Goodbye Uk, Hello Thailand. I Think ?

[autan]

I think you need to make a plan. (and to understand the shift in the balance of your relationship when you move to Thailand).

The most critical shift is going to be you are moving from being a citizen with full citizen rights, to a guest in your wife's country where you have few if any rights. The first and most obvious lack of rights is the right to own land (essentially no right to own a house in your own name and no shared ownership of house/land with your wife).

Unless you are very careful this will result in a gradual (sometimes swift) transfer of your shared assets to your wife's sole control. The house you are going to build will be in your wife's name on land owned by her or to be bought in her name.

Your plan should include preserving your assets in your or your shared name, ideally back in the UK. Ideally maintain property, cash, pensions and assets in the UK. You might at sometime in the future reconsider this if your life in Thailand turns out to suit you both but at the start Do not put all your eggs in the Thai Basket, and do not burn your bridges.

This is not about not trusting your wife, it is about ensuring your future if anything goes wrong.

What you have said suggests that your wife plans for you to live in her village/town - This almost certainly means you living with her family AND her family living with you.

This to me is a game stopper.

Your home, sorry, your wife's new home, is going to be her family home.

You need to find out EXACTLY what your wife's expectation is on this? Exactly where you are living, where is this house going to be built ? who is going to live in it? (Beware large numbers of spare rooms, actually any spare rooms - nature and Thai families abhor a vacuum).

Find out what your wife's plans are with respect to her family? Is she returning home to take care of them in their old age? Probably not old at all, but always on the lookout for a chance to say they are too old to work and put out their hand out for an easy income (Perhaps not easy for you if you are going to have to earn it).

What is your long term financial plan to ensure your financial security into your own old age? Have you got pensions and saving sorted, are you making pensions and long term savings, are you going to be able to continue making these savings? Most Thais cannot see past their next bowl of rice (if they happen to be eating rice at the time they can't see past the bowl of rice in front of them) - But you need to ensure your own personal long term financial security - and don't base that on Thailand being cheap now.

Remember, you will be a guest in Thailand, your long term financial security needs to be based on being able to return to the UK and live in the UK if your life in Thailand does not work out.

Personally, I agree with you, you know you've made a mistake agreeing to your wife's demands. Don't compound that by agreeing to all her demands.

Find out exactly what her plans are and then decide if you are going to go along with them.

DO NOT..... DO NOT.... DO NOT...... BURN YOUR BRIDGES.

OP, read this post over and over and over again until you take it fully onboard.

THIS POST HAS BECOME MY NEW BIBLE. ITS PRICELESS.

[autan]

Autan,

Didn't realise your wife was a halfy like me. Seems like similar circumstances to me and my wife.

Dare I suggest Bangkok may be an option. Cracking city to live in if you ask me.

Yes she is a halfy, Bankgok or Chiang Mai or even Pattaya would be my preffered choices.

I am under no illusions regarding the UK, its pretty dire here at the moment and I want a change myself, I am just trying to get my head around the idea, that this time I am NOT going on a holiday. If that makes any sense at all.

[cardholder]

Autan,

Didn't realise your wife was a halfy like me. Seems like similar circumstances to me and my wife.

Dare I suggest Bangkok may be an option. Cracking city to live in if you ask me.

Yes she is a halfy, Bankgok or Chiang Mai or even Pattaya would be my preffered choices.

I am under no illusions regarding the UK, its pretty dire here at the moment and I want a change myself, I am just trying to get my head around the idea, that this time I am NOT going on a holiday. If that makes any sense at all.

Rule number #1 (or at least in the top 6) - DON'T spend money like a tourist.

Put your house sale monies in a 3 month bond so you can't touch it and set yourself a monthly budget for living expenses.

Took me nearly a year to stop saying "But it's only a Tenner in England". No it's not, it's 500 Baht and probably nearly a quarter of your daily budget.

I must admit that I would struggle with Pattaya as a potential home if I had a young child. I know the Pattaya lovers will lambast me for that and I do accept the wide range of amenities that Pattaya offers. However, I am not sure how comfortably that fits with your dream of buying some land .. settling down in a quiet little town (blimey, I sound like Gerry Rafferty!) etc.

Bangkok offers a host of opportunities but I think you have to be a born 'city dweller' to adapt to it's pace and style of life.

On the surface Chiang Mai and Hua Hin offer a 'soft landing' for new expats. They are suitably Westernised and have most amenities that one would need. They are both in attractive locations.

Edited March 10, 2012 by cardholder

[Sing_Sling]

Put your house sale monies in a 3 month bond so you can't touch it and set yourself a monthly budget for living expenses.

What an excellent suggestion, I like it.

[rick1198]

Life is what you make it no matter where you are. If you have enough income to keep yourself in food, lodging, and a few good

hobbys and keep healthy then thailand is one of the best places to live.. a few frustrations but the life style is worth it.

Learn to speak as much thai as you can. Making the right friends in immigration, or police, or army or navy can really come

in handy if you happen to get in trouble. I know many very wealthy expats and my life is just as good as their's and I'm a oap of moderate means.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

A balance has to be found by each expat as the whether the pleasure outweighs the pain. Having said that, if a person has to constantly be leary of those around them and their motives, just what quality of life does that offer?

As a person who used to work in the legal profession in the US (usually for the woman) I would like to point out.

Those who fail to protect themselves from their 'nearest and dearest' often end up being totally fleeced.

The greatest danger to a man's wealth, home and children, anywhere in the world, is usually his partner.

I would 'guesstimate' that for every man, burgled, mugged, car-jacked, or shot by a stranger in the US, ten more would suffer a similar or more severe loss as a victim of their partner.

Not to forget, plenty of people also get 'turned over' by their children.

Edited March 10, 2012 by AnotherOneAmerican

[HardenedSoul]

My Wife is a Thai National by right, not birth. (Her Mother is from Thailand, she is mixed race), she has a Thai Passport (as does our Son), Thai ID Card in her name and this blue land book. (Not really sure what that is). She is all intense English as I am I.

We have been married for 4 years and been together 12 years. We have a Son and no trust issues.

Reading this part of the OP's post got me thinking so I went back over the thread, read the responses - my own included - and it dawned on me that, because his wife is English, only the advice that covered non-relationship matters is actually pertinent to his situation.

Many of us assumed he'd met her here and offered advice skewed towards ring-fencing or family-proofing his wealth against the extended family and suggestions on various contingencies in case it all went Pete Tong.

We did this because, based on what we may have heard from others or experienced ourselves, these are the chief hazards associated with hooking up with a Thai woman.

Well, it turns out that the OP doesn't have to worry about that <deleted> cos he's got a woman who understands his culture and "gets" him. Of course, that's not to say it can't go pear-shaped but given the apparent stability of the relationship, there's every reason to believe things'll be sweet going forward.

My point is that many respondents have obviously become too jaded and cynical and this has led them to automatically assume the OP's Thai woman was a gold-digger.This, perhaps, explains why there are so many failures within the expat community. People so set in their ways that they spend their lives in Thailand in fear. Whether this entails being constantly on the look out for over-charging when buying goods and services or being terrified of getting closer emotionally to a Thai woman in case she cleans your clock, it evidently doesn't make for a happy life.

[KKvampire]

HAs anyone else gone through this ?

Yes. Pretty much everyone has gone through it.

To be perfectly honest, you already sound like you don't want to be here. That in itself rings alarm bells because you're coming to it from a negative perspective. You will be inclined, i suspect, to ignore the good differences and focus only on the negatives.

Stay home. You know it makes sense.

Absolutely dont live here, I'm leaving in April, a hard place to live, adapting to the crazy , unsafe, country is not easy if nigh impossible for many and of course there are many other places to go, Fact is People come to Thailand a couple times and think "I like to live here" , little knowing what they are letting themselves in for.

Once a Falang always a Falang to Thais

Edited March 10, 2012 by KKvampire

[transam]

HAs anyone else gone through this ?

Yes. Pretty much everyone has gone through it.

To be perfectly honest, you already sound like you don't want to be here. That in itself rings alarm bells because you're coming to it from a negative perspective. You will be inclined, i suspect, to ignore the good differences and focus only on the negatives.

Stay home. You know it makes sense.

Absolutely dont live here, I'm leaving in April, a hard place to live, adapting to the crazy , unsafe, country is not easy if nigh impossible for many and of course there are many other places to go, Fact is People come to Thailand a couple times and think "I like to live here" , little knowing what they are letting themselves in for.

Once a Falang always a Falang to Thais

Yep, for sure, when l came here l told myself to blot out everything from my past, or should l say past thoughts about stuff. So far OK, when l see shit l close down my few grey cells. Can't blethering deal with it.

[IanForbes]

Rule number #1 (or at least in the top 6) - DON'T spend money like a tourist.

Put your house sale monies in a 3 month bond so you can't touch it and set yourself a monthly budget for living expenses.

Took me nearly a year to stop saying "But it's only a Tenner in England". No it's not, it's 500 Baht and probably nearly a quarter of your daily budget.

I must admit that I would struggle with Pattaya as a potential home if I had a young child. I know the Pattaya lovers will lambast me for that and I do accept the wide range of amenities that Pattaya offers. However, I am not sure how comfortably that fits with your dream of buying some land .. settling down in a quiet little town (blimey, I sound like Gerry Rafferty!) etc.

Bangkok offers a host of opportunities but I think you have to be a born 'city dweller' to adapt to it's pace and style of life.

On the surface Chiang Mai and Hua Hin offer a 'soft landing' for new expats. They are suitably Westernised and have most amenities that one would need. They are both in attractive locations.

This is another great post to add to the one by guesthouse.

[transam]

Rule number #1 (or at least in the top 6) - DON'T spend money like a tourist.

Put your house sale monies in a 3 month bond so you can't touch it and set yourself a monthly budget for living expenses.

Took me nearly a year to stop saying "But it's only a Tenner in England". No it's not, it's 500 Baht and probably nearly a quarter of your daily budget.

I must admit that I would struggle with Pattaya as a potential home if I had a young child. I know the Pattaya lovers will lambast me for that and I do accept the wide range of amenities that Pattaya offers. However, I am not sure how comfortably that fits with your dream of buying some land .. settling down in a quiet little town (blimey, I sound like Gerry Rafferty!) etc.

Bangkok offers a host of opportunities but I think you have to be a born 'city dweller' to adapt to it's pace and style of life.

On the surface Chiang Mai and Hua Hin offer a 'soft landing' for new expats. They are suitably Westernised and have most amenities that one would need. They are both in attractive locations.

This is another great post to add to the one by guesthouse.

Christ, seems l bletheringly did it all wrong. Still there's always .

[StreetCowboy]

Rule number #1 (or at least in the top 6) - DON'T spend money like a tourist.

Put your house sale monies in a 3 month bond so you can't touch it and set yourself a monthly budget for living expenses.

Took me nearly a year to stop saying "But it's only a Tenner in England". No it's not, it's 500 Baht and probably nearly a quarter of your daily budget.

I must admit that I would struggle with Pattaya as a potential home if I had a young child. I know the Pattaya lovers will lambast me for that and I do accept the wide range of amenities that Pattaya offers. However, I am not sure how comfortably that fits with your dream of buying some land .. settling down in a quiet little town (blimey, I sound like Gerry Rafferty!) etc.

Bangkok offers a host of opportunities but I think you have to be a born 'city dweller' to adapt to it's pace and style of life.

On the surface Chiang Mai and Hua Hin offer a 'soft landing' for new expats. They are suitably Westernised and have most amenities that one would need. They are both in attractive locations.

This is another great post to add to the one by guesthouse.

Christ, seems l bletheringly did it all wrong. Still there's always .

There's blokes bleary-eyed from the bevvy blethering <deleted> in the boozers from noon till night in Thailand.

Its just like being back in Blighty...

SC

[samran]

Autan,

Didn't realise your wife was a halfy like me. Seems like similar circumstances to me and my wife.

Dare I suggest Bangkok may be an option. Cracking city to live in if you ask me.

Yes she is a halfy, Bankgok or Chiang Mai or even Pattaya would be my preffered choices.

I am under no illusions regarding the UK, its pretty dire here at the moment and I want a change myself, I am just trying to get my head around the idea, that this time I am NOT going on a holiday. If that makes any sense at all.

Then simply take what I've said already on the previous page and multiply it by two -especially as it sounds your wife has spent most of her life in the UK.

If you don't mind me asking, how well does your wife know Thailand?

One golden rule I've had in Thailand is to keep a good arms length relationship from my mothers relatives. They run the whole gammet, from up country issan bumpkins to quite well off and influential people. Nice people and all, but for different reasons all could become overbearing. After a decade, for the most part we've all found a good equilibrium.

Sounds like it will be a good adventure then, and yes, BKK, Chiang Mai are pretty good options, BKK especially can be a good 'Thailand for beginners' location if you are at all worried.

[Bangkokhatter]

To the OP, I would think it's quite normal to be apprehensive about moving over here. It's a big decision, but as you state living in the U.K is no fun anymore for you and your wife, so give it a go .

I moved here within 3 months of getting a job offer and can say I have no regrets. Sure there have been ups and downs as you adjust to the Thai ways of doing things but it's no great drama or hardship

Too many people here talk up the negative, no idea why. Been here 3 years now with no real problems and I do not know any policeman, immigration official or some other high up Thai, that some people suggest you need to know, to get on here.

Just do my work, socialise with both Thais and ex-pats and just live my life, but in a better climate

[GuestHouse]

On the basis of the OP's response I feel a little more advice is in order.

Autan, you say you have a son, who I gather is of school age. I'd put his education at the forefront of your planning.

To get any acceptable education for your son you will almost certainly need to be located in or very near one of the major population centers. You will need to put your son into a private school, preferably an international school - This is going to be a major cost issue.

There will of course be people who disagree with this, who perhaps have their children in the Thai State Schools. Fine if you want your son taught nationalism by rote and to leave school fully qualified in wearing uniforms, marching in neet order and banging on drums.

If you want him to learn to think independently you'll not want him in any part of the Thai state education system nor in most of the private education system either.

Sit down with your wife, talk this out and get some data together on the costs of education here.

Data on the failings of the Thai education system can be gleaned from posts about living and working with Thais here in TV.

Edited March 11, 2012 by GuestHouse

[IanForbes]

The guesthouse just added another gem. I've seen and experienced just what he is saying about education. If you want to turn your child into a robot then send him to a public school. Or, be prepared to do a LOT of self teaching.

[BadtzBee]

You probably need to ask a specific question if you want someone to answer. Your original post doesn't make too much sense.

Agreed. It doesnt.

I am moaning about agreeing to everything my Wife wanted because I never really thought, we would ever move to Thailand. Now that we are, I am afraid regarding what lies ahead for me, will I fit in, will I be happy, what can I do to be Thai or even and Expat living there/here. ]

HAs anyone else gone through this ?

I am also about to move here (but from the US).

I really haven't had many sensible replies from members of this forum. I was looking for suggestions on where to live.

From over 140 replies the only two sensible suggestions were Chiang Mai and Hat Yai. Good luck with your move.

Something else to consider.

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/539865-thai-authorities-consider-evacuating-children-and-the-aged-as-air-pollution-in-north-worsens/

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/539629-high-level-of-toxins-found-in-residents-of-northern-thailand/

[Sing_Sling]

Guesthouse makes yet another good point . . . think about his future - the one after school as well, perhaps even after university. If he goes to an international school what will his Thai be like for tertiary education?

Do you want him to live and work in Thailand or a western country?

Adults have their reasons for moving to Thailand and they seldom, if ever, coincide with what their children need.

We have our children in international schools and yes, it does cost a bomb, but we know we will head back home one day and we need to ensure that our children are not in any way lacking in education when we do

It sounds like a loooooooooooong way to think ahead, but it is important

[Loz]

On the basis of the OP's response I feel a little more advice is in order.

Autan, you say you have a son, who I gather is of school age. I'd put his education at the forefront of your planning.

To get any acceptable education for your son you will almost certainly need to be located in or very near one of the major population centers. You will need to put your son into a private school, preferably an international school - This is going to be a major cost issue.

There will of course be people who disagree with this, who perhaps have their children in the Thai State Schools. Fine if you want your son taught nationalism by rote and to leave school fully qualified in wearing uniforms, marching in neet order and banging on drums.

If you want him to learn to think independently you'll not want him in any part of the Thai state education system nor in most of the private education system either.

Sit down with your wife, talk this out and get some data together on the costs of education here.

Data on the failings of the Thai education system can be gleaned from posts about living and working with Thais here in TV.

Golden Post.

I have been working in Education here since my 3rd Day. (arrived Saturday morning, started teaching full time Monday morning) I have worked up to a management position in an English Program of a state school and can state from experience that unless you don't care about creative independent thought, and problem solving ability, let alone self expression, avoid Thai state education at ALL COSTS!!

I would go further. I have taught a boy for the last year who came from the American School of Bangkok. I have talked to him about it and we have been through the level of involvement of their board members (some highly educated (Cornell Graduates) farang businessmen and some educated thais, and this school seems to be clearly the best I've come across for a traditional education.

Darunsikalai School for Innovative learning is hands down the most progressive school I have found in Thailand (both these are in Bangkok but I live in the north east so travel quite a bit). They use a constructionist approach (learner centered) and combine that with a bi-lingual project based learning program (as I have been implementing in my English Program) They study with thai and foreign teachers and the first question they (students) are asked at the beginning of term is, What do you want to learn? Kids lead the projects and teachers facilitate. The school welcome visitors and I have recently taken a delegation of students teachers and directors as well as parents from my school down there. I think this is a fantastic school run by thais, for thai and international students. They are led by post graduates of MIT and have strong links to Professor Seymour Papert, the father of constructionism. They are also supported by the CEO or MD of Siam Cement, one of Thailand's wealthiest companies. He too did post grad studies at MIT. Yes, I am selling this school as I believe it is one of two places I feel confident your kid has a chance of getting an education. elsewhere, I just could not endorse.

Hope this helps.

Ps, I've loved teaching/facilitating learning here. But working with thai teachers is at best, wearing.

[anterian]

Never ever burn your bridges, Thais are emotional people, this means your partner, your neighbours, officials, the government. You have very few rights here, even your right to stay is one year at a time. Upset the authorities and you are out on your ear, upset a local Thai and the community will close ranks against you, upset your wife and her family will turn on you. Live here 20 years, speak perfect Thai and you will still be referred to as the farang not by your name.

Play it cool, don't make waves, keep your thoughts to yourself and you will survive, don't try to go native, you will lose respect but don't preach your way is better, it is just different. A few well placed Thais as friends can help a lot, but remember in Thailand friendship always comes at a price.

Finally, every expat has faced your problems, each have found their own solution, they are not the same for all, listen to advice but in the end it is up to you.

[mikebell]

You probably need to ask a specific question if you want someone to answer. Your original post doesn't make too much sense.

Agreed. It doesnt.

I am moaning about agreeing to everything my Wife wanted because I never really thought, we would ever move to Thailand. Now that we are, I am afraid regarding what lies ahead for me, will I fit in, will I be happy, what can I do to be Thai or even and Expat living there/here. ]

HAs anyone else gone through this ?

I am also about to move here (but from the US).

I really haven't had many sensible replies from members of this forum. I was looking for suggestions on where to live.

From over 140 replies the only two sensible suggestions were Chiang Mai and Hat Yai. Good luck with your move.

Hat Yai!!! Known as Rat Yai is merely a red-light town for Malays. I am surprised anyone suggested there. It's a bit near the troubled Muslim areas too.

[Sing_Sling]

Darunsikalai School for Innovative learning is hands down the most progressive school I have found in Thailand (both these are in Bangkok but I live in the north east so travel quite a bit). They use a constructionist approach (learner centered) and combine that with a bi-lingual project based learning program (as I have been implementing in my English Program) They study with thai and foreign teachers and the first question they (students) are asked at the beginning of term is, What do you want to learn? Kids lead the projects and teachers facilitate.

Very good post, thank you

I'm all for the constructionist approach but open environments' don't necessarily help the children when the doors to tertiary education and the workplace call.

Our eldest went to Steiner - and bombed dramatically when she had to enter a 'mainstream' international school . . . our youngest went to Montessori and struggled a bit in placement exams for 'mainstream' international school.

I firmly believe that true education is a balance of nature and nurture.

The kids are fine now, but it wasn't easy. Sometimes we (I include myself - though Montessori was my wife's choice) tend to think too much of the child's psychological well-being in terms of traditional learning being damaging.

Balance . . .

[Sing_Sling]

Hat Yai!!! Known as Rat Yai is merely a red-light town for Malays. I am surprised anyone suggested there. It's a bit near the troubled Muslim areas too.

Malaysians . . . not just Malays

[HardenedSoul]

Never ever burn your bridges, Thais are emotional people, this means your partner, your neighbours, officials, the government. You have very few rights here, even your right to stay is one year at a time. Upset the authorities and you are out on your ear, upset a local Thai and the community will close ranks against you, upset your wife and her family will turn on you. Live here 20 years, speak perfect Thai and you will still be referred to as the farang not by your name.

Play it cool, don't make waves, keep your thoughts to yourself and you will survive, don't try to go native, you will lose respect but don't preach your way is better, it is just different. A few well placed Thais as friends can help a lot, but remember in Thailand friendship always comes at a price.

Finally, every expat has faced your problems, each have found their own solution, they are not the same for all, listen to advice but in the end it is up to you.

Don't think the guy only wants to survive here.

Of course it's not a good idea to be a loud mouth in this country but it's most definitely not a good idea to bend over and take it in the tradesman's when less scrupulousThais inevitably try to take the piss. And they will try it on so the quicker you step on that shit, the easier your life will be.

[quandow]

I will offer my not-so-humble opinion based on your very non-specific questions. I am coming up on six years here in Thailand, have lived in Bangkok (Bang Bon), Pattaya and Jomtien, and can't think of many places better than Jomtien. You want quiet? It's here. You want night life? Ditto. Decent internet connection, affordable health and dental care, GREAT roads for bicycing (again, Jomtien). You give up a few things - last night I went to Big C in Pattaya cuz I needed AA rechargeable batteries, they were out. I've had the same thing happen with coffee filters. OK, they'll be back in stock in a week or a month or . . . these are the adjustments you have to decide whether or not you can live with. Best of luck to you.

[anterian]

Never ever burn your bridges, Thais are emotional people, this means your partner, your neighbours, officials, the government. You have very few rights here, even your right to stay is one year at a time. Upset the authorities and you are out on your ear, upset a local Thai and the community will close ranks against you, upset your wife and her family will turn on you. Live here 20 years, speak perfect Thai and you will still be referred to as the farang not by your name.

Play it cool, don't make waves, keep your thoughts to yourself and you will survive, don't try to go native, you will lose respect but don't preach your way is better, it is just different. A few well placed Thais as friends can help a lot, but remember in Thailand friendship always comes at a price.

Finally, every expat has faced your problems, each have found their own solution, they are not the same for all, listen to advice but in the end it is up to you.

Don't think the guy only wants to survive here.

Of course it's not a good idea to be a loud mouth in this country but it's most definitely not a good idea to bend over and take it in the tradesman's when less scrupulousThais inevitably try to take the piss. And they will try it on so the quicker you step on that shit, the easier your life will be.

I agree, that is why I said play it cool, where I come from that means don't take sh*t from people but neither give it.

[jimbeam1]

I think you need to make a plan. (and to understand the shift in the balance of your relationship when you move to Thailand).

The most critical shift is going to be you are moving from being a citizen with full citizen rights, to a guest in your wife's country where you have few if any rights. The first and most obvious lack of rights is the right to own land (essentially no right to own a house in your own name and no shared ownership of house/land with your wife).

Unless you are very careful this will result in a gradual (sometimes swift) transfer of your shared assets to your wife's sole control. The house you are going to build will be in your wife's name on land owned by her or to be bought in her name.

Your plan should include preserving your assets in your or your shared name, ideally back in the UK. Ideally maintain property, cash, pensions and assets in the UK. You might at sometime in the future reconsider this if your life in Thailand turns out to suit you both but at the start Do not put all your eggs in the Thai Basket, and do not burn your bridges.

This is not about not trusting your wife, it is about ensuring your future if anything goes wrong.

What you have said suggests that your wife plans for you to live in her village/town - This almost certainly means you living with her family AND her family living with you.

This to me is a game stopper.

Your home, sorry, your wife's new home, is going to be her family home.

You need to find out EXACTLY what your wife's expectation is on this? Exactly where you are living, where is this house going to be built ? who is going to live in it? (Beware large numbers of spare rooms, actually any spare rooms - nature and Thai families abhor a vacuum).

Find out what your wife's plans are with respect to her family? Is she returning home to take care of them in their old age? Probably not old at all, but always on the lookout for a chance to say they are too old to work and put out their hand out for an easy income (Perhaps not easy for you if you are going to have to earn it).

What is your long term financial plan to ensure your financial security into your own old age? Have you got pensions and saving sorted, are you making pensions and long term savings, are you going to be able to continue making these savings? Most Thais cannot see past their next bowl of rice (if they happen to be eating rice at the time they can't see past the bowl of rice in front of them) - But you need to ensure your own personal long term financial security - and don't base that on Thailand being cheap now.

Remember, you will be a guest in Thailand, your long term financial security needs to be based on being able to return to the UK and live in the UK if your life in Thailand does not work out.

Personally, I agree with you, you know you've made a mistake agreeing to your wife's demands. Don't compound that by agreeing to all her demands.

Find out exactly what her plans are and then decide if you are going to go along with them.

DO NOT..... DO NOT.... DO NOT...... BURN YOUR BRIDGES.

I have only just got to this post and this is only as far as you need to go. It says it all.

jb1

[Loz]

Darunsikalai School for Innovative learning is hands down the most progressive school I have found in Thailand (both these are in Bangkok but I live in the north east so travel quite a bit). They use a constructionist approach (learner centered) and combine that with a bi-lingual project based learning program (as I have been implementing in my English Program) They study with thai and foreign teachers and the first question they (students) are asked at the beginning of term is, What do you want to learn? Kids lead the projects and teachers facilitate.

Very good post, thank you

I'm all for the constructionist approach but open environments' don't necessarily help the children when the doors to tertiary education and the workplace call.

Our eldest went to Steiner - and bombed dramatically when she had to enter a 'mainstream' international school . . . our youngest went to Montessori and struggled a bit in placement exams for 'mainstream' international school.

I firmly believe that true education is a balance of nature and nurture.

The kids are fine now, but it wasn't easy. Sometimes we (I include myself - though Montessori was my wife's choice) tend to think too much of the child's psychological well-being in terms of traditional learning being damaging.

Balance . . .

Thank you.

Interestingly this is not the first time I have heard this observation of such schools. I think it depends on one's expectations of "schooling". If you want to go into the thai tertiary education system, I would say, why waste your time with anything other that state silliness? You will learn how to pass multi choice/guess questions just as they use in thai universities. If you want to go to western Uni's I would say have a tutor (special class) just for prep for entrance tests. I have had kids leave our English Program with a good blend of my values and the "system". They have gone to the top 5 unis in Thailand and are doing well. They still question things more than most but they have a foot in both camps. The mainstream for passing exams, and the real world for what THEY want to know for themselves. This is the difference I feel is the greatest accomplishment of teaching here. Getting kids interested in learning for their own ends.

For mainstream good-life in Thailand for people with the budget, I guess the American School of Bangkok is great starting point. I should point out that I am English, not American. So, I should give a shout out to Harrow international school too. But we only know them because they are the testing centre for Cambridge KET and other certs. Its a new relationship and I'm still finding out about them.

Edited March 11, 2012 by Loz

[IanForbes]

Congrats to you, Loz. You can't win all the battles but if you win most of them you are doing okay. I have the greatest respect for teachers who actually want to teach the children how to learn... rather than just repeat things from rote. The children who WANT to learn are the hope for the future of Thailand... or any country for that matter. My daughter and her husband are both teachers in Canada where the focus is in actual learning and not just memorizing.

[Loz]

Congrats to you, Loz. You can't win all the battles but if you win most of them you are doing okay. I have the greatest respect for teachers who actually want to teach the children how to learn... rather than just repeat things from rote. The children who WANT to learn are the hope for the future of Thailand... or any country for that matter. My daughter and her husband are both teachers in Canada where the focus is in actual learning and not just memorizing.

Thanks, Ian

Ps. I thought I saw you in the Mall Korat today. Impossible, right?