Thai Relatives

[tombkk]

Quite a number of negative comments here. Thais do visit each othet, family bonds are very strong. If uou don't like it, why do you liv here, I wonder.

Indeed, but the courtesy of being asked or informed of the impending visit would have been nice.

Well, his wife knew about it and I think she is house owner and can invite her relatives if she want. However I would do the bar beer trip, as suggested by others.

You can do that, or you can get to know your in-laws! If you are a family man, that is.

[HeavyDrinker]

Yes, as Westerners we would appreciate it. But this is not a Western country.

I'm sure many Thai men would also be as equally peeved if the wife's family turned up unannounced out of the blue...

[robblok]

Quite a number of negative comments here. Thais do visit each othet, family bonds are very strong. If uou don't like it, why do you liv here, I wonder.

Indeed, but the courtesy of being asked or informed of the impending visit would have been nice.

Well, his wife knew about it and I think she is house owner and can invite her relatives if she want. However I would do the bar beer trip, as suggested by others.

You can do that, or you can get to know your in-laws! If you are a family man, that is.

I know my inlaws but even my wife does not invite them often. She likes her privacy, not all Thais are the same.

Yesterday her younger sister called to loan my cbr250r to get upcountry. My wife did not even consult me and rejected it because she know how i feel about it. She knows i wont risk my bike myself during songkran let alone give it to someone else. Consideration goes both ways. I don't do stuff that would make her upset and she does the same.

[robblok]

Yes, as Westerners we would appreciate it. But this is not a Western country.

I'm sure many Thai men would also be as equally peeved if the wife's family turned up unannounced out of the blue...

Her brother does some menial labour in this village. Fixing stuff and cutting down trees ect. He does the same in other places. So sometimes he comes to sleep here (easier for travel) my wife does get pissed off when he turns up without asking first. Its our house and it might not suit us. I have no problem with the guy, he is nice enough and can't do much else. So im ok with him but i wont like it if he is here too much. Same with the wife. Not all Thais are the same.

[2unique]

Quite a number of negative comments here. Thais do visit each othet, family bonds are very strong. If uou don't like it, why do you liv here, I wonder.

Indeed, but the courtesy of being asked or informed of the impending visit would have been nice.

C'mon we all know it's easier to ask for forgiveness after than permission before :-P

Sent from Android please excuse errors in type or judgement

[theblether]

Don't be so anal about it, have a blast with the family over Songkran, spend a few thousand baht on food and drink, You may end up having a superb time with them.

[loong]

Quite a number of negative comments here. Thais do visit each othet, family bonds are very strong. If uou don't like it, why do you liv here, I wonder.

Indeed, but the courtesy of being asked or informed of the impending visit would have been nice.

Yes, as Westerners we would appreciate it. But this is not a Western country.

Although this is not a western country, I believe that it is still considered normal here to make arrangements in advance before visiting and staying with relatives.

Certainly if a Thai wife's family is coming for a stay, her Thai husband would know about it.

If a Farang's Thai wife's family arrive, she will have prior knowledge. If it is the case that she doesn't consider it necessary to inform her husband it can be only for 2 reasons.

1. Her husband's viewpoint is unimportant and he will have to go along with her decision. Like it or lump it!

2. She knows that it is likely to cause arguments, so she puts off the unpleasantries because she is unable to refuse the visit from the family.

In my experience, Thai family members will only show up without making prior arrangements if not intending to stay overnight.

[woody087]

Don't be so anal about it, have a blast with the family over Songkran, spend a few thousand baht on food and drink, You may end up having a superb time with them.

will do

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[robblok]

For the people saying its not a Western country and you should accept it. Just think about this your wife choose to be with a foreigner. That means she can be a bit sensitive to his needs too. Just as you have to accept your wife's habits. But both have to give and take a bit. Its not that the husband has to accept everything because he is not in a Western country.

[theblether]

Don't be so anal about it, have a blast with the family over Songkran, spend a few thousand baht on food and drink, You may end up having a superb time with them.

will do

Posted with Thaivisa App http://apps.thaivisa.com

Good man......It will be interesting to hear how you get on next week. I bet you will have some amusing stories.

[tartempion]

OP, you failed to educate your wife in these matters.

When we moved over here, 1km from my wife's family, she told them they should not visit us without being asked and to stay away from the fridge.

They do comply for more than 10 years now.

[villagefarang]

It must say, no one would dare to do that at my house. They are reluctant to come over, even when invited. I must be doing something right.

Our favorite houseguest did just fly up from Bangkok last night but she is a pleasure to have around for a few days. Nearly as lovely as my wife.

[theblether]

OP, you failed to educate your wife in these matters.

When we moved over here, 1km from my wife's family, she told them they should not visit us without being asked and to stay away from the fridge.

They do comply for more than 10 years now.

At the risk of starting a fight that's ridiculous. To make it even worse you appear to be proud of it, what is going through your mind when you impose a rule like that in this most family friendly of countries?

In fact even more to the point in which country is it acceptable to say to family members don't visit without an appointment?

[IMA_FARANG]

Different rules in my house....well actually my Thai wife's house.

Granny rules that house....and everyone who stays there will follow granny's rules...or else suffer her wrath.

And that includes the required wai to granny...and by extension...me.

My wife (granny) is definately "old school" when it comes to manners.

She's passed that on to her children, and now her grandaughter and her granddaughter's friends also.

Not even her sister...who is actually 2 years older than granny can break the rules.

Yes, relatives can stay in the house, but they have to follow granny's rules of polite conduct.

[robblok]

OP, you failed to educate your wife in these matters.

When we moved over here, 1km from my wife's family, she told them they should not visit us without being asked and to stay away from the fridge.

They do comply for more than 10 years now.

At the risk of starting a fight that's ridiculous. To make it even worse you appear to be proud of it, what is going through your mind when you impose a rule like that in this most family friendly of countries?

In fact even more to the point in which country is it acceptable to say to family members don't visit without an appointment?

I think the fridge rule is quite normal. Would not want others taking everything from the fridge. The visiting rule is a bit stranger but he might have his reasons. I know i would never make those unless there are reasons for it. If your hospitality has abused you might set up rules next time.

[villagefarang]

If your home is really clean, really quiet and you don’t serve alcohol people will simply go elsewhere if they are village types.

[woody087]

If your home is really clean, really quiet and you don’t serve alcohol people will simply go elsewhere if they are village types.

my home is pretty clean,well as clean as it could be with a 6 month and 2 year old,as for quiet, doesnt happen and there is always a good supply of tiger.that could be the problem.lol

[ttthailand]

I would just say " sure they can stay as long as they bring all the beer and food and clean up the mess, but they have to go when their food and beer runs out".

[ttthailand]

For the people saying its not a Western country and you should accept it. Just think about this your wife choose to be with a foreigner. That means she can be a bit sensitive to his needs too. Just as you have to accept your wife's habits. But both have to give and take a bit. Its not that the husband has to accept everything because he is not in a Western country.

I don't always agree with robblok but I will say he is correct this time. If the wife went to your country would you expect her to stop being Thai....give and take. I try to live with the 60, 40 rule. Both should give in 60% of the time and have it your way 40% of the time.

[Crushdepth]

Sitting at home in chaibadarn having a few cold jimmy's with my 6 month old.getting a good conversation going.All of a sudden door swings open and in come about a dozen people closely followed by my wife."honey these family ,they stay few days ok".Should i be pissed off or am i overreacting

Smile, be polite, enjoy your beer and get used to it. Maybe you'll be randomly staying with some of them on future excursions.

[Semper]

Quite a number of negative comments here. Thais do visit each othet, family bonds are very strong. If uou don't like it, why do you liv here, I wonder.

Indeed, but the courtesy of being asked or informed of the impending visit would have been nice.

Well, his wife knew about it and I think she is house owner and can invite her relatives if she want. However I would do the bar beer trip, as suggested by others.

You can do that, or you can get to know your in-laws! If you are a family man, that is.

Well, I could be a 'family man' but there is a limit. " door swings open and in come about a dozen people".

Edited April 12, 2012 by Semper

[SlyAnimal]

Imo your wife's family are your family now and you should get to know them, you might actually get on well with them if you make an effort.

By default they'll likely ignore you anyway, when my gf's family come to visit I hardly even see them as they spend all their time on the other side of the house with my gf's mum and brother (they're happy to do their thing, I'm happy to do mine, although invite them for a beer/whiskey sometimes to be sociable)

You could ask your wife to tell you first next time, as she undoubtedly knew they were coming or at least that they might come. They'd only turn up to stay, unannounced, if it was actually their old family home or similar.

[dean999]

For the people saying its not a Western country and you should accept it. Just think about this your wife choose to be with a foreigner. That means she can be a bit sensitive to his needs too. Just as you have to accept your wife's habits. But both have to give and take a bit. Its not that the husband has to accept everything because he is not in a Western country.

I don't always agree with robblok but I will say he is correct this time. If the wife went to your country would you expect her to stop being Thai....give and take. I try to live with the 60, 40 rule. Both should give in 60% of the time and have it your way 40% of the time.

100% agree.

My wife is with me in Belgium, our house is about 80% Thai 19% british and when are Belgium friends come around, 1% belgium. I love Thailand as much as she does, so i don't mind it being more Thai.

[scorecard]

how big is your mansion ? a dozen persons just arrived for a holiday ?

i also would be suggesting some tents on the beach or a cheap guesthouse

for the lot of them

Tents sounds interesting, saw some recently at Big C on special for 299Baht. Quickly buy one for each visitor, and erect them outside in the hottest place possible in your yard.

By the way, it's a strong Thai value that a house is a family property (all of family) rather then just your (and partners) individual property. This ain't gunna change.

[garrya]

Obviously, the family visits are fine unless it becomes a routine with long long stay each time and empty fridge left afterwards.

As some posters have already mentioned this issue should not be related to Thailand, or thai traditions. People live together, they can have routines, plans so they have to make decisions together. My wife understand this and whenever someone would like to visit us and stay longer she asks me beforehand. I quite like her family and friends too but would not like them to occupy the house for several nights without asking me.

Edited April 12, 2012 by garrya

[klikster]

.. not all Thais are the same.

+1

[klikster]

By the way, it's a strong Thai value that a house is a family property (all of family) rather then just your (and partners) individual property. This ain't gunna change.

My wife, member of a large clan, strongly disagrees.

Maybe you should not project your understanding of the Thai culture too much. It could get embarassing.

[DocN]

Quite a number of negative comments here. Thais do visit each others, family bonds are very strong. If you don't like it, why do you live here, I wonder.

This is very interesting.

I for ones live here, because I want to experience life abroad and a different culture.

Question also could be "why does his wife is in an intercultural relationship, if she doesn't care sh@t for farang culture"?

Ever thought about it that way?

No?

Didn't think so!

[Semper]

how big is your mansion ? a dozen persons just arrived for a holiday ?

i also would be suggesting some tents on the beach or a cheap guesthouse

for the lot of them

Tents sounds interesting, saw some recently at Big C on special for 299Baht. Quickly buy one for each visitor, and erect them outside in the hottest place possible in your yard.

By the way, it's a strong Thai value that a house is a family property (all of family) rather then just your (and partners) individual property. This ain't gunna change.

That's one more reason to rent the house.

Edited April 12, 2012 by Semper

[theblether]

Re the Western culture posts.......

I would say as a rule of thumb Western culture should rightfully come second to Thai culture if you choose to marry a Thai and live in Thailand.

On the other hand you need to learn how to discern between Thai culture and Thai taking the p*ss.