Wedding, Isaan Style

[moscow5]

Hello!

I'm marrying my Thai fiance in April and (for the next few months) I'll be in the States while he's in Thailand. We're getting married at his home (in Khon Kaen province) and, while he's planning the wedding, I'm trying to see about a dress and learn about Isaan/Thai weddings while I'm over here...and it's not easy to find any information, as I've learned!

I'm very excited about the wedding, but I'm a little anxious about not knowing what exactly to expect. My fiance is the first in his family to get married and he 's not sure about the bride's role in any of this.

Has anyone been an "Isaan bride" or knows:

what the dress looks like?

what the wedding customs are like?

Any information would be so helpful - thanks!

[donna]

I went to an isaan wedding a few months ago. I can only tell you what I saw and how I have interpreted these events.

The bride stayed at home whilst the local lady boys came over and made her up. Her dress was cream and gold and was hired from the local shop for about 800Baht.

Once she was ready and suitably covered in about half an inch of make-up, the signal was sent to the house up the road where the groom was waiting with his family.

They formed a procession up the road and carried some banana leaves and candles with them. Once they reached the brides home, the groom had his feet washed and made his way inside.

About 60 people crammed inside the home and the local village head and shaman (I am assuming anyway) were there and they said some prayers for the couple (who, I might add, were 15 and 19 years old!). Strings were tied around the couples wrists by eveyone there and photos were taken. The drunk older lady there kept on pushing the couples heads together when people popped money into either the bride or grooms mouths. (Needless to say they were very embarrassed about this).

A cow was slaughtered and this beast was brought to the home the night before the wedding. One family member had to stay up all night to watch the meat so that the local dogs wouldn't eat it. Needless to say he was legless in the morning because of all the lao khao he consumed to stop him from being bored.

After the ceremony, the couple walked upstairs into the specially prepared bedroom. This room was completely decked out in pink! Pink sheets, pink blankets, pink mosquito net and pink curtains. The couple had to pose with their families for photos.

When all that was done, the guests hoed into the slaughtered cow (about 80% of this was consumed raw) and drank lots of lao khao, beer, red fanta and coke.

Karaoke was sung, kids cried, old ladies were drunk and I (as always) got stuck talking to the drunkest man in the village who looked like he was dancing, but he was really only going to get another beer.

All up, it was a fun wedding. Good luck.

[Boo]

my hubby is also from KK so I will ask him tonight if there are any particular regional practices that you should be aware of. We didn't have the buddhist ceromony though as it would have been too much aggro & I didn't fancy being a monkey in the zoo for the day

[sbk]

You do realize it won't be much of a wedding if your family isn't there? We didn't have a big wedding either (ditto Boo!) but I was told that my parents needed to be there for the ceremonies.

[moscow5]

This is part of the issue! My family and some friends are going to be there and they're asking me a lot of questions about the ceremony, etc. and so far I've told them...almost nothing.

We're very lucky - they're coming a long, long way for this (for us) and I want to be able to take care of everything for them and answer all of their questions. It's so far been quite unsettling for them to realize that I don't even know what to expect in my role (yes, my family is bit fearful of going to Thailand - excited, but fearful).

I haven't been able to find any information online about this and none of my Thai friends are from Khon Kaen, so ANY information I can gather at this point is going to be so helpful!

p.s. donna, if this wedding's going to be like the one you attended, my family and friends are going to get the experience of their lives!

[bina]

smile alot; tell your parents not to worry too much about dressing as if it was an american/british wedding... my folks out dressed everyone on the kibbutz 24 years ago and they just wore a regular suit/tie and slightly fancy dress.... dress up but not over (also very hot lots of people and strange food... and tell the guys not to drink too much of the lao khao its not as weak as straight vodka

and tell them to smile alot (they can practice weing so they can wei all the old folks; and worn them ahead of time about the drunks, and the very loud music and the ladyboys and u might want to stock some western food somewhere just in case your folks cant deal with issaan fare(chopped raw beef/blood; spicy delicacies etc... )....

and have fun....

[BambinA]

what the dress looks like?

what the wedding customs are like?

you can wear TH traditional dress , or TH applied tradition dress as

http://lampang.thcity.com/thai/thaidressing.htm

http://www.weddingsquare.com/picpro/Pictur...ibride+Gallery/

but this dress look too issaan in my eyes

[socalbro]

Let's see now...what do I remember about my wedding...hummm

Lot's of monks eating and humming songs, then tying strings around us and pouring water on our hands. (Bring kneepads cause you'll be on hard wood or concrete floors for what seems like several hours) A huge stage with cute costumed dancers then uninteligable speeches given on stage just before dinner.

Ok, then there was that first bottle of Lao Khao from my brides oldest brother, another from the second oldest brother and so on right down to the 5th and yuoungest of her brothers. Then I remember having to cheers and make toasts at each of the 80 tables while collecting envelopes of cash from those attending (which I never got to keep one Baht of).

I then sitting down with the same monk that had just married us to share some Sang song (he said he went home to change out of his robe to that he can now properly drink and party like the rest of us. I didn't mind since his English was alright and he was the one who found me in the bushes behind the outhouse with my trowsers dropped to my knees and snoring like a baby.

Some older women from the family came over and tried to get the vomit off my Miami Vice blue tuxedo shoulders and lapels. But that was alright since I didn't care for the shark-fin soup anyhow and was obviously a bad judge as to the strengts of their "Thai Tequila" better known as Lao Khao in Thailand and Essan, but known as Moonshine down in New Orleans.

But I weaseled my way out of having to drink the fresh pig's blood I saw them draining form a quite large sqweeling pigs neck earlied in the day and was MIA to give my speech on stage in front of the whole village, as I have stage freight it could have only created missunderstandings.

I was later told by a guest attending that her father had said in his speech that he wished she had chosen a Thai man instead of a falang, but that maybe I might have more money available to the family. And that that whole section of the village new well of her volitail temprement and probly wasen't wanted by anyone in the area because of it. I was of course the last to know, but what bothered me more than the screaming and yelling was her desire to leave this miserable world and the day after day of crying and not leaving her room except to eat and use the bathroom.

I now know this acting out is prevelant with many women in Thailand, but I found myself calling the police to keep herself fromcutting her arms up with broken bottles...of which when police finally arrived she tried to tell them that I was the one who cut her, but the sargent took me to the side and said he sees it everyday and besides the cuts were going in the wrong direction for me to have done it. He suggested I excuse myself from the marrage before completly losing it myself.

Weeks later I caught her already over the balcony railing 24 floors up, around the waist, arms and legs dangeling downwars. So I bolted all the windows shut and made plans to return to the states with her and get her into some thearapy with a top professional there.

On a trip to Chiang Mai she tried another bunji jump without the cord out our 14th floor room. I had my father who was visiting and a half Thai/Aussie man who worked for us tokeep her away from me for the night so that I could for once sleep well. Still feel lucky I woke -up every morning with my penis still attaced and intact. But that next am in CM I found that the others took her to a mental health hospital over by the SW corner of the moat. After we got her out she said she felt better, yet I'm not sure why when she said they had shot her full of tranquilisers and tied her to a gurney where the deeply disturbed folks made a b-line for her and fondled her under her hospital gown all the while unconsiusly drooling on her from head to toe.

OH SH*T, guess I carried on to far with my experiences here. I'll end by saying that things only got worse after finally getting her to LA. But as it relates to Thais marrying farangs, it might be helpful reading - I hope!

I pray that you've done a much better job in chosing your spouse, but youcannot ever forget that out two cultures are so different in so many ways, that if those differences are not a bother much here, the culture shock of moving to the States or Europe will drasticly change the relationship to fall into a western style of doing things, general outlook on the world, materialism takes the place of the sabai sabai lifestyle you've known each other in here and attitudes and motivations change right along with it all. After 6 months I no longer knew nor even liked the woman I was head over heals for while here in BKK.

Unless you are so solid beyond a shadow of a doubt that you know your mate inside and out I would not do something drastic like relocation without spending several months living there as a trial period.

I loved my wife, but no longer knew the sweet (yet disturbed) just weeks after arriving in the USA. So if it works so well here, stay here cause your happy here together and there is always a chance the two of you will start having less in common there, more stress to deal with, they probably won't like much of the food and are leaving one of the greatest cultures in the world and a taking a chance on a new setting foreign to where you're most happy together already, to somewhere untried and tested by you together as a couple, which just by its very nature will create if not force changes in you both, some maybe good changes yet most just take you further and further away from who you both are now and how happy you are together here and now and that should be the most important thing to consider where marrage is involved and both your future life together.

Big life events like this are just that...BIG LIFE EVENTS...and through these events people tend to change some slightly, or in my case rather drastically. Just be prepared for the fact that life over there is quite different from here true strong love should over come the new differences, just be prepared to accept each other always regardless of everything new and changing around you, and realise ahead before going that how you know each other here may not be the same there while trying to adapt to a new way of life with its different behaviors, morals and standards, don't lose sight of what's most important - the love you have for each other.

If all else fails, move back to Thailand -I did -but she stayed there as she was no longer the girl I had married, but bcomean americant immigrant bent on finding richer guys and finding more ways to send money back to her parents without ever helping out with the bills for the house or her car which I took care of and she making great money at a fansy hair salon, and if I was ever broke near the end of the month she would go into a 3-4 hour anger and put down session about how the store I opened sucked, I was a loser, could do nothing right need gas or grocerey money sometimes and that her parents needed it more than I did. Maybe give $5 to go to McDonalds or something and thats it and complain for days.

While here in BKK we seemed like a real team together in all ways. But after seeing how all the streets are lined with gold there, I dropped out of the equasion and started dating a wealthy art gallery and yahet owner in the marina who got a kick out of telling me over the phone about the things she did for him and said to him while they were together. But without receiving her greencard yet she had tried to stay with me giving nothing but lies and excuses until I finally got fed-up and came back to BKK alone and I've never been better.

And BOY have I learned some important lessons along the way.

First and foremost is the one I've stressed earlier in this long reply - IF YOU'RE HAPPY WITH WHAT YOU'VE GOT HERE NOW, THINK IT OVER LONG AND HARD BEFORE CHANGING ANYTHING THAT MIGHT UPSET THE WAY YOU LOVE THINGS TO BE NOW. It may or may not improve what you have now and there's always a chance it will do more harm than good if your not careful, perhaps testing out the water first.

I hate to be such a downer here, following such wonderful news for those getting married I must sound like a jerk. But this was my experience and hopefully it will help someone from making the same mistakes didI

[sbk]

Wow, sorry for such a terrible experience.

I have a different one to relate entirely, having made a similar leap of faith. Met my husband, we married within 9 months and have just celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary. I couldn't ask for a better life partner.

Anyway, back on topic. Not sure about Isaan weddings but down here there aren't really monks involved. However, your parents will be involved. One of the ceremonies involves the couple pouring water over the hands of both sets of parents, lots of waiing involved. If you'd like I can ask my husband exactly what would be expected of your parents for this ceremony as I have never had one myself.

[Boo]

Bloody hel_l socalbro, that sounds like a really nightmarish situation. To see someone you love & who you thought loved you back turn into a monster must be very disturbing for you & I hope you don't let it affect your opinion of other women (thai or not) throught your life.

It sounds like she had some serious mental health problems from before you came along & her family sound like a complete bunch of ######s. I sincerley hope you can move on & be happy

You did raise some good points though, esp about getting to know/living togther for a while first. My husband & I lived together for nearly 2 years before marrying & worked out all our cultural issues. We thankfully learned what each other was about & what we wanted out of our future before getting married & committing to moving back to the UK.

I truely beleive that if we hadn't had those couple of years to iron out all the issues we both had (& there were a few) we would never had stayed together.

[Boo]

To moscow5, you might want to tell your hubby to be to get some chairs reserved for your family members, esp the older ones, as sitting all day on wooden floors is very painful & not something we westerners are used to.

Also, warn them of the early start, traditionally, you will start getting ready at about 5am to be ready for the ceromony at 9ish

[DarwinK]

Moscow5,

You didn't mention WHEN in April, but just thought I'd mention that the Song Kran festival can go on for weeks in some of the provinces...if you haven't already, you may wish to explain to your family the traditions of the water festival...

And Congratulations, BTW!

[moscow5]

thanks for all of your help (and good wishes) - this is a very good start. sbk, if you wouldn't mind asking your husband about what the role of the parents in the ceremony is, i'd really appreciate it.

we're very excited and, yes, a bit nervous about what will happen when he comes to the states. i'm just going to trust my gut and hope that it will all work out - i'm also not one to give in w/out a fight, so we'll see...

thanks, everyone!!

[sbk]

Oh, sorry, he says Isaan ceremonies are different from Southern weddings:( I suggest reading a few of the wedding threads in the general section and PM'ing a couple of the guys who got married in Isaan. Ask them to please skip the drunken stories and cut to the chase

[hellohello]

Hi again Moscow.

Listen, I just got back from a little dress hunting myself, and it was a breeze. If you go into most wedding dress shops they have some great Thai style stuff and can be altered to fit even us farang-sized girls,and the best part is, you can either rent or buy- Up to you.

Any way, I was kind of dreading the idea of dress shopping ( I dislike that kind of shopping) but it was real easy and fun. I think the Thai style is 100 times better looking than the farang style. (My opinion)

BTW- I am going to an Issan wedding myself - The bride is Thai and she said she will wear traditional for the ceremony and then change into farang style later. I will be happy to report back how it went. That is if I have time. Our ceremony is in FEB. I’m definitely going Thai style- then changing into island hopping attire - than back into a more comfortable Thai style as we are slicing the day up in to 3 different parts.

I wish I knew more about the parents role, but I don’t.

I’m sure there are some books written.

Anyway Congrats again and HAVE FUN!! HH

[sbk]

Well, I can tell you what goes on here, anyway. The day of the wedding starts out very early (no monks involved) --the groom and his family start out from the groom's house, parade up to the bride's house (you will need someplace to stay, seperate from his house for this) where the bride's relatives stop the procession and demand some gifts. There are usually young women carrying some gifts for the family as well. (this would be his job anyway--so don't stress about dealing with this side, his parents will do that). usually it is small stuff, like whiskey. It is usually great fun with lots of joking around. I suggest you ask your husband to get some friends to fill our your side and help with this part (assuming they do this in Isaan, that is).

Then the groom and his parents enter the brides house where there is some merit making ceremonies on the part of the bride and groom (kinda hazy on this one--sorry) but it has to do with the white string and washing your parents (and his parents) hands with water . I believe the parents then give some parental advice to the young couple. This is probably where the Sin Sot is given. I've never really been in on this part, just seen it from outside the house.

Then, afterwards, the young couple and the ten gazillion relatives all get their photos taken together (). then the young couple comes out and greets all the early morning guests (usually family and friends). Food is provided at this stage. Then, later in the day, usually in the evening, a large party with lots of food & drink are provided for the entire guest list, friends, family, distant relatives, neighbors, guy at the shop in town etc etc

Here, anyway, the bride wears a traditional Thai gown for the morning, and changes into a western style formal wedding gown for the evening.