conjunction with how much support you will freely give.

[Kwasaki]

Could repeat the question again please.

[farang000999]

We live in Sunny Beautiful Florida. I don't know how anyone can stand living in Snow for 3-6 months of the year. It has always been a puzzle to me.

[Beetlejuice]

It`s probably much easier for a native English speaking farang to live and adapt to life in Thailand than it is for a Thai to live and adapt to life in an English speaking farang country.

In Thailand there is always someone somewhere that can speak basic English or able to somewhat communicate using even bad English and most road signs and labels on goods have an English language version, so the farang is still able to get by without having to speak, read or write in Thai or by just having a limited knowledge of Thai language.

For a Thai living in an English speaking country there are going to be very few people who can speak Thai with them and of course all the road signs and goods labels will be in English only. So in this case a Thai has the more difficult task of having to learn to speak, read and write in English a.s.a.p.

As for non-English and non-Thai speaking farangs living in Thailand I really do not know how they manage. The same could apply to a Thai who can speak English as a second language but moves to a non-English speaking farang country. I suppose it`s the same in every country that there is always going to be someone who speaks English or enough English to communicate, so even if the Thai can speak English as a second language they can still get by.

I think that for a Thai that cannot speak any other language other than Thai, then he/she is going to have an extremely difficult time trying to communicate abroad and I would equate this with farangs who have no knowledge of Thai or English living in Thailand.

[ludditeman]

this is all speculative BS.

Your basis this on a bargirl with no education

I know many bar girls who speak several languages rather well, usually much better that the supposedly educated Thai lady.

Languages include English, French, Swedish, German, Dutch.

Edited January 16, 2012 by 7by7
See my post below

[geriatrickid]

We live in Sunny Beautiful Florida. I don't know how anyone can stand living in Snow for 3-6 months of the year. It has always been a puzzle to me.

Sure. Wait until hurricane season. Remember Andrew? LOL

[IsaanUSA]

I would like to thank those of you that gave actual replies to the topic. Thank You

[7by7]

One post has been edited and several others have been removed.

This is a topic about Thais living in non-English speaking countries, not on whether certain terms are offensive or not.

I'll take this opportunity to remind members that if they find any post objectionable, in full or in part, they should use the 'Report' button and not drag a thread off topic arguing about it!

[JurgenG]

An educated thai (not from a small university, im talking about a real educated thai just like us)

You owe me a new keyboard ! I was drinking my coffee when I was reading your post, and now there is coffee everywhere

Now I feel I've to contribute something smart to this thread if I don't want to have my post deleted.

Actually we have a lot of friends, mix couples, living abroad, in english and non english country, I never felt there was any difference. If you arrive directly from Bangkok, there is not a bigger cultural shock landing in Madrid, Paris, Frankfurt or Bernes than in Austin, Adelaide or Manchester. The problem of the language is overrated.

I think is the wife doesn't mix with the wrong crowd, they are usually doing ok.

In Switzerland are about 5,000 Thai women living, but my wife had little interest - fortunately - in their company. They few she had met were all a disappointment (cheating, lying, gambling etc).

Just like foreigners in Thailand. Some mix with the wrong crowd and some decide to keep their head above the water. A lot of what happen next depends of this choice.

Edited January 17, 2012 by JurgenG

[thaiIand]

i didnt mean to include ammulet guys in the 'us'. glad you laughed though

[bina]

If the Thai cannot find work, do they resent not being able to send money home

husband came as immigrant worker, he works either in agriculture or in asian restaraunts:

sushi, pseodothai and chinese.

What if the farang has no desire to ever live in Thailand

not possible due to monetary problems and lack of work possibilties for both of us.would otherwise have no problem... but children are here in israel, one more has to do army service, etc etc.

Do the winters wear down the Thai quickly

our winters are fairly easy; he loves the cold, i hate it.... our houses are not made for cold weather , nor for hot weather actually, and he likes the door /windows open all year round (used to living in an open old issaan style shack, feels claustrophobic and airless if no windowns doors opened here.

.

Does lack of work bore them to death? Farang at work all day, Thai alone at home

: thais from my exerience have no problem being at home all day, if they are from agricultural areas where that would be the norm when not in the fields. husband has no problem being at home between jobs: tv, internet, fixing stuff, gardening, cooking, sleeping...

Does the cultural gap lower self esteem and cause the Thai to miss their homeland even more

not a matter of self esteem, at matter of cultural problems, since here, religion and state are mixed: he doesnt seem to miss the homeland per se, he misses being able to buy pork and shrimp anywhere he wants, and not haveing places closed at 14:00 on a friday and reopening only on monday and lots of wierd holidays that close down restaraunts, busses, etc. lack of freedom he calls it.

Do the annual trips to Thailand get harder and harder

dont have any, no money so dont assume that everyone does those trips. he is waiting an other two or so years for a family visit, homefully no one dies before then, just like i havent been back to the states in five years, for the same reasons.

Does the farang resent having their money spent on frequent airline travel

my thai husband has the money, i have none. (i live on kibbutz with him but he is not a kibbutz member so can have a salaried job).

What are the secrets of success for these couples

?like with any other couple: one of the two have to be less stubborn, compromise, clear cut agreements about expectations, etc. Where do the failures occur most often?when the dream meets the reality.

husband still cant speak hebrew apart from daily life stuff like things involving food, work. we have a system that when he needs to speak on a more complex level, he calls me, puts on the speaker phone and i translate for him. he still manages quite well to shop and do what he wants. he has no male israeli friends but that would be true for almost any foreigner living here, if u havent done army duty or work in a open minded group,; people here are very warm but very clannish, and xenophobic. and anyone who looks different, asian or whatever, is automatically considered as a 'immigrant labourer' and /or not 'one of us' so friendships dont develp except among others like us (mixed marriages, foreign workers, etc). he's not thrilled to live here even if te standard of living is higher, since there are more rules, but seems to have gotten used to it. its not easy living in israel as an asian worker, and definately not easy lving in our area which is more highly suspicious of non jews /non israelis, and not easy living on kibbutz which is based on communal living (rather capitolistically i have to say, nowadays)... we have no kids, a point that he sorely missed this past year, but for the best. i cant imagine the arguments we would have with the kibbutz about thai ways and kibbutz ways of childrearing ... we have my three from a previous marriage. and two dogs.

we cook thai food for the most part, going to tel aviv or villages that have lots of thai workers, since there they have thai food market/stores. apart form hummous he doesnt like the food here: too much dairy.

the thai women married to israeli men here are, for the ost part, snobby and actually im not thrilled with most of the men here who have married thai women... so we have our own close friend or three and thats that.

he recently got arrested for driving while drunk (in israel, one beer =drunk driving) so now has no drivers liscens for the next two years after we finally bought a car so he wasnt reliant on me and the kibbutz cars... so back to square one... another thai cultural problem: rules here are rules that are enforced, strictly. and those that sit around and wait for help, or wait to get what is coming to you (paychecks etc) wont get them. here, u have to be very very aggressive and demand to get what u are supposed to receive, and bug people and remind them until they finally do/give what they have to ... he is very thai: he waits, passively, and excpects the managers to 'look after him'.

lots of other differences...

bina

israel

Edited January 17, 2012 by bina
unable to use quotes and font issues

[dean999]

The wife and I are living in Belgium (I'm UK she is Thai), we are in a part that speak very basic or zero English. They speak French and we don't. I should learn but I'm only here for 2 half years, so don't see the point. My wife has made friends with a nice Thai girl from the local supermarket. So if she needs a translation or help, she just rings her friend. Her friend has been here for 12 years and speaks perfect french and English. See, no need to learn French. .

Thai food is not a problem, when the wife is getting low on supplies, we drive to Brussels where there is loads of asian shops. We have just come back from the UK, Thai food is not a problem over there, her sister owns a thai restaurant.

I send money to my wifes family every now and again to keep them happy and it's not a great amount. 10,000 every 2 months. Unless a birthday or xmas, then it's a little more.

My wife speaks to her family all the time. Skype and telephone, so doesn't really miss them.

We are going to Thailand for a holiday this year. We did the met the family thing last year. Here family in UK lovely, my family horrible. Thats another story.

She is not in a rush to go back to Thailand, she likes the piece and quite away from her family. It's me that is fed up with the weather and needs some sun. My wife doesn't feel the cold outside, the heating is up to Thai temperature and i got her a heated under sheet.

My wife stays home, unless we go out to do something. She is happy at home because she has started to make scarfs and hats, plus other things. Also she can sit and relax listening to Thai music on youtube. Life saver youtube is.

I think, if you choose someone who is not ready to settle down and is just interested in money, your relationship will fail outside Thailand. Whilst she is in Thailand, she can still live a freeish life. Leave and she is almost completly cut off.

I think i have covered everything.

[Sing_Sling]

I don't see why there should be a major difference between Thais (or any Asian) learning English or German or Swedish, French, Italian etc....

Their basic knowledge of English is just that; basic.

Place anyone in a specific environment where they must learn the language then they will . . . this obviously excludes Brits, Yanks and Aussies as they can only ever speak English, sort of.

There was a report on tv recently about several Thai women living in Norway, the countryside somewhere . . . quite desolate. They spoke Norwegian and had no trouble at all.

Perhaps it is arrogance which stops people from learning another language, not nationality

[thaiIand]

dont forget that most countries have cheap languages classes available in thailand to help wifes get visas and not only in bangkok so there is no excuses.

There'S a german and french one right by my area in phuket, probably many more around the island. They are priced for thais.

[IsaanUSA]

And some countries provide free language classes for immigrants