you put the contents of your tesco trolley in the back of the ute/pickup and then put the empty trolley behind another persons car.

you start drinking lao kao when the monks ring the temple bell, be at the start of the mor lam at 10 00 hrs, dance like an idiot until 1200 hrs, then fall asleep under a tree at the temple, then fire up again at 1400 for another bout of drunken stupidity.

tear down the cow barn, put another one up but far worse than the previous one, then sit around with your idiot friends satisfied with your days work.

since your a lao kow drinking fool, enlist the help of five others of similar ilk too help with the above mentioned buliding project.

put 100 baht in the envelope for helping with the costs of the funeral/wedding and make sure you drink 3 bottles of lao kow to make a profit on the day.

play hi lo with the other mia farangs losing 5000 baht over the course of a 12 hour period, but tell your husband you went to help prepare the body.

build the biggest house in the village, because everyone will forget you were a hooker.

When you have mastered driving the Super Cheap trolley with 3 broken wheels.

When you don’t immediately wash the unknown stickey stuff off your hands after pushing the Super Cheap trolley around for 2 hours.

When, as a Farang, you look on one of your fellow newbie Farang with his new Thai GF fawning over her (and she over him) wearing his rose colored glasses and on that high that we first experience when landing in Thailand and realizing we are ultra handsome and wonderful and rich and can get 100x the girls we got back home -- and we just smile at them, head cocked a little to the side in the way a parent does to his/her child. As if to say "carry on and enjoy while you can".

When, even as a formerly uptight, punctual, driven, competitive, precise Farang, upon fully realizing how hopeless things are here, you've fully adopted the 'mai pen rai' culture in favor of self preservation and selfishness and gluttony.

When, whether otherwise committed or not, you convince yourself (after being asked so many times) that the "take care" or "special" is really just a perfectly normal, non-sexual part of the massage. Available as an option for further relaxation which you pay a premium for -- like adding bacon on your burger at Burger King.

When you finally realize that the superior strategy is one of non-attachment. Bust your nut, laugh a bit together, perhaps share a meal, and then forget about it all.

When you pull the front of your tee-shirt up to get some air on your belly

When you start sneezing everytime the family buffalo catches a cold.

When you automatically tuck a small bribe next to your driver license and hide the bulk of your cash so the BIB don't see it.

When you are upset you weren't given a spoon and fork with your club sandwich.

put 100 baht in the envelope for helping with the costs of the funeral/wedding and make sure you drink 3 bottles of lao kow to make a profit on the day.

play hi lo with the other mia farangs losing 5000 baht over the course of a 12 hour period, but tell your husband you went to help prepare the body.

build the biggest house in the village, because everyone will forget you were a hooker.

You were a hooker?

You start to believe the populist BS policies from anyone with the surname Shinawatra are/were actually good for the country.

You don't swear at the guy who almost killed you as he drives across the sidewalk into the mall, turns a corner without looking at you, hammers down a narrow soi and expects you to jump out of way, passes the other car at speed that stopped for you in a cross-walk, etc.

I put ice in my beer, and like it. (I am so ashamed)

You realise a scooter is the ultimate vehicle due to ease of parking.

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