Dealing With The Stigma Of Having A Thai Gf In Homeland?

[Swiss1960]

Am actually feeling sorry for your wife for having a cowardly husband who (quoting you) "I feel uncomfortable in being out and about with her in busy public places."

Instead of being proud of your wife, ignoring the looks and the whispers of all those around, you embarass her massively and show her that your love is worth nothing at all...

Just my 5 cents

[MAJIC]

Seems to me you are worrying unduly what people think of you,and now your Thai GF is sensing your anxiety,stuff what people think,if you are happy with her,and she with you,then what's your problem? either she is the most important person in your life,or you shouldn't have taken her back to your own Country in the first place. Get over it,and realise where your loyalties lie!

Heaven knows what you would be like if you were to marry her,and have mixed race children?

Edited February 27, 2012 by MAJIC

[ShodomonRules]

28 and 27.

No problem there.

Few things are more socially disturbing to me than someone who is concerned with, let alone worried about, what the opinions are of total strangers they will never see again.

Consider placing your girlfriend's feelings above those of people to whom you've never made a committment.

[theblether]

28 and 27.

No problem there.

Few things are more socially disturbing to me than someone who is concerned with, let alone worried about, what the opinions are of total strangers they will never see again.

Consider placing your girlfriend's feelings above those of people to whom you've never made a committment.

Interesting user name......especially if said in a Sean Connery accent......

[Thaddeus]

28 and 27.

No problem there.

Few things are more socially disturbing to me than someone who is concerned with, let alone worried about, what the opinions are of total strangers they will never see again.

Consider placing your girlfriend's feelings above those of people to whom you've never made a committment.

Interesting user name......especially if said in a Sean Connery accent......

Quality.

[Thaddeus]

Rupets, my dear ole' chap ... as some others have said before ... a photo might help us help you.

waiting ...

To date you have made two posts, both asking for a photo.....

[nisakiman]

I think you're being a bit of an a**hole. You're not with her (I hope) because of her race. It should have no bearing on the matter. If other people have a problem with it, <deleted> 'em. Support her. Tell her it doesn't matter. Tell her that anyone who finds it a problem isn't worth knowing anyway.

I live on a Greek island, and when I brought my wife here five years ago, she felt quite paranoid about the way people looked at us. I just said to her "<deleted> 'em. Why should we care if they look. Double <deleted> 'em."

She doesn't worry about it now, and people don't even look anymore.

And as for being worried about the reaction of your work colleagues, that's really an insult to Thai women. And to your intelligence. If introduced to a Frenchman, do you automatically assume he should have a string of onions round his neck, a glass of Pernod in his hand and a Galouise hanging out of his mouth? Of course not, despite that being the popular stereotype.

[Ruperts]

Thanks again for all the replies. I really appreciate the people coming forward and admitting to similar thoughts and feelings, but equally I appreciate the people saying what I already know in that I must "man up". I could offer some rebuttals to the more challenging opinions but ironically I am actually quite good at dealing with personal criticism, and so instead of reacting I will just take all of those comments as constructive criticism. There is some great advice in here for me to use and from people via pm as well.

I think, probably like any fear, the solution is to face it head on. To that end I will endeavour to put myself in situations which I find difficult and once there I will attempt to show quite conspicuous displays of affection and pride. In the next few days I will try to set something up, even if it's just a walk through a busy town centre, and we will see what happens.

I can think of three possible outcomes:

1) I will properly realise that nobody actually cares and both the gf and I are delighted

2) I still find it awkward and would rather not carry on but she recognises that I am trying and is delighted

3) I bottle it, we end up walking home seperately (this has happened before) and it's game over

If anyone is interested I will update when the 'challenge' is complete and let you all know how it went.

[theblether]

Thanks again for all the replies. I really appreciate the people coming forward and admitting to similar thoughts and feelings, but equally I appreciate the people saying what I already know in that I must "man up". I could offer some rebuttals to the more challenging opinions but ironically I am actually quite good at dealing with personal criticism, and so instead of reacting I will just take all of those comments as constructive criticism. There is some great advice in here for me to use and from people via pm as well.

I think, probably like any fear, the solution is to face it head on. To that end I will endeavour to put myself in situations which I find difficult and once there I will attempt to show quite conspicuous displays of affection and pride. In the next few days I will try to set something up, even if it's just a walk through a busy town centre, and we will see what happens.

I can think of three possible outcomes:

1) I will properly realise that nobody actually cares and both the gf and I are delighted

2) I still find it awkward and would rather not carry on but she recognises that I am trying and is delighted

3) I bottle it, we end up walking home seperately (this has happened before) and it's game over

If anyone is interested I will update when the 'challenge' is complete and let you all know how it went.

You know I have to give you 10/10 for coming forward with that post. Please make it option 1, and if you feel yourself starting to waver have a think about all the people here on Thaivisa that are rooting for you.

Everyone has their fears to face sometime........at least you are going out to confront yours head on.

[katana]

I think it's human nature to care what others think about you, but as you get older that becomes less and less important, especially so from strangers who mean nothing to you. One day you'll wonder why you ever spent so much time thinking about it and trying to obtain their approval.

[Ijustwannateach]

So you go to all the length of a marriage and an immigration so that you can... nope, never mind.

[farangme]

Well here's another two cents:

1. Yes, there are still racist inbreds in the world.

2. Why would you care what someone like that thinks?

3. You need to figure out some ways to deal with it or call it quits.

Suggestions:

1. Focus on yourselves and not the others around you.

2. If someone does something offensive, return it in kind. Be prepared, stand your ground, and be proud. Others can read weakness and will act on it.

Be positive.

- How does anyone know she's Thai?

- If they do, most others will probably be very interested to know her.

- As for anyone who gets an attitude...screw 'em.

- Guys who stare are jealous.

- Women who stare are curious or jealous.

When in TL, my wife and I have never had an issue. No comments at hotels or elsewhere.

In San Diego, its very multi-cultural and noone really notices. If guys stare, its because they're wondering where they can find a beautiful petite Asian mate for themselves. I find the women who look are usually curious where she's from. When she says Thailand, most get excited and talk about how much they love the country and want to visit again.

We have a network of Thai/American couple friends here and the gals are all pretty close.

The most attitude I've experienced is from 40+ year old men on the golf course, but once my wife starts to kick their a## on the course, they change their attitude real fast, and quickly become curious, polite and respectful.

In a nutshell, be proud of what you have, don't waste your time worrying what idiots think, and if you do get any real attitude, stand up and throw it back in their ignorant face. You'll feel better about yourself and your relationship might work. If you can't do it on your own, try some professional counseling.

Posted with Thaivisa App http://apps.thaivisa.com

[Petesear]

'She is a good, honest person, the type of which are hard to find in any country and if she was from anywhere else, I would feel proud to have her as my gf.'

The op is embarrassed because she is Thai, not Asian, he is not talking about racism, he is talking about people thinking she was a whore....

To some people Thai girl equates to prostitute.

So the op has taken this minority view and escalated it... Most of it of it is in his head, some is not...

We live in a bigoted world...Get over it or move on. You are showing yourself to be a weak person, unsure of yourself, your girlfriend or your social standing..

[robbo1]

I can't even let her nationality become common knowledge at work for fear of losing respect from colleagues.

Do you seriously value respect from people who are willing to denigrate your girlfriend because of where she was born? You need to go to the butchers and buy a spine.

Here Here toughen up mate

[IanForbes]

Why would you worry about what boorish, self righteous, biggots think? They are just <deleted> with a pickle up their butts. Would you care what some Islamic terrorist bomber thinks of you? It's exactly the same thing. And, if it bothers your former friends that you have an attractive, young Asian wife then they are either jealous or idiots and not worth thinking about.

[Beechboy]

I fully understand the O/P's dilemna. I had the same feeling of self-consciousness when I invited a young (I had 20+ years on her) work colleague over to England. She wasn't even a girlfriend but had been very good to me when I was taken ill.

The first week was spent in London touring. I needn't have worried. London is one of the most open cities Worldwide. Nobody looks at anybody twice (except perhaps Thai ladies unused to the ways of the West.) Anything goes in the 'smoke.'

I was not looking forward to the second week in my more parochial hometown. Sure some looked twice causing me to consciously think "bugger them, I'll do what I want not what somebody else thinks that I should do" as a defense.

My neighbours were however brilliant and I had never before had so many invites to come round for a drink.

All much ado about nothing really O/P.

Edited February 28, 2012 by Beechboy

[Berkshire]

Thanks again for all the replies. I really appreciate the people coming forward and admitting to similar thoughts and feelings, but equally I appreciate the people saying what I already know in that I must "man up". I could offer some rebuttals to the more challenging opinions but ironically I am actually quite good at dealing with personal criticism, and so instead of reacting I will just take all of those comments as constructive criticism. There is some great advice in here for me to use and from people via pm as well.

I think, probably like any fear, the solution is to face it head on. To that end I will endeavour to put myself in situations which I find difficult and once there I will attempt to show quite conspicuous displays of affection and pride. In the next few days I will try to set something up, even if it's just a walk through a busy town centre, and we will see what happens.

I can think of three possible outcomes:

1) I will properly realise that nobody actually cares and both the gf and I are delighted

2) I still find it awkward and would rather not carry on but she recognises that I am trying and is delighted

3) I bottle it, we end up walking home seperately (this has happened before) and it's game over

If anyone is interested I will update when the 'challenge' is complete and let you all know how it went.

I admire you for coming back to the den of the wolves, as it were. But from a certain perspective, I do understand your apprehension. Most of the farangs in Thailand see interracial dating as the norm, but I know that back in the west, it's still not. Many here would make comments like "don't worry about what others think" or "as long as you two are happy....," yada, yada, yada. The odd thing is that TV members can be some of the most judgmental around.

For instance, would TV members still tell a 78-year old man and his 18-year old girl friend to "not worry what others think?" Well wait a minute, what if they're both happy? Ah, they'll say that the 18 year old can't possibly be happy. How about a gay couple, should they walk hand-in-hand in middle America, showing public affection? Ah, they'll say it's not the same thing. Well in the USA, there are still some bigots who think that interracial dating is just as deviant as homosexuality.

The stigma you're feeling can possibly be real, so I'm sure you get annoyed when others tell you that it's in your head. As I said in a previous post, interracial dating may not be right for you. But if it's better than any other option you may have...well, only you know the answer.

[BespokeMan]

Rupets, my dear ole' chap ... as some others have said before ... a photo might help us help you.

waiting ...

To date you have made two posts, both asking for a photo.....

i'm new to all this, slightly vouyeuristic and they say a picture photo says a thousand words ... so i'm trying to be brief

[Thaddeus]

Rupets, my dear ole' chap ... as some others have said before ... a photo might help us help you.

waiting ...

To date you have made two posts, both asking for a photo.....

i'm new to all this, slightly vouyeuristic and they say a picture photo says a thousand words ... so i'm trying to be brief

Well apart from sounding a bit stalky, posting a picture of someone else without their approval is strictly against forum rules.

[StreetCowboy]

Rupets, my dear ole' chap ... as some others have said before ... a photo might help us help you.

waiting ...

To date you have made two posts, both asking for a photo.....

i'm new to all this, slightly vouyeuristic and they say a picture photo says a thousand words ... so i'm trying to be brief

Well apart from sounding a bit stalky, posting a picture of someone else without their approval is strictly against forum rules.

All sounds a bit breach of anonymity as well. I can understand the voyeuristic pleasure of it, but is bespoken's imagination really so poor (or pure) that he can't twist one off the wrist imagining what she looks like? or he?

SC

[samsiam]

I agree...this thread useless without pics.

[onionluke]

Some places are still sheltered from this storm of interacial dating .

OP ,

don't worry about it , she may tell you she is not really from BK but hails from Issan , she may tell you she is not actually half chinese bloodline , she may tell you she was married before , she may even tell you she is the father of three children from her previous marriage . Who cares ? But if they do , don't let anyone make you feel daft because you live amongst them .

Edited February 28, 2012 by onionluke

[samsiam]

By the way....is there a phobia for this case ??

[StreetCowboy]

By the way....is there a phobia for this case ??

A phobia for worrying about what anonymous posters look like?

Or a phobia for not properly identifying the object of a conversation?

Kleptophobia would be a fear of taking things, seriously.

SC

[Mobi]

I agree...this thread useless without pics.

Oh!.... if you really must insist....

[IanForbes]

Well apart from sounding a bit stalky, posting a picture of someone else without their approval is strictly against forum rules.

Trying as hard as I can I have NEVER been able to find the site that says posting pictures of people is against forum rules. If you can point me to that rule I certainly would like to know where it is. Believe me, I've only learned that unwritten rule the hard way. Believe it or not, I actually WANT to follow the rules.

[Thaddeus]

Well apart from sounding a bit stalky, posting a picture of someone else without their approval is strictly against forum rules.

Trying as hard as I can I have NEVER been able to find the site that says posting pictures of people is against forum rules. If you can point me to that rule I certainly would like to know where it is. Believe me, I've only learned that unwritten rule the hard way. Believe it or not, I actually WANT to follow the rules.

15) Not to use ThaiVisa.com to post any material which is knowingly or can be reasonably construed as false, inaccurate, invasive of a person's privacy, or otherwise in violation of any law.

19) Not to post other members' personal details, photos or web site details. Doing so will result in an instant ban.

[Sing_Sling]

I agree...this thread useless without pics.

Oh!.... if you really must insist....

Your average TV poster?

(Oh, can't be - he's not bald and she's not a teen)

Edited February 28, 2012 by Sing_Sling

[ShodomonRules]

28 and 27.

No problem there.

Few things are more socially disturbing to me than someone who is concerned with, let alone worried about, what the opinions are of total strangers they will never see again.

Consider placing your girlfriend's feelings above those of people to whom you've never made a committment.

Interesting user name......especially if said in a Sean Connery accent......

Ahh, yes, I see what you mean....I think.

Shodomon and Jodomon are different paths to enlightenment.

[Wallaby]

15) Not to use ThaiVisa.com to post any material which is knowingly or can be reasonably construed as false, inaccurate, invasive of a person's privacy, or otherwise in violation of any law.

19) Not to post other members' personal details, photos or web site details. Doing so will result in an instant ban.

Well if the OP posts his and/or his gf's photo then rule 19 doesn't apply. I also doubt rule 15 would apply if the OP posted a pic of his own gf.

If those rules were interpreted to stop the OP posting his or his gf/s photo then it would also mean that no photos of any person at all should be posted. That would also include photos of houses, newspaper photos etc etc.