Love For A New Age

[Scott]

Love for a new age

Vitaya Saeng-Aroon

Special to The Nation February 14, 2012 1:00 am

Married in a gust of headlines, Pick and Beer's wedding last month rode the wind of change

"It started out as a friendship," says gay businessman Chomvit "Beer" Sudsai, 29. He's talking about how he met Thongchai "Pick" Ratanakaew, 27, on Facebook three years ago. You never know what might happen on Facebook when you hit that "Like" button.

"I live in Trang and Pick is from Nakhon Si Thammarat. I didn't even think we'd be boyfriends because I was seeing someone else at the time."

But Pick says they soon realised how many interests they had in common and found they could always speak their minds to one another. Each man sensed that he'd found Mr Right.

And, eventually, "Like" became love. Casual became committed.

Their wedding this past January 6 in Trang's Tambon Nawong went far beyond the social media, garnering headlines in scores of newspapers and TV news shows. Heavily featured were Beer's beaming parents, who asserted their pride in their son.

It was a family friend, Pitak Suwakhon, who wanted to bless the wedding with a call to the news media to witness "two men having a wedding", the first in Trang, he said. Pitak also presided at the nuptials.

Some of the news outlets failed to get the point, referring to Pick as the groom and Beer as the bride. "I wasn't a bride!" exclaims Beer. "We're gay partners!"

The coverage gaffe seemed to come with the territory. Theirs was unique among same-sex weddings reported in the news in that it's usually a straight man marrying a transgender or a straight-looking gay man marrying an effeminate one. It's common to assume that one is the bride and the other the groom.

Neither Beer nor Pick is effeminate. Both "look straight". Their wedding shed a new light on the circumstances, helping shift perceptions of gay relationships.

The other remarkable thing about their wedding was that their families and friends were completely supportive, having long known and accepted that they were gay. Beer's mother Jinda Sudsai in particular recognised his gender orientation early on and never tried to alter it.

"I knew he wasn't like the other boys but I wasn't worried - he's a good son!" Jinda says.

In the end, it was her who encouraged Beer to propose to Pick, and then at the wedding, it was her who convinced them to kiss - quite passionately - in front of the 500 guests and the news cameras.

The footage and newspaper reports spread across the country, and in Nakhon Si Thammarat, a relative of Pick's took notice of their surnames and realised they were related!

"It appears we're in fact linked by blood," Beer chuckles. "Pick's grandpa turns out to be a cousin of my father."

Feeling closer than ever, the couple settled into married life and Pick began helping Beer run his costume-rental shop in Trang. "My mother had invested in the store for me because she wanted me to be close to the family after I graduated," Beer says.

Beer is really tight with his family, Pick says. "He wanted to make sure I was getting along well with them. I visit them a lot and stay over and I've got familiar with everyone."

"Pick loves cooking and he does a good job," Beers reports. "My mother loves his dishes and she's delighted to accept him as another son."

Immediately after the wedding the costume shop was busy outfitting a dance team from a local high school for a national competition coming up in Bangkok.

The Trang student won the contest, but keeping them in costumes was exhausting for Pick and Beer.

"We haven't had a honeymoon yet," Beer says, "but being together is good enough."

Vitaya Saeng-Aroon hosts the gay variety show "Pink Mango" on Nation Broadcasting's Mango TV.

Still not the same

No legal standing for gay marriages in Thailand

Paisarn Likhitpresschakul

Special to The Nation

At least two decades of newspaper headlines from Thailand about same-sex marriages - like that of Beer and Pick - have left many foreigners thinking that gay marriage is legal here. However, these weddings confer no legal benefits whatsoever.

In contrast, some Western countries grant homosexual couples rights similar to those of heterosexual ones, even while withholding the status of "marriage" due to its religious definition as a union of man and woman.

Since Buddhist scripture offers no particular objection to same-sex relationships, the concept of "marriage" in Thailand is largely familial, communal and social. A wedding reaffirms the couple's bond and rallies support for them. Often monks are invited to preside and give blessings.

No such religious overtones accompanied last year's same-sex marriage of three men, an event most Thais found mildly curious.

Meanwhile the concept of "marriage" has been extended to include non-human unions, as when weddings are held for pets and zoo animals.

For many Thai same-sex couples, a ceremony to publicly announce their relationship is all they wish, but an increasing number of LGBT people now say their relationships should be legally recognised. They would like to have rights similar to those of heterosexuals.

On Valentine's Day 2010, two lesbian couples - one in Chiang Mai and the other in Pathum Thani - attempted to register their relationships at their local district offices. Both were politely turned down.

As Thailand's LGBT community continues to grow and mature, the demand for such recognition will only become louder.

Paisarn Likhitpreechakul is a co-founder of FOR-SOGI (forsogi.org), which advocates LGBT rights and legal recognition in Thailand.

http://www.nationmultimedia.com/life/Love-for-a-new-age-30175813.html

[tombkk]

Thanks, Scott, for posting this. Actually, I think it's a very good article and am glad that The Nation published this on Valentine's Day.

Personally, I like this qutoe: 'Some of the news outlets failed to get the point, referring to Pick as the groom and Beer as the bride. "I wasn't a bride!" exclaims Beer. "We're gay partners!"'

[isanbirder]

My partner and I had deferred contracting a civil partnership, largely because of the time we would both need to be away from the farm and other businesses. But now we are being pushed by his illiterate parents, a splendid old village couple who one would have thought would have been the last people to want a gay union for their son. I think they feel that otherwise he's not fully settled in life.

Frankly, though I'm all in support of these two guys, I wouldn't feel that a union without any legal standing had any meaning for me.

[catmac]

Ye Gods! A sane, intelligent article from the Nation at long last.

My congratulations to Beer and Pick for debunking the hoary old myth that one partner in any gay relationship must be effeminate.

[tombkk]

My partner and I had deferred contracting a civil partnership, largely because of the time we would both need to be away from the farm and other businesses. But now we are being pushed by his illiterate parents, a splendid old village couple who one would have thought would have been the last people to want a gay union for their son. I think they feel that otherwise he's not fully settled in life.

Frankly, though I'm all in support of these two guys, I wouldn't feel that a union without any legal standing had any meaning for me.

The time away won't take us more than a normal vacation. Actually, a week is planned.

Good to hear about the parents' attitute towards your partnership! And this is in Isan (I guess from your nic), so your are contradicting all these people who say that gay couples are not accepted in Thailand. I have had only positive experiences in Bangkok (his parents accepted me as a son-in-law), but Isan is a different story.

[Ijustwannateach]

Thanks, Scott, for posting this. Actually, I think it's a very good article and am glad that The Nation published this on Valentine's Day.

Personally, I like this qutoe: 'Some of the news outlets failed to get the point, referring to Pick as the groom and Beer as the bride. "I wasn't a bride!" exclaims Beer. "We're gay partners!"'

I like that a lot too. It brings to light the vast silent majority of Thai gay men who are NOT either fem girly drama queens OR interested in dating such.