Are Most Older Gay Thais Married

[jpx]

been of limited experince i have found most older gay thai men to be married who like to take the role of the husband in a relationship this is not a complaint after my first experince with a younger thai guy i much prefer the arrangement just interested are they just after sex with a farang are they even gay.

[Ijustwannateach]

The 'arrangement'? I dunno. When I go out with Thai guys, we socialise, we don't 'arrange'. When they're in bed with me I generally assume that I've found at least one foreigner that they want to have sex with, and given what we might be doing there is a good chance they are gay. Most older gay Thai men I know aren't 'married', if by that you mean to a woman. And Thai gay guys come in 'top', 'bottom', and 'versatile' varieties, as far as I've been able to tell. Your mileage may vary.

[tombkk]

Some older Thai gay men are married to women, just like some older gay men in any country.

But the definition of "gay" is a bit blurred over here: Guys who define themselves as straight do have sex with men, and why not. I have noticed over the years many guys who had gay relationships in their early twenties and at a later time fall in love with and married a girl.

Hence the term MSM (men having sex with men) is used to classify these people, rather than gay.

The question the OP states is not an easy one to answer.

I don't have experience with an "arrangement" in which a long-term relationship is based on the younger guy being paid for being a permanent lover. I can imagine that this exists too but I would think that even the paid lover will do this only if he really likes his sponsor. Or am I being naive?

[Ijustwannateach]

^I have seen echoes of what the OP is talking about (are they really 'gay'?), but most of it seems to be on the commercial scene- ostensibly 'straight' men performing in sex shows, gogo boys who are straight-identified, etc. It's not only in Thailand that some people avoid coming to terms with their homosexual inclinations by rationalising it into "I only do it when I'm drunk, paid, the top," etc. I suppose that's when 'arrangements' come into the picture.

As far as the vast spectrum of paid companionship is concerned, there are a lot of apparent options, all the way from the various colours of street prostitution, to organised brothels, bars, and clubs, to escorts, to a somewhat softer range which I like to call the 'gold-diggers', who range from the more mercenary to those who like you but still really need the money, all the way into the 'domestic partner' kind of zone which has a great deal of precedent in the form of straight wives (I wonder if this is where the OP's arrangements are located). Tom, I've always thought the same as you: there are very few Thais who would be involved in any of these arrangements if they really, really, didn't want to be doing what they were doing, and at least like the other guy a little bit. But I doubt that the money is an optional ingredient in those cases.

There is of course a lot of experimental and opportunistic bisexuality here and the term MSM was just made for that. But I think that there is a clear sense for many guys that they like other guys more than girls, and for that type of guy why not consider them 'gay'? But in the rare instances where I've met someone who was conflicted, I let them take things at their own speed. There was a guy I knew some time back who was coming over to see me probably on a weekly basis for about 5 years. But he was *still* talking about how one of these days he was going to have to get a girlfriend, just he didn't feel wealthy enough to get married yet..... he kinda drifted off my social calendar a couple years back, but last I heard he was living with an actual gay guy.... and the last comment I remember from him was... 'maybe these things I do with guys are a sign I'm not going to get married after all....'

[jpx]

this is based on a recent experince with a thai guy who was very top during sex he liked to call me his farang bitch and enjoyed spanking me during sex curious was it a guilt thing or the fact he was underendowed and had to try that much harder.

[LeCharivari]

.... i have found most older gay thai men to be married who like to take the role of the husband in a relationship this is not a complaint after my first experince with a younger thai guy i much prefer the arrangement just interested are they just after sex with a farang are they even gay.

this is based on a recent experince with a thai guy who was very top during sex he liked to call me his farang bitch and enjoyed spanking me during sex curious was it a guilt thing or the fact he was underendowed and had to try that much harder.

I've reluctantly got to agree 100% with IJWT on this: "Thai gay guys come in 'top', 'bottom', and 'versatile' varieties, as far as I've been able to tell", and I don't think that age or marital status makes much difference (and I think that may apply to gays anywhere, although my own experience is mainly here).

Your post does, however, help to highlight why I dislike the term "husband" being used in gay relationships, as you are obviously referring to "the role of the husband" as equating to the "top" .... and, at least to my reading of your post, your "arrangement" referred solely to the physical "arrangement" of who did what to whom, rather than any financial arrangement which I didn't read any reference to at all.

[mrdome]

But the definition of "gay" is a bit blurred over here: Guys who define themselves as straight do have sex with men, and why not. I have noticed over the years many guys who had gay relationships in their early twenties and at a later time fall in love with and married a girl.

Hence the term MSM (men having sex with men) is used to classify these people, rather than gay.

Ain't that the truth! How many guys engage in sexual acts with other men (and I do use the term "engage in" very widely here) while in prison or because they live in a strict muslim country, like Saudi Arabia (almost on a level with being in prison, imho)?

Men just like to have sex, it seems and I hope that one day we will see us humans just as sexual beings without the need to create all these boxes and labels, discrimination and all that destructive hate.

[vreemd13]

OP: jpx QOUTE: [.... of limited experince i have found most older gay thai men to be married .....]

Isn't this the result of a society which pursue/haunt for procreation for offsprings, the only believe to benefit their financial future ?

My limited experience; many young thai gay are under (mom's) pressure to marry a girl or deny their gay life as a possibility to sustain in future

Edited May 9, 2012 by vreemd13