STOPPAGE TIME

Sex, soccer, wine and a toasted charter

Tulsathit Taptim

Drunken MPs embarrassing themselves on the House floor before a national TV audience?

BANGKOK: -- If that is news, I'm certainly missing something. As long as no one starts sniffing cocaine and performing a striptease in front of the cameras, let's chill out. Most of all, it was just a debate on how we should change the highest law of the land.

Democrat Boonyod Sukthinthai took it too seriously. Scavenging all through trash cans at Parliament to try to prove that liquor had been consumed by our honourable MPs during the debate on the charter amendment bills is way out of line. If some wine had been drunk, so what? Has Boonyod never heard about the Last Supper?

Chalerm Yoobamrung, the man at the centre of the controversy, acted smart at the beginning. "If I'm intoxicated, it's by love," he told Democrat Rangsima Rodrassami when she accused him of being drunk during the House debate. On Sunday, Chalerm wobbled off the tracks, threatening to sue people and newspapers left and right. All he should have done was ask what's wrong with having a couple of glasses (or bottles) of wine near the end of a parliamentary session that was going to end exactly the way the government wanted it.

I give Chalerm the benefit of the doubt. But whether he drank or not, at least the Culture Ministry is unlikely to step in this time. Which is good, because the agency should stick to trying to prevent kids from using profanity on iPhone apps, or pushing for a Valentines' Day curfew on teenagers. Those are absolutely horrible problems, and unless they are corrected, our country will have no future.

Children need good examples, which were aplenty during the Constitution amendment debate. Check it out, kids, you can be stoned and still keep your clothes on. And although "I'm drunk with love" is a corny pick-up line, it teaches you that you don't necessarily have to be rude or obscene every time there's too much alcohol in your bloodstream.

The debt of gratitude Thai kids owe to their adults is insurmountable. If any one of you is still laughing at the O-Net sex test questions, stop now. Of course, you should call your friends and ask them to play soccer with you when sexual urges get too much to bear. That's the wisest advice, which reflects the profound social, anatomical and sporting wisdom of those who provided it.

Kids may argue that it can be a little awkward to call your friends to play football at two in the morning, but, actually, that's what friendship, Whatsapp and Skype are for. If the "urge" still won't go away after you score five goals and run your socks off, just go and score more goals and run some more. Before you know it, you will be in a Thai national team filled with soccer-before-sex players like you. If this can't make Thailand realise its World Cup dream, I don't know what can.

And to those who think the "play soccer" answer constitutes an anti-female bias, you are sadly mistaken. They want girls to go out and play footie at two in the morning, too. Double World Cup glory has been secretly but sweetly envisioned. Too bad, this idea had not been conceived earlier. For people of my generation, sexual desire could only go with one thing - drinking.

This, however, is not to say that the dignified MPs who (allegedly) drank during the charter debate were a bunch of sexually frustrated adults. The people of their (my) generation were not lucky enough to get the "play soccer" advice, so they kept drinking and drinking until drinking became a die-hard habit. We toast every occasion, big or small, and killing a constitution to give birth to a new one is a damned good reason to down a few glasses.

Boonyod should stop combing Parliament's garbage bins, swallow his pride and propose turning the vetting process for the charter amendment bills into an authentic cocktail party. The Democrats should halt their etiquette campaign immediately, not least because, for many people, there's hardly a line between sober and drunken misdemeanours anyway.

If I sound a little drunk here, forgive me. Something to do with my ears, I suppose. What's the point of this article, you may ask. Well, the moral is this: If you are old enough to be an MP, please be sympathetic with those poor souls who have not been taught to play football to drown their sexual craving. If you are young enough and find what happened on the House floor on Saturday night repulsive, go and kick a damned ball.

-- The Nation 2012-02-29

Not sure if this article is meant to be funny or not. When elected representitives make policies for the country it is usually better to have them sober.

Or is it?

Not sure if this article is meant to be funny or not. When elected representitives make policies for the country it is usually better to have them sober.

Or is it?

They are more able to be cunning and devious when they are sober. Maybe it should be mandatory that they all get hammered prior to the house sitting.

In some cases it probably makes little difference, since the brain cells have already been pickled.

Not sure if this article is meant to be funny or not. When elected representitives make policies for the country it is usually better to have them sober.

Or is it?

This is Thai-style satire/irony/sarcasm. Softer and more polite than your average Westerner! ;-)

Apologies for stating the bleedin' obvious.

It's more tragic and pathetic than funny.

Edited February 29, 201214 yr by Reasonableman

They forgot to mention about certain politician's children getting away with murder. Sex, drugs, rock 'n' roll and murder.

... straight out of NotTheNation?

Love "The Last Supper" bit.

Can Thaksin play Jesus Christ?

Edited to add: Add stakes for the heart to the spears, nails and ropes job list...to ensure there's no coming back.

Edited February 29, 201214 yr by Roadman

This article may be discussed today by elected officials over a bottle of 100 Pipers at lunchtime.

In vino veritas - well we can't be having THAT can we.

If there was any doubt whether Chalerm was as full as a fat girl's sock, his claim to be in love with the not-so-lovely Dem MP should settle it absolutely.

In vino veritas - well we can't be having THAT can we.

If there was any doubt whether Chalerm was as full as a fat girl's sock, his claim to be in love with the not-so-lovely Dem MP should settle it absolutely.

All in the eyes of the beholder... and a coupla SangSom's work wonders on the eyes, if not the balance...

In vino veritas - well we can't be having THAT can we.

If there was any doubt whether Chalerm was as full as a fat girl's sock, his claim to be in love with the not-so-lovely Dem MP should settle it absolutely.

All in the eyes of the beholder... and a coupla SangSom's work wonders on the eyes, if not the balance...

Some time back, I knew a short English chappie named Roland who actually used to seek out the ugliest bar-girls because he reckoned that they appreciated it more. As he came into the bar, we'd sing his theme song:

Roland, Roland, Roland,

keep them doggies Roland,

Rawhide............

No need to understand them,

etc,etc

In vino veritas - well we can't be having THAT can we.

If there was any doubt whether Chalerm was as full as a fat girl's sock, his claim to be in love with the not-so-lovely Dem MP should settle it absolutely.

He was wearing his beer goggles

This article may be discussed today by elected officials over a bottle of 100 Pipers at lunchtime.

Not a chance ..... Black label at the very least.

Well I found it funny!

Not sure if this article is meant to be funny or not. When elected representitives make policies for the country it is usually better to have them sober.

Or is it?

Good question.

Edited February 29, 201214 yr by bigbamboo

I enjoyed the article. The writer must be British to master sarcasm so well. Thank you for the article!

So now we're back to the whole criminal libel/defamation thing... Where have we seen that played out before?

Chalerm filing police reports over his alleged drunkenness. And the PM going to the police over the whole hotel visit-businessmen's meeting thing (or whatever it was).

Seriously, Thailand need to revise its libel and defamation laws to make them non-criminal. I have to believe Abhisit as PM knew that was the right thing for Thailand, but it didn't get done, like so many other needed things.

So the circus continues.

This article may be discussed today by elected officials over a bottle of 100 Pipers at lunchtime.

Not a chance ..... Black label at the very least.

(But probably fake)

I find when I get inner ear problems I end up with a splitting headache in the morning.

Love "The Last Supper" bit.

Can Thaksin play Jesus Christ?

Edited to add: Add stakes for the heart to the spears, nails and ropes job list...to ensure there's no coming back.

I loved the Last Supper bit too. But wasn't somebody crucified just after that? I can think of at least one candidate to play the starring role this time round.

So now we're back to the whole criminal libel/defamation thing... Where have we seen that played out before?

Chalerm filing police reports over his alleged drunkenness. And the PM going to the police over the whole hotel visit-businessmen's meeting thing (or whatever it was).

Seriously, Thailand need to revise its libel and defamation laws to make them non-criminal. I have to believe Abhisit as PM knew that was the right thing for Thailand, but it didn't get done, like so many other needed things.

So the circus continues.

If judges/juries took into account the plaintiffs character and reputation and awarded monetary penalties commensurate with the "damage" there could be a solution to this problem without changing the laws.

IMHO the damage to Chalerm's reputation for accusation of being drunk is worth B1, with no provision for costs.

This is Thai-style satire/irony/sarcasm. Softer and more polite than your average Westerner! ;-)

Apologies for stating the bleedin' obvious.

It's more tragic and pathetic than funny.

I often wonder now that the "honeymoon" period is over as to just what the Electorate think who put this lot in power!.