Lies, Lies And Lies... Or?

[Tanaka]

I feel something lacking in these posts. OP is in a relation with a lady, being it marriage or whatever. For a relation to work for both parties involved, there has to be trust. Without that, it is doomed to fail sooner or later. Trust means you do not lie and it means you stand by each other if and when needed. This clearly his lady has n ot done and that shows she does not love him and she is not willing to or interested in keeping the relation on a mutual level. She does not see him as family so how does she look on him? Provider? ATM? Whatever, it is nothing to try and build something on. OP this is never going to get any better. It has been said, there are so many good ladies here, try and find one.

[brit1984]

She may have a gambling addiction and is too embarrassed to tell you. This would explain a lot. Whether gambling or not, she clearly has some problems with her finances.

She probably needed the money from the land sale to repay a loan (in which case it's sorted now) or to make an interest payment (in which case the outstanding loan amount could be significant).

I recommend being supportive and try to talk to her about her problems (gambling or otherwise). She is unlikely to reveal all but you need to at least try to understand the extent of her financial problems as this will affect your future plans.

The past is gone so don't waste too much brain power over analysing it; better to focus on the future. Your future is with her and your baby.

Good luck to all of you!

[MAJIC]

The real answer to your problem,lies within you,ask yourself what would you do if an English Girlfriend did the same thing to you?

I think you would have the answer on the tip of your tongue,in seconds.

Edited April 1, 2012 by MAJIC

[simple1]

She may have a gambling addiction and is too embarrassed to tell you. This would explain a lot. Whether gambling or not, she clearly has some problems with her finances.

She probably needed the money from the land sale to repay a loan (in which case it's sorted now) or to make an interest payment (in which case the outstanding loan amount could be significant).

I recommend being supportive and try to talk to her about her problems (gambling or otherwise). She is unlikely to reveal all but you need to at least try to understand the extent of her financial problems as this will affect your future plans.

The past is gone so don't waste too much brain power over analysing it; better to focus on the future. Your future is with her and your baby.

Good luck to all of you!

There is a possability she has debts that you are unware. Note, whilst it it illegal, I believe max interest rate under law is 23% p.a., many Thais charge very high interest rates on loans/debts. I recently bought a house cheaply from a Thai women who had gambling debs and needed quick cash. Also whilst it is a generlisation many Thais do not plan for the future, only day to day - this has been mentioned to me many times in conversations with Thai's when trying to understand some issues.

[simple1]

She may have a gambling addiction and is too embarrassed to tell you. This would explain a lot. Whether gambling or not, she clearly has some problems with her finances.

She probably needed the money from the land sale to repay a loan (in which case it's sorted now) or to make an interest payment (in which case the outstanding loan amount could be significant).

I recommend being supportive and try to talk to her about her problems (gambling or otherwise). She is unlikely to reveal all but you need to at least try to understand the extent of her financial problems as this will affect your future plans.

The past is gone so don't waste too much brain power over analysing it; better to focus on the future. Your future is with her and your baby.

Good luck to all of you!

There is a possability she has debts that you are unware. Note, whilst it it illegal, I believe max interest rate under law is 23% p.a., many Thais charge very high interest rates on loans/debts. I recently bought a house cheaply from a Thai women who had gambling debs and needed quick cash. Also whilst it is a generlisation many Thais do not plan for the future, only day to day - this has been mentioned to me many times in conversations with Thai's when trying to understand some issues.

Sorry, may also be a possability that your partner has loaned the money to a family member. Difficult situation for you should you raise this matter as it will cause conflict with your wife's GF and flow on to the GF's husband. Just a thought that it may be wiser to drop any action by you for the sake of family peace As previously mentioned it is likely the response you will get is "not your business".

[BigJohnnyBKK]

For a relation to work for both parties involved, there has to be trust. Without that, it is doomed to fail sooner or later. Trust means you do not lie and it means you stand by each other if and when needed. This clearly his lady has n ot done and that shows she does not love him and she is not willing to or interested in keeping the relation on a mutual level. She does not see him as family so how does she look on him? Provider? ATM? Whatever, it is nothing to try and build something on. OP this is never going to get any better. It has been said, there are so many good ladies here, try and find one.

Unfortunately even the good ladies will see the man as the provider of support, and most will try to get as much as they can and give as little as possible in return.

It is very rare to find a Thai woman human being that doesn't lie to get what they want. Better to make your arrangements in the expectation of the worst rather than setting yourself up to be taken advantage of. If you pleasantly surprised and find years later that you do actually have that rare saint as your partner then by all means open up and expose yourself to more and more danger over time.

But just note if the stakes are high enough some of these girls are smart enough to really work the long con, and don't pull the trigger until everything is all set maybe ten years in.

I've seen too many wealthy men lose everything, including their lives. Be careful out there fellas.

I think this paragraph only makes sense if you substitute the word "partner" for "maid"... I assume it was a typo.

I used the word partner as in the euphemistic sense for "person you keep for sex". I personally think any farang who actually gives their Thai girl fresh off the rice farm the kind of "full-partner" status that a western woman would expect is being a complete idiot. You are giving her security, a steady allowance is already like winning the lottery, no need to set yourself up to have all your assets stripped.

The only sensible way IMO is to pay as you go for services rendered - when it all falls apart - or even when you're no longer getting good value for your money - move on and upgrade to next year's model. If you get a good few years you're ahead of the averages.

Unless of course you find a wealthy woman who will support you in your old age. Good luck with that. . .

[MediumPaceBowler]

For a relation to work for both parties involved, there has to be trust. Without that, it is doomed to fail sooner or later. Trust means you do not lie and it means you stand by each other if and when needed. This clearly his lady has n ot done and that shows she does not love him and she is not willing to or interested in keeping the relation on a mutual level. She does not see him as family so how does she look on him? Provider? ATM? Whatever, it is nothing to try and build something on. OP this is never going to get any better. It has been said, there are so many good ladies here, try and find one.

Unfortunately even the good ladies will see the man as the provider of support, and most will try to get as much as they can and give as little as possible in return.

It is very rare to find a Thai woman human being that doesn't lie to get what they want. Better to make your arrangements in the expectation of the worst rather than setting yourself up to be taken advantage of. If you pleasantly surprised and find years later that you do actually have that rare saint as your partner then by all means open up and expose yourself to more and more danger over time.

But just note if the stakes are high enough some of these girls are smart enough to really work the long con, and don't pull the trigger until everything is all set maybe ten years in.

I've seen too many wealthy men lose everything, including their lives. Be careful out there fellas.

I think this paragraph only makes sense if you substitute the word "partner" for "maid"... I assume it was a typo.

I used the word partner as in the euphemistic sense for "person you keep for sex". I personally think any farang who actually gives their Thai girl fresh off the rice farm the kind of "full-partner" status that a western woman would expect is being a complete idiot. You are giving her security, a steady allowance is already like winning the lottery, no need to set yourself up to have all your assets stripped.

The only sensible way IMO is to pay as you go for services rendered - when it all falls apart - or even when you're no longer getting good value for your money - move on and upgrade to next year's model. If you get a good few years you're ahead of the averages.

Unless of course you find a wealthy woman who will support you in your old age. Good luck with that. . .

Excellent post.

[farangme]

Lies are a part of Thai life. The grease of Thai society. You need to figure out the level to which you can manage this. Is something a lie and if so, for what reason? Some are well intended, while some are selfish and deceitful. Not saying there aren't a few out there who don't lie, but I'd argue they're in the minority.

I agree with the post:

She thinks what's yours is hers and what's hers is hers.

Decisions for you:

1. Can you deal with any level of lies and willing to work through them? If not, bail and try finding someone who doesn't.

2. If yes, ask her why she didn't tell you. There could be a number of reasons.

3. If you think you get an honest explanation, then you can work out how you want to handle that type of situation.

4. If she gives you some BS and continues to lie, then cut you're losses and bail.

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[473geo]

But if he asks why she didn't want him to know, she is cast into the very situation she probably sought to avoid, namely a lot of questions that in the end will not change what she had decided to do!!

[farangme]

Yes, but what other choice is there since she's been caught?

If no discussion, no chance for understanding, and the relationship is likely over.

If explanation leads to something the op can work through, i.e. she's helping family member who has embarrassing problem, maybe they can work things out.

If she can't come clean, for whatever reason, then its probably over.

That's the problem with lies, if you get caught, you either come clean and deal with it, or continue to spin more lies and likely assure a worse outcome as most lies come out in the end.

If she's lying for a very deceitful reason, and thus won't talk, its over anyway.

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[473geo]

I guess the question is......on a need to know basis, just how badly does/did he need to know what his girlfriend was doing with her finances

Enough to risk the relationship by asking unwanted questions.....implying mistrust, furtive action, lack of commication and thought, that the girl in raising money without consultation has done something wrong?

Or should he accept they were fortunate she has her own back up, and let it lie......and if the conversation ever arises tell her it is her money she makes the decisions....in other words rather than put her on the spot......show a little trust and support

[farangme]

Well, back to the ops original question of what is she thinking:

What's his is hers. What's hers is hers. She's gonna take care of herself and her Thai family, not the op. When his money runs out, she is gone.

I think the fact that the op would rather ask strangers in the internet to speculate what his partner MIGHT be thinking, rather than asking her first, says something regarding the relationship.

If she was just a gik, who cares? If she's his partner having his baby and he can't ask why she's selling land behind his back and telling others not to tell him? Hmmmmm...

Just my opinion of course.

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[manarak]

Interesting thread, especially the contributions from Thai males.

Fellow westerners, time to grow some balls methinks.

[473geo]

Interesting thread, especially the contributions from Thai males.

Fellow westerners, time to grow some balls methinks.

The man with balls is excited by the risks......the man without runs.....

[Geekfreaklover]

The OP should follow the example of his girlfriend and keep his money to himself. How can she complain after keeping 100k a secret during times of financial worry?

She would say something like:

Money you, money me.

Money me, money me,

This relationship has diaster written all over it.

[farang000999]

Quite a disturbing topic that the mother of ur child would hide money at a time of need. I wish you the best of luck OP. Keep both eyes open it does not sound like you picked the best woman out there. Sorry to be blunt.